Any Dominican Intermarrages Here?

[Natasha]

In the minority too ;-)

Hola Keith,

My husband and I are also in the minority, I suppose. He had never been to the DR, and being that he was born and raised in Pittsburgh, he never really had a chance to meet any Dominicans until he went to Boston College in 1985.

I had come back to the US for graduate school and chose Pitt's excellent program in education and development. In the meantime, my husband to be had returned to his home state of PA to practice law - so we met in Pittsburgh. It was really bad timing when we met because I had just finished my master's degree and had a job offer brewing in Sto Dgo for the Ministry of Education. "I don't know if this is going to work, I'm leaving for the DR", I kept telling him. So, what did I do? I packed, and went to check things out in Sto Dgo. I spent a month and a half "checking things out" (our phone bills combined averaged $1,700). I was back in the US two weeks later to accept an offer for a PhD. Actually, I came back for love, but shhhhhh, don't tell him that ;-)

We married in Sto Dgo in 1998. We too will be here in Northern Virginia. By the way Keith, we just contracted on a tiny townhouse here in Arlington. We don't close until late August, but we are extremely excited. You know where we live now, so we found a small TH two blocks from our apt. building. We will have you and the family over once we are settled.

Regards,
Natasha

 

[Jim H]

Re: Funniest thing your spouse has done?

Nati didn't know any english at all when she go here. When she First got here she wouldn't ask for help,so when she was cooking rather than ask what was in the can she would just start opening cans until she found what she wanted.We had every thing from cranberry sause to canned spudes, Along with many cans of vegies in the frig for a couple of months before she learned what she wanted or would ask

 

[JenNY]

Re: What was your biggest compromise??

My goodness he's got the life! hehe..

You will need to make your hubby speak to you in spanish, sothat you learn.. You'll learn.. I learned, only because I had to learn, it was either sink or swim..

My husband has always been a hard worker. Before we got married he worked for his father's bus company, he'd leave at like 3-4:30Am in the morning and not come home til 7-9pm.. So in that area I've been lucky! He works doing mechanics here in america.. (Something he NEVER thought he'd ever do!) and he works from 8am til 9:30 many days.. probably 4 days out of the week.. He works 6 days a week.. He's just too awesome.. I always thought I'd be the bread winner in the family.. He doesn't speak much english, but he makes 2 x's as much money as I do.. Ofcourse it's not more hourly, but he's such a hard worker that he makes a lot more than I do.

Don't fret it, just let it all happen.. It's going to be very tough on the two of you at first, just hold on tight and everything will fall back into place!

Goodluck!
Jenny

 

[JenNY]

Re: Funniest thing your spouse has done?

I am laughing just thinking about telling you all this..

We were living at my mom's house when he first came over here. We had a cat that loved to be outside most of the time and had food in the house and outside (Spoiled!) well.. One night, I was upstairs, and I hear the microwave go on.. (He had just learned how to use it..) And I hear a very loud scream and a gasp!)I started running downstairs, and my goodness the stench of skunk was out of this world!!! I see him as he's drenched, and shot in the face. As I look out the door I see a skunk running sideways as fast as it could.. He got sprayed!!!!!!!

I was trying SOOOOO HARD not to laugh.. I asked what happened.. He said "Always, we think that "BETSY" (my cat) is eating her food but this other animal is out there eating it!" and I said.. "ok, and??!?" he said "Well is that ok?" I said "Doesn't matter.." He said "Oh, well I got some really hot water and was going to teach him a lesson, but he taught me one instead!" I had to run out and buy tomatoe juice, and every other home remedie that people told us about.. I stunk going to the store, and I didn't even get sprayed!! It was sooo funny! I don't know what was harder to do, stop myself from laughing at his story, or not telling my brothers and sisters, friends and families! hehe..

The other thing was that for weeks he was on a mission to capture a squirrel!! He thought they were soooo beautiful!! I warned him that he could bite.. He said it didn't matter.. He took some chicken wire, and built a cage for when he'd catch one.. Well.. He always says things like "Well in my country we do things like this... blah, blah" He made the normal trap you'd see in the movies, cardboard box, leaning on a stick holding it up with a string attached.. He'd put food in the box hoping to attract the squirrel. I'd come home from work, and he'd be in the bushes hiding!! It was such a funny sight!!!!!! I told him I'd help him, and told him they loved nuts.. lol! He tried for a long time, and still talks about "Different" ways he could probably catch it!

He's so much fun! I gotta love him! He just makes me laugh!!!! Even when he didn't speak a tiny bit of english, he'd communicate his sense of humor by imitating people.. We always have a ball with him!

