Love gone wrong!

[Chirimoya]

She did say she had left him, or at least that they are now separated.

 

[carina]

Sorry I am new to this thread and don't feel like reading every reply, and sorry if someone has already asked or repeated the same thing I am about to say......
If your husband quit his job and told you to find another job- Doesn't the light go on that says Hell No, and then you tell him thats not the way it works and if he doesn't get back to work he can find himself another wife?
I mean it starts a sqaure one first its emotional and then its physical abuse, this isn't just a dominican or a latin thing this is how it happens everywhere, and the way to deal with it is to disallow it to happen from day one rather then allowing it to progress.
If the you working two jobs wasn't enough, don't you think that when you couldn't use the phone that would be the time to take the two paychecks you are making and leave?
Sorry but it seems so simple to me.

Put the way you put it, it seems very simple.
I would say though, reality is usually another.
It is of course not just a DR or latino related issue, but it is so in the sense of cultural influence, values and system.
In many cases love is still involved, it is not just to pack and leave.
There is hope, pride, wanting to change etc etc involved.
There might also be a lack of knowledge in culture or ways of behaviour.
In many cases there are children involved, businesses and so on.

And the OP did leave the man.

I met a girl just today when in town doing errands, I had a coffee with a friend and this girl sitting next to us was in tears. She?s been here for 2 months, living with her husband. And already she is not allowed to go out if he is not with him, apart from going to work.
She is not allowed to have foreign friends, or friends he does not know.
She sneaks out when he is working.
I am sure she sees and feels things are wrong, I am also sure she does not see where this might lead. And she will not believe anyone telling her either.

It?s a complicated issue.

 

[paddy]

Maybe I should rename it. What would you guys suggest?

anna..this is the year 2005...i can't believe that a educated woman from canada would turn to a bunch of strangers for help on the internet...i believe it's a "joke"...and despite the fact that sometimes my jokes may seem insensitive..the thought that there are men and women still knocking each other around ...and even killing each other under this guise of love....makes me sick..especially when there's children involved. lack of self..esteem is a big part of this type of behavior...my opinion.

 

[AnnaC]

anna..this is the year 2005...i can't believe that a educated woman from canada would turn to a bunch of strangers for help on the internet...i believe it's a "joke"...and despite the fact that sometimes my jokes may seem insensitive..the thought that there are men and women still knocking each other around ...and even killing each other under this guise of love....makes me sick..especially when there's children involved. lack of self..esteem is a big part of this type of behavior...my opinion.

Paddy dear stick to the glown bin ok or at least keep up if you can. This woman didn't come here asking for help or anyone's opinion. She didn't start this thread. She posted in the thread called "Interracial Realtionships in DR" in which yvette asked for any positive ways people have made it work. But since many posters felt that Keea's story didn't fit in that thread I split it and in case anyone hasn't noticed noticed I posted the "renamed" thread in post number 21.

She also said she is separated from him. Are we all clear now?

Good carry on.

 

[mofi]

Put the way you put it, it seems very simple.
I would say though, reality is usually another.
It is of course not just a DR or latino related issue, but it is so in the sense of cultural influence, values and system.
In many cases love is still involved, it is not just to pack and leave.
There is hope, pride, wanting to change etc etc involved.
There might also be a lack of knowledge in culture or ways of behaviour.
In many cases there are children involved, businesses and so on.

And the OP did leave the man.

I met a girl just today when in town doing errands, I had a coffee with a friend and this girl sitting next to us was in tears. She?s been here for 2 months, living with her husband. And already she is not allowed to go out if he is not with him, apart from going to work.
She is not allowed to have foreign friends, or friends he does not know.
She sneaks out when he is working.
I am sure she sees and feels things are wrong, I am also sure she does not see where this might lead. And she will not believe anyone telling her either.

It?s a complicated issue.

I realize its complicated but maybe I see it as simple because my mind frame is not to put up with sh*t. I mean why anyone would allow there husband to quit work, so that she could work double time just blows my mind. Relationships are about equality and balance. If the man is doing all the work then the lady helps out around the house, its a trade off. But when your husband is controlling everything you do, sitting at home and going out whenever he wants, not providing anything thats a different story.

 

[carina]

I realize its complicated but maybe I see it as simple because my mind frame is not to put up with sh*t. I mean why anyone would allow there husband to quit work, so that she could work double time just blows my mind. Relationships are about equality and balance. If the man is doing all the work then the lady helps out around the house, its a trade off. But when your husband is controlling everything you do, sitting at home and going out whenever he wants, not providing anything thats a different story.

I agree, and that?s why it is do damn complicated.. so many cultural and other items in this issue... doesn?t make it right in our phrames, not at all. But it does exist, and very much so.

 

[miguel]

Ok, here it goes!!

I met a girl just today when in town doing errands, I had a coffee with a friend and this girl sitting next to us was in tears. She?s been here for 2 months, living with her husband. And already she is not allowed to go out if he is not with him, apart from going to work.
She is not allowed to have foreign friends, or friends he does not know.
She sneaks out when he is working.
I am sure she sees and feels things are wrong, I am also sure she does not see where this might lead. And she will not believe anyone telling her either.

