If you know he's wrong in calling your girl a hooker, you dismiss it & laugh it off. If you have a tinge of doubt, you fight................there IS an ignore button btw.
- Thread starter sfbut
- Start date
Want to live in Paradise
we are all different people i have a lot of feelings for this girl so i cant just laugh it off but i guess i know where you are comming from but dont look at me like i am this troublemaker wanting to make trouble because i am not, i just stick up for myself and if you are a half decent person you will respect that because its a good trait to have.
But how you display sticking up for yourself in the DR can be the difference between being 18 & being 68. Really.
Sorry, Chiri, hadn't seen your post when I posted this. Do delete if you feel appropriate.
Sorry, Chiri, hadn't seen your post when I posted this. Do delete if you feel appropriate.
Jake,
People who have posted here as much as HB are allowed to say anything they like.
Newbies are not.
This feels unfair?
This is a perfect analogy of life in the Dominican Republic.
Remember this is not a democracy. You have no rights. The people who run the show in the background dictate what you can and cannot say and do. It is privately owned and privately administered. Whatever they want to do to you, they will do to you at their whim.
You have no say, no right of redress or protection from this.
You better not **** off the friends of the boss - or even the friends of the friends of the boss.
If you can thrive in this environment you will do well here.
In the Dominican Republic and on this message board.
People who have posted here as much as HB are allowed to say anything they like.
Newbies are not.
This feels unfair?
This is a perfect analogy of life in the Dominican Republic.
Remember this is not a democracy. You have no rights. The people who run the show in the background dictate what you can and cannot say and do. It is privately owned and privately administered. Whatever they want to do to you, they will do to you at their whim.
You have no say, no right of redress or protection from this.
You better not **** off the friends of the boss - or even the friends of the friends of the boss.
If you can thrive in this environment you will do well here.
In the Dominican Republic and on this message board.
Jake, in most cases, one's first reflex is seldom the best course of action.
While your inherent loyalty is commendable, it would probably be a good idea to refine the way you respond to constructive criticism. A good sense of humor, and the ability to take yourself a little less seriously would be a great benefit to you.
There is a time to engage in a war of words, and there is a time to think things through. I do believe that this is a time for you to take a step back and think things through.
HB has been living here for a good long time, and he has a treasure chest full of information and good advice. If you could step back from your knee-jerk emotional reaction, and really listen to what he said, you might actually learn something.
Sorry, Chiri. I'm done now.
While your inherent loyalty is commendable, it would probably be a good idea to refine the way you respond to constructive criticism. A good sense of humor, and the ability to take yourself a little less seriously would be a great benefit to you.
There is a time to engage in a war of words, and there is a time to think things through. I do believe that this is a time for you to take a step back and think things through.
HB has been living here for a good long time, and he has a treasure chest full of information and good advice. If you could step back from your knee-jerk emotional reaction, and really listen to what he said, you might actually learn something.
Sorry, Chiri. I'm done now.
Back to the Premise
Well sfbut,
Like you, I do not live in DR yet, but I have made the requisite visits, I have learned through mostly sober eyes a few things that you need to be very mindful of:
1) Life in DR is raw. It's real, raw, and candid.
2) Your list of those you can trust in the DR should be among the shortest lists you keep until you are able to observe your "friend's" daily activities. Not all appears as it seems, and not all people appear as they seem. If you have more than one or two trusted advisors as to how to live life in the DR you have too many. Money is never a source of discussion, even with your trusted advisors. Not yet, not now, maybe never.
3) Some of your best anonymous advice will come from here, and it comes in the form of unsolicited posts that may be related to the area where you want to live.
4) The expat community is not as large as you may think. Neither is the local community where you may be living. Words here and actions on the ground can have consequences. Keep everyone as friends, but keep an arm's distance until you fully understand what is happening around you.
Well sfbut,
Like you, I do not live in DR yet, but I have made the requisite visits, I have learned through mostly sober eyes a few things that you need to be very mindful of:
1) Life in DR is raw. It's real, raw, and candid.
2) Your list of those you can trust in the DR should be among the shortest lists you keep until you are able to observe your "friend's" daily activities. Not all appears as it seems, and not all people appear as they seem. If you have more than one or two trusted advisors as to how to live life in the DR you have too many. Money is never a source of discussion, even with your trusted advisors. Not yet, not now, maybe never.
3) Some of your best anonymous advice will come from here, and it comes in the form of unsolicited posts that may be related to the area where you want to live.
4) The expat community is not as large as you may think. Neither is the local community where you may be living. Words here and actions on the ground can have consequences. Keep everyone as friends, but keep an arm's distance until you fully understand what is happening around you.
