Why don't they take the baby father to court?

[bronzeallspice]

The only thing that seems more frustrating than seeing a father who does not support his child with whatever amount of money he can (because yes, I understand that many do not have good jobs, etc, etc - but they should do what they can)...
Worse is the father that has 5-6 children from different mothers and can not afford any - and does not even try to help his kids - yet you see him at the colmado, or billar, drinking Presidente and trying to pick up a new "wife"...

(Wow - that was post 300. I wonder if it will take another couple of years to reach the magical 501st post...)

It's 500 not 501. When I reached 500 immediately I had access.

 

[bronzeallspice]

on the other hand we have someone like our maid. she lives in a poor barrio and has no education. yet she chased the father of her younger child for a monthly alimony. of 1000 pesos. she recently went to court again to have it increased to 1500. she says that even this little will make a lot of difference. and she is prepared to fight for it. go gurl!

of course i still question the fact that she has two kids with two different men who left her when she was pregnant and did not contribute towards the costs of living unless forced. but then her own mother left her with neighbours - complete strangers - when she was few months old, never to come back. she had zero example on good parenting. given that i know she is trying her best.

Good for her! I applaud someone like her!

 

[MJSantoDomingo]

It's 500 not 501. When I reached 500 immediately I had access.

Well - this will give me one more - so maybe only a year and a half to get to 500

 

[bronzeallspice]

Well - this will give me one more - so maybe only a year and a half to get to 500

Nah, keep posting and way before the year is out you will reach 500.

 

[Aguaita29]

A woman might not take the father of her kids to court because of pride. Some women think that if you have to force a guy to provide for his own kids, then he`s just not worth it. They decide to move on and raise the kids on their own.

Sometimes it`s because of the pain felt after the guy had cheated on them. It`s like "You hurt me........... and broke this family.We don`t want anything to do with you."

There is also revenge; If the guy cheated, he`s punished by not being able to have a relationship with his kids. If he`s not giving any $$$, then he has no right to see the kids. They don`t let the guy see the kids as a way to hurt him.

Some women don`t take the men to court because they still have feelings for them. The guy was the love of her life, her best lover, etc. I`ve heard plenty of women say that they don`t want the father of their kids in jail because the children will suffer.

There are others who just want to avoid the hassle. Dealing with a deadbeat father is exhausting! Constant trips to court when he gets behind, dealing with his family, who always gets involved, and dealing with his new "wife" and other kids.

 

[bronzeallspice]

A woman might not take the father of her kids to court because of pride. Some women think that if you have to force a guy to provide for his own kids, then he`s just not worth it. They decide to move on and raise the kids on their own.

Sometimes it`s because of the pain felt after the guy had cheated on them. It`s like "You hurt me........... and broke this family.We don`t want anything to do with you."

There is also revenge; If the guy cheated, he`s punished by not being able to have a relationship with his kids. If he`s not giving any $$$, then he has no right to see the kids. They don`t let the guy see the kids as a way to hurt him.

Some women don`t take the men to court because they still have feelings for them. The guy was the love of her life, her best lover, etc. I`ve heard plenty of women say that they don`t want the father of their kids in jail because the children will suffer.

There are others who just want to avoid the hassle. Dealing with a deadbeat father is exhausting! Constant trips to court when he gets behind, dealing with his family, who always gets involved, and dealing with his new "wife" and other kids.

Aguaita you are correct, not that it's right of them by not taking these men to court but by their way of thinking.

 

[MJSantoDomingo]

Ok - if they are only going to get awarded 1000 pesos, then yes, I can understand the women not bothering with it. They could end up spending much in motoconcho expenses trying to collect.
But why does this same attitude prevail when the father could (and should because he makes enough money) pay 5000-10,000/month. Why not go after that? Even though that is still not a lot for a child each month, it is enough to make a big difference.
Though - now my bigger issue is with the men who basically abandon the child. I understand that they know other family will take of the child. But why is it so easy for the father to so easily ignore or run away from their obligations. (And worse, to repeat the same offense again with another woman - and sometimes multiple times with different women...)
I know this happens in other countries (so we do not need to bring up "it happens everywhere"), but it seems to happen a lot here in the DR - and for some reason seems to be "accepted" as "the way it is". Yet - somehow that thought process needs to start changing - so the next generation does not learn the same bad family practices...

