Post February 2002
February 2002 and on
As mentioned earlier, I returned home after spending 5 weeks in Costambar to my ?normal? life in Toronto. I came home on February 13th, 2002, the day before my daughter?s 8th birthday. While I was gone, I spoke to her each and every day because I missed her terribly and I don?t think I can ever leave her for such a long time again. My ex had a hard time taking care of her on his own and I?m glad he finally realized just how much work having a child really is. I am the one who has tended to her since she was born and no matter what the crisis was (including emergencies), I struggled with it alone. Even though we were married, I was living my life as a single mom. But now I digress.
I returned back to Toronto and it was the dead of winter. It was easy to miss the DR, the weather, the people, the surroundings, the beach, the tranquility and Guillermo. I found it really strange that while I was in the DR, I only missed my daughter. I guess that after all those months of fighting with my family, I finally managed to alienate myself completely. Family was always very important to me and I struggled with the reality that I might lose them. Even after I returned to Toronto, I rarely saw my family and the only communication was with my mom via emails.
I remember visiting my mom?s cousin one night for dinner and as we sat waiting to leave for the restaurant, he casually mentioned the fact that ?he was glad that he was no longer the black sheep of the family?. My cousin went thru many years of fighting with my family due to his lifestyle and finally one day, he just disappeared from our lives. After many years, he returned and slowly, the family is accepting him again. He asked me many questions about Guillermo and my relationship and I knew as I answered that everything I would say would get back to the family. I didn?t have anything to hide. I was in a relationship with a man that no one knew and no one cared to know. I knew that everyone was against me and I also knew that I would eventually explode.
Guillermo and I continued our relationship but it was a struggle. He often had to console me over the phone because I was starting to feel the weight of being the ?black sheep?. He hated the fact that my family was punishing me for being with him and we often talked about the alternative of breaking up. I didn?t know what to do. For months we struggled. And on top of that, I had to deal with my uncle and Guillermo had to deal with his mom. It was about the 3rd week of March when I received the frantic phone call from Guillermo. He told me his mother was dying from cancer and there was nothing the doctor?s could do. It was only a matter of time. Deep down, I knew this was coming because her health had deteriorated since I returned. I was trying to cope with the fact that my uncle would be dying soon, and at the same time, Guillermo was trying to come to grips with his situation. Our phone calls were so depressing. Neither one of us could gather the strength to try and make the other person laugh. I would start to cry and then he would. Guillermo couldn?t take away my pain and at the same time, I couldn?t take away his. On April 13th 2003, my uncle died peacefully at home surrounded by his family. He lived longer than any one had anticipated and he no longer had to live with the pain. I refused to be by his side during his final moments because I wanted to be strong for him, and I couldn?t be strong at his side. We always knew that he wanted to die at home, but I always insisted that I didn?t want to be there. I didn?t want that scene to be my last memory or my uncle. I arrived at my aunt?s house just moments after my uncle was taken away. I immediately went to my aunt and the first sentences out of her mouth was ?your uncle loved you so much, you were his favorite and he was so worried about you; he often cried because he didn?t want you to fall on your face again?. What could I do? My uncle was gone and I couldn?t talk to him about this anymore. I was crushed and hurt. I didn?t know what to do. How could I explain how I was feeling to Guillermo when I didn?t even know how I was feeling. I knew that I loved Guillermo but was he worth all this pain. I struggled thru the funeral alone and over the course of that week, I slowly withdrew from Guillermo. I stopped calling him and I stopped answering my phones. I only left him messages on his cell phone when I knew he was working. I told him that I needed some time to figure out what I wanted because I wasn?t sure anymore. I told the family that I was breaking it off with Guillermo and I started to see the other side of them. They began to fill my mind with negativity and they started to include me back into family gatherings. So there I was, miserable and alone having turned my back on love, but at the same time, the family was letting me back in. My mom was calling and so were my aunts. I couldn?t believe some of the conversations. My mom and my aunts basically told me that they were not ready for me to move on, to be with anyone else yet, because they were not over the fact that my ex and I were over. They wanted me to wait for at least a year before I got seriously involved. Everyone needed time to adjust and they said I needed to adjust too. Weeks went by after Guillermo finally stopped trying to reach me. He stopped leaving me messages. I no longer was able to at least her his voice on some recording. I withdrew completely but in my heart, I knew I had made a really big mistake. I tried to go on with my life. I concentrated on my daughter and work, but I wasn?t happy. I missed Guillermo. What I missed the most were his nightly calls after he got home from work telling me that he loved me and to sleep with the angels. I missed the 2 second phone calls during the day; Guillermo would call to tell me that he loved me mucho and off he went. I realized how lucky I was to have him around even though he was so far away. He did call me for my birthday (May 15th) and it was the only call that mattered to me. It was at that point that we started to speak again, slowly. He was so angry with me and to this day, he won?t let it go. I threw what we had away and Guillermo thought I did it easily. It was not easy at all. We started to speak more frequently and we admitted to one another that we still loved each other. I knew that he loved me but I needed him to believe that I loved him. I couldn?t change the past nor could I try and make up excuses for what I did. I wanted to be with Guillermo and I wanted to be a part of my family. But would he ever trust me again? Would he ever forgive me? Maybe in time. I didn?t tell my family that Guillermo and I were speaking again. They knew that once in a while, we would call each other, but they didn?t know that we were a couple again. I finally confided to my sister that I still loved him and that I wanted to spend my life with him. But because of the pressure, I needed to back off and try to mend the fences with my family. They were putting in a position where I needed to choose and it was making me miserable. My sister was understanding and very supportive and I found out later, that she was battling my family for me.
