Miguel's "Golden Rules" If Looking For A Good Dominican Man

[M.A.R.]

Sera que mas se apretaban ustedes el cinturon mas se lo quitaba el cuando estaba visitando ''relatives'' ??

EXACTAMENTE Senor o Senora. Le llaman el baja panty.

I think that as people get older, especially in western countries, the baggage they carry from previous relationships begins to weight them down and they react by becoming more self-centered, selfish and more me-oriented.

Berzin
Berzin I dont agree that the baggage starts to weight down, I think since we have been there done that, certain needs have been satisfied and now we are ready for different ways of relating to people, and I personally love the person I'm becoming after experiencing the ups and downs of these relationships, I keep learning.

 

[Berzin]

Berzin
Berzin I dont agree that the baggage starts to weight down, I think since we have been there done that, certain needs have been satisfied and now we are ready for different ways of relating to people, and I personally love the person I'm becoming after experiencing the ups and downs of these relationships, I keep learning.

You don't agree because you are internalizing the statement and applying it only to yourself.

I believe this is true of many people I meet, especially older ones who've had long-term relationships end and find themselves in their mid-late 40s by themselves. They walk around like wounded ducks shot out of the sky trying to get back in the air.

I'm even beginning to hear things from people my age and younger who have issues letting go. The other night I went out with a girl and she asked me where I was from. When I told her, the first thing she said was "Oh, I've dated two puerto-ricans recently and they both broke my heart. I guess I'm a glutton for punishment".

Was that her ice-breaker? For a moment I thought she was joking around but she wasn't. And when she tried to go on about this, I told her to stop and she accused me of not wanting to get to know her.

This is bad enough to hear from some bitter, middle-aged divorcee who has lost their joy to live, but hearing it from someone younger than me is just hopeless. Thank God for Sosua...LOL!!!

 

[miguel]

La mejor......

darn it!!! this is exactly what I want....after being in a few serious relationships I 've realized that I don't want to have a man 24/7 around.
I also need my space, and don't want to have to cook every darn day, and that's what many Dominican men want, at least most of the ones I know, rice and beans every fricking day. I am very understanding, respectful and fun and love going out but also loyal and not jealous but also want the same things from my partner.



this is difficult to do especially with the tourists who visit the DR, they only go there for a few days or weeks and meet people and feel, after having gallons of beer and delicious suntans, that they are in love. This is where taking your time comes in handy but a long distance relationship does not make this easy.

arrrghghgh gre:I hated when my ex used to tell me "tenemos que apretarnos el cinturon", we have to tighten our belts, arghghg but in the meantime he would go back to his country a few times a year to visit "relatives" , jerk!!!

Trust me MAR, these are the best relationships in the WORLD!!.

Granted, your partner needs to have the same opinion/belief as you.

BUUUT, there are times when the other person, even after having the same opinion/belief as you at the beginning, starts changing his/her mind and starts demanding and getting all worked-out-of shape. This happens A LOT!.

Then, is up to the other person to make a decision, whether the other is the greatest "thing" God created or not, he/she needs to be let go.

About the tourists you mentioned, WELLLLLLLLLLLL:

Why do you think I keep on saying, FOR YEEEEEEARS, that AFTER SOME of them meet a Dominican, that they sound like little kids left alone in a grocery store?.

At times, they sound as if this is the first time they have been in "love".

I do disagree with you on something:

Marrying up or down has NOTHING to do with age or how many relationships a person have had.

Now, about your ex, WELLLLLLL, let me tell you that I when MOST men say:

"Tenemos que apretarnos el cinturon" (We need to tighten our seat belts), all they are saying is:

"YOU need to save and stop spending on crap. ME, on the other hand, WILL do whatever I want with the money".

If I had a penny for every time I have heard a man say that, Bill Gates would be my butler!. Wahahahahaha!!.

I don't know if your ex was Dominican or not BUUUUUUT:

I am YET to know (or know of) a married Dominican who goes to the DR by himself and doesn't have someone else over there.

But, it's also fair to say I do NOT know every single Dominican living abroad and I am pretty sure SOME don't cheat on their wives.

Btw: This is NOTHING new.

Shyt, even my friend's father, who is about 80, have a "young thing" waiting for him over there.

The stories are endless!!.

 

[margaret]

I understand you perfectly my friend. In case some people didn't get what you were talking about. here is my translation of what you wrote above. You see, I understand my buddy so well, I actually read between the lines, before he even finished the sentence.
here what he is really trying to say to us.


