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Do Dominican women make good mothers?
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My mother had us in her early 20's and sent my brothers to live in Africa with our grandmother while I was going to a babysitter by the week (she would get me on week end), because she was in school, later going for her doctorate. As soon as she finished school, she got us all back. We have no ill feeling, quite the contrary. Thanks to her studies, she has been able to give us a very decent life. We know it wasn't easy for her to do and suffered greatly, but we realize she did it for us ultimately.
When we ask her, she says she would have waited to finish school to have children if she had to do it again. But, we grateful that she did the best she could in her situation.
When we ask her, she says she would have waited to finish school to have children if she had to do it again. But, we grateful that she did the best she could in her situation.
Aida,I understand your side.But there are many,many Dominican women that totally leave their
children to be raised by their parents.They forget about them.
I knew a lady in SD who was probably not that much over 40 who was struggling to support a houseful of children dumped on her by several of her own daughters, all of whom live overseas. From what I've seen in my husband's family, where a couple of nieces have already had children before finishing their studies and finding a stable relationship, is that the grandmothers make it too easy for them. Maybe they would have been more careful if they didn't have that easy option?
Since grandparents know that the ones who take care of them are their own children,I don't
think they will offer any resistance.They will continue to raise them.
think they will offer any resistance.They will continue to raise them.
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I know a case in which the woman left for NY after marrying an older guy. She left her kid at her sister house, and would send money to her sister for the kid's support. However, after a while, when the child's expenses where secure she started to send money to build a house, and after that, money to buy a car for the time she spends here. Then she sent money to buy another house and a better car. Then to send the kid to a good private school. Last time I knew from them, the kid was around 16 years old and her mother had been gone for 10 years, without plans to come back even though she already had two houses and enough money to survive. I've seen few children in my life who were more unhappy than that poor boy, attitude problems, bad grades, unruly, etc. Her mother is very unhappy, too, because of this, but it never comes to her mind that her comeback could make things better for both. The really bad part is that her family is very happy she "made it" in life. Some people need to learn about balance in life.
That is exactly the argument I have with my sister in-law constantly. Stop making it too easy for my niece. I took everyone to Punta Cana recently for a quick get away. My niece wanted to come so I said ok but you are going to take care of the baby (he is almost 2) not me or your mother. Interesting trip to say the least..My sister in-law had a good relaxing time, my niece well maybe now she will think twice next time she decides she is grown and wants to have sex.
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And that is commendable! But you were already in the United States, you were raised there and your kids where born there, right?
Sometimes mothers just can't bring the kids with them right away. Some mothers need to work a while before they have enough money to do all the paperwork and bring their kids over; Sometimes their status doesn't allow them to bring the kids, others wait till they're more stable and live in better conditions.
I know there are plenty of irresponsible women and I'm not trying to justifying any of that but I know many women in this situation do love their children just as you do yours and they do suffer for being away.
Agreed. But when a mother's status is "illegal" and there may never be a way for her to bring the children to live with her I question that. I question a mothers or even a fathers decision to do that. It is like living in a state of limbo, and as a child grows older they do understand that anyday mom/dad could be sent back. That is a lot of stress on a family let alone a child. I have seen this happen. Sometimes the parents needs are put ahead of the childs. It also does not set a good example for a child to think things done illegally are ok. I understand that sometimes circumstances cant prevent that but that is where a sense of responsibility needs to take over.
Yes,I understand that.But I also know many with children born in the US who send their children to
live permanently with their parents and just send funds.That's what I'm talking about,the separation
of a mother from her child,the lack of responsibility.
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My mother and father left me and my brother with our grandparents when we were 5 years old. I must admit it was hard very hard when we came back to live with our parents at 13....The same day I was in a car accident and was in a coma for months LOL. But getting back on track I never saw my mother as a mother I loved her but saw her more a friend than a mother and it was not until I was in my 30's that I was able to see her as my mother. She gave up a lot all the new toys and private schools did not make up for time lost....But I loved my mom. Maybe a study needs to be made to see how kids turn out. In my case and my brothers we did not turn out bad never any problems with drugs or anything like that. Every parent who makes that choice needs to know that there is a price to pay. Is the price worth it. My last child with my ex-wife just turned 18 so I made to decision to move to DR to be with my daughter. I can't leave them. I never want any of my kids to feel for one second that I don't want them.
Took my mother almost 30 years. But in a weird way I do understand she and my dad wanted so much more for us. But I would rather live in a box as long as I had them.
It is a mixed bag, depends on the socio-economic background and the structure that they grew up with. One generalization I will make though is.....It's great to be a boy! Mom's see no wrong in their sons for the most part (this may be somewhat cross cultural mind you) and apoyar them well into adulthood whether they are mujeriego, vago, etc. The girl on the other hand is integrated into the family workforce (sweeping, cooking, washing, etc.) at an astoundingly early age.
When my son was very small about 3 my spouse and I had to travel alot for work in the US. One time my mother in-law convinced me to leave my son with her for a couple of weeks while I went to the US to meet up with my spouse. One night I called my mother in-law to see how my son was doing ( we called 3x a day) and she was laughing saying how cute my son was sitting on the sofa all day with his little backpack waiting for me to come and get him. My mother in-law thought it was so funny. I cried myself to sleep that night. My spouse put me on a plane the next day to go get our son and I never left him again. Wasn't easy traveling with him all the time but I did it. The only time he was ever left again was if he wanted to be and that was mostly for a vacation away from us..lol
I understand your point but there are also many people who do have children and will do whatever it takes to sort their lives afterwards. It depends on the individual really.
In the same token, I have many girlfriends now, as life is increasingly difficult, who waited to have their lives sorted and then....it was too late.
Yes, some have been sensible and responsible and accidents still happen, but in most cases it's just carelessness.
By 'more-or-less sorted out' I don't mean they have to wait till they have their first million in the bank, but simply to finish their studies and have some sort of economic security - as opposed to having children without the conditions to look after them.
I also know cases like that. Not just the women who didn't find the right man in time, but several who were in long-term relationships from their early 20s. When they reached their 30s and started talking about having children, their boyfriends/husbands announced they didn't want children after all - what a nice dilemma.
I can cite numerous cases that I personally know of where the Dominicana is a wonderful mothers, and I can do the samre proving that there are many that should never have had children because they are awful mothers. What does this all prove, only that Dominican women reflect the culture that they have grown up in, like everywhere else in the world.
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