Latino Men (especially Dominican) and white women

[miguel]

What am trying to say is, a strong woman do not need a man to raise good kids. Yes, it is nice to have a father with you but those are nice things to have. It is only aesthetic, imo!

I have NEVER, EVER agreed more with a statement!!. I agree with you one quizillion percent!.

My father was a very good provider but was raised without love so therefore he did not know how to show love. He was also from the old school. He thought that since he was the bread winner, that he could do whatever he wanted and with whomever.

Thank God that my great mother, RIP, was an american citizen thru her father. She dumped my father's axx and moved to the US back in 1968 and never looked back.

Without help from anybody, within a few years, she was able to bring to the US her 8 kids (my 5 brothers, 2 sisters and myself).

On her later years, when we asked her why she never found another person to share her life with, she would only say that when she came to the US, she had only 3 things that she wanted to accomplish: 1- To give her kids a good education, 2- to teach her kids how NOT to be like their father and 3- she would not have a step-father raise HER kids because NOBODY would love her kids more then her.

She was a VERY strong woman who decided to sacrifice her life in order to make her kid's lives better and we thanked her all the time for doing such.

I was 11 when I came to the US and let me tell you that in no time, I was taught how not to be like my father. ALL my brothers and sister knew the value of a dollar. From an early age, we ALL knew how to clean a house, cook, do laundry, go food shopping and treat people with respect. She used to say that "leave the going to work to me, you guys concentrate on your schooling".

Before God took her away from us, I knew that she was very proud of all of us. The did an amazing job educating us and that's the reason that when she was in her 50's, we all decided to take care of her. It was our turn to pay tribute for all her sacrifices. Paying all her bills, buying her a house in the DR and sending her on vacations was a pleasure to us. Thank God that we NEVER gave her any problems.

Bottom line: a man is not needed in order for kids to grow up being "men of good". All that is needed is a very strong woman.

 

[ade]

Interesting how the debate goes on -I agree that relationships are the same the world over and that there are men in all cultures that go womanising and men in europe and US are possibly better at hiding it than latinos (possibly because it involves more contraception so babies don't happen quite so much!) but you have to admit it's harder for DR women who have men that have more than one woman and families with each of them...I know plenty - young and old - who still openly lead this lifestyle with their women's approval (!) and yes give a little of themselves to each of them but it isn't an accepted way in most other cultures and countries. White women especially expect loyalty and latinas probably want it too but do they have more of it than other women or are they just wiser and know it can be a rare commodity? One latina thinks I'm jealous of her being latina - how sad, I'm quite happy being me and enjoying being with the latino I'm married to. Unfortunately me being married to a latino seems to be more a problem for latinas than both men and women of all other cultures and countries as they constantly have to remind us poor white women that we are inferior - back to are latinas better lovers, wives etc - I think not!!

 

[deelt]

Yes, I agree. I have seen many households lead by strong headed women, too many in fact. It is more than admirable, its commendable. However, what does that say for a society where men are allowed to and even encouraged to relinquish their responsibility all willy nilly? Creates a generation of poor excuses of men, IMO.

I think the turning point in all this is when as a mother you make a conscious choice to raise your children differently. I think you too mentioned this Miguel.

D

Bottom line: a man is not needed in order for kids to grow up being "men of good". All that is needed is a very strong woman.

 

[Dragonfly32837]

Interesting how the debate goes on -I agree that relationships are the same the world over and that there are men in all cultures that go womanising and men in europe and US are possibly better at hiding it than latinos (possibly because it involves more contraception so babies don't happen quite so much!) but you have to admit it's harder for DR women who have men that have more than one woman and families with each of them...I know plenty - young and old - who still openly lead this lifestyle with their women's approval (!) and yes give a little of themselves to each of them but it isn't an accepted way in most other cultures and countries. White women especially expect loyalty and latinas probably want it too but do they have more of it than other women or are they just wiser and know it can be a rare commodity? One latina thinks I'm jealous of her being latina - how sad, I'm quite happy being me and enjoying being with the latino I'm married to. Unfortunately me being married to a latino seems to be more a problem for latinas than both men and women of all other cultures and countries as they constantly have to remind us poor white women that we are inferior - back to are latinas better lovers, wives etc - I think not!!