Mostly in riker's island prison, so please don't confuse the islands.



I stopped shaving and stopped taking showers about 3 yrs ago.



Only when effects of viagra kick in.


I punched a hole in it by mistake last night. All the air is out. Is there a Gomero in Pennsylvania who could patch it up?



Thats why now I pay them after not before.
AZB

You're SO funny sometimes! Never mind the gay fest, Miguel could be your straight man and you could do stand-up together.

 

[miguel]

Claaro que si......

Miguel,

I will play devils' advocate here and say that almost every single relationship I have heard of involving a dominican and a tourist, the tourist was marrying down-way down. But the reverse can also be said of the dominicans. Heres' why.

Many tourists(and this is caused to some extent by where they go in the DR) get a serious head rush when they walk by/into a hooker bar and all the chicas' heads spin. They like that rock star treatment and become intoxicated by it.

Just like tourists who go to AIs and have all these handsome men swooning all over them. It makes them forget that because of their looks, lack of fitness, age, style of dress, personal hygeine, etc. they cannot find someone where they live.

I have seen it with my own eyes how this attention goes to their heads and they lose touch with reality.

This is what I would say to anyone who thinks their DR mate is being sincere-

Go to Santiago and try approaching someone similar in looks but go to a bar/disco where there are no hookers/sankies. Then try to chat that person up and see what response you get. It will bring you right back down to earth quickly.

Fist of all, when you walk into the place no one will look at you. These people are too busy talking to their friends. You are nothing special because these folks HAVE money and status. Who the hell are you to them? You are nobody.

But for quite a few dominicans they could also be seen as marrying down because their foreign mates are trash in every sense of the word. There are quite a few tourists out there who have nothing going for them except money. And that can only buy you a like-minded mate.

Berzin:

I guess you and I are the same "devil" because that's the same way I see "things" when if comes to a tourist and a Dominican. (Although I know a one or two Dominicans who have married down or even).

AZB:

Go to your mirror and say to yourself in Pakistani: "AZB is my name and I have no game.....Except when I take 5 Lapelas". Wahahahaha!!.

 

[miguel]

No tan rapido.....

1- I think that as people get older, especially in western countries, the baggage they carry from previous relationships begins to weight them down and they react by becoming more self-centered, selfish and more me-oriented.

2- You can build a healthy relationship with someone without having to be in each others face all the time or sharing the same bed every single night(especially if you're angry at each other) or falling into some traditional roles that can become constrictive over time. Why spend time building up all that resentment to the opposite sex?

3- I have friends from high school and college that were never close to their parents. I had one ex-girlfriend whose parents would send her to music camp for the whole summer just to get her out of the house. And this started when she was eight years old.

4- I think about this whenever I go into Manhattan and see west indian nannies taking care of young white children and old white people. It is ironic that the same parents who outsource their parenting duties to third world countries also wind up being alone in their old age, with the children long gone and not wanting to bother with parents they never felt close to in the first place.

5- There has to be something said for building some bonds that last a lifetime. I just don't see my generation being capable of connecting in any relationship that does not have a prearranged expiration date.

6- By the way Miguel, I'm not talking about you or anyone else in particular-I'm just going with the flow of the thread with my own thoughts on it.

Berzin, I took the liberty to put numbers on each of your paragraphs so I can put my cents and make it easier for others to understand what I am talking about.

1- Although I am an old man, I can honestly tell you that I carry no baggage when I start a new relationship. I don't make others pay for things done to me on previous relationships nor do I start a new relationship with my guard up. Taking my time to get to know the person is what saves me from making decisions that will end up hurting me or her. (Btw, I was a young lad when I found out these type of relationships were for me).

2- Agreed.

3- So do I. And SOME of them do NOT know how to love. SOME don't even know when they are loved because their parents never gave them love and affections.

4-Indeed. Karma is a bit*&, like they say.

5- They are capable. It just that SOME go at it the wrong way. One of the reason this generation's relationships fail is because when they meet someone, they go at it "in a hurry". They take no time to get to know the person. They are in a hurry to take the relationship to the next level and then, when "all is good in bed", they think that that's ALLLL you need to have a successful and lasting relationship. FAT CHANCE!!.

Then they wonder why the divorce rate is about 52%.

6- I know.

Berzin:

Life is not as difficult as MANY think or want us to believe.