It?s a complicated issue.

Care to know why I have no simpathy for people like this girl that you posted about?.

Because it does not say ANYWHERE that people HAVE to take other people's crap. Why take the fricking abuse?.

NOBODY is supposed to take anybody else's abuse. When people take any type of abuse, and still stay with their partners, IMO, they are worse than the abuser. There's no such thing as " I take the abuse because I love him/her". But there sure is " I take the abuse because I have low self-esteem".

If I were a female, I swear to God that even if I loved my partner with all my heart, the moment that he start abusing me, not only would I get "sicko" on him, but I would also leave his AXX.

The moment a man, or any person for that matter, starts to tell you what to do, when yo can go out, who to socialize with, what to wear and dictate anything YOU do with YOUR life, IT TIME TO DUMP HIM/HER!!. If she stays, then it's more her fault for letting him do whatever he wants to her.

I have a name for people who let people control them and abuse them, I call them "ZEROS TO THE LEFT". Why?. Because people that let themselves be controlled and abused are nothing more than zeros. It's like whatever say say does not matter. Whatever opinions they have are easily dismissed by their "abuser" and they just take it. Basicly adults that are told what to do and they do it even if they think that it's wrong!.

NOBODY should take any abuse, little or small. If they do, the deserve every little bit of it. Why?, because they let it happen!.

I also DO NOT believe in " oh, but what should I do, I am afraid of him, he may kill me". Guess what, there are hundreds of "ways out". There's the police, there are courts, there are relatives, there are friends.

There are always many ways out if the person has a little bit of self-respect!!.

Granted, sometimes it has to do with a person's mental state. Some were raised being abused but that does not mean that one needs to "keep" the pattern!.

Example: My father smoked 3 packs a day and my 7 brothers and sisters and I do not smoke, ever. My father used to drink with his Marina De Guerra buddies every Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays and NONE of my brothers and sisters drink (I only started drinking socially a few years ago). My father did not know how to show love because of the way he was raised but ALL of my brothers and sisters and I are very loving people (yes, hard to believe but the "non-computer" Miguel is very loving, lol).

Do you guys know what I was trying to get at with all the above examples?. To me the excuse of "I was raised that way so I don't know any better" is nothing more than an excuse.

People are not born being monsters, they are created. Plain and simple!!.

Shi*, I need a drink!!.

 

[carina]

Care to know why I have no simpathy for people like this girl that you posted about?.

Because it does not say ANYWHERE that people HAVE to take other people's crap. Why take the fricking abuse?.

NOBODY is supposed to take anybody else's abuse. When people take any type of abuse, and still stay with their partners, IMO, they are worse than the abuser. There's no such thing as " I take the abuse because I love him/her". But there sure is " I take the abuse because I have low self-esteem".

If I were a female, I swear to God that even if I loved my partner with all my heart, the moment that he start abusing me, not only would I get "sicko" on him, but I would also leave his AXX.

The moment a man, or any person for that matter, starts to tell you what to do, when yo can go out, who to socialize with, what to wear and dictate anything YOU do with YOUR life, IT TIME TO DUMP HIM/HER!!.

I have a name for people who let people control them and abuse them, I call them "ZEROS TO THE LEFT". Why?. Because people that let themselves be controlled and abused are nothing more than zeros. It's like whatever say say does not matter. Whatever opinions they have are easily dismissed by their "abuser" and they just take it.

NOBODY should take any abuse, little or small. If they do, the deserve every little bit of it. Why?, because they let it happen!.

I also DO NOT believe in " oh, but what should I do, I am afraid of him, he may kill me". Guess what, there are hundreds of "ways out". There's the police, there are courts, there are relatives, there are friends.

There are always many ways out if the person has a little bit of self-respect!!.

Granted, sometimes it has to do with a person's mental state. Some were raised being abused but that does not mean that one needs to "keep" the pattern!.

Example: My father smoked 3 packs a day and my 7 brothers and sisters and I do not smoke, ever. My father used to drink with his Marina De Guerra buddies every Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays and NONE of my brothers and sisters drink (only started drinking socially a few years ago). My father did not know how to show love because of the way he was raised but ALL of my brothers and sisters and I are very loving people (yes, hard to believe but the "non-computer" Miguel is very loving, lol).

Do you guys know what I was trying to get at with all the above examples?. To me the excuse of "I was raised that you so I don't know any better" is nothing more than an excuse.

People are not born being monsters, they are created. Plain and simple!!.

Shi*, I need a drink!!.

Miguel, I agree completely.
BUT, still it exists even though it shouldn?t.

 

[miguel]

Indeed!

Miguel, I agree completely.
BUT, still it exists even though it shouldn?t.

I know that it's "alive and well" but all I am saying is that there are many ways out and that whomever take any type of abuse is as much at fault as is the abuser, if not more.