 

[windeguy]

Though - now my bigger issue is with the men who basically abandon the child. I understand that they know other family will take of the child. But why is it so easy for the father to so easily ignore or run away from their obligations. (And worse, to repeat the same offense again with another woman - and sometimes multiple times with different women...)
I know this happens in other countries (so we do not need to bring up "it happens everywhere"), but it seems to happen a lot here in the DR - and for some reason seems to be "accepted" as "the way it is". Yet - somehow that thought process needs to start changing - so the next generation does not learn the same bad family practices...

Welcome to "family values" in the DR. Yes it happens a lot here with no solution in sight. You are quite correct to point out the "traditional" nature of this problem and the like father (whoever he was) like son behavior.

 

[JMB773]

Ok - if they are only going to get awarded 1000 pesos, then yes, I can understand the women not bothering with it. They could end up spending much in motoconcho expenses trying to collect.
But why does this same attitude prevail when the father could (and should because he makes enough money) pay 5000-10,000/month. Why not go after that? Even though that is still not a lot for a child each month, it is enough to make a big difference.
Though - now my bigger issue is with the men who basically abandon the child. I understand that they know other family will take of the child. But why is it so easy for the father to so easily ignore or run away from their obligations. (And worse, to repeat the same offense again with another woman - and sometimes multiple times with different women...)
I know this happens in other countries (so we do not need to bring up "it happens everywhere"), but it seems to happen a lot here in the DR - and for some reason seems to be "accepted" as "the way it is". Yet - somehow that thought process needs to start changing - so the next generation does not learn the same bad family practices...

Let me see if I can help you out. You cannot make a man into a father if he does not want to be one. You have to place some of the blame on the women for choosing to have sex with a guy that is no more responsible then a 7 yr old. I can tell if a man or boy will make a decent father just by talking with them for an hour, and I am not spending as much time with them as their women partners are. If the women chose to overlook a man serious flaws as a possible father to her children then that is on her.

I have met horrible fathers in DR and what I can tell you about all of them is I bet they showed no signs to the women that they would make good fathers even before they slept together.

I have two daughters one in Chicago one in Santo Domingo and neither one lives with me. It is not as easy as it sounds for a man just to write checks and send money every month when he is not in the same household. There are times when I want to purchase a big ticket item, but can't because I have two girls that I have to place ahead of my own desires. I can't give my daughter in Santo Domingo the same thing my daughter in Chicago receives but I try to make her little life as happy as I can.

Many men do not get a kick out of their kids the way some of us do, they think it is a requirement to love your kids but I believe it is a privilege.

School just started back and my daughter know she is not allowed to get out of the car until I get a hug and kiss LOL and when I see other fathers dropping off their kids its like they are not even parents. I love my daughters, I like my daughter, and I am crazy about my daughters. Other men are crazy about their new GF's or new wives SAD!!! but true.

 

[pauleast]

Ok - if they are only going to get awarded 1000 pesos, then yes, I can understand the women not bothering with it. They could end up spending much in motoconcho expenses trying to collect.
But why does this same attitude prevail when the father could (and should because he makes enough money) pay 5000-10,000/month. Why not go after that? Even though that is still not a lot for a child each month, it is enough to make a big difference.
Though - now my bigger issue is with the men who basically abandon the child. I understand that they know other family will take of the child. But why is it so easy for the father to so easily ignore or run away from their obligations. (And worse, to repeat the same offense again with another woman - and sometimes multiple times with different women...)
I know this happens in other countries (so we do not need to bring up "it happens everywhere"), but it seems to happen a lot here in the DR - and for some reason seems to be "accepted" as "the way it is". Yet - somehow that thought process needs to start changing - so the next generation does not learn the same bad family practices...

Its always the mans fault. Sue him, get as much money from him as you can because this whole predicament is his fault. Take no responsibility at all but stick it to him as he orchestrated the whole mess. The pretty little Dominican angel was just at home waiting for her man and in no way contributed to the domestic strife. She deserves thousands of dollars a month in compensation and should be driving a brand new jepeta as well. Don't forget, make sure the man pays for her to get her hair done ,nails and a new cell phone.

