- Thread starter frank12
- Start date
Cabarete Diaries, part 2
Chapter 423 (Dominican Redneck & Hillbilly Ways)
Man, some of the **** that goes on in this country has the power to shock the **** out of my senses. Some of the things even possesses the power to shock my strongest Dominican redneck genes.
Let me explain…
I’m a Hillbilly through and through. It’s not something I’m proud of (although sometimes it can help enormously in certain situations). It’s not something I go around bragging about (although sometimes I will show off a new velvet suit that I just made from discarded velvet curtains or paintings).
Which brings me to my point…
Have you ever noticed how Dominicans can be the most ingenious, clever, spontaneous, and intelligent people on the ****ing planet? I took Big Red’s scooter into the repair shop down the street about a year ago to get it completely disassembled and repainted, and have the oxidization and rust scraped off (the salt air on this island has the power to remove both the freckles on your face, or the chrome off your bumper if you stand in front of the ocean long enough).
Which brings me to my next point…
Big Red (she has an enormous vagina…hence, the name “Big Red”) has a beautiful, large, enormous, big red, comfortable…Yamaha scooter. She bought this scooter new in 2011 for $3,400 dollars. It’s a Yamaha Zuma 125. In South America its knows as Yamaha 125 BWS. This scooter has been amazing. I’ve driven it to Santiago (two-up) and back twice. I’ve driven it to Las Terrenas & Samana and back with Rob (I even used the Scooter to push his 950cc motorcycle to Las Terrenas after his bike broke down). I’ve driven the scooter to Santo Domingo and back. The only place I have not yet driven the scooter is to the moon and back. But that’s next on my itinerary.
About a year ago, I took the scooter to get dissembled and repainted and scrape some of the rust and oxidation off that had been accumulating on the metal parts over the years. Did I mention how terrible the salt air is here on anything metal? Whenever you live directly in front of the ocean (we’re only about 25 meters back from the ocean front & beach) the salt air has the power to disintegrate anything and everything in its path—including, but not limited to—foreskin, teeth enamel, freckles, hair, clitoris, and anything exposed for any duration longer than...i don't know, let's say...20-minutes.
The salt air is no joke. It’s not to be trifled with. You don’t want to accidentally leave anything out on the balcony for any length of time and forget about it. I once left a Barbecue grill, a small mammal—which someone referred to as a pet--and a small child out on our balcony and forgot about them. 12-hours later, the pet and small child had crystallized and turned into a Medusa looking pile of Bacaloa (Salted Cod). Both the pet and small child were eatable and tasted delicious when mixed with tomatoes, onion, and garlic…but then, what meat doesn’t taste good with these ingredients on top of them? Unfortunately, the barbecue grill had turned into a 3-foot pile of rusted metal that looked like it had been exposed to a nuclear blast.
Which brings me to my next point…
Redheads have enormous vaginas. No, wait, sorry. What i meant to say was that Dominicans have enormous senses of humor. When the Dominican Engineer’s (Roadside mechanics missing front teeth) put Big Red's Yamaha scooter back together, they noticed that the air-filter needed replaced. Instead of telling me about it (I had a new $45 dollar air-filter sitting at home), they instead ripped out the old filter and putting in its place a Scotch-guard Pot & Pan cleaner. No ****ing joke. This is no bull**** (see photos).
Yesterday when I went to put the new Yamaha air-filter inside, I just about had a ****ing heart attack when I saw what they had done. At first, I was in total shock and started to hyperventilate—which necessitated Big Red giving me a shot of epinephrine. When I came to, I become furious and went and grabbed my gun and started running out the front door. Fortunately, Big Red calmed me down. Then I started to cry when I realized what damage might have been done to the inside of the engine bay & valves had dirt or dust gotten past the scotch guard cleaning pad.
But then suddenly, it hit me…the pure, unadulterated act of genius of the entire Nigger-Rigging (Please excuse this terrible choice of words) dawned on me…what I was witnessing right here was the pure ingenuity of very poor people—missing their front teeth—who have no other choice but to utilize whatever is around them. In this case, a metal cleaning pad that would normally be used to clean pots and pans and brush your teeth with becomes an ingenious replacement for a $45 dollar Yamaha part.
The sheer act of genius is mind-boggling. It’s really the act of utilizing things laying around in order to substitute for things you lack money to pay for…like teeth.
So, my hats off to the Dominican redneck ways. I’m proud to be a part of the culture which can be as innovative as much as imaginative and creative.
Man, some of the **** that goes on in this country has the power to shock the **** out of my senses. Some of the things even possesses the power to shock my strongest Dominican redneck genes.
Let me explain…
I’m a Hillbilly through and through. It’s not something I’m proud of (although sometimes it can help enormously in certain situations). It’s not something I go around bragging about (although sometimes I will show off a new velvet suit that I just made from discarded velvet curtains or paintings).
Which brings me to my point…
Have you ever noticed how Dominicans can be the most ingenious, clever, spontaneous, and intelligent people on the ****ing planet? I took Big Red’s scooter into the repair shop down the street about a year ago to get it completely disassembled and repainted, and have the oxidization and rust scraped off (the salt air on this island has the power to remove both the freckles on your face, or the chrome off your bumper if you stand in front of the ocean long enough).
Which brings me to my next point…
Big Red (she has an enormous vagina…hence, the name “Big Red”) has a beautiful, large, enormous, big red, comfortable…Yamaha scooter. She bought this scooter new in 2011 for $3,400 dollars. It’s a Yamaha Zuma 125. In South America its knows as Yamaha 125 BWS. This scooter has been amazing. I’ve driven it to Santiago (two-up) and back twice. I’ve driven it to Las Terrenas & Samana and back with Rob (I even used the Scooter to push his 950cc motorcycle to Las Terrenas after his bike broke down). I’ve driven the scooter to Santo Domingo and back. The only place I have not yet driven the scooter is to the moon and back. But that’s next on my itinerary.
