First let me say that everything that Trina has written is gospel truth, and should be read as if it was all TYPED IN CAPITALS by anyone reading it who may be considering this move.
My experience isn't as time-tested as Trina's- I am in the "thick of things" as I write this- my husband (as of June 11th) has been in the US for 11 very, very difficult but rewarding weeks. He arrived on a K-1 fiance visa on May 14th. They say the first year is hell, so to think that we have confined it to the first 8 weeks may be wishful thinking, but time will tell!
Marriage is difficult in the first place, so when you throw in even a few added challenges, such as cultural, racial, language, age, experience and socioecomic differences, it becomes almost impossible. To survive these BOTH people have to be patient, willing to compromise, willing to learn, non-judgemental and just plain in-love and committed. I mean really in-love, not the starry-eyed vacation variety.
I met my husband in Feb 2004 in his small pueblo in the southwest- not in a hotel/tourist environment. Our relationship has all of the challenges listed above (plus my husband becoming an instant step-dad to 3 kids), and breaks all of Hillbilly's extremely wise rules. If my husband and I make it, it won't be because those rules aren't valid, it will just be because we fought hard to overcome the challenges they present. If we do win it will be a credit to my husband's character (what I saw in him in the DR) and hopefully my having learned from my experience of my first relationship/marriage (11 years to a non-Dominican foreigner).
First of all, know that if you plan to bring your loved one over from the DR:
1) It is EXPENSIVE, especially if your fiance/spouse is not a well-salaried professional inthe DR. Think THOUSANDS of dollars from start to finish. And you have to be willing to put this out knowing that it could all be for naught if your visa isn't approved.
2) It takes a LONG TIME. I filed a K-1 application on Sep , 2004 and we were granted an Interview on Feb 22, 2005. Since then the backlog of cases at the Consulate has doubled - it could take 10-12 months to get and Interview from the time of filing. This implies more trips down there to keep you relationship going (more $$$).
3) There are NO GUARANTEES. We were separated at Interview time. My husband had to recount our relationship from Day 1- trip by trip, who we were with, where we slept, everything in great detail. I was then called up and asked to do the same. The Consular Officer asked me a lot of (trick) questions to get me to tell a story different than my fiance. I just stuck to the truth, though, and we passed. If it's not a real relationship THEY WILL KNOW. And they may deny you if they don't think you have anough time under your belt to prove the relationship.
After they get here,
1) From the start your spouse will be MISERABLE NO MATTER WHAT. They will feel isolated and miss their family and friends and you will resent it becasue there is NOTHING you can do. No amount of love or bachata CD's or tostones can remedy this. Only time, their commitment to you, and your understanding of their feelings.
2) If your other half is not a well-traveled and educated professional, they WILL think that you have more money than you do, and that things are easy here from the start. The slow process of finding out that life is hard here too really knocks the wind out of their sails.
3) As Trina said, they WILL want to send some money back to their family, and their family will expect this. It's just part of their culture. If you can't do this (agree on how much before hand) without resenting it, STOP where you are and run for the hills. You will be OK if you feel a part of their family and you feel like it's the right thing to do, not just them.
4) When your Dominican is lucky enough to find a job, he/she will be incensed (sp?) at the highway robbery of the US government by taking out so much in taxes from their check. You will argue until your blue in the face about what that money is for i.e. infrastructure, schools etc but they will still complain about it.
5) No matter what you advise a Dominican man about living here, they will go ask another Dominican to get the "real" story, and put more stock in their advice than yours. So, if they insist on cutting out of work (work ethic=another story
) and traveling 250 miles to auto auction where some cousin got a great low-milaege, reliable car that lasted for years for $200, just let them. Live and let learn.
These are some tough realities, but despite them, it can still be wonderful. In our case each argument has resolved something and has left us stronger and happier afterwards. I have never for a second regretted going through this and am entremely happy and proud of how far we've come in a short time. I believe my husband would say the same.
Just be sure that you know yourself and know who you're with. Ask the hard questions before you start the process and be sure that if your expectations aren't the same (they won't be), you both understand them and how to and who will comprimise.
Peace and good luck to all