On June 7th, Guillermo?s mother passed away quietly in her home. Her battle with cancer was also over. I received the frantic call from Guillermo and there was nothing I could do to take away his pain. Guillermo never told her about what I did and how I broke his heart. She was too medicated at the time to know what was happening. She asked for me everyday and she kept my photos close to her. Guillermo told her that I loved her often and for that, I will forever be grateful. She died peacefully with the rosaries that I gave her in her hands. I was sad that I would never see her again and sad that she would never see Guillermo and I marry. I called my mom to tell her the sad news. She told everyone else. I didn?t have the guts to tell her that I was planning another trip soon.
In the 4 months that I was back in Toronto, our lives were turned upside down. So much pain in such a short amount of time. I only hoped that life would get better soon. I was planning on returning to POP in July for 1 week. I kept quiet from everyone. I needed to return to talk face to face with Guillermo.
2 weeks before I booked our flights, Guillermo had an accident on his pasola. A motoconch was trying to avoid a hole in the road and cut Guillermo off. Guillermo was knocked unconscious. He suffered a broken wrist and his legs and arms were pretty torn up. I booked my tickets, my apartment, and I changed my plans so that Victoria and I would go for 2 weeks. I needed to be with him, especially now. I?m not sure what I would have done if I lost him. I immediately called my mom when the accident happened and I finally told her what was going on. I told her that I still loved him and that I needed to return to see what my future would hold for the two of us. This time, she was much more understanding. During the past few months, my sister was talking to my family behind my back. She was involved in many arguments and all because she was defending me. She told them that she would never forgive them for what they were doing.
And I guess, that is why my mom was finally trying to meet me half way.
On July 27th 2002, Victoria and I returned to POP. We rented a 2 bedroom apartment in Costambar (SeaBreeze Apartments). My girlfriend whom had previously come back to Toronto after her bad breakup with her Dominican man came with us too. She had some finished business to take care of and she wanted to confront her ex one more time. She still loved him.
And I still loved Guillermo. And I missed the DR terribly. I longed for the beach, the clear night skies, and the tranquility.
February 2002 and on
As mentioned earlier, I returned home after spending 5 weeks in Costambar to my ?normal? life in Toronto. I came home on February 13th, 2002, the day before my daughter?s 8th birthday. While I was gone, I spoke to her each and every day because I missed her terribly and I don?t think I can ever leave her for such a long time again. My ex had a hard time taking care of her on his own and I?m glad he finally realized just how much work having a child really is. I am the one who has tended to her since she was born and no matter what the crisis was (including emergencies), I struggled with it alone. Even though we were married, I was living my life as a single mom. But now I digress.
I returned back to Toronto and it was the dead of winter. It was easy to miss the DR, the weather, the people, the surroundings, the beach, the tranquility and Guillermo. I found it really strange that while I was in the DR, I only missed my daughter. I guess that after all those months of fighting with my family, I finally managed to alienate myself completely. Family was always very important to me and I struggled with the reality that I might lose them. Even after I returned to Toronto, I rarely saw my family and the only communication was with my mom via emails.
I remember visiting my mom?s cousin one night for dinner and as we sat waiting to leave for the restaurant, he casually mentioned the fact that ?he was glad that he was no longer the black sheep of the family?. My cousin went thru many years of fighting with my family due to his lifestyle and finally one day, he just disappeared from our lives. After many years, he returned and slowly, the family is accepting him again. He asked me many questions about Guillermo and my relationship and I knew as I answered that everything I would say would get back to the family. I didn?t have anything to hide. I was in a relationship with a man that no one knew and no one cared to know. I knew that everyone was against me and I also knew that I would eventually explode.
