It struck me that you said "I don't think like an American, that is why I left the country." We are who we are. I have been an American living outside the US for the past 43 years and I still "think" like an American. I love the Dominican and love Dominicans but I do not think like a Dominican. I understand how Dominicans think and reason and that helps a great deal in adapting to the culture here. A good grasp of the language is crucial for understanding the culture. You have gone through what one author calls "cultural jolts". Culture shock is the stage you reach when you are mentally unable to function in another culture-you see that here on occasion but most people never reach that stage and I don't think you have either. If you love being here, then you will adapt and learn all of the cultural cues that make living here a lot more enjoyable. Good luck and don't give up!
- Thread starter silkesmo
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Why I think I'll be leave the DR
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Can I ask you a simple question??? Why did you choose Dominican Republic over Mexico????? My daughter's mother is from Aguacalientes and that is a great town. Wonderful place to live in. She also have family in Jalisco and every other year myself daughter and her mother flies down to Puerto Vallarta and many of her family joins us for some fun in the sun.
I am curious why the DR over Mexico, because IMO Mexico has SO MUCH more to offer.
If I had a choice of receiving a FREE 2bed 2bath condo in Punta Cana or the North Coast in DR or paying 35,000USD for a condo worth 300,000USD in Puerto Vallarta I would chose Mexico all day and try and come up with the 35 grand.
haha. You focus too much on the 2 examples I was giving. If anything, I was more upset with recent predatory business practices. As I stated, I was/am trying to start a business here and have been taken advantage of at every turn, Including my lawyer. I think the hardest thing for me to deal with in this country is the blissful ignorance. I've been on my own since I was 16 and have built all my businesses and made all my money on my own. So dealing with people wanting something for nothing is not my thing. The vendedores and people asking for money don't bother me.
Honestly, I can't explain why I chose this place. Like I said, I love it. You know when you meet a woman (or man) and you just really really like them. That's how it was with me and the DR. I can't explain it
OK I can understand that being very stressful! I couldn't imagine setting up a business here, I know I don't have what it takes!
Like MA said, I don't know that I could work full time here and love it!
Sometimes I hate this place and people and other times I friggin love it more than anything! We really never have a dull moment here which I dig most of the time!
If you still love it maybe you just need a different area?
My major issue with DR is the LYING and STEALING and I know not all Dominican lie and steal BUT!!! I can say ALL DOMINICANS on the island every second last one of them creating an environment where stealing and lying is not too serious.
Believe it or not there are many American and Canadian women will DUMPED or break up with a man if she thinks he lies a lot. I have heard women say many times" I broke up with him because of all the lies"
The city of Dhabi has BILLIONS of dollars roaming the streets and nobody steals there, but Santo Domingo has 5 dollars and everybody is trying to get a piece of that 5 dollar bill.
I can deal with a lot of things in life, but LYING, CHEATING and STEALING are the biggest deal breakers known to man.
Believe it or not there are many American and Canadian women will DUMPED or break up with a man if she thinks he lies a lot. I have heard women say many times" I broke up with him because of all the lies"
The city of Dhabi has BILLIONS of dollars roaming the streets and nobody steals there, but Santo Domingo has 5 dollars and everybody is trying to get a piece of that 5 dollar bill.
I can deal with a lot of things in life, but LYING, CHEATING and STEALING are the biggest deal breakers known to man.
The stages are here: What about your saucepans?: Integration of expats in the Dominican Republic
Matilda
Harley, it is no secret that i admire your style. we are kindred spirits. we realize that when you know the nature of the beast, it is easier to grapple with him. once you know that in the majority of cases you are going to be told a lie, then you expect it, and proceed from that point, with eyes wide open. if someone promises to all you back about an important matter, and does not, then you call them. do not wait for them to fulfill their promise, then beef when they do not. lower your expectations, and adjust your style. when they beg for everything you own, simply say no. do not leave oily rags where they can take it. sometimes it is not the value that attracts them, but just the fact that they can get something, anything, for nothing. if you arm yourself with knowledge of the nuances of the rank and file culture, maybe you will be able to cope.
or, maybe not.
I really sympathise with the OP. I also loved it when I moved here, then went through a year when I completely hated it. I went back home (to London) and twice got to the airport to return here, boarding pass in my hand, and just couldn't bring myself to get on the plane. Things like the stealing and not saying thank you also did it for me.
But then things got better. I do think there are definite stages involved for most people in moving to a foreign country. Stage one is joy, stage two is hate, and then stage three is just getting used to how things roll and accepting things for how they are. I live in Santo Domingo and wouldn't live anywhere else because it is completely Dominican and almost all my friends are Dominicans. I think it's a lot easier to understand the country if your friends are all locals.
So my advice to the OP is maybe don't go - try sticking with it for a while, even if you hate it today - and you'll find that you'll get through this stage and move on to happier times.
