Parenting Skills?

[jrf]

In regards to the manners thread got me to thinking of how the children are not taught proper 'etiquette' or manners per say.

But what about their parenting skills in general?
I know in the barrio the child seems to be raised by everyone in a way. Someone's child happens to come into the house at meal time and they get fed.

What about the parenting skills in general?
What has it been like with an ex-pat with a Dominicano/Dominicana raising children?

 

[2LeftFeet]

Well, in NYC God knows there are too many parents that just let their kids run amok. They are spoiled rotten brats. Who get everything that they want. They aren't disciplined. If I spoke to my parents the way that they speak to their parents-- I would've been beaten into the floor. I have heard kids tell their mothers to go F- themselves.

How are children raised in the DR?

 

[Mirador]

Well, in NYC God knows there are too many parents that just let their kids run amok. They are spoiled rotten brats. Who get everything that they want. They aren't disciplined. If I spoke to my parents the way that they speak to their parents-- I would've been beaten into the floor. I have heard kids tell their mothers to go F- themselves.

How are children raised in the DR?

Mostly with tender loving care, much like pets are treated in the US. However, in many rural areas, many times children are raised like wild goats ('chivos sin ley').

 

[planner]

Interesting question JRF!

My experience with children here has almost always been positive. I find the kids to be respectful and helpful. They definately mind any adult who speaks to them. It does seem to be a community job to care for the kids.

 

[Chirimoya]

In general, I think children here are much nicer than what I was used to in the UK and hometown. In terms of manners and superficial niceties, Dominican children almost always greet politely, without being prompted or prodded by their parents, although there are always some exceptions. Teenagers are usually much nicer too - in my experience anyway, more or less across all classes.
At the same time, with reference to middle and upper class families, I think children who are raised by nannies doing everything for them are not going to grow up to be the most competent or pleasant adults. I saw a child at the swimming pool, about eight or nine years old, who was wearing a bathing suit under her clothes, simply let the clothes drop to the ground for the nanny to pick up.:ermm:

 

[jrf]

That reminds me of another thing I noticed. With all the talk about crime and the country being unsafe the children there seem quite at ease and not too intimidated by strangers let alone a 'gringo'.

The fear that seems to be instilled into NAmerican children is unfortunately a needed thing at times but can also stint their way or interacting with adults other than their parents.

True, I do find most even the teenagers to be polite, at least in their own way lol.

I can look them in the eye and ask a question and get an answer politely and often if I do say thanks I get a response as well.

 

[canadian bob]

One thing that is patently obvious is the distinction between the upbringing of boys from girls The boys are given free rein to do whatever they want. The boys never do any physical work. The girls learn very early how to sweep & carry water, clean rice & do dishes. The boys are spoiled rotten. The only break the girls get is an enormous party & a nice dress when they "come out" at 15.... Canadian Bob.

 

[2LeftFeet]

I was on the plane coming down from NYC and this child said something-- I couldn't understand. Well, abuelita wasn't having it-- she got slapped up and down her body--nobody batted an eye--just me. I was surprised. I'm just not used to seeing that anymore.

I'm assuming the views on hitting children are the same as they were as when I was growing up. You talk back-- thwack.

The police don't come and arrest you for disciplining your child. Is that true?

 

[Anagha]

Great Thread,
Parenting is one of the most important jobs in the world, but it is also one of the most overlooked and underestimated jobs. With a parenting plan on your side, you can help take some of the edge off and remain calm within the parameters of your new occupation. Without a good parenting plan, your job can become extremely complicated and can offer you little respite in terms of working with your children. Though you cannot buy parenting skills, you can still learn about them and so you need to investigate and find means that will help you become a better parent. You will find parenting websites having forums where you can discuss matters related to parenting with other parents, and with so many thousands of different parenting websites to choose from, you will find out all that you need to know about parenting when you visit such websites.

