Any Dominican Intermarrages Here?

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ROBERT SAUNDERS

Guest
Re: Intermarrages - Family Reactions?

Well Kaita. My parents had no problem accepting my Dominican Wife but then as between them they have blood from a dozen countries, so race and colour are not important to them, besides they know by now that your kids in most countries marry who they want. I understand where your coming from on the italian thing as my first wife was italian from Hamilton and one of my first girlfriends was from Montreal North and her parents still believed in sending her aunt on dates with us. Your Dad will probably never come around but you have your own life to live.
My mother in law thinks Yris was crazy to marry a foreign guy (white) but i think she secretly likes me. I know i like her.
 
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arcoiris

Guest
Re: Intermarrages - Family Reactions?

I notice that two women report that their mothers, after some intitial adjustment were supportive and the fathers weren't. That is the same experience I had and I find that interesting now. My father remained adamantly against it even after my first child. Then when my father found out he had cancer and was dying he asked to see our son and took him on his knee. To my son my father was a stranger and didn't understand what was happening. My mother remained a special support when almost everybody in the world of other relatives and friends were very skeptical about our intermarriage. Our social circle consists of a very special and diverse group of people who can accept people not just in spite of but even because of their diversity. So I lost some "friends" but I gained other treasured friends.
 
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Katia

Guest
Re: Intermarrages - Family Reactions?

Arcoiris,

I do hope my father gets around soon. It is really hard on me emotionally but easier at the same time because I don't live with my parents anymore. I just had to get out of there. Thank God I have my mother on my "side". It has also brought conflict between my parents at times unfortunetaly. My father believes I betrayed him by marrying Wilson in civil wedding. We are planning a church wedding in Canada on October 21, 2001 however. But in my father's eyes, it's the same.

It's unfortunate that your father had to become sick to see your son. How did the rest of your family react ? To tell you the truth, because of my father's reaction, we have kept my marriage to Wilson hush hush. I'm against all the secrecy because I am happy but it is my parents wishes to it this way. That's the least I can do.

All the best to you,

Katia
 
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arcoiris

Guest
Re: Intermarrages - Family Reactions?

Basically, katia, my father was very strict and White, while my mother is mixed herself. I had to learn how to make my own decisions, and stand up for them. There were often conflicts in my childhood between my father's cultural ways and my mother's. My father thought his way was THE only way to do things right. My mother understood having to make compromises and adjustments for the sake of harmony. I think my father thought it was rather a slap in the face, after he tried so hard to teach us White, that I chose differently and that my loyalties would go to a non-White husband instead of to him. Some people just can't get past that. But you see since the beginning, I have had to listen to both sides and then decide what I think is best. It is not a matter of blind loyalty to a color or a culture, but of overcoming both of those to be the best and do the best one can in a pluralistic world. After the beginning lot of resistance, while they are watching you to see if you have gone mad, and they eventually see that your relationship is a real loving, constructive and healthy relationship, then they have to respect you for your courage if nothing else, and then the rest follows , or it doesn't, but it is not your main worry. Making your marriage work, and being good to your kids is your main focus, and you will find friends who do understand and who are supportive to your good goals.
 
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george

Guest
Re: Intermarrages - Family Reactions?

At my dad's funeral recently my son met almost all of my family
for the first time. He is 21. I was one of three speakers at
this, he was one. We went to the reception afterward. The
civility of the funneral had already ended.
It was pretty amazing to see people for the first time in over
20 years and they would not speak to me.
I have two sisters. Before dad died he deeded over a fishing
cabin to my son. He loved my son.
One sister went down and
broke everything in the house with a baseball bat, cut the
furniture in pieces with a saw and clipped all the wiring
on the appliances and painted comments in white spray paint
on every wall and door.
The other sister has said and done things so bad to my son
it makes trashing a house pale seem clean.
My brother saw my son for the first time at the funeral but would
not speak to me.
I would say I had an extreem negative reaction.
It did not change through the years.
 
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ROBERT SAUNDERS

Guest
Re: Intermarrages - Family Reactions?

white is not a culture. There are many white people from many countries and their cultures are not even close to being the same. For Example most russians are white colour but there culture is very different from, french, germans, ....etc. I am white, mainly and my wife is mixed race Dominican, by her looks mainly black, my sister-law is canadian aboriginal, all different cultures from both my parents who have very mixed heritages ( heinz 57) My Dad is from New Brunswick on the east coast of Canada and his culture is totally different that my mother's British culture. Please don't label white as a culture. thank you.
 
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Katia

Guest
Re: Intermarrages - Family Reactions?

Bob,

Good luck tomorrow on your wife's arrival and congratulations too ! I hope she will like Canada.