FYI:
The part about you being jealous of not being a latina was a joke. Didn't you see the winking smily right next to it?

Everything else I said was not a joke though.

 

[Saskia]

interesting ...

The truth is that most people are looking for something other than the norm! Some Latino/as are tired of the same old scenario as are some white men/women. It's entirely up to the individual person how they wish to view relationships. I'm English (white) and married to a Dominicano and we are extremely happy together. We both work and both take interest and care about eachother. We both plan and look to the future and see our relationship as a partnership. My husband likes the fact that I am involved in providing and planning, its not something he has expereienced with Dominicanas, what he tells me is that in the DR the pressure of providing is entirely on the male. I also like the fact that my husband takes an active role unlike other English guys I've had relationships with, who see a strong woman as a ticket to sit on their backsides! The secret to making a relationship work is communication and respect - luckily we have that. I do not think you can "stereotype" nationalities as I think it goes a little deeper ...

 

[Yari]

Interesting how the debate goes on -I agree that relationships are the same the world over and that there are men in all cultures that go womanising and men in europe and US are possibly better at hiding it than latinos (possibly because it involves more contraception so babies don't happen quite so much!) but you have to admit it's harder for DR women who have men that have more than one woman and families with each of them...I know plenty - young and old - who still openly lead this lifestyle with their women's approval (!) and yes give a little of themselves to each of them but it isn't an accepted way in most other cultures and countries. White women especially expect loyalty and latinas probably want it too but do they have more of it than other women or are they just wiser and know it can be a rare commodity?

So we agree then.

And Saskia I think you are 100% right...we cannot stereotype and it does go a heck of a lot deeper!

 

[rellosk]

The truth is that most people are looking for something other than the norm! Some Latino/as are tired of the same old scenario as are some white men/women. It's entirely up to the individual person how they wish to view relationships. I'm English (white) and married to a Dominicano and we are extremely happy together. We both work and both take interest and care about eachother. We both plan and look to the future and see our relationship as a partnership. My husband likes the fact that I am involved in providing and planning, its not something he has expereienced with Dominicanas, what he tells me is that in the DR the pressure of providing is entirely on the male. I also like the fact that my husband takes an active role unlike other English guys I've had relationships with, who see a strong woman as a ticket to sit on their backsides! The secret to making a relationship work is communication and respect - luckily we have that. I do not think you can "stereotype" nationalities as I think it goes a little deeper ...

Great posting. You should post your story in this thread

http://www.dr1.com/forums/showthread.php?p=127766​

 

[crazy moon]

You are correct latin men are great lovers. Do they treat white women better
then latin women ? Well I think not. But I will tell you one thing Dominican men should be teaching white men 1 How to treat women
2 How to become a better lover
3 Respect
4 Family values
5 oh ye How to dance
This is why I married one.Plus they come in larger sizes.
From your CRAZY MOON

 

[donrael]

Really? I am not sure how. White men have always taken the same role in the family, that of the man. Now our wives are no longer wives and mothers, they are lawyers, and executives who put in 50 hour weeks. The husband never sees his wife. The children never see their monther. When they do, she is too tired to be a mother..she just microwaves something for herself to eat and then rests up for the next day. White women are all about success and beoming "equals" with their male partners. Latinas, on the other hand, still know how to act like a woman and give their husbands and children what they need....a wife and a mom.

Larry

Hey I think that is changing, now adays it doenst matter what her ethnicity is, if that woman gets into her head that she wants to be successful and equal to men they throw sentiments out the window. I speak from experience. I am not saying all, so please women dont give me fire. but I think women need to manage (key word) that stuff better. just because you ladies want to be successful and be equal, get same pay, same respect, doenst mean you have to all the sudden bring the corporate toughness home.

This is espcially so if you are dealing w/ a latino male who expects his woman to be feminine and act lady-like, not like a stern corporate thing.

 

[deelt]

Don
I think you have it all wrong. It's not women who need to change in the corporate world, it is men and how they deal with your presence there. The current culture DEMANDS that to be successful you need to meet certain criteria. This also requires an unhealthy time commitment and a certain not necessarily healthy attitude adjustment. It's about quality of life and here in the US it sucks when it comes to having a decent work-life balance if you want to take advantage of the niceties life has to offer.
D

Hey I think that is changing, now adays it doenst matter what her ethnicity is, if that woman gets into her head that she wants to be successful and equal to men they throw sentiments out the window. I speak from experience. I am not saying all, so please women dont give me fire. but I think women need to manage (key word) that stuff better. just because you ladies want to be successful and be equal, get same pay, same respect, doenst mean you have to all the sudden bring the corporate toughness home.

