I find it ironic that the colors red, white and blue stand for freedom, until they’re flashing behind you.!
Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.
I changed my password to “incorrect” so whenever I forget it the computer will say,
“Your password is incorrect.”
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
I’m great at multi-tasking--- I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once. Hmm
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
Never tell your problems to anyone, because 20 % don’t care and the other 80 % are glad you have them.
Doesn’t expecting the unexpected mean that the unexpected is actually expected???
Take my advice – I’m not using it.
I hate when people use big words just to makes themselves sound perspicacious.
Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they’re at home when you wish they were.
Television may insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
I bought a vacuum cleaner six months ago and so far all it’s been doing is gathering dust.
Every time someone comes up with a foolproof solution, along comes a
more-talented fool.
I’ll bet you $4,567 you can’t guess how much I owe
If you keep your feet firmly planted on the ground, you’ll have trouble putting
on your pants.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
My wife got 8 out of 10 on her driver’s test – the other two guys managed
to jump out of her way...:/)
There may be no excuse for laziness, but I’m still looking.
Give me ambiguity or give me ... Well... something else.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?
Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the
do-it-yourself
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you
don’t have to mow it.
I like long walks, especially when they’re taken by people who annoy me.!!!
I was going to wear my camouflage shirt today, but I couldn’t find it.
If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is obviously not for you
If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup a smoothie?
Money is the root of all wealth.... And evil.?!!
No matter how hard you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery...
And in memory -
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.
~ Prince Philip
Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.
I changed my password to “incorrect” so whenever I forget it the computer will say,
“Your password is incorrect.”
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
I’m great at multi-tasking--- I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once. Hmm
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
Never tell your problems to anyone, because 20 % don’t care and the other 80 % are glad you have them.
Doesn’t expecting the unexpected mean that the unexpected is actually expected???
Take my advice – I’m not using it.
I hate when people use big words just to makes themselves sound perspicacious.
Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they’re at home when you wish they were.
Television may insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
I bought a vacuum cleaner six months ago and so far all it’s been doing is gathering dust.
Every time someone comes up with a foolproof solution, along comes a
more-talented fool.
I’ll bet you $4,567 you can’t guess how much I owe
If you keep your feet firmly planted on the ground, you’ll have trouble putting
on your pants.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
My wife got 8 out of 10 on her driver’s test – the other two guys managed
to jump out of her way...:/)
There may be no excuse for laziness, but I’m still looking.
Give me ambiguity or give me ... Well... something else.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?
Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the
do-it-yourself
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you
don’t have to mow it.
I like long walks, especially when they’re taken by people who annoy me.!!!
I was going to wear my camouflage shirt today, but I couldn’t find it.
If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is obviously not for you
If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup a smoothie?
Money is the root of all wealth.... And evil.?!!
No matter how hard you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery...
And in memory -
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.
~ Prince Philip