Thank God that my younger sister was raised my "wolves" (meaning 7 males) because she would NEVER, EVER, take any bullcrap from a man. My darling sister is so strong that when, once, her boyfriend raised his voice on her, she immediately told him that that was a form of disrespect and that she would not take it if he did it again. He did it again within days and she sent him "packing" right then and there and never looked back!. We raised her right, lol. Well, she also knows that she has 7 "wolves" that would defend her to no end and that we take no prisoners!. Hihihihih.

 

[Yari]

It all boils down to...

low self esteem, self worth, self confidence, what ever you want to call it. It's just like when someone stays with a guy who cheats. why stay? because we don't really care about ourselves enough to. It also boils down to doing what you know (kind of like a bad habit or better yet, continuing what you have seen & experienced...& so its "normal" to feel like crap). when people yell at or hit their children, all the while not wanting to do it, are some examples is an example of continuing a cycle of doing what you see. You also have simple self hatred like sabotage even. for ex. when someone stuffs themselves with a gallon of ice cream knowing that it's a really bad idea for obvious reasons...

this goes esp to miguel, point is, like others have mentioned, the problem could be very much complicated...depending on the person. just because u would run out screaming the first time, doesn't mean someone else will. we don't know whats in anybodies head. its easy to judge until we are in that situation (and i am not making any taxicab confessions here). also wanted to add that I do not condone any of these behaviors, just try to explain some :nervous:

mi opinion

 

[miguel]

Just if...!

this goes esp to miguel, point is, like others have mentioned, the problem could be very much complicated...depending on the person. just because u would run out screaming the first time, doesn't mean someone else will. we don't know whats in anybodies head. its easy to judge until we are in that situation (and i am not making any taxicab confessions here). also wanted to add that I do not condone any of these behaviors, just try to explain some :nervous:

mi opinion

If I wrote, in any of my posts on this thread, the words "must leave" instead of "should leave", then my most sincere apologies.

See, there's a difference between " people are are being abused "MUST" leave and "people that are being abused "SHOULD" leave.

 

[stormer]

This story is'nt real. Someone please close this thread.

Why does everyone think that this story isn't really?

 

[mofi]

low self esteem, self worth, self confidence, what ever you want to call it. It's just like when someone stays with a guy who cheats. why stay? because we don't really care about ourselves enough to. It also boils down to doing what you know (kind of like a bad habit or better yet, continuing what you have seen & experienced...& so its "normal" to feel like crap). when people yell at or hit their children, all the while not wanting to do it, are some examples is an example of continuing a cycle of doing what you see. You also have simple self hatred like sabotage even. for ex. when someone stuffs themselves with a gallon of ice cream knowing that it's a really bad idea for obvious reasons...

this goes esp to miguel, point is, like others have mentioned, the problem could be very much complicated...depending on the person. just because u would run out screaming the first time, doesn't mean someone else will. we don't know whats in anybodies head. its easy to judge until we are in that situation (and i am not making any taxicab confessions here). also wanted to add that I do not condone any of these behaviors, just try to explain some :nervous:

mi opinion

Or more simply put- she doesn't lover her self. It doesn't matter how much you love someone else you should always love yourself first and apparently thats not the case here.

 

[Mr_DR]

Dumb Canadian women.


Sorry.

Xamaicano,

DUMB WOMEN is a better word.

 

[Mr_DR]

This is written in the Hebrew Talmud, it says: Be very careful if you make a woman cry, because God counts her tears. The woman came out of a man's rib. Not from his feet to be walked on. Not from his head to be superior, But from the side to be equal. Under the arm to be protected, and next to the heart to be loved.

And who counts a man's tear?

I have no sympathy for women that get hurt for being stupid and foolish.
most women are also just as possessive as any men and they can also turn themselves in a man's worst nightmare anytime, specially when they claim to bee deeply in love.

WOMEN GET WHAT THEY DESERVE....Including my mother.

 

[mountainfrog]

Disappeared

"keea" has not said anything since she started the thread, which was her second posting ...
Why not just forget her?

 

[Yari]

And who counts a man's tear?


WOMEN GET WHAT THEY DESERVE....Including my mother.

including your momma DAMN !!

 

[tiguerita]

Wao

Dumb Canadian women.


Sorry.

I'm Canadian and a woman AND to me that is not normal either.
Nice to see how YOU think... now come here so I can smack you!

 

[la_barbie]

I'm Canadian and a woman AND to me that is not normal either.
Nice to see how YOU think... now come here so I can smack you!

Smack him?? thats all you got ?? Than again half the macho men here probably throw like girls ... So maybe a smack would shut them up

 

[Eddy]

From some of the responses here, the girl who started this thread is probably too embarrassed to respond. As I mentioned in a previous post, I?ve seen girls from several countries being abused by their ?boyfriends?. In one case I even got the police involved. They arrested her ?sankie? (Oh yea, that?s what most of them are). He had thrown her down a flight of stairs. She followed up on her complaint and they guy did get punished. ?Well a little after all this is a macho country? Abuse exists in all countries and NO, Canadian girls are not any dumber than anyone else. It not only happens to women. I know a few men that are or have been either pu$$y wipped or physically abused. A public forum is not the place to vent. Seek help from a close friend or seek professional advice. Good Luck and PLEASE, SOMEONE close this dumb thread.