This is espcially so if you are dealing w/ a latino male who expects his woman to be feminine and act lady-like, not like a stern corporate thing.

 

[Marianopolita]

Donrael...

I respect your point of view but it's interesting how the woman always has to make the adjustment. Whether it's related to work, her relationship or both. Over time and as situations change both men and woman have to make changes to adapt to the world and how it affects their relationship otherwise both individuals and their mindset become obsolete. One poster mentioned that you have do to what works in the relationship and I second that and that would mean both adjusting to what the situation dictates.

As for the corporate toughness etc. I think you are over generalizing and also it's more of an individual personality issue.

LDG.

Hey I think that is changing, now adays it doenst matter what her ethnicity is, if that woman gets into her head that she wants to be successful and equal to men they throw sentiments out the window. I speak from experience. I am not saying all, so please women dont give me fire. but I think women need to manage (key word) that stuff better. just because you ladies want to be successful and be equal, get same pay, same respect, doenst mean you have to all the sudden bring the corporate toughness home.

This is espcially so if you are dealing w/ a latino male who expects his woman to be feminine and act lady-like, not like a stern corporate thing.

 

[hollywood north]

You are correct latin men are great lovers. Do they treat white women better
then latin women ? Well I think not. But I will tell you one thing Dominican men should be teaching white men 1 How to treat women
2 How to become a better lover
3 Respect
4 Family values
5 oh ye How to dance
This is why I married one.Plus they come in larger sizes.
From your CRAZY MOON

I am glad you have someone that treats you well and meet all of your criteria above but

CAN WE SAY "GENERALIZE" JUST ONE MORE TIME!!!!! And yes I meant to yell. You married ONE - so what? That makes you the expert? Treat women BETTER? Yeah - all Domincan men treat women better, screw better, dance better blah blah blah. WRONG. People are people everywhere, - there's good, the bad and the ugly. (Ugly would be in particular in Sosua or BC!!)

I have to heartily disagree with what you said here and I am speaking from experience.

Thank you.

 

[donrael]

mmmmmm

Well I did argue both sides, as I was trying to make a certain point. you are absoutely right in that it's both; but then again men have come short when it comes to being flexible for as long as I can remember.

but my focus was on this new paradign women are going through. and believe me, I am hearing about it often, so it wasnt just my experience. maybe you're not like that or maybe, just maybe, it depends on the industry. its one thing to be in the field of marketing, where things are laid back than it is to be in the investment banking business whre it is cut throat. more especifically, the point was refering to women in industries that are super competitive, in which they have to toughen up to "make it". but then they bring that "toughness" home and the sweetness little by little starts to go. then there's also the feminism thing, which makes it even exponential. THEN, there's this sense of competition w/ men even in the house! ...goodness! its not all women, again!
but the fact of the matter is that women are going through changes in the roles they play and they need not forget we men love the feminine, sweet, caring, loving...and all that nice stuff

yes it would be easier all around if guys were more flexible, but thats another topic.

I am sure someone must understand the point here

I respect your point of view but it's interesting how the woman always has to make the adjustment. Whether it's related to work, her relationship or both. Over time and as situations change both men and woman have to make changes to adapt to the world and how it affects their relationship otherwise both individuals and their mindset become obsolete. One poster mentioned that you have do to what works in the relationship and I second that and that would mean both adjusting to what the situation dictates.

As for the corporate toughness etc. I think you are over generalizing and also it's more of an individual personality issue.

LDG.

 

[Marianopolita]

Donrael...

Thanks for responding and just to clarify I completely understood your point. The reason why I added the piece about women having to clearly make adjustments (always) to accommodate relationship and professional changes was because I thought it was an essential piece missing from your discussion.