 

[JMB773]

One more thing if DR was like Pakistan where the women had zero rights then limited blame can be place on the women for picking the wrong man to father her children. In DR women have all the right in the world to pick the best suitable man to have children with.

If this decision is taken lightly you have women going to court asking the judge" tell him to give me money so I can feed, clothe, and raise his kids"

Some men and women are "nightmares" and should never become BF's, GF's husbands or wives, but then you want to take it a step further with a "nightmare" and have kids with them???? Good Luck with that.

These so called "deadbeat" dads NEVER EVER told or showed women that they will make good fathers. Now should give majority of the blame.

I know a woman in Santo Domingo that has 4 kids by three different guys and none of them pay child support. My question for the guy is " who has sex with a woman with 3 kids by 2 different guys without using protection???"

I have come across many Dominican men in SD that love having kids with as many women as they, but taking care of these kids is the part they are not crazy about.

BTW Many Dominicans think I am weird because I only have ONE kid in the USA. Why only one is their favorite question and I respond kids cost a lot of money.

 

[Chirimoya]

Its always the mans fault. Sue him, get as much money from him as you can because this whole predicament is his fault. Take no responsibility at all but stick it to him as he orchestrated the whole mess. The pretty little Dominican angel was just at home waiting for her man and in no way contributed to the domestic strife. She deserves thousands of dollars a month in compensation and should be driving a brand new jepeta as well. Don't forget, make sure the man pays for her to get her hair done ,nails and a new cell phone.

This does not apply to any of the Dominican women I know who are in this situation. They are all hard working women who were married to the fathers of their children before being dumped and left to cope with everything on their own. The women whose case I mentioned earlier in the thread lives a life of pure drudgery, working long hours in a low paid job with only enough time off to clean her tiny apartment and recover her energies for the next working week. No car, no salon, no nails, everything is about survival and the well being of her child. She doesn't get a penny from her ex, it was supposed to go towards the school - the one he insisted on - which he has failed to pay for. He is from a better off family than her and is all about appearances, except for the things that really matter.

Having said that I agree with the poster who said that women often make bad decisions about the men they choose to have kids with.

 

[bob saunders]

All my Dominican friends and relatives who are single mothers are or have been in this predicament. Most don't pursue it because they don't want to antagonise their ex and the small amount of money they would get is just not worth the time and trouble. Even if the ex does start paying it doesn't last for long.

Someone I know has had to take her child out of school because her ex has not paid the fees for over a year. It was his stipulation that the child should attend this particular private school, which the mother cannot afford - and he undertook to pay the fees.
As things stand, the child can't start at another, less expensive school until the old school issues a letter confirming there is no debt. Ex has gone on to have a couple more kids with new wife and is claiming he can't keep up, but is still raising hell because he doesn't want his child to go to a less prestigious school.

Mr C says he should have it cut off before it does any more damage. :tired:

We have that circumstances at the school, but more common is the ex has been giving the mother money for school fees and she's been using it for something else. Lots of guys pay for their kids schooling, and they pay direct to the school. Some even send money for snacks and breakfast because they can't trust baby mom to feed the kid. Lots of cases where a woman will have kids from two or three different fathers and one will pay and the others won't so one child goes to private school and the others public school.

 

[dv8]

Ok - if they are only going to get awarded 1000 pesos, then yes, I can understand the women not bothering with it. They could end up spending much in motoconcho expenses trying to collect.
But why does this same attitude prevail when the father could (and should because he makes enough money) pay 5000-10,000/month. Why not go after that?

part of this, i believe, is that the court is not likely to award a substantial amount of money, especially if the guy has another family already. a friend has a kid from first marriage, he left the mother when the baby was about 3 months. he paid food, nappies, medicine and all other costs. then the mother wanted to take him to court and demanded actual money. so he gave her money until he found out it all went for clothes and salon. to this day he covers most of his son's costs: school, insurance, clothing, transport, medicine. and once every month or so huge household shopping. he says he cannot trust the mother with money. whenever she threatens with suing him he says "go on". and she does not because she knows she'd get less than what he spends and not a penny more.

 

[MJSantoDomingo]

I do agree that many people make bad choices for partners - both men and women.