Life is only difficult when the person makes it that way.

 

[Berzin]

5- They are capable. It just that SOME go at it the wrong way. One of the reason this generation's relationships fail is because when they meet someone, they go at it "in a hurry". They take no time to get to know the person. They are in a hurry to take the relationship to the next level and then, when "all is good in bed", they think that that's ALLLL you need to have a successful and lasting relationship. FAT CHANCE!!.

Then they wonder why the divorce rate is about 52%.

I agree 100%, but let me add something from my experiences-

One of the things I've noticed is that(and I'm talking about MY dating peer group here in NYC) is that-

1) The guys all want to be "pimps" or "players" and...

2) The girls, especially the really pretty ones that get attention wherever they go and get hit on all the time when they go out, think that guys are disposable.

#1 I feel stems from guys watching too many rap videos and desiring to emulate some clown wearing tacky jewelery who has all these beautiful girls around him. They also learn that it is OK to treat women like they are all money-grubbing hoochies, making for some seriously disfunctional relationships.

#2 Comes from these girls getting way too much attention from guys and it just goes to their heads. Since they get so much attention to them one guy is just like the next, and there exists a sense of entitlement that some guy is going to treat them like a princess regardless of the fact that they may be vain, insecure, spoiled and not capable of reciprocating genuine love when its' given to them.

My two cheles.

 

[MaineGirl]

One of the reason this generation's relationships fail is because when they meet someone, they go at it "in a hurry". They take no time to get to know the person. They are in a hurry to take the relationship to the next level and then, when "all is good in bed", they think that that's ALLLL you need to have a successful and lasting relationship. FAT CHANCE!!.

Then they wonder why the divorce rate is about 52%.

Life is not as difficult as MANY think or want us to believe.

Life is only difficult when the person makes it that way.

True! So very true!

I am single and 30 and have almost been married twice, and did get divorced once! Holy crap!

Thankfully we "only repeat the lessons we did not learn" and my whole take on love now is TAKE IT SLOW!!!

Sorry, I have not read through everyone's posts, just saw this reply in my email and wanted to respond.

 

[miguel]

Algunos.....

I agree 100%, but let me add something from my experiences-

One of the things I've noticed is that(and I'm talking about MY dating peer group here in NYC) is that-

1) The guys all want to be "pimps" or "players" and...

2) The girls, especially the really pretty ones that get attention wherever they go and get hit on all the time when they go out, think that guys are disposable.

#1 I feel stems from guys watching too many rap videos and desiring to emulate some clown wearing tacky jewelery who has all these beautiful girls around him. They also learn that it is OK to treat women like they are all money-grubbing hoochies, making for some seriously disfunctional relationships.

#2 Comes from these girls getting way too much attention from guys and it just goes to their heads. Since they get so much attention to them one guy is just like the next, and there exists a sense of entitlement that some guy is going to treat them like a princess regardless of the fact that they may be vain, insecure, spoiled and not capable of reciprocating genuine love when its' given to them.

My two cheles.

Guys wanting to be "pimps" or "players" is nothing new.

I think it's a "must" while "growing up". Granted, many change when they get older, but many do NOT. I did.

Also, nothing new about pretty girls seeing guys as "disposable beings/things". SOME know how to play their cards right.

The thing with those "pretty things" is that when they meet someone like me (the old me), they don't know what hit them!. All of a sudden, they start acting like a "chicken with it's head cut off" asking themselves: "oooh but what happened, how come my prettiness didn't work with him?".

Actually, the "pretty ones" are the easiest ones to "conquer". You just have to know to hit them were it hurts: THEIR PRIDE!!.

Berzin, those who like the "jewelry clowns" are more interested in him because they think he is different.

MOST associate "different" with being a "bad boy" and the reality is that SOME of them wouldn't know what a "bad boy" is even if he slaps her on her face!.

Trust me, girls sense when they are wanted/desired. They can smell it from 10 miles away. They know that as long as there are guys hitting on them, that they can get whomever they want. They know that for every "pretty face", there are hundreds of desperate guys hoping/wishing/wanting/salivating to be with her.

When you make them aware you are IGNORING her, that's when they think their worlds is coming to an end!.

Works ALLLLLLL the time!!.

 

[miguel]

Cojelo suave....

True! So very true!

I am single and 30 and have almost been married twice, and did get divorced once! Holy crap!