But then things got better. I do think there are definite stages involved for most people in moving to a foreign country. Stage one is joy, stage two is hate, and then stage three is just getting used to how things roll and accepting things for how they are. I live in Santo Domingo and wouldn't live anywhere else because it is completely Dominican and almost all my friends are Dominicans. I think it's a lot easier to understand the country if your friends are all locals.
So my advice to the OP is maybe don't go - try sticking with it for a while, even if you hate it today - and you'll find that you'll get through this stage and move on to happier times.
TropicalPaul, i understand how you feel regarding the thank you issue. i play dominoes most afternoons with a group of guys. between onlookers and players, sometimes we get over 20 guys. just yesterday, i bought 20 of the new 5 peso chocolate candy bars for the guys.
not one of the 20 guys said "thank you". not one.
better yet; they all threw the wrappers on the ground where they stood, even though the dumpster is 7 yards away. one of the guys is a school teacher, two are engineers, three are lawyers, and a few work in the hospitality industry. they are not all lowlife bums.
yes, it gets rough sometimes.
You fell in love with the country when you were visiting(that happens). But reality sank in once you
moved there and you found out that visiting and living are two different things all together. You got
what's called culture shock and you were not prepared for the changes from first world to third world.
Some love the country and stay because of a loved one and they are willing to put up with the differences in the culture for the sake of it.
But I am willing to be that many would not stay if something were to occur and what was
holding them there is no longer there. Let's see how much love they will have for the
country then.
The DR is not for everyone and only those who truly love it will stay no matter what comes their way. They will weather any test or trial.
I left because even though I am Dominican born I was raised in the states and although I love the DR I could not adjust to the "slow pace".
I was used to a pace where if I want something done I can get it done right away and not
have to wait days or have the job done incorrectly and have to pay someone else more money to do it right.
moved there and you found out that visiting and living are two different things all together. You got
what's called culture shock and you were not prepared for the changes from first world to third world.
Some love the country and stay because of a loved one and they are willing to put up with the differences in the culture for the sake of it.
But I am willing to be that many would not stay if something were to occur and what was
holding them there is no longer there. Let's see how much love they will have for the
country then.
The DR is not for everyone and only those who truly love it will stay no matter what comes their way. They will weather any test or trial.
I left because even though I am Dominican born I was raised in the states and although I love the DR I could not adjust to the "slow pace".
I was used to a pace where if I want something done I can get it done right away and not
have to wait days or have the job done incorrectly and have to pay someone else more money to do it right.
There is a big difference in living with a pension or starting or having a business in the DR.
Starting or having a business here means dealing all the time with Dominicans and that takes special skills and a lot of patience. I am speaking with experience about this.
If one survives the traffic, the lies, the dame dame and able to get the business done, you will feel like a hero and stay here forever and a day ( was a song right?).
Starting or having a business here means dealing all the time with Dominicans and that takes special skills and a lot of patience. I am speaking with experience about this.
If one survives the traffic, the lies, the dame dame and able to get the business done, you will feel like a hero and stay here forever and a day ( was a song right?).
I hear ya buddy....I love visiting DR but living there there is def not for me. The two top things that **** me off would be one theDRIVING, and the second everyone thinking you have money just because your American, like I have a tree made out of money in my backyard that I pluck everyday for cash. I mean I have to send my wife out to catch a cab and negotiate the fare because if they see me the price would be three times more than what a Dominican would pay. And this is extended to almost all purchases that do not have a price sticker on it.
Everyone comes here with the attitude it is paradise. The weather is the only thing that makes it a paradise. I love it here, I love all the negative and positive but it is NOT a paradise.
One thing is for sure...it is a whole different animal if you are coming here to work and develop a business. You have a much different experience if you are here as a retiree. I would never want to deal in the business world here.
Not everyone can make it here. I takes a certain type of person. Some people can, some cannot.
I am glad it did not take a huge disaster for you to realize the place was not for you. Not everyone here are so lucky...it takes some people years of pain.
One thing is for sure...it is a whole different animal if you are coming here to work and develop a business. You have a much different experience if you are here as a retiree. I would never want to deal in the business world here.
Not everyone can make it here. I takes a certain type of person. Some people can, some cannot.
I am glad it did not take a huge disaster for you to realize the place was not for you. Not everyone here are so lucky...it takes some people years of pain.
Learn the language, and tell them that isnt the correct price. I do it daily. Stand up for yourself and dont accept gringo taxes. They are only for those willing to pay them. Miesposa would give me a load of crap if i didnt stand up for myself. And probably lose respect for me.
As far as the money tree i actually went off on one of my relatives, i told her sure i could give her some money but she would have to wait until i returned to the states to pick some money off the money tree or wait for the money storms. And i dog her ass out every time i see her. I am suprised she doesnt leave the minute she sees me. But she doesnt, and i relentlessly verbally abuse her. I have good reasons to do so.
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