With all due respect to my friend HB, Dominicans do have a penchant for light skin. I have witnessed this personally from watching family, friends and acquaintances and it is also evident in the popular culture such as music and advertisement (ever seen an ad with a black person - not). Oddly enough, this still doesn't seem to prevent Dominicans from marrying even someone darker than them, but there is definitely a favortism given to white skin.
Also, young girl here from lesser economic means often marry "up" - such as marrying an significantly older Dominican who has a stable income and hopefully won't play around on her. Therefore, I'm sure this is what makes foreigners attractive to many of them as well.
All that being said if the antagonist in question (not HB of course) met his gf in the coastal, ie tourist, areas, there is a highly likely chance that it is simply a matimonio de negocio, at least on the chicas part. Sorry but true.
Also, young girl here from lesser economic means often marry "up" - such as marrying an significantly older Dominican who has a stable income and hopefully won't play around on her. Therefore, I'm sure this is what makes foreigners attractive to many of them as well.
All that being said if the antagonist in question (not HB of course) met his gf in the coastal, ie tourist, areas, there is a highly likely chance that it is simply a matimonio de negocio, at least on the chicas part. Sorry but true.
With all due respect, life here in Santiago and many other areas is calm and safe. If you want real, raw and candid, move to Miami or Detroit or Sao Paolo.
An over exaggeration to say the least. Yes, one needs to be careful here. But if one associates oneself with friends of similar economic standing or just really good friends, there is no reason one cannot discuss money.
Correct
The expat community size depends on the location. It is also good to be cautious in the beginning, however I will say that my neighbors here are the best and friendliest I have had anywhere, bar none.
Chip,
Thanks for that....I lived in Miami. There are huge differences, the primary being that law enforcement in Miami is much less corrupt than DR LE, but I don't mean raw, real and candid in a negative way. DR life can be in your face!
In terms of advisors, yes, I am overly cautious. To each his own I suppose. I don't have money discussions here in the good ole USA with my friends yet I have been queried about that very thing by people I have met in the DR. I have yet to find the reason for the discussion when the reason never existed before!
From what I've seen and from the people I've met, there are some things in DR, that despite one's best efforts, will become unavoidable and create, at a minimum, some unpleasantness.
To each his own, and every experience is different. One can never be overly cautious!
Thanks for that....I lived in Miami. There are huge differences, the primary being that law enforcement in Miami is much less corrupt than DR LE, but I don't mean raw, real and candid in a negative way. DR life can be in your face!
In terms of advisors, yes, I am overly cautious. To each his own I suppose. I don't have money discussions here in the good ole USA with my friends yet I have been queried about that very thing by people I have met in the DR. I have yet to find the reason for the discussion when the reason never existed before!
From what I've seen and from the people I've met, there are some things in DR, that despite one's best efforts, will become unavoidable and create, at a minimum, some unpleasantness.
To each his own, and every experience is different. One can never be overly cautious!
expats should be kept at 3 arms lenghts...they can be the most unreliable,and most have an agenda...as most regular dominicans have none...
bob
Chip,
fully agree with the mentioned favorism of light skin,
that's fact,
but only between natives.
that favorism of light skin has nothing to do with foreigners, independent of skin color.
Big Dan,
your own described way sound's just great reasonably well thought to me, to be cautious is never a bad habit.
Bob,
absolutely right,
the nasty beggers and bugs i met on the Isle who tried to rip off myself or friends been 'foreigners', and the very most of that trash come's from someone's own nationality/tongue, doesn't matter where you come from, the most caution has to be taken of your own homeland mates, due to the same language and maybe same area grown up they have the big "advantage" that newbies trust them more than others.
to the Teen's Club,
first of all is that general questions like the 'fought' theme are answered in general, not valid for just one single person.
that's what Hillbilly did, and he did write his opinion/experience in the straight on and on facts of lifetime experience based way, exactly like we know him, exactly the way i like him and his valuable advice.
he did not write that "your" GF or what ever is a hooker, he wrote that the described way of knowing a Lad most likely will finally come out to be just the usual way of dating a hooker, and that's a matter of fact.
while posting on a bord you have to read,
let the read info reach the brain,
let the brain work the info,
in case of doubt just read again,
let the younggun hot blood out of action and the brain work again,
and then you realize what a in general given advice is worth.
if the brain come's to the result that the provided info is worth a piece of shi$$,
hey, so it will be,
you press the brain info delete button and all is fine.
if the brain is capable of learning something out of the given info,
great, learn.
heating up for nothing and running big speechs about nothing may be appropriate within young people growing big one on an other back home in mommy's backyard, but not on the real streets of this planet.
it's a mens world.
the right use of their Voice,
spreads the Men from the Boys.