Thankfully we "only repeat the lessons we did not learn" and my whole take on love now is TAKE IT SLOW!!!

Sorry, I have not read through everyone's posts, just saw this reply in my email and wanted to respond.

Can you imagine if you had thought with your heart?, you would've been married 3 TIMES by the tender age of 30!!.

Indeed, we "only repeat the lessons we did not learn" (Nicely said), but as humans, sometimes even if we learn our lessons, loneliness and the desire to feel wanted make us blind and those lessons we learned take a back seat.

I am at a position right now where I would NOT change lives with the happiest person alive, if he is married!!!!.

NOTHING better than being happy for the right reasons.

Nothing wrong with NOT only being happy with a woman, but with life in general.

When we are ONLY happy because of the person with are with, when that person is not with us anymore, we feel like our lives have no meaning. BUUUUT:

When you are happy with that person and LIFE also, when that person is NOT with us anymore, we STILL have "LIFE" to be happy about.

And for that reason MANY of us can bounce back, RATHER QUICKLY, when the "human factor" is NOT with us anymore.

NOT because we didn't care about the person, but because we also cared about "LIFE" and "LIFE" is still there for us to live and love.

MaineGirl:

Honestly, IN MY OPINION: many can only wish to be in the position you are at right now.

A position to let your brain do the talking for you.

To pick whomever you want to date and to dump them if they are NOT what makes YOU happy.

Nothing wrong with taking things slow.

When doing so is when you can see all those red flags trying to go over your head!!.

 

[chrissy]

I wish I had read this 11 years ago when I met my husband mabe it would not have been such a huge shock to my system when I found out he was cheating on me.He says it is all over but whatever.We broke up for a little while we got back together.I dont even know why I am posting this.This has been the most painful devistating year of my life.I guess I just want to say to all the women out there who read this,dominican or american be careful I have had my heart ripped out by both.Miguel knows what he is talking about.I hope any women who decides they want to be with a dominican guy reads this so they know exactly what they are getting into.

 

[miguel]

Dejame decirte......

I wish I had read this 11 years ago when I met my husband mabe it would not have been such a huge shock to my system when I found out he was cheating on me.He says it is all over but whatever.We broke up for a little while we got back together.I dont even know why I am posting this.This has been the most painful devistating year of my life.I guess I just want to say to all the women out there who read this,dominican or american be careful I have had my heart ripped out by both.Miguel knows what he is talking about.I hope any women who decides they want to be with a dominican guy reads this so they know exactly what they are getting into.

You do realize that by the time you caught him cheating, that maybe, just maybe, he did it a bunch of times, right?.

Well, you took him back and knowing how SOME of us guys are when we are forgiven......JUST keep your eyes wide open and DO NOT let him go on vacation by himself!!.

 

[Berzin]

She had her poor little heart ripped out...but took him back when what she should of done was left him.

So the warning here is "Don't take the cheater back and then automatically assume that all men are the same".

 

[paquetulosepas]

man, this is soem gooood advice...i wish i knew dis before...haha..doesnt everyone...?

 

[miguel]

Otra victima?.....

man, this is soem gooood advice...i wish i knew dis before...haha..doesnt everyone...?

Let me guess, did a Dominican guy "victimized" you?.

(If you are going to answer, PLEASE write your answer in a way we can understand. If you can NOT, keep it to yourself).

 

[Sadams]

Barrio

Can someone please tell me. What is actually a Barrio? Is it the city that someone lives in? I mean what is the difference between living say, in Santiago and living in the Barrio?

 

[2LeftFeet]

Barrios are usually where the poorer people live. It's an area/neighborhood in a city.

 

[Sadams]

what % of dominican people live in barrios

thank you 2left feet, but wouldn't 85 to 90 % of the people live in barrios then?

 

[chrissy]

You do realize that by the time you caught him cheating, that maybe, just maybe, he did it a bunch of times, right?.

Well, you took him back and knowing how SOME of us guys are when we are forgiven......JUST keep your eyes wide open and DO NOT let him go on vacation by himself!!.

Thanks for the advise.I know I was stupid to trust him in the first place.I dont trust him at all now and he has the nerve to get ****ed at me about it.He claims that was the only time he has ever cheated on me.So I am just stupid if I believe that.I just dont even care anymore.I just cant believe after all the crap I went threw to be with him and to bring him here he could do something like that.The other thing that he says all the time is that he is latino.That means you never have to apologize or admit any wrong doing.