Can a professional be a Sankie?

[juanita]

juanita, whatever possessed you! Was he gay and looking for a wife so he could be respectable in the eyes of society (I know there's a word for it but it escapes me), or was his true love for you unrequited?

Nope, actually a good looking "very straight" guy, who didn?t want to give up his line-up of girlfriends! :nervous:

 

[lookin'forlove]

Thanks for your comments ....

OThe poster of this thread did not say whether she had more money than he does.

What do you feel you have that he might want other than your love/companionship?

Again, the poster has some reason for thinking this Doctor might be playing her...and I think she might be right!!

As I just recently posted, I have no money. I have a humble but respectable job, I save for retirement, I have car expenses, I donate to my church, I like to drink wine and love new clothes, which all means that I can only afford one trip to the Caribbean a year for only one week. He knows I have very little for resources leftover. The extent of my donations to the people of his country is a couple of bags of school supplies and Acetominephen in bulk.

I don't think I can offer him anything other than my love/companionship. I need longer than the one week we spent together to know what he would be looking for and if I can provide it or not.

The only reason why I think he might be playing me is that it is a strange set of circumstances. I know of nobody else in my everyday life that has anything like this happen to them. I haven't read about it here on the Boards. All people talk about are the bad Sankies and that anybody you meet there is after something. Thus my suspicions. Nothing particularly coming off him. If I had particular concerns based on things done or comments made, I certainly wouldn't even be entertaining the idea at all. I have had the fear put in me by you good people, so I am asking for your input!!

 

[Chirimoya]

Nope, actually a good looking "very straight" guy, who didn?t want to give up his line-up of girlfriends! :nervous:

In that case, the answer should have been, "yes, as long as I can keep my line-up of boyfriends" :devious: .

 

[TEHAMA]

Oh Give Me A Break!!

The only reason why I think he might be playing me is that it is a strange set of circumstances. I know of nobody else in my everyday life that has anything like this happen to them.

Please don't make me throw up!

What are the "strange" circumstances which led you to think he might be a sankie?

Hollywood pumps your "I'm just a lowly secretary who met a Millionaire Prince" crappy storyline atleast 30 times year in different movies. If this is your way to let everyone know "you've hit the jackpot" then I am very happy for you.

Congrats. Go off, be well, and live happy.
TEHAMA

 

[lookin'forlove]

Thanks for your comments ....

"He is not Dominican so has a visa already, his family is in the US and Asia"

Where is this doctor from? One thing for sure, if he pays for your ticket he will expect you to be "his" 24/7! :nervous:

He lived in Europe until his teens. The family is originally from Africa.

I think the only way I will do it is to pay 1/2 and have him show his commitment by paying 1/2. Then I will only be "his" for 12/7! It is important that I not feel bought or owned. I must maintain my independence and autonomy to make it not feel cheap!

 

[juanita]

"I think the only way I will do it is to pay 1/2 and have him show his commitment by paying 1/2."

This could also be a good plan, this way you still have your ?say? and won't feel has if you own him as much. Just for your info, this is not the first time I hear about men offering to pay for plane tickets and most of the time the ladies took the offer and had a good time with no strings attached! Good luck!

 

[lookin'forlove]

Thanks Juanita!

the ladies took the offer and had a good time with no strings attached! Good luck!

I feel a bit consoled!

 

[Talldrink]

Bring Pocket Change!

Ms. Lookin' please dont forget to take enough cash with you in case the mierda hits the fan... If it doesnt go your way, you can always come home on YOUR dime.

 

[lookin'forlove]

Thanks Talldrink!

Ms. Lookin' please dont forget to take enough cash with you in case the mierda hits the fan... If it doesnt go your way, you can always come home on YOUR dime.

That is indeed excellent advice. I would be traveling using a regular all-inclusive package so once bought, there would be no way for him to pull out of an offer of accommodation or flight.

 

[azuacanadagirl]

I've been promised trips too

I sincerely hope for you that he is a good guy. Turns out, in my life, the guys, two canadians not dominicans, who have promised me a whole lot of stuff, including a trip to disneyworld with my two kids, were the ones who took most advantage of me financialy. Something always came up in the end that made their plans impossible for the moment (they said). Anyway, never went on that trip, never got that new house, or that new baby they wanted sooo muchhhhh. All they wanted, was me to mother them. And I did for a while cause I believed in them.

I would believe this guy when I would have the ticket in my hands cause I'm not sure of this but I heard that even Dominican professionals (who work in DR that is) don't make all that much money. Unless he made his fortune before going to DR, then it would be possible.

Hope your dreams come true, sincerely.

 

[Chirimoya]

You don't say what you're after: a no-strings attached fling or something more serious? Or are you not yet sure?

Ms. Lookin' please dont forget to take enough cash with you in case the mierda hits the fan... If it doesnt go your way, you can always come home on YOUR dime.

Follow this advice, and you should be all right.

I think the only way I will do it is to pay 1/2 and have him show his commitment by paying 1/2. Then I will only be "his" for 12/7! It is important that I not feel bought or owned. I must maintain my independence and autonomy to make it not feel cheap!

Sounds like the most sensible way about it, without completely losing your sense of adventure.

Let us know how it goes, will you?

 

[hollywood north]

Is he expecting to stay in the hotel with you?
I agree about taking extra cash in case. You may want to get a room elsewhere and use the return portion already paid for. Ya never know.
I did a week like that in St Lucia...it was a very loooong week, thankfully he couldn't scuba dive and had no interest in using the spa. There ARE ways to get space and time.

 

[lookin'forlove]

Thanks for your comments ....