Jenny

 

[Felicita]

Re: What was your biggest compromise??

Mi biggest compromise: Well, after being in US for 4 years; living with my family etc, I married to a North American that I met at the church I attend to. He is great, we have a nice, happy little family (just had a daughter), but we too had to make some arrangements. As most of you know, WE Dominicans are very closed to our family... that is, I wanted to be at my mothers almost every other day, I call her every day, so forth and so on; but the worst part of it was that when I visited there, I didn't know when to leave.
I easily spent 6 hours there (every visit), and for my husband(whom speaks very little spanish)this was a misery. I thought he didn't love my family enough, he was always "rushing me", and reminding me that it's being 1, 2 3... hours and I was having a hard time every time we came across with this situation. Finally, my husband told me we need to have a talk. We discussed the matter, and concluded that I will go by myself most of the time,i.e. when he is at work (Im home all day w/daughter)and will reduce the time spent there. Now when we go for family visit, I don't need to be there for so long. I also understood his point, I tried to put myself in his shoes, so I agreed that too much is too much.
(everybody is happy now!)
sorry for the long story...
bye, Felicita

 

[Ross Rucker]

Just another american guy that married just another Dominican girl and had a Domini-griguito and still very much in love after 9 years of marriage

 

[Marie]

I have just read all of these fascinating posts....and I am really happy that I found this site.

I have fallen madly...did I say madly???? in love with a man from the Dominican Republic...We have know each other for several months...and the relationship has evolved to a very nice place.

I am from the US...and I understand cultural differences...because I also work with people from all over the world..and cultural diversity is something that I really need to understand. But that is on a professional level.

On a personal level..I have many questions...I may decide to join him...as opposed to him moving with me...he is here in the US now..but travels frequently home to the DR.

Can I expect acceptance? IS this something that we have to present in a positive fashion...or is it something that will come naturally?

My friends know of him...and accept him...but I do not know if when I meet socially with his peers/family if I would get the same response? Am I worrying for nothing?

I want to understand everything...and I want to research everything as much as possible. Does anyone have any suggestions of readings...or personal experiences they can share? I would appreciate any/all info..thanks so much.

 

[pascal]

eres en TU casa y puedes hacer lo que quieres y por eso me voy....
no tengo nada....
tenemos que mandar algo aya....
mi mama necessita medicamentos....
no tengo vida aqui....
la cuenta del telefono , no fue yo ....
oh se callo ! solo
no mi culpa !
si no me quieres , no te quiero tan poco..sacabon !!

 

[Sue]

Re: Intermarrages - Family Reactions?

I'm interested in knowing what the reactions of friends, family etc was to your marriage, especially in the cases where they had yet to meet your spouse. Also what was the reaction of your spouse's family to them marrying you.

 

[JenNY]

Re: Intermarrages - Family Reactions?

Good question!

I come from a very prejudice family... Ya know, "you must marry an irish man. Well, since prejudice is ingnorance, they got over it once they understood.

They couldn't believe the fact that I wanted to marry a man of another race, culture, country. But I pulled out the pictures, and people were in awe. My mom supported me and said things like "Ya know your kids are not going to know what race they are." When she saw that I had thought about all that, and it didn't bother me, she stopped. She then offered to meet his parents. We flew down there, and got some immigration work done. She fell in-love with the country. And she took a liking to his family. When we got home, she couldn't stop talking about how wonderful my fiance was. "He was so funny, you had to see him when he did blah, blah," and "What a sweetheart he is, you wouldn't believe.. etc.." It was really neat.. That following week I had come home from work and on the table were all my options for my wedding.. She had been shopping all day on catering places, restuarants, dj's, videographers, and even photographers. She also wanted to go and get my dress.. It was sooo incredible.. At this point my family was still unsure about my fiance.. Except my mom who was soooo sure of him!!

Well we had a goodsized wedding planned, and my husband and I flew in the night before the wedding (out of our control... Immigrations' fault) and waiting at my home for us was my entire family, and wedding party.. they couldn't wait to greet my fiance. One by one they were hugging and kissing him.. It was the most wonderful sight in my eyes..

Til this day, my family loves him. The biggest joke is that I need to go live in the DR and leave Nidio with my family. They said they "Gained a son" and well who knows where the daughter went!! hehehe..

Dreams do happen!
Dream big!
Jenny

 

[JenNY]

I think his family will love you there... Why not go with him when he goes to the DR and see how things go!

Jenny

 

[Joyce Jimenez]

Re: What was your biggest compromise??