Mike
fully agree with the mentioned favorism of light skin,
that's fact,
but only between natives.
that favorism of light skin has nothing to do with foreigners, independent of skin color.
Big Dan,
your own described way sound's just great reasonably well thought to me, to be cautious is never a bad habit.
Bob,
absolutely right,
the nasty beggers and bugs i met on the Isle who tried to rip off myself or friends been 'foreigners', and the very most of that trash come's from someone's own nationality/tongue, doesn't matter where you come from, the most caution has to be taken of your own homeland mates, due to the same language and maybe same area grown up they have the big "advantage" that newbies trust them more than others.
to the Teen's Club,
first of all is that general questions like the 'fought' theme are answered in general, not valid for just one single person.
that's what Hillbilly did, and he did write his opinion/experience in the straight on and on facts of lifetime experience based way, exactly like we know him, exactly the way i like him and his valuable advice.
he did not write that "your" GF or what ever is a hooker, he wrote that the described way of knowing a Lad most likely will finally come out to be just the usual way of dating a hooker, and that's a matter of fact.
while posting on a bord you have to read,
let the read info reach the brain,
let the brain work the info,
in case of doubt just read again,
let the younggun hot blood out of action and the brain work again,
and then you realize what a in general given advice is worth.
if the brain come's to the result that the provided info is worth a piece of shi$$,
hey, so it will be,
you press the brain info delete button and all is fine.
if the brain is capable of learning something out of the given info,
great, learn.
heating up for nothing and running big speechs about nothing may be appropriate within young people growing big one on an other back home in mommy's backyard, but not on the real streets of this planet.
it's a mens world.
the right use of their Voice,
spreads the Men from the Boys.
Mike
Mike, with all due respect, this maybe your experience, and given how many toursists and expats act in the coastal areas, it's know wonder no respectable local would want to touch them with a ten foot pole. However, in the interior things are different. The only thing that prevents more interaction is the simple fact that many Dominicans don't think foreigners would be interested in them for whatever reason, and the language barrier.
WELL,
Looks like I started something here!!! Good advice, nice arguments and insults, When did i become a millionare? Oh, the girl, please, i have a good handle on her. She is after the same thing both of my ex-wifes were, happiness, security, love, support, a family and my wallet!!! LOL. I'm not a wet behind the ears 18yr old who is gonna run down there and think everything is perfect. If it was knowbody could get on the island!!
There is alot to be said for the sunshine and weather. I no i hate winter and i lived in the south for 10 yrs and was alot happier. But, a transfer brought me back up north. I am ready for a change in my life and was very taken by yhe DR. I'm coming back again soon for a longer stay and will do more research this time around.
thank you all for your advice and keep it coming!!
S
Looks like I started something here!!! Good advice, nice arguments and insults, When did i become a millionare? Oh, the girl, please, i have a good handle on her. She is after the same thing both of my ex-wifes were, happiness, security, love, support, a family and my wallet!!! LOL. I'm not a wet behind the ears 18yr old who is gonna run down there and think everything is perfect. If it was knowbody could get on the island!!
There is alot to be said for the sunshine and weather. I no i hate winter and i lived in the south for 10 yrs and was alot happier. But, a transfer brought me back up north. I am ready for a change in my life and was very taken by yhe DR. I'm coming back again soon for a longer stay and will do more research this time around.
thank you all for your advice and keep it coming!!
S
Retire LEO, now going for a degree in social work? Nuff said....
Bro, from one who knows and agrees with a lot of what has been said in previous postings on this thread....take some time (a lot of time) and hang out in the DR....you might even bump into some of your past "clients" who've been deported home after serving time.
It's not about where we've worked or ventured while on duty, it's about where and WHO you want to be around off duty. LIFE in the DR is "different".
As far a "love" goes, remember this
Bro, from one who knows and agrees with a lot of what has been said in previous postings on this thread....take some time (a lot of time) and hang out in the DR....you might even bump into some of your past "clients" who've been deported home after serving time.
It's not about where we've worked or ventured while on duty, it's about where and WHO you want to be around off duty. LIFE in the DR is "different".
As far a "love" goes, remember this
Whether you call it "helping her out", or think you're "befriending someone less fortunate", in the DR you're never the first, always the NEXT, and rarely...HER ONE.
ha ha
and don't let her move into your place
don't let her explain how expensive those salons are today's and how urgently her hair needs a fix after you blew it all over
don't buy her a phone with a open line
and it's true,
all their mothers are ill with some strange kind of virus requiring a expensive cure right at the moment she realized that you are the love of her life and that hospital bill of course can only be paid by money order throu western union on the mother's name which is btw not her own last name in case you see her cedula
.....
great one J.D.
Mike