I also have been asked "why don't you have more kids" and when I answer that kids are expensive to raise, I was surprised by the answer of "one more mouth to feed is not expensive" - because they seemed to have turned a blind eye to all the other expenses. A family of 5 is more expensive than a family of 4.

And sometimes the attitude about young women wanting a child/start a family early makes me think of stories that my grandparents told me about life in the 1940s and 1950s - the difference being that those parents in that generation stayed together for the sake of the children even if the marriage was horrible. Times and attitudes about relationships have changed - and therefor, better/more selective choices need to be made before becoming a parent. Yes, "accidents" will happen and a person will have to deal with that - but accidents do not happen 5-6 times...

I know this is a Catholic country. I was even raised Catholic. But I do believe in the proper use of condoms and contraception. Both are available here, yet many people do not use it - and many do not know enough about it. Crazy ideas still exist, for example, one person told me that if a woman douches after sex then she will not get pregnant - he did not understand when i told him that it would not "wash" all the sperm out of her and that she could still get pregnant.

 

[keepcoming]

I have heard over the years many women "threaten" to take the men to court over child support but it always seemed more of a threat because in the end they never did anything more then just complain about it. I have seen a woman have kids with the same guy who never even bothered with the first kid and now the woman is on number 3 with the same guy. There was a woman here that had a couple of kids with a guy (I thought so) she called her "esposo" so when she was always complaining about him not paying enough for this and that I thought put him out and move one (the woman was employed and doing ok for herself). Big surprise one day when I was at the supermarket and saw the guy with another woman and 3 kids. Looked like a happy family. He saw me and immediately introduced me to the woman he was with as "mi esposa". I must have had that "what the h*ll" look on my face because about 10 minutes later he came and found me in another aisle without his "esposa" and explained to me that the woman I knew was a "accident", a "one night stand". I said cant be a one night stand, I mean you have 2 kids with her to which he said no he only had one with her the other was by someone else. He said the other guy was also married. Does not say much for the married guys but the woman making the same mistake twice, hmmm.

 

[MJSantoDomingo]

And you see this kind of thing and other similar stories, as what keepcoming just wrote, a lot in the DR. I know things like this happen in other countries, but it seems to happen A LOT in the DR - far too often - and seems to be a general acceptance as being "the ways things are" matched with complaining about how bad things are...

Hopefully more people can be taught to take control of their lives and make better decisions.

 

[JayinRD]

The Dominican family I am helping now is I guess classic for why this country is a failed state for most of its citizens. The mother has 4 daughters by 3 fathers. None of the 3 fathers have ever supported their daughters. From what i know the mother has never taken the deadbeat fathers to court. Now the youngest daughter 16 yo is pregnant by a 35 yo dominican guy who apparently has fathered 5 other children that he is not supporting. Yes I told them Uncle Sugar may cut off support if they dont go to court after she delivers but what i am hearing is she can expect at best about 1000-2000 pesos a month support? No one w a child can live on that.

 

[jkc]

In a different thread, bronzie pointed out an observation that many women in the DR do not take the father of the child to court for child support.
I have noticed this as well, even with fathers that seem to have decent jobs. If the father is still in the neighborhood, they might give a Birthday gift and Christmas gift - but they never pay for anything else.
Is it a cultural issue that I do not understand as to why they do not want to fight for child support money.

(And - I do not mean to generalize - I know there are some good Dominican men who support their children who live with their ex-wives. But it does seem odd that so many Dominican men do so very little for their children from a previous relationship.)
Help me understand the logic, if there is any...

I am sure a lot of them would like to do that, but remember this is a THIRD WORLD COUNTRY. Will they even attempt to do that? I am sure if DADS have money, they can easily corrupt the judge. Or if they get arrested, same thing. Now, the mother has to watch for her life. This is a Third world countrye where people get killed easily and most likely no continuation. Even in DEVELOPPED COUNTRIES, Dads commit these acts. I think it is easier SAID THAN DONE!

 

[bronzeallspice]

Then you wonder why if they are afraid (terrified) of taking these irresponsible fathers
to court for child support do they allow themselves to be impregnated by them in the
first place.(a bunch of no good low lifes) It is an unending cycle, they repeat the same
mistakes time after time after time.:tired: