I want my own blog!!!

[contasm]

Easy

Ok...question to the experts...

I appreciate you guys reading my blog, and writing comments on it...MOST have been very good, funny and useful...but I want to know why some people read and think they have to critizice...or make non-favorable comments...especially as annonymous...

Please, if you have something to say about what I write in my own blog, which I didn't think merits any kind of criticismn, it's just an account of our day to day life, at least have the courtesy of writing your name...I don't like not knowing who has something to say about my life...be brave....and thanks for posting...

You should learn from AZB...he always tells me exactly what he thinks...and no hard feelings..

MQ & Tony

Hi MusicQueen;

No need to get so defensive about anonymous posters, I believe there are some technical difficulties when trying to login to your blog (as explained by BetyB2 and Jeanmarie).

I posted as anonymous but signed all my posts as Contasm, which is my DR1 username.

Does it merit criticism? Yes it does, once you post in a Blog, its contents become public domain, and viewers have the option to make comments. I just saw the last anonymous comment in your blog (?Feb 03. 2007 - What a man?) and indeed it might sound a little bit harsh?but it?s just a comment, whatever it?s signed or not, its meaning remains the same. I do not think anybody is hiding or not being brave by not signing the post. Remember, the internet is the great equalizer. Telling you viewers that they should learn from AZB might not be the most sensitive recommendation, knowing in fact how he feels about your relationship with Tony.

The funny thing that makes me replay to your post is that you say that you have no hard feelings regarding AZB?s comments. Who are you kidding???. I do think you felt a bit uncomfortable about AZB and his possible comments regarding Tony?s background, education etc?. It is well known AZB?s position regarding US citizens bringing Dominican man to USA. Especially those men who are not equal in education, social status, income potential, age etc?.

You are a well known radio personality in Miami, and we know it is going to be difficult for you to step out with a man who is 23 years younger than you are, from a different cultural and ethnic background etc... The battle should not be with inoffensive posters, but with your social circle, your family circle, your colleagues and Miami?s society in general. They are the ones who are going to build ?real? barriers to your relationship with Tony.

Contasm

 

[AnnaC]

Isn't great that we are sooooooooooooo perfect that we have to pass judgment on other people's lives.

MQ was encouraged by some of our members to start a blog so others could learn the adjustments it takes in making a new life in a new country not for people to pass judgment on why, who and how.


MQ you can ask Chiri, baileyboy or any other member that blogs regularly on how to delete or control the comments.

Baileyboy has a thing on hers that people writing a comment have to write the number shown before one can submit a post, not sure what that does.

 

[juanita]

I?m just curious, if he would be your ?American? husband would you be so exited about him cutting the lawn and opening the door for you. Do you expect less of him because is Dominican, I just don?t get it! I?m sure you realize that by posting your new adventure on the net not all comments will be pink colored, of course people will make nice and sometimes offensives comments, that is just normal. What does Tony think about the blog?

 

[El Tigre]

Folks.

Please lets keep this CLEAN. If you feel you want to engage on a attack with MQ take it to PM. Do not do it on this forum.

Like Anna said - we are so perfect that we have to pass judgement on other's people's lives. PLEASE. If you have something to say don't hide. Show who you are.

 

[fender]

servicio

It's great & admirable that this is being documented!
There will be invaluable insights for those interested.
keep up the great work!

 

[A.Hidalgo]

Something that I find myself doing with more frequency here in DR1, and that is wondering. In this case I wonder how Tony feels at being under the microscope. This has the feel of a psych experiment. No predictions just wondering.:cheeky:

 

[Mr_DR]

Well, Jess the problem is that Tony doesn't speak English well enough to start
'blogging' yet...but he will...

Here's the link...

Tony's first week in the US

MQ

MQ,

You may want to change your font a little. It sucks and is not inviting.

 

[contasm]

Tony has a say too

Hi MQ;

Juanita and Hidalgo bring an interesting issue to the table; what are Tony?s sentiments regarding his life been exposed to the world through the MQ?s words ?.

As I stated in her blog; Tony?s been portrayed as a little pet that needs all the help he could possible get to survive his adjustment to North American life. And the sad part is that is not only MQ, but quite a number of NA women who bring these men to the States and Canada and try to overprotect them by treating them like small children.

These are grown up men; with feelings, and a lot of pride. Do they need help to make it here ? Yes; of course they do, but please provide that help with a sense of equity and dignity. Make sure that what you post reflects what Tony would like you to say to the world; after all he?s part of your signature (MQ & Tony)

Peace and Love
Contasm

 

[Chirimoya]

I know that everyone is different, but speaking as someone who has moved countries several times, I remember feeling that it was OK to have people 'hold your hand' while showing you the ropes for the first couple of weeks or so, but after that I would start to feel frustrated and inadequate if I didn't venture out on my own and fend for myself doing everyday things like taking public transport, finding my way round, going to the shops and so on.

 

[El Tigre]

I know that everyone is different, but speaking as someone who has moved countries several times, I remember feeling that it was OK to have people 'hold your hand' while showing you the ropes for the first couple of weeks or so, but after that I would start to feel frustrated and inadequate if I didn't venture out on my own and fend for myself doing everyday things like taking public transport, finding my way round, going to the shops and so on.

Great post Chiri.

In 1996 11 people of my family obtained resident visas to come live in the US (I have a huge family). ALL AT ONCE. And they all came here on the same flight. Me being the good cousin/nephew I took a week off from work. I helped them get settled. Took them to the social security office to get registered. Showed them the neighborhood they were living in. Showed them how to ride the subway etc. I even took them sightseeing. After that I would get random calls with questions about different things. And after a month they were getting around by themselves.

So yes. You do need hand holding when you come to this country. Tony isn't any other different than any other Dominican or foreigner that comes here. For a Dominican it is a very overwhelming change. Matter of fact when I was a teenager I stayed in the DR for 6 months. When I came back to the US (after living here since a small child) it took me time to adjust.

 

[contasm]

Different views

It is interesting how different men and women approach this topic.

MEN?S VIEW

Yes, it seems like MQ is ?importing a stud? (rompecama ??) rather than inviting home the man she?s going to share the rest of her life with. I just think it?s humiliating to Tony how MQ describes their day to day life. At first glance, it sounds rosy and nice; but just reading line by line, you start to sense a Mother/Son relationship, where the son is incapable of surviving the ?shocking? and ?devastating? transplant of a Dominican man to the Latin Capital of the World (Miami)

Comments like this

?Anyway, when I got home (5 p.m.) he was again waiting for me at the door with a big wet kiss..?

describe a little dog waiting for his master.

Comments like this

We went to lunch together with some of my co-workers...I have my diet food delivered, and I made him pay for his own lunch

Describe a man used to get his meals paid for

Comments like this

I introduced Tony to some of my female co-workers...and they all came back when he wasn't here to tell me HOW CUTE he is!!! I know...I hit the jackpot!!!

Describe a woman showing up her baby son to co-workers

WOMEN?S VIEW
Tony needs all the help in the world to survive the shocking transition to a new life in Miami. He needs to be protected and sheltered; after all, he?s a Dominican man recovering from almost forced uprooting from his motherland. The ?pobrecito? guy cannot even get his favorite beer to taste the same.


CONCLUSIONS
If this relationship is to be given a chance, both parties have to treat each other with respect at an equal level. I sense that Hillbilly's Three Golden Rules are not met in this case, but this does not mean that the situation cannot be corrected. Treating Tony as an adult and giving him the chance to exercise and trust his own judgment, will give this man most of the required tools to make a successful transition from Dominican life to American life.

Tony..don?t worry about the beer or the strange latin TV shows; concentrate on the tasks at hand. Learn English, get a job and treat your loving wife as an equal partner.

Paz y Amor
Contasm

 

[xamaicano]

How about you treating Tony like an adult. Maybe he is getting what he wants. Here you are advocating for a grown man and deciding that you know what is best for him. Different side of same coin.

 

[AnnaC]

How about you treating Tony like an adult. Maybe he is getting what he wants. Here you are advocating for a grown man and deciding that you know what is best for him. Different side of same coin.