Now I fully agree that women in more competitive industries such as law, investment banking, research analysis etc are under tremendous pressure thus forcing them to adapt and keep pace professionally if they have a chance at success on a personal and professional level and in some cases it may be at the expense of their family and relationship. In my opinion their needs to be emotional balance if it is indeed true that women are bringing their professional demeanour into the home and their relationship. However, this is all stemming from the age we are in where women are pursuing higher education more than ever before. It is quite normal for a woman to have multiple degrees and designations and once obtained it is the normal for a woman to pursue a professional career in her field (hopefully) with the goal of being successful. There's nothing wrong with that and in my opinion it's admirable and worthy of praise while her so-called 'home responsibilities' are still expected to be maintained.

Going back to my point about balance I personally think the corporate world is toxic and I work in one of the above mentioned industries (and I also have a second career in full swing) but I have managed to separate my professional life from my personal life to best of my ability just to ensure that it does not get the best of me or change my personality thus forcing me to become someone I don't want to be. That's why I believe to a certain extent that it's a personality issue rather than saying 'women in general' are losing whatever... I am just not convinced.

You confirmed it yourself that men have had a hard time adjusting since the beginning of time therefore I believe part of the solution to this problem that men are facing with this 'new paradigm' as you call it is meeting their women half way and being cooperative and supportive. Women have just as many emotional needs as men and if men are feeling that they are lacking cariño from their women then rest assured women are feeling the same way while they are still expected to carry the household load etc.

This new dynamic is going to keep evolving. Men and women as individuals and couples will continue to be challenged in their relationships but this is not a problem that does not have a solution in my opinion. Enough of 'I want my woman to be this and that' how about celebrating YOUR woman for her success and respecting her for her achievements. If you walk a mile in her shoes I am sure it will be easy for you to do. It all boils down to communication, compromise and empathy.


LDG.

 

[donrael]

There's nothing wrong with that and in my opinion it's admirable and worthy of praise while her so-called 'home responsibilities' are still expected to be maintained.


Enough of 'I want my woman to be this and that' how about celebrating YOUR woman for her success and respecting her for her achievements. If you walk a mile in her shoes I am sure it will be easy for you to do. It all boils down to communication, compromise and empathy.


LDG.

Les
Dont get me wrong, I am not sexist nor a machista; so when I mentioned "home" I never meant anything about the traditional role women play at home. not at all. it was all about how they relate to each other when women build this strong character.

And we men should celabrate women;s success. God who wouldn't want a successful woman, smart, strong etc. but as I said, it needs to be managed and like you said, the way the times are going, this is an on-going thing and the road is two ways.

 

[Marianopolita]

Donrael...

Don't worry not once did I think you had an inclining of machismo in you thus making the dialogue very pleasant. When all is said and done I think we are on the same page regarding male/female relationship issues and expectations regarding communication and the way they interact with each other today.

Communication is the key and if couples realize this prior to the issues becoming difficult to manage I think this new paradigm is manageable. No relationship is perfect but the two people involved need to respect each other's needs 'desde el principio'.

LDG.

 

[donrael]

Don't worry not once did I think you had an inclining of machismo in you thus making the dialogue very pleasant. When all is said and done I think we are on the same page regarding male/female relationship issues and expectations regarding communication and the way they interact with each other today.

Communication is the key and if couples realize this prior to the issues becoming difficult to manage I think this new paradigm is manageable. No relationship is perfect but the two people involved need to respect each other needs 'desde el principio'.

LDG.

agreed...Si digo algo mas...lo da?o...:classic:

 

[yankee]

i am a male good looking they say 6ft tall 200lbs very athletic build white latino 45 yrs old born in n.y. know live here in the d.r. in my lifetime i have never met a man that has been faithfull to his wife or girlfreind. ladys get this you all live in a fantasy world all MEN CHEAT weather you are white black yellow latin we are all dogs.

 

[TorreCellini]

i am a male good looking they say 6ft tall 200lbs very athletic build white latino 45 yrs old born in n.y. know live here in the d.r. in my lifetime i have never met a man that has been faithfull to his wife or girlfreind. ladys get this you all live in a fantasy world all MEN CHEAT weather you are white black yellow latin we are all dogs.


Spoken like a true man

 

[**princess]

WOW

you cannot say one race does this one race does that!

some latino men may like white women but i bet its for a variety of different reasons and some latino men may like black women or latino women, or chinese women, its like sayin all black men like fat women or all white men like latino girls for this reason!