Rob and i went back to our seats and not so much sat down, as fell into them. I took a gander around the room to see if there was anything else to eat. there was nothing. Zero. Zilch. Nada. We consumed everything in site. I looked towards the kitchen door. The kitchen crew stood in the doorway staring at us in horror; two of them were snapping photos of the buffet table.
When the manager came out of the kitchen--the kitchen crew were pointing at us--he stormed right up to the table and looked directly at Rob (he is the fatter of us two and looks like Freddy Mercury if Freddy had gained 250lbs) and said, "You go now! Now!" he shouted. Rob and i looked at one another and started laughing.
"Why?" I asked.
"You eat like killer whale!" he shouted.
I looked over at the kitchen crew, they were piled in the doorway of the kitchen staring at us and snapping pictures with their phones. The women had their hands over their chests clutching their rosaries. They looked at us in horror.
"You go now!" the manager shouted again.
"ok, ok, tranquilo, brother." i answered.
The manager stood over us pointing at the exit. I grabbed my stuff off the floor and headed towards the steps. it was the walk of shame. I looked back, Rob was having trouble getting up; I went back and gave him a hand. We started heading towards the exit, wobbling back and forth like Umpa Lumpa's from Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory. All eyes were on us. I admit it was a bit embarrassing to be getting kicked out of an all-you-can-eat-buffet, but you know, honestly, i've been kicked out of nicer establishments in my life--i.e-a Bingo Hall in downtown Oslo, Norway in 93, a stripper club in Vegas in 99, Passions in Sosua in 08, Aspen Dental office in Dayton, Ohio last week.
On our way past the pool, i saw the front desk clerk from yesterday--the one who quoted Rob & I only $80 a night--and stopped him and said, "Yesterday, when you were showing fat Freddy Mercury and me the room, you mentioned the price of the room...do you remember how much you quoted us?"
"Yes, i remember distinctly that i told Fat Freddy Mercury that it's $180 per night," he answered in perfect Spanglish.
Rob and i looked at each other and started laughing. Then i leaned over and whispered in his ear, "You see your manager standing back there at the restaurant staring at us right now?"
"Yes," he answered, looking over at him.
"He just got finished apologizing profusely to Fat Freddy Mercury and me. He said that he was very, very sorry about the misunderstanding we just had in the restaurant and that we could take "one thing" of our choosing from the hotel lobby. Could you please roll up that hand-made Turkish carpet in the Foyer and put it on the back of the red motorcycle?"
"Right now?" he asked.
"Yes, right now. Thank you," i answered, handing him $100 pesos.
Rob and I took off and headed back to Cabarete, driving 5 hours. To this day, when you walk into Jose O'Shay's upstairs office in Cabarete, you will see the hand-made Turkish carpet on the floor. Above the Turkish carpet is a picture of Fat Freddy Mercury (Rob) and I.
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2.
When the manager came out of the kitchen--the kitchen crew were pointing at us--he stormed right up to the table and looked directly at Rob (he is the fatter of us two and looks like Freddy Mercury if Freddy had gained 250lbs) and said, "You go now! Now!" he shouted. Rob and i looked at one another and started laughing.
"Why?" I asked.
"You eat like killer whale!" he shouted.
I looked over at the kitchen crew, they were piled in the doorway of the kitchen staring at us and snapping pictures with their phones. The women had their hands over their chests clutching their rosaries. They looked at us in horror.
"You go now!" the manager shouted again.
"ok, ok, tranquilo, brother." i answered.
The manager stood over us pointing at the exit. I grabbed my stuff off the floor and headed towards the steps. it was the walk of shame. I looked back, Rob was having trouble getting up; I went back and gave him a hand. We started heading towards the exit, wobbling back and forth like Umpa Lumpa's from Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory. All eyes were on us. I admit it was a bit embarrassing to be getting kicked out of an all-you-can-eat-buffet, but you know, honestly, i've been kicked out of nicer establishments in my life--i.e-a Bingo Hall in downtown Oslo, Norway in 93, a stripper club in Vegas in 99, Passions in Sosua in 08, Aspen Dental office in Dayton, Ohio last week.
On our way past the pool, i saw the front desk clerk from yesterday--the one who quoted Rob & I only $80 a night--and stopped him and said, "Yesterday, when you were showing fat Freddy Mercury and me the room, you mentioned the price of the room...do you remember how much you quoted us?"
"Yes, i remember distinctly that i told Fat Freddy Mercury that it's $180 per night," he answered in perfect Spanglish.
Rob and i looked at each other and started laughing. Then i leaned over and whispered in his ear, "You see your manager standing back there at the restaurant staring at us right now?"
"Yes," he answered, looking over at him.
"He just got finished apologizing profusely to Fat Freddy Mercury and me. He said that he was very, very sorry about the misunderstanding we just had in the restaurant and that we could take "one thing" of our choosing from the hotel lobby. Could you please roll up that hand-made Turkish carpet in the Foyer and put it on the back of the red motorcycle?"
"Right now?" he asked.
"Yes, right now. Thank you," i answered, handing him $100 pesos.
Rob and I took off and headed back to Cabarete, driving 5 hours. To this day, when you walk into Jose O'Shay's upstairs office in Cabarete, you will see the hand-made Turkish carpet on the floor. Above the Turkish carpet is a picture of Fat Freddy Mercury (Rob) and I.
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2.
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