Try to convince me that what I'm doing is wrong...

M

Mercy

Guest
Re: Try to convince me that what I'm doing is wron

I think that if you talk it over with your family, they might give you a brake. Just take your relationship in the other side of the sea with calm. Most of all, use your head, and help your mind govern your heart. Your future wife, whoever she might be, would want to have a good relationship with your parents.
I'm a dominican married to a wonderful U.S. gentleman and his family have giving our relationship a lot of spice. We are all happy. His parents have been like my own parents to me. But their son and I were long time friends before we begun to date.
I wish you luck.

Sincerely,

Mercy
 
A

Amy

Guest
Re: Let me explain a little more...

Justin, I've been dealing with the same issues for over 2 years now. Unfortunately, my friends & family have a lot to use against me. I was going through a divorce when I met my Dominican boyfriend, so they tell me it was a rebound thing & because of religious beliefs, tell me it is not morally or spiritually in my best interest to be dating anyone. They are all genuinely concerned for me & have my best interest at heart, as I am sure your friends & family do as well. This makes things even harder to deal with! After I had been living in the DR for about a year, my family started to relax just a bit, but not much. My boyfriend was wonderful to me. He wanted to be with me every minute & seemed to think that I hung the moon & told the stars to shine! It was incredible! He never gave me reason to doubt him & we were very happy together. But then, I found out that he had been cheating on me with a co-worker. I left him & moved back to the US for 2 months. He called me every day, & because I love him so much, I decided to give him another chance. We've been together again for about 7 months. Things are pretty good, but it will never be the same & now my friends & family will NEVER accept our relationship. Dominicans are very enchanting & that can be dangerous to those of us who find ourselves in love with one of them. Their culture & their view on life & love is different from ours. I believe this is what draws us to them, as well as leaving us terribly frustrated with them. I feel for you & wish you the best; whatever your decision may be. If you, or any others, would like to e-mail me, please do!
 
A

Andrea

Guest
Re: Doreen

Hi Doreen - I was interested in seeing your boyfriend was able to visit you in Germany. How difficult a process was this and how long did it take him to get a visa. I would appreciate any info you can give me, advice, tips etc. What kind of work does your boyfriend do in the DR and did this make a difference for him getting visa. I look forward to hearing from you.
 
E

ECH, M.D.

Guest
Re: Try to convince me that what I'm doing is wron

Justin, if you will allow me to quote the great VOLTAIRE...

"It's my Life,
I live it,
Criticism be Damned!"

Too often people live their lives wondering what other people think of them and their actions. Live your life the best way you know how and try to be happy. That is the important thing, be happy. If this woman makes you happy...what else needs to be said.

And, while I am on my soap box....

HOW EASY IT IS TO POINT OUT WHAT IS WRONG WITH A LIFE YOU DON?T HAVE TO LIVE YOURSELF.

APHORISM
AUSTRALIAN BUSHMAN

BEST WISHES....I AM SURE YOU WILL MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION FOR YOU!
 
D

Doreen

Guest
Re: Andrea

Andrea - are you German?
It was actually very easy for my boyfriend to get the Tourist-Visa. I sent him the invitation from the oficina de extranjeros (Ausl?nderbeh?rde, dont know what is that in English). He needed a letter from his employer with the exact date of his vacation, how long he is working there already and how much he earns. Then he needed a letter from his bank to review his savings over the last 6 month and his passport. With all this documents he went to the embassy and they told him the same day that he will get the Visa and that he needs to come back with the ticket and the medical insurance. Two weeks later he was here.

About his job. He is working as a decorator in a hotel. I dont think it matters which job he has, important is, that he has a job at all.

Why dont you email me to my adress above. Then I can give you some more advices.
Doreen
 
P

Phyllis

Guest
However...

... I'm curious here, please this is not a joke and I would appreciate honest advise based on fact. What happens when an American, Canadian or whomever marries a Dominican person; brings them to their country and after two years they separate? Is it true there is large financial burden on the one with the money, etc?
 
T

Tom

Guest
Re: You are correct

I believe we agree on most issues relating to the dominican republic, it's our presentation that differs

tom
 
J

Jodi

Guest
Re: However...

In Ontario (and I think the rest of Canada excluding Quebec) the Canadian sponsor is responsible for the immigrant spouse for 10 years regardless of whether or not the marriage disolves. For example...if your ex-spouse collects welfare, you will be required to pay it back. It's different in Quebec...Katia can probably fill you in....

Jodi
 
P

Phyllis

Guest
Re: However...

How can an ex-spouse collect welfare, doesn't the system know not to give him/her money when supposedly someone else is responsible? Are you 100% about paying it back? Now I'm real curious, thanks!
 
K

katia

Guest
Re: However...

Jodi, you are correct. Here in Quebec, the canadian spouse is responsible for the dominican spouse for a period of 3 years. In other words, if he was to collect welfare, the government would claim it from me.

As for Justin, I know how you are feeling and what you're going through. I'm going through it right now with my dad. At first, my entire family and some of my friends were skeptical about the whole situation. Now, they have calmed down and are really looking forward to meeting my husband. However, my dad is another story. We weren't talking at all for about 6 months after we were married and we had a really nice conversation about it last August but now, it seems that since my husband will be here in Canada in a month or so, my dad is having such a hard time with it.