Exactly

 

[A.Hidalgo]

Great post Chiri.

In 1996 11 people of my family obtained resident visas to come live in the US (I have a huge family). ALL AT ONCE. And they all came here on the same flight. Me being the good cousin/nephew I took a week off from work. I helped them get settled. Took them to the social security office to get registered. Showed them the neighborhood they were living in. Showed them how to ride the subway etc. I even took them sightseeing. After that I would get random calls with questions about different things. And after a month they were getting around by themselves.

So yes. You do need hand holding when you come to this country. Tony isn't any other different than any other Dominican or foreigner that comes here. For a Dominican it is a very overwhelming change. Matter of fact when I was a teenager I stayed in the DR for 6 months. When I came back to the US (after living here since a small child) it took me time to adjust.

I maybe wrong put in reference to Chirimoya's post #29 I think her emphasis was on being independent sooner than later. "Holding hand" be kept at minimum.:cheeky:

 

[contasm]

How about you treating Tony like an adult. Maybe he is getting what he wants. Here you are advocating for a grown man and deciding that you know what is best for him. Different side of same coin.

Xamaicano and Anna;

We are all aware of the great number of NA women who bring Dominican men to USA and Canada with the idea of starting a life together; unfortunately, the road to ?Norh American? paradise is paved with hundreds of failed relationships between these women and these men. I would dare to guess that these relationships went the way of the dodo because most of the men did not qualify or came even close to the rigorous standards set by Hillbilly. We do not have the benefit of hearing from these men since us men; tend to ?clam down? our feelings when it comes to sharing our experiences with formers spouses/girlfriends etc?. We of course hear of the successful relationships (heck?there is even a forum in DR1 for them !!!!). We also hear of the failed ones from the women that were involved in them, but rarely do we hear from the guys when things go south.

I?m not deciding what is best for Tony, but merely advising and suggesting ways to improve a relationship that might come to an end because an overprotective partner.

Many of these guys do not have a voice, once they are ?imported? into this land. Their partners decide what is best for them and when the cultural, age and education differences come to the surface and conflicts start to undermine the relationship; they are the ones at fault.

Yes, sometime I feel like their little paladin and try to advocate for their rights. These men are not pets, or sexual objects but human beings who deserve a better image than the one being written and portrayed in many blogs.

May peace be with you.

Contasm

 

[Robert]

As Granny used to tell me...

A closed mouth catches no flies!

 

[shadInToronto]

A closed mouth catches no flies!

Which granny? :ermm:

 

[xamaicano]

I don't dare to speculate on the nature of the relationship of people I don't know but it is quite possible that the dynamic is exactly as the two individuals involved intend it to be. As I said before, the fact that you feel the need to be an advocate this man suggest a patronizing view of him that seems to be very thing that you are criticising. He is not a child, if this is the relationship he wants to have with the woman he chose then that for him decide and as an adult he should be able to deal with the consequences good or bad.

 

[Music]

I don't understand what all the fuss is about.

I agree with you well said!

I don't dare to speculate on the nature of the relationship of people I don't know but it is quite possible that the dynamic is exactly as the two individuals involved intend it to be. As I said before, the fact that you feel the need to be an advocate this man suggest a patronizing view of him that seems to be very thing that you are criticising. He is not a child, if this is the relationship he wants to have with the woman he chose then that for him decide and as an adult he should be able to deal with the consequences good or bad.

 

[contasm]

I don't understand what all the fuss is about either.

I?m just honoring Musicqueen?s request for help regarding issues brought by Tony?s arrival. Apparently some of my comments have touched sensitive areas that when exposed in some forums are immediately attacked. I understand that Musicqueen has many friends in this board and many of these friends wish for a happy life for her and Tony. She has also been very descriptive of the process they are going through while Tony adapts to life in USA.

This little window into their lives has given me an opportunity to make suggestions (as requested by MQ) that I believed are valid in order to preserve their relationship. Some poster might not like what I have to say, or agree with some of the latitude I have taken to make my points clearer. I hope Tony starts posting soon and let us know his side of the story. It might just be ?Tony & MQ? this time.

Paz y Harmonia

Contasm