__________________________
Parenting-Skill

 

[cuas]

I know of a case of a 14 years old boy in Manhattan. He was in a gang and telling his father "I kill you". His father was a policia in DR used to beat up people. When he got his income tax refund he told his son that he won the lotto and let's have fun in DR. The mann asked his brothers (all militares) to wait for him at the airport. As soon as they arrived this man asked the son Who are going to kill and beat his son up. He told his son you are staying in DR until my brothers tell me that you are reformed. The boy learned his lesson. No talking back because he was slapped by his uncles.
The boy returned back to NY. He said he is alive because of his father. All his former friends were dead, in jail or wheelchair.
My oldest daughter is doing her master now but growing up in the Bronx I told her I cannot afford a better nieghborhood in NY and I am afraid of driving, the day I think I cannot control you the solution is ONE WAY TICKET TO SANTO DOMINGO. I will never send her to SD but it scared her.

 

[alicious]

I'm assuming the views on hitting children are the same as they were as when I was growing up. You talk back-- thwack.

The police don't come and arrest you for disciplining your child. Is that true?

I can't even count how many times I saw kids gettin smacked upside the head by their mothers or fathers in the DR for talking back, or doing something "wrong".

I think some parents take it a bit too far as physical discipline in the DR. I do believe that kids need physical discipline in certain situations. But there is a line...

But from my experiences, they do seem as a cultural, to be quite a bit more open about physical discipline then in NA.

And I can't see the police ever being called for a parent hitting their child in the DR. Only if it was and extreme or sever case...and even then I don't think most would call the policia.

 

[Criss Colon]

There Are HUGE Cultural Differences In "Parenting Skills" Everywhere In The World!

Therefore,it may be easy to criticise how children are "raised" in cultures other than your own.
My view of "Child Raising",may be quite different than yours.
I feel that the "Goal" of parenting is to raise a child into a happy,healthy,self-reliant,productive,responsable,caring,"God Fearing" adult. An adult capable of earning a "living".An adult capable of forming and maintaining a loving relationship with another adult. An adult capable of raising their own children,if they should decide to have children,into capable adults
In the DR the "Father" is often not part of the relationship when the child is "growing up". They live in a "House" with "Mami",abuela,and "Mami"! They try to raise the children,but it is not easy when you are uneducated,and many times unemployed. They "love" their kids,but have no real parenting skills. They yell at their kids a LOT,but seldome spen any "Quality Time" interacting with them. Older brothers and sister are often the primary caregivers. Resssponsibility for one's actions is NOT taaught here. The parents don't know how to protect their children from physical harm.They let thgem run in the streets,stand in the back of trucks,and never use seat belts. They drink into drunkeness in front of their children. At Christmas a 3 year old was brought to a hospital in Santo Domingo with alcohol intoxication. Guess that a "Grande" was too much! Should have given him a "Pequena"!
I find dominican children to be something like "Wild Animals"! Parents here think that "Yelling" and "Hiting" their kids is all that is needed.
I spend hours each day "playing with" and interacting with my kids.I never yell,and I have never "Hit" them. My dominican wife was told long ago,that the day she hits one of our kids is the day she can look for a new place to live! Same goes for letting our kids on a "Motor",or in the back of a "Camioneta"!
Cris Colon
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[Alyonka]

This is an interesting thread. I watched a TV show about those children neglected by their drunk or prostituting parents since they were babies and how this neglect causes those children to develop disdain, anger towards other people and actually use, abuse and harm others in any way possible later on in life. How couples should be careful trying to adopt. Very often such kids can cause physical harm to their adopted parents, siblings and in general everyone around them. It was scary. Do you think this happens in the DR?

 

[bob saunders]

interesting. The people we are staying with, the father spanked the 15 year girl for lying to him about a boy. This was the first time in her life she has had a hand raised to her by her dad. The women in the family were furious with him, but a week later she, the daughter, came to him a publically apologized. In the Dominican families I know physical punishment is very rare, but yes there are certainlty different standards for girls and boys.