"WE Dominicans are very closed to our family"
What are trying to say Felicita???? That WE Americans are not close to our families???? I call my mother everyday too>>> and go and visit her for many hours. Go figure Im an American!!!

Have a nice day!

Joyce

Hey JCeasar it goes both way!

 

[Katia]

Re: Intermarrages - Family Reactions?

My family's reaction was mixed although my parents did meet my husband prior to our wedding. That was very important for me and for him as well.

My mom (whose totally liberal) was very happy for us. She really loves Wilson as her own son. As for my dad, well that's a totally different story. Unfortunately, we haven't spoken since our wedding. Even before I married Wilson, there was tension between my father and I. My father is italian and like many italians, very strict towards his daughter(s). I understand his fears but he has to understand my wanting to be with Wilson no matter what. I guess I'll understand when I become a mother. My dad tried, unsuccessfully, to stop the marriage from a distance. That goes to show you how Wilson's love for me is powerful. I don't know exactly what the problem is with him and my marriage to Wilson. Maybe I'll never know.

My husband and I have decided to keep our marriage a secret from the rest of my family because of my dad's reaction. Our church wedding is October 20, 2001.

As for Wilson's family, they accepted me with open arms. I was a bit scared that they wouldn't because I'm caucasian and Wilson is dark skinned. I was wrong.

I'm sure other people have gone through the same thing.

Katia

 

[Felicita]

Re: What was your biggest compromise??

Joyce,
I did not try to imply that, by any means. On the contrary, I was trying to say that sometimes We were a little bit too much. (not our fault, and it does not apply to every Dominican!(culturally, americans are a more independent society, compare to the Dominicans) Please don't mis-understand me. Perhaps it was a mistake to say "WE" instead of "I"; this is just MY opinion, dont take it soo serious!!!...

Dominicanos, si les he ofendido, por favor perdonenme. En ningun
momento ha sido mi intencion. Quizas no supe expresar lo que queria decir.
Yo amo mi patria por sobre todo!
Gracias.

 

[Natasha]

Joyce...

I have read Felicita's post a couple of times and for the life of me don't see where she is "implying" anything about Americans. Let us not be so defensive, please.

Regards,
Natasha

 

[Joyce Jimenez]

Re: Joyce...

I will stop being so defensive about America if others on this board will stop being so defensive about what is said about the DR.

Have a nice day!

Joyce

 

[Natasha]

Don't mess with the shoes

Greg,

I can't help but chuckle

My experience was a bit different growing up. My grandfather was an accountant and for a good part of my childhood, my parents lived right next door to my grandparents's home. Needless to say, my grandparents' influence on me was detrimental. A couple of my grandfather's children followed in his footsteps with financial careers of their own. Accounting, finance, etc. never appealed to me, but the value of money, if you will, was of great significance in my life overall.

I recall my first allowance during those days (the middle 70's) - it was 25 cents a week. Do you know how much chewing gum a seven year old girl could buy with that much money, and still have 10 cents left over! Of course for the 25 cents I had to pitch in with a couple of chores around my house. Pick up my toys, hang up my school uniform everyday, help set up the table for family meals, were just some of the things I had to do.

I think this experience taught me how to earn things, in a way. It taught me to save too. I remember wanting things that would cost two or three pesos (coloring pencils/books, a fancy hair clip, etc.). I would save part or all of my allowance until I had the money to buy it, and I would drag my mom or dad back to the store two months later to happily buy the stuff. I suppose my parents (particularly my DAD) could have just indulged me in instant gratification by buying me what I wanted, but my grandfather was determined to teach me a couple of things. He was a gem indeed.

My husband, who's American, pretty much had the same money lessons. Frugal we are not, but we do share the same long-term financial goals we have set aside. Now, notice that I said "long-term" goals. Our immediate goals are slightly different ;-)

Regards,
Natasha

 

[Natasha]

Re: Joyce...

The *difference* is that this board gets bombarded at times with generalizations, insults and condescending postings about the DR, not the US. You have to agree with that Joyce. Even JC, who fights fire with fire, has never to my knowledge degraded the US and Americans the way some have the DR and the Dominican people.

Have a nice day too!

Natasha

 

[Sue]

Re: Joyce...

No JC just degrades anyone he doesn't agree with and at times can be quite vulgar. What comes to mind is the time he asked one of the posters who had the gall to disagree with him "Do you swallow?". I would think this kind of post would be offensive to anyone who reads it, regardless of the nationality of the person who wrote it.

 

[Marie]

Dear Jenny,

Thank you for your kind words. I hope to do this...I want to do this...I am ready. Do you have any experiences that you could share. I am so happy to see your response.