I would believe this guy when I would have the ticket in my hands cause I'm not sure of this but I heard that even Dominican professionals (who work in DR that is) don't make all that much money. Unless he made his fortune before going to DR, then it would be possible.

Hope your dreams come true, sincerely.

At this point I am doing the research. I am seeing how much it will cost and when I can fly outside of peak season and how his schedule looks. Then, I will be waiting for the money. There may not be any story to this at all, and I am prepared for that.

We discussed salaries of everybody but him (I'm not quite that rude as to ask at this point!). I know that there are a lot of jobs there which may be poorly paid cash-wise but that have a lot of benefits which save money. He is certainly in that position having very few living expenses. We'll have to wait and see how it plays out.

Thanks for your well wishes!

 

[lookin'forlove]

Hmmmmm

You don't say what you're after: a no-strings attached fling or something more serious? Or are you not yet sure?

Let us know how it goes, will you?

I don't close the door on anything until I am entirely sure. What is now a fling or a week long romance could bloom (unlikely though that is) so if he is interested in seeing where it will take us, I will try too.

I will certainly let you know how it goes! Thanks for asking!

 

[lookin'forlove]

Alone or together...

Is he expecting to stay in the hotel with you?
I agree about taking extra cash in case. You may want to get a room elsewhere and use the return portion already paid for. Ya never know.
I did a week like that in St Lucia...it was a very loooong week, thankfully he couldn't scuba dive and had no interest in using the spa. There ARE ways to get space and time.

I am getting price quotes for traveling as a single occupant. I will have my own room, whether it is used or not. Again, a safety net. Certainly at this point, I can't imagine it any other way. Our 5 days together had us both with heightened emotions, like somebody was heading to war. I realize that is unrealistic and this whole situation is quite preposterous based on a total of 5 days that I knew him. Space and time will be very important factors!

Thanks for your advice.

 

[juanita]

When time comes to ?show the money? if the men says something along the lines: ?I don?t have an international credit card, I?ll pay you as soon as you get here? CANCEL THE WHOLE THING! Resident doctors don't make big salaries unless he was Edgar Contreras's assistant! :nervous: Cuidate!

 

[Jan]

Enjoy but be prepared

He buys you a ticket ..make sure you have the return ticket in your hand.
Make sure the hotel room is paid for before hand.
If you have the money to cover the expenses if he ends up being a **** for sure come and see what happens. But do not come if you are not prepared to pay if he isn't all he says he is.
I feel you need to trust a person half way. Never trust all. No matter how much money he says he has or what his position. All men/women can try and pull one over on anyone no matter their position.

So just be prepared for the worst and hope for the best.(note that I did write that quote backwards. I put the most important point first)

 

[lookin'forlove]

Empowerment

He buys you a ticket ..make sure you have the return ticket in your hand.
Make sure the hotel room is paid for before hand.
If you have the money to cover the expenses if he ends up being a **** for sure come and see what happens. But do not come if you are not prepared to pay if he isn't all he says he is.
I feel you need to trust a person half way. Never trust all. No matter how much money he says he has or what his position. All men/women can try and pull one over on anyone no matter their position.

So just be prepared for the worst and hope for the best.(note that I did write that quote backwards. I put the most important point first)

That is all perfect! I agree! Regarding money: only loan what you can afford to give. Regarding visiting a boy in the Caribbean: only undertake that which you can pay for yourself. I will be buying the ticket here. I will ensure that I have flight and accommodation covered. I will only be going with his promise to pay half. I will go with the understanding that he may not pay half and I will be responsible for the whole thing. I cannot afford two trips in the spring of 2005. If I choose to go to the DR twice in the spring of 2005, I will find the money somewhere and will end up having taken 2 trips to paradise in the spring of 2005.

I will return with great memories of a continued friendship with a doting and interested man. Or I will return with a story to tell and great memories of the Dominican Republic and a week spent with other men I meet. I will come back home vindictive and burnt and mad and spread his name and situation all over the internet! That'll show him! I trust that anything I encounter can be solved with money.

I appreciate the advice and suggestions and empowerment. I trust it will all work out for the best. Even, and most especially, if it ends up that he realizes that his talk could get him into trouble and he withdraws his offer.

 

[miguel]

See this!

The only reason why I think he might be playing me is that it is a strange set of circumstances. I know of nobody else in my everyday life that has anything like this happen to them. [

QUOTE]Listen, the first thing you need to do is to put all the "cards" on the table. Ask him what he spects from you and then, and only after he gives you his response, think if you still want to go.

In my younger years, when I did not wanted to be attached, I paid for many, many trips to Cancun, Acapulco, the Caribbean and all over the US with girls that KNEW that I just wanted to have fun and not be attached to them. We had an understanding before hand that it was just for fun. We knew that we were just "friends with benefits".

Maybe he just enjoys your company or maybe he just wants sex from you but either way, ask him. If you are not ready to be intimate with him, then don't go because noboby, and I mean nobody, is going to be stupid enough to pay for a plane ticket if he/she is not sure that he/she is going to get something back in return.

Good luck and remember that if you are not ready to be "his", don't go.

 

[lookin'forlove]

Thanks for the male perspective!

Maybe he just enjoys your company or maybe he just wants sex from you but either way, ask him. If you are not ready to be intimate with him, then don't go because noboby, and I mean nobody, is going to be stupid enough to pay for a plane ticket if he/she is not sure that he/she is going to get something back in return.

Good luck and remember that if you are not ready to be "his", don't go.

Again, what you say makes very good sense. I am prepared to give him more of what he got the first week. I told him what my limits were and what I was prepared to do. I would expect that we would have had an understanding, but you are right that it should probably be on the table. Men and women often get lost when relying on an "understanding"!

Thanks.