- Thread starter Musicqueen
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I want my own blog!!!
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Give it up man .... Tony & MQ or MQ & Tony, none of our fri$$ing business. There's already one Dr. Phil, one Oprah, one Dr. Laura, .... You're only shouting into the wind ...
From experience
Hi MQ
When J first came to the UK, he found it really difficult, everything is different and overwelming. It took time, I was off work for only 1 week with him. When I returned back to work I would encourage him to get out and about alone, even if he only went into town for a burger or popped to the supermarket for dinner things. I'd let him make the choices on what we'd eat ... OK yeah he made mistakes with purchases but he was learning from it. If there were days when he didn't go out, I'd say nothing, I could see that things played on his mind sometimes and he needed space, talking about it was like rubbing salt in the wound ... after all, I hadn't made the big change, what did I really know?
Everything became so much easier when he was working and earning his own money, not just financially, but for him mentally. Whenever he speaks to other Dominicans who come over here, he will tell them the same, the first step to settling is getting work and stimulating your mind, his words are 'do anything even cleaning!'
You have to be patient and not wrap Tony in cotton wool ... I know its hard, believe me, but a man needs to be a man. I used to make up things that I needed to get and he'd say let me go get it for you, I'd never ask at first but he'd always offer. Silly but it built up his confidence too, J spoke great English before he came but once here he felt shy, hearing different dialects was difficult - but now he's well adjusted. It takes time nothing happens over night but just be there for him to turn to.
Good luck with everything xxx
Hi MQ
When J first came to the UK, he found it really difficult, everything is different and overwelming. It took time, I was off work for only 1 week with him. When I returned back to work I would encourage him to get out and about alone, even if he only went into town for a burger or popped to the supermarket for dinner things. I'd let him make the choices on what we'd eat ... OK yeah he made mistakes with purchases but he was learning from it. If there were days when he didn't go out, I'd say nothing, I could see that things played on his mind sometimes and he needed space, talking about it was like rubbing salt in the wound ... after all, I hadn't made the big change, what did I really know?
Everything became so much easier when he was working and earning his own money, not just financially, but for him mentally. Whenever he speaks to other Dominicans who come over here, he will tell them the same, the first step to settling is getting work and stimulating your mind, his words are 'do anything even cleaning!'
You have to be patient and not wrap Tony in cotton wool ... I know its hard, believe me, but a man needs to be a man. I used to make up things that I needed to get and he'd say let me go get it for you, I'd never ask at first but he'd always offer. Silly but it built up his confidence too, J spoke great English before he came but once here he felt shy, hearing different dialects was difficult - but now he's well adjusted. It takes time nothing happens over night but just be there for him to turn to.
Good luck with everything xxx
GReat post Saskia
Very nicely stated Saskia. I guess you are saying what I wanted to convey from the very beginning; you hit the nail in the head. I like the analogy regarding not wrapping Tony in cotton wool.
These guys need a good shot of confidence for them to be able to overcome any mental obstacle they might see (or think) in front of them. They should get out there, newspaper and map in hand and start knocking on doors, whatever these doors are for a job, buy groceries or opening a bank account. Sure; show them the way, but also let them know that they can make it on their own. Build them up. Let them know what made you fell for them. Together, set small goals to achieve; this will give your men a sense of accomplishment and a feeling of security. Celebrate their daily small victories and most importantly; let them know that you are counting on them. Let them know that the 2 of you are a team with EQUAL responsibilities and EQUAL say when making decisions affecting the 2 of you.
Paz y Amor
Contasm
Hi MQ
When J first came to the UK, he found it really difficult, everything is different and overwelming. It took time, I was off work for only 1 week with him. When I returned back to work I would encourage him to get out and about alone, even if he only went into town for a burger or popped to the supermarket for dinner things. I'd let him make the choices on what we'd eat ... OK yeah he made mistakes with purchases but he was learning from it. If there were days when he didn't go out, I'd say nothing, I could see that things played on his mind sometimes and he needed space, talking about it was like rubbing salt in the wound ... after all, I hadn't made the big change, what did I really know?
Everything became so much easier when he was working and earning his own money, not just financially, but for him mentally. Whenever he speaks to other Dominicans who come over here, he will tell them the same, the first step to settling is getting work and stimulating your mind, his words are 'do anything even cleaning!'