Guillermo and I continued our relationship but it was a struggle. He often had to console me over the phone because I was starting to feel the weight of being the ?black sheep?. He hated the fact that my family was punishing me for being with him and we often talked about the alternative of breaking up. I didn?t know what to do. For months we struggled. And on top of that, I had to deal with my uncle and Guillermo had to deal with his mom. It was about the 3rd week of March when I received the frantic phone call from Guillermo. He told me his mother was dying from cancer and there was nothing the doctor?s could do. It was only a matter of time. Deep down, I knew this was coming because her health had deteriorated since I returned. I was trying to cope with the fact that my uncle would be dying soon, and at the same time, Guillermo was trying to come to grips with his situation. Our phone calls were so depressing. Neither one of us could gather the strength to try and make the other person laugh. I would start to cry and then he would. Guillermo couldn?t take away my pain and at the same time, I couldn?t take away his. On April 13th 2003, my uncle died peacefully at home surrounded by his family. He lived longer than any one had anticipated and he no longer had to live with the pain. I refused to be by his side during his final moments because I wanted to be strong for him, and I couldn?t be strong at his side. We always knew that he wanted to die at home, but I always insisted that I didn?t want to be there. I didn?t want that scene to be my last memory or my uncle. I arrived at my aunt?s house just moments after my uncle was taken away. I immediately went to my aunt and the first sentences out of her mouth was ?your uncle loved you so much, you were his favorite and he was so worried about you; he often cried because he didn?t want you to fall on your face again?. What could I do? My uncle was gone and I couldn?t talk to him about this anymore. I was crushed and hurt. I didn?t know what to do. How could I explain how I was feeling to Guillermo when I didn?t even know how I was feeling. I knew that I loved Guillermo but was he worth all this pain. I struggled thru the funeral alone and over the course of that week, I slowly withdrew from Guillermo. I stopped calling him and I stopped answering my phones. I only left him messages on his cell phone when I knew he was working. I told him that I needed some time to figure out what I wanted because I wasn?t sure anymore. I told the family that I was breaking it off with Guillermo and I started to see the other side of them. They began to fill my mind with negativity and they started to include me back into family gatherings. So there I was, miserable and alone having turned my back on love, but at the same time, the family was letting me back in. My mom was calling and so were my aunts. I couldn?t believe some of the conversations. My mom and my aunts basically told me that they were not ready for me to move on, to be with anyone else yet, because they were not over the fact that my ex and I were over. They wanted me to wait for at least a year before I got seriously involved. Everyone needed time to adjust and they said I needed to adjust too. Weeks went by after Guillermo finally stopped trying to reach me. He stopped leaving me messages. I no longer was able to at least her his voice on some recording. I withdrew completely but in my heart, I knew I had made a really big mistake. I tried to go on with my life. I concentrated on my daughter and work, but I wasn?t happy. I missed Guillermo. What I missed the most were his nightly calls after he got home from work telling me that he loved me and to sleep with the angels. I missed the 2 second phone calls during the day; Guillermo would call to tell me that he loved me mucho and off he went. I realized how lucky I was to have him around even though he was so far away. He did call me for my birthday (May 15th) and it was the only call that mattered to me. It was at that point that we started to speak again, slowly. He was so angry with me and to this day, he won?t let it go. I threw what we had away and Guillermo thought I did it easily. It was not easy at all. We started to speak more frequently and we admitted to one another that we still loved each other. I knew that he loved me but I needed him to believe that I loved him. I couldn?t change the past nor could I try and make up excuses for what I did. I wanted to be with Guillermo and I wanted to be a part of my family. But would he ever trust me again? Would he ever forgive me? Maybe in time. I didn?t tell my family that Guillermo and I were speaking again. They knew that once in a while, we would call each other, but they didn?t know that we were a couple again. I finally confided to my sister that I still loved him and that I wanted to spend my life with him. But because of the pressure, I needed to back off and try to mend the fences with my family. They were putting in a position where I needed to choose and it was making me miserable. My sister was understanding and very supportive and I found out later, that she was battling my family for me.
On June 7th, Guillermo?s mother passed away quietly in her home. Her battle with cancer was also over. I received the frantic call from Guillermo and there was nothing I could do to take away his pain. Guillermo never told her about what I did and how I broke his heart. She was too medicated at the time to know what was happening. She asked for me everyday and she kept my photos close to her. Guillermo told her that I loved her often and for that, I will forever be grateful. She died peacefully with the rosaries that I gave her in her hands. I was sad that I would never see her again and sad that she would never see Guillermo and I marry. I called my mom to tell her the sad news. She told everyone else. I didn?t have the guts to tell her that I was planning another trip soon.
In the 4 months that I was back in Toronto, our lives were turned upside down. So much pain in such a short amount of time. I only hoped that life would get better soon. I was planning on returning to POP in July for 1 week. I kept quiet from everyone. I needed to return to talk face to face with Guillermo.
2 weeks before I booked our flights, Guillermo had an accident on his pasola. A motoconch was trying to avoid a hole in the road and cut Guillermo off. Guillermo was knocked unconscious. He suffered a broken wrist and his legs and arms were pretty torn up. I booked my tickets, my apartment, and I changed my plans so that Victoria and I would go for 2 weeks. I needed to be with him, especially now. I?m not sure what I would have done if I lost him. I immediately called my mom when the accident happened and I finally told her what was going on. I told her that I still loved him and that I needed to return to see what my future would hold for the two of us. This time, she was much more understanding. During the past few months, my sister was talking to my family behind my back. She was involved in many arguments and all because she was defending me. She told them that she would never forgive them for what they were doing.
And I guess, that is why my mom was finally trying to meet me half way.
On July 27th 2002, Victoria and I returned to POP. We rented a 2 bedroom apartment in Costambar (SeaBreeze Apartments). My girlfriend whom had previously come back to Toronto after her bad breakup with her Dominican man came with us too. She had some finished business to take care of and she wanted to confront her ex one more time. She still loved him.
And I still loved Guillermo. And I missed the DR terribly. I longed for the beach, the clear night skies, and the tranquility.