My father is very traditional and fears what other people will think. What will people think when they see my daughther married to a black man ? Who cares ?! I'm happy that's what counts. Plus our kids will be the most gorgeous on hearth.

Just live your life for youself. Your parents and friends are living theirs and they never asked for your opinion. Follow your heart and dreams and if it doesn't work out for whatever reason, at least you will have enjoyed it.

If you want to discuss it more, email me.

Katia
 
S

Sarah

Guest
Re: Try to convince me that what I'm doing is wron

Justin,

Here's a suggestion: Make a list of the positives and negatives surrounding this situation. What will you loose and/or gain by going ahead with whatever plans you have in mind? Life is a gamble no matter which path you take. Your personal happiness has to be at the forefront. Those who don't understand that are probably pretty miserable themselves and have no business advising others. You are wise to examine all of the possible pros and cons. I would recommend you spending an extended period time living in the DR. And at some point you may want to bring her here. But by living there for awhile you can get a good idea of what she's like on a day to day basis, and be more assured if she or her family is trying to take advantage of you in some manner or if this is true love. Invite some of your family and friends to go down with you to meet her. Let them get to know her. I'll bet that will sway them!

Best wishes to you & your girl, Sarah
 
D

Duck

Guest
AMEN Sarah!

I didn't want to have a "DC," so I just want to affirm -try this.

Its easier for you to try out the DR for a time, than for you to move her to USA.

Did you think about that Santiago "thing?"
 
M

Mercedes

Guest
Re: However...

That's exactly how my father felt about my younger sister marrying a black man, even though we were all from the same culture. My ancestrers kept marrying cousines and so on in order not to tint the color of the skin in our family, nevertheless, my sister changed my family's tradition when she married. The man turned out to be the kindest person with the cleanest heart.
With that, my dad decided that in matters of the heart outsiders opinions should not count since you know what is best for you and yourself.

Mercedes.
 
R

rabble rouser

Guest
Re: You are correct

c'mon tom, cut phyllis some slack.

my guess from her ip address is that it is my tax dollars paying for the internet access and her wages while she posts here, so i for one applaud her brevity. (if i'm wrong phyllis, please accept my humble apology.)
 
J

Justin

Guest
Now I'm really thinking...(very long)

First of all, thanks to everyone who has been responding. You people have been very helpful. I have gotten so used to people just telling me that I'm crazy and now all of you are showing such sincere concern. I'm really amazed and appreciative!

For those of you who are still interested my situation, and would like to give more input, here are a few more details about it. My family was with me on my first trip when I met Jenny. They met her and like her, and don't blame me for liking her back. I believe my dad is influenced by my mom's opinion, but I think that deep down, he would probably like to see me with Jenny. My mom's opinion is pretty strongly against me being with Jenny. Not because she doesn't like Jenny, but because of a lot of other reasons that she can't very well justify. I have a very hard time valuing my mom's opinion, because when I look at her life, she doesn't seem to be very happy. She's never taken a risk in her life. She has always been the responsible person. I am all for being responsible, which makes me believe even more that I should be with Jenny. I am happy being with Jenny. Seems to me that it would be irresponsible to let go of someone that makes you happy. I have talked with many people about Jenny, including her close friends and co-workers. Everyone I've talked to absolutely loves this girl, but more importantly, I love her. Now some people believe that you can't really be sure about how sincere a person is, or how they really feel. I agree. You can't really be sure, but you have to follow your instinct. My opinion, from a very biased point of view, is that Jenny sincerely cares about me and loves me. I realize that I am in a pretty vulnerable position. I also realize the risk factor in the case that I am wrong about all of this. I'm willing to take the risk. The benefits of things going the way I hope outweigh the consequences of things going wrong. It's worth the risk to me.

Okay, I've only known this girl for 4 months. What am I crazy? How can I be this serious already? Honestly, I don't have an answer that would satisfy anyone. I just have an extremely good feeling that things are going to work out with her. I'm not making any life changing decisions. I haven't started planning to marry her. I have only considered spending more time in the DR.

Duck, tell me more about this Santiago idea of yours. Anyone else who has ideas of what my next step should be, please let me know. I have some questions about studying in the DR, and about some of the universities. Please help me if you know much about this stuff. Thanks again to everyone! I am very grateful!

-Justin
 
B

bagamunda

Guest
Re: For Deb

Hey Deb, ya it's difficult but patience is the key here and I am not giving up and neither is my husband, but we know that any day now things will be happening.
 
M

Maria

Guest
Re: Now I'm really thinking...(very long)

Justin before you make such a big move like that and want to study in a college in the Dominican Republic you better think about it. The people in the DR are coiming to the states to study there is a better education here thats why they come here to study.If its only 4 months that you know her try going down and spend a summer with her and see if it will work out most people from there just want to marry get there green card and move on with there own kind don't get me wrong not all of them just be careful think before you act and I am sure thats what your mom is saying and maybe there is a reason maybe something you didn't see just what ever choice you make think before cause kids are what gives them the power to get your MONEY
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top Bottom