You have to be patient and not wrap Tony in cotton wool ... I know its hard, believe me, but a man needs to be a man. I used to make up things that I needed to get and he'd say let me go get it for you, I'd never ask at first but he'd always offer. Silly but it built up his confidence too, J spoke great English before he came but once here he felt shy, hearing different dialects was difficult - but now he's well adjusted. It takes time nothing happens over night but just be there for him to turn to.
Good luck with everything xxx
Very nicely stated Saskia. I guess you are saying what I wanted to convey from the very beginning; you hit the nail in the head. I like the analogy regarding not wrapping Tony in cotton wool.
These guys need a good shot of confidence for them to be able to overcome any mental obstacle they might see (or think) in front of them. They should get out there, newspaper and map in hand and start knocking on doors, whatever these doors are for a job, buy groceries or opening a bank account. Sure; show them the way, but also let them know that they can make it on their own. Build them up. Let them know what made you fell for them. Together, set small goals to achieve; this will give your men a sense of accomplishment and a feeling of security. Celebrate their daily small victories and most importantly; let them know that you are counting on them. Let them know that the 2 of you are a team with EQUAL responsibilities and EQUAL say when making decisions affecting the 2 of you.
Paz y Amor
Contasm
Give it up man .... Tony & MQ or MQ & Tony, none of our fri$$ing business. There's already one Dr. Phil, one Oprah, one Dr. Laura, .... You're only shouting into the wind ...
One Dr. Phil, one Oprah, one Dr.Laura, one shadIn Toronto come on buddy this is your specialty, you can do it but others can't.
I guess the irony is lost on you but THIS also sounds like you are talking about a pet or a child.
It is just positive, mowing forward advice, overstating equity and support issues that should exist when helping a partner during a transition process. That?s all.
(Xamaicano : don?t read too much into it, it?s just plain advice
)Ok...not that I need to explain myself...I started the blog because, as AnnaC said, some members encouraged me to...but I should have known that it would come to this, especially here on DR1...
Anyway...when I said that Tony greeted me at the door with a big wet kiss...it was just to convey the fact that I HAD NEVER had a man in my life as sweet as him, that would actually take the time to greet me at the door...Not a Chilean, not Cubans, not PuertoRicans...NONE of the other men in my life had ever done this...and I LOVE it that Tony does it EVERYTIME...there's no offense in my comment, it doesn't imply that he's my puppy, it's just a comment...
When I said 'He's in another room playing in the computer'...I meant he was learning to operate the production computers, since hopefully that is what he will be working on as soon as he has his SS card in hand...
Where do you people see so many things wrong with me keeping a blog about his adjustment to life here, it's beyond my comprehension...therefore...I have deleted all my entries and will not be 'blogging' anymore...
And about my career and my social circles accepting this relationship, they have...completely and without any kind of speculation...After all, I'm not the first nor will I be the last woman to date a younger man...It's been done in show business for the longest time...:cheeky:
Good day, y'all!!!
MQ
Anyway...when I said that Tony greeted me at the door with a big wet kiss...it was just to convey the fact that I HAD NEVER had a man in my life as sweet as him, that would actually take the time to greet me at the door...Not a Chilean, not Cubans, not PuertoRicans...NONE of the other men in my life had ever done this...and I LOVE it that Tony does it EVERYTIME...there's no offense in my comment, it doesn't imply that he's my puppy, it's just a comment...
When I said 'He's in another room playing in the computer'...I meant he was learning to operate the production computers, since hopefully that is what he will be working on as soon as he has his SS card in hand...
Where do you people see so many things wrong with me keeping a blog about his adjustment to life here, it's beyond my comprehension...therefore...I have deleted all my entries and will not be 'blogging' anymore...
And about my career and my social circles accepting this relationship, they have...completely and without any kind of speculation...After all, I'm not the first nor will I be the last woman to date a younger man...It's been done in show business for the longest time...:cheeky:
Good day, y'all!!!
MQ
I'm sorry to hear you won't be blogging I was enjoying reading it
I didn't understand what all the fuss was about your blog either?:ermm:
I didn't understand what all the fuss was about your blog either?:ermm:
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