About a year ago, I took the scooter to get dissembled and repainted and scrape some of the rust and oxidation off that had been accumulating on the metal parts over the years. Did I mention how terrible the salt air is here on anything metal? Whenever you live directly in front of the ocean (we’re only about 25 meters back from the ocean front & beach) the salt air has the power to disintegrate anything and everything in its path—including, but not limited to—foreskin, teeth enamel, freckles, hair, clitoris, and anything exposed for any duration longer than...i don't know, let's say...20-minutes.
The salt air is no joke. It’s not to be trifled with. You don’t want to accidentally leave anything out on the balcony for any length of time and forget about it. I once left a Barbecue grill, a small mammal—which someone referred to as a pet--and a small child out on our balcony and forgot about them. 12-hours later, the pet and small child had crystallized and turned into a Medusa looking pile of Bacaloa (Salted Cod). Both the pet and small child were eatable and tasted delicious when mixed with tomatoes, onion, and garlic…but then, what meat doesn’t taste good with these ingredients on top of them? Unfortunately, the barbecue grill had turned into a 3-foot pile of rusted metal that looked like it had been exposed to a nuclear blast.
Which brings me to my next point…
Redheads have enormous vaginas. No, wait, sorry. What i meant to say was that Dominicans have enormous senses of humor. When the Dominican Engineer’s (Roadside mechanics missing front teeth) put Big Red's Yamaha scooter back together, they noticed that the air-filter needed replaced. Instead of telling me about it (I had a new $45 dollar air-filter sitting at home), they instead ripped out the old filter and putting in its place a Scotch-guard Pot & Pan cleaner. No ****ing joke. This is no bull**** (see photos).
Yesterday when I went to put the new Yamaha air-filter inside, I just about had a ****ing heart attack when I saw what they had done. At first, I was in total shock and started to hyperventilate—which necessitated Big Red giving me a shot of epinephrine. When I came to, I become furious and went and grabbed my gun and started running out the front door. Fortunately, Big Red calmed me down. Then I started to cry when I realized what damage might have been done to the inside of the engine bay & valves had dirt or dust gotten past the scotch guard cleaning pad.
But then suddenly, it hit me…the pure, unadulterated act of genius of the entire Nigger-Rigging (Please excuse this terrible choice of words) dawned on me…what I was witnessing right here was the pure ingenuity of very poor people—missing their front teeth—who have no other choice but to utilize whatever is around them. In this case, a metal cleaning pad that would normally be used to clean pots and pans and brush your teeth with becomes an ingenious replacement for a $45 dollar Yamaha part.
The sheer act of genius is mind-boggling. It’s really the act of utilizing things laying around in order to substitute for things you lack money to pay for…like teeth.
So, my hats off to the Dominican redneck ways. I’m proud to be a part of the culture which can be as innovative as much as imaginative and creative.
I assume you have now returned from the land of fjords and moose to the land of Dahatsus and mang?.
Shall we assume that they used a FRESH, unused Scotch guard pad? Perhaps if you soaked in motor oil it might be more effective as a filter.
Shall we assume that they used a FRESH, unused Scotch guard pad? Perhaps if you soaked in motor oil it might be more effective as a filter.
Exactly, had they soaked it some motor oil, or sprayed it with a air-filter oil, it might have done an equally as good a job as a regular air filter. but this was a very old, and used green scotch pad. I posted photos of it--and the way it sat perfectly inside the inner air-filter plastic shell--on my Facebook page. It's just too time consuming to keep uploading photos to a third party, and then transferring them here in a much reduced quality. The photos tell the whole story.
Frank
I have read about the monkey, and always thought that the legendary monkey in Frank12's life was a real monkey,a chango, an actual simian.But now I am not so sure.
Is the "monkey" a small human? My imagination requires this for maximum hilarity.
Is the "monkey" a small human? My imagination requires this for maximum hilarity.
I suspected that is was not a real simian, as Frank could not have resisted mentioning several aspects of true simians that small boys do not possess, such as incontinence, long tails and a habit of flinging poo.
I've been riding my bike back and forth to Sosua everyday, trying to get some exercise while avoiding being killed. Highway 5 is dangerous. Really dangerous. Scary dangerous.
Anyway, i've been riding every day now for 2 weeks and not only have i not lost any weight...no, that's for smart people who avoid eating sugar all day. Instead, i've gained weight. A lot of weight.
This exercise thing is bull****! Complete bull****!
[video=youtube_share;1JY5_NV9pZ0]https://youtu.be/1JY5_NV9pZ0[/video]
Anyway, i've been riding every day now for 2 weeks and not only have i not lost any weight...no, that's for smart people who avoid eating sugar all day. Instead, i've gained weight. A lot of weight.
This exercise thing is bull****! Complete bull****!
[video=youtube_share;1JY5_NV9pZ0]https://youtu.be/1JY5_NV9pZ0[/video]
if you got a mountainbike, you can take a small detour along playa encuentro. it's a nice alternative to the crazy road. you also avoid the "hill"
23km/h is not a bad average, but forget the 1200kcal burned, that's just ludicrous. I'd say (depending on training and weight) you are most likely around/below 500kcal. might have to do with the 118m elevation gain on your computer, that off by around 100m.
oh, and btw. once you start doing exercise you will gain weight at the beginning.
weight is anyhow a bad measurement, measuring your waste is a better indicator.
btw. please don't start collecting your poop and putting it on the scale, I obv meant waist