Take care,

Katia from Montreal
 
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jerry

Guest
Re: Intermarrages - Family Reactions?

Know what you mean. My grandfather came down from New Brunswick to Maine as a teen. Married a very French-Canadian (Catholic) lady. My dad had the nerve to marry a girl that did not have French-Canadian bloodline, did not speak French, and was not Catholic. Made for a very rocky start to the beginning of their marriage. Both "white" but diffently not the same culture. My grandmother was something else in her earlier years, she loved us kids, but to my mom it was like total war. She came around after a couple years.

Jerry
 
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Katia

Guest
Re: Intermarrages - Family Reactions?

My mom told of her story when she met my dad. They are both in their 50's so we don't have to go way back. My dad was born in Italy and my mom is very French Canadian. She only spoke french and little bit of English. My dad spole italian and a little bit of English. They understood each other quite well because they eventually married.

My dad's mother and the rest of the family didn't like my mother. Firstly, because she wasn't italian, second, because she didn't speak any italian or good English. Some referred to my mom as the hot dog cook. They thought that French Canadians only know how to cook hot dogs and french fries.

After 30 years of marriage, my mom speaks better italian that my dad's sisters ever could. All of us (mom, dad and brother) speak 3 languages and I speak Spanish as well.

My mom was eventually accepted and respected too. I know my dad will come around soon.

Ciao,

Katia
 
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arcoiris

Guest
Re: white vs White

bob, you are right that white is a color and not a culture, and that there are many people that are very white in color and not White in culture. However when White is spelled with capitals it refers to the group of white people who believe that White people should be kept pure and not mixed with anything that would unWhite them. This is more of a culture and includes groups like neoNazis, KKK and other White supremecist groups, which you cannot deny exist. You may be white and not White. There are also a few that pass for white and act White...this is especially sad, and includes a few Dominicans and a few Americans. It also includes Hitler who was a White supremicist who was part Jewish.
 
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arcoiris

Guest
Re: Intermarrages - Family Reactions?

George, I am soooo sorry! How terrible, not only for you, but even more for the son who is the main target of this through no fault. I hope he has some kind of healthy perspective and doesn't get bitter. Do you guys have friends and other family who make up for this in loving and supporting you?
 
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george

Guest
Re: Intermarrages - Family Reactions?

Arcoiris,

You are very kind, Thank you. The point is this: yes serious
reactions do occur. We are ok. Whatever the readers encounter
they will be ok also.

You touched the difference between being ok and not so ok. Forgiveness.

Years ago I heard a woman named Corri Tamboom speak. She
had been in a Nazi camp and lost her family. A former guard
of that camp came up to her at a speaking event and told her
if she could forgive him God would too. She did.

She said she was going to various countries to talk with condemned political prisioners to get them to forgive the people unjustly putting them to death before they were executed.

This did not make that much sense to me at the time. It does now. It heals the person forgiving, not necesarily the person being forgiven.

We have undergone nothing compared to Corri Tamboom.

My son is ok.
 
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Natasha

Guest
Re: white vs White

Hummm...interesting.

I must say that I had never heard of the difference between white and White. Who came up with this definition? Just curious.

Since you defined what is "White", then what is the difinition of "white"? Just a skin color? Since you say that some people (Dominicans and Americans) "try to pass for white", again what is "white"?

Natasha
 
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Karen

Guest
Re: Intermarrages - Family Reactions?

George, I am truly sorry also, and hope your dfriends are not of the Arcoiris species
 
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Karen

Guest
Re: white vs White

And all throgh school I was taugh that White with a capital W was my last name, damm arcoiris you ares sooooo smart
 
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arcoiris

Guest
Re: white vs White

I am not sure where I first heard this distinction, but I have always associated with people of various cultural backgrounds. I have some stories to tell! I think it may be some Afro-Americans who first explained to me how they categorize people of various shades of color and attitude toward color. There are people who look white, but actually have African heritage in there somewhere, and so technically are not in the class of White, or caucasian. If they hang around with Black people and declare themselves Black then that is one thing. Some associate exclusively with Whites and try to cover up their African heritage to the point of disowning their colored relatives. This is called "passing for White". I try to encourage my family to be all that they can be, and proud of all their heritage, and get into African-American, European-AMerican, and whatever, instead of associating with White or Black or Red. But a lot of people still see White as pure, and colored as an impurity, which is degrading to Africans and other people of color, which was what the previous poster was trying to avoid, with good intentions...but we have to admit that while the previous poster may see only wonderful shades of brown, that there are still a lot of people who attach a lot of baggage to being White or Black. So when someone is associating a lot of class and cultural baggage to being very light, then we call it White, while if it only means a complexion we call it pink. lol
 
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