Any Mixed Marriages Here?

M

mark

Guest
Re: Don't be so naive

O.K. lets be realistic about it.
My family emigrated to USA from Europe.
Why?We were persecuted.Nevertheless, coming to
USA for financial self-betterment was on our mind also.
What is wrong if a person
from a poorer country wants to better her/his life (and help
his/her family)? Nothing!
If I still lived in Europe and I wanted to come
to USA, would I prefer to fall in love with a European lady
or American lady?American, of course.
There is nothing wrong with being ambitious, striving for better
life and achieve your goals in life. It is wrong to
knowingly marry someone without love, for the sole purpose of becoming a citizen.
I have heard of many horror stories.
If you marry someone with a high moral values, brought up
with ideas that marriage is a holly relationship, she/he
will not dump you after getting her/his green card.
Look, you can marry your own kind and if you don't know how
to hold on to your sweetheart, you will lose her/him
no matter what. 50% of couples divorce in USA.
So if 50% of Diminican+Gringo marriages fail, that's still
within the normal limits. Two interesting notes:
1)Two different immigration lawyers told us that U.S. INS
has put Dominicans and Colombians on the top list of
"false" marriage category.Any comments?
2)I noticed that there are more Canadians/Europeans here
intermarraiges than Americans.Am I wrong?If not- am I opening
a can of worms by asking why?
All you guys and gals that answered my original post, why don't you email me directly and I'd love to hear about how you met
your sweethearts and how difficult was it to overcome the
cultural/language barriers.How did your families/friends react?
Please let me know.
mark
 
J

Joachim

Guest
Re: Don't be so naive

As Canadians we probably have a much more open mind towards Dominicans than Americans. In Toronto where I live, I have East Indian, Ecuadorian, Chinese Greek, German, Italian neighbours. Therefore, I have been exposed to different cultures all my life.

It is still difficult to overcome some of the cultural barriers. For example, Dominicans have a much different way of thinking. I speak fluent Spanish so language was never a problem. However, for example, my wife will say something that I feel is attacking me personally, when actually she is trying to make a point.

However, she is a good woman and love her dearly. Like I said before, "No hay nadie como ella,tan dulce tan bella, es fuego que quema"!!
 
O

Onions and carrots

Guest
Re: Don't be so naive

I am Dominican. What I have seen is many foreigners who are being suckered up to this day!
 
S

Stephen Hadley

Guest
Re: still more of us

married 5 years and two kids for me...
 
T

trina

Guest
O&C

When you have just read so many happy responses from mixed marriages, why are you bothering to insult and negate all the positiveness? Being that we are the ones living this life, I think we should know what is best for us. We have made this choice for our own reasons, with love being the first and most important motive.
 
R

Roberto

Guest
Re: To Onions and Carrot.+pensamiento para hoy.

Jesus Onion
tell us something do you come from A sort of nightmare kingdom where every one was mean to you?

I mean come on every body have being commenting based on they personal experience
how come do you really have too be A Agua Fiesta?
I mean if you have something to tell us from you bad experience why don't you just go ahead and stop being so mean and cynical

I have to admit that you have A point wen you say teniendo una guardada, you are right

any one who does not know they partner well in the start they are kind of reserve it is normal that is not A Dominican Spatiality it is the human Defense you natural defense keep you on guard in case something goes wrong it is always like that no matter what are the situation, there is A time of prove, until you know you partner well
you are not making a constructive critic you are just being A pain in the A------

did you ever felt in love?
tell us are you part of those people who only go out with the local that are only looking fore money, and A Visa?
well if that is you situation I feel sad fore you but perhaps instant of being A agua fiesta as you are now
why don't you ask does people where did they meet they partner and how did they behave with each other perhaps you could learn A good lesson from them
and you could start finding you self A decent one , who knows perhaps does people have family who are still single if you behave you self you could even end up being as happy as them , did you ever think of this possibilities ore have you being to busy being A Racist? and promoting you anti mixed union?

you know I hade never saw any racist being happy in they life even wen they get married to someone from they own Social level and the same nationality because they heart are too full of hate that they can not feel the real love from they partner

go around get red of you hate and you will find out how many Dominicans, and mixes couple that lives together since years with out any economical, ore social inconvenience
there are still good men and woman that are looking fore love just fore love if you had loose the faith that is you problem but don't try to break up the happy couple
even thought there is still A chance fore you look around you try to be humble you may find out how many joy and wonder you have being missing wile you have being here trying to infect people with you hate....

by the way tell us something

you not jealous perhaps?

Pensamiento para iniciar la Semana

CONOZCO EL AMOR.

Conozco personas pobres
que distribuyen sonrisas.
Conozco personas que sufren
que comunican alegr?a.
Conozco personas incomprendidas
que saben comprender.
Conozco personas puras
que conquistan con mirar.
Conozco personas bondadosas
que a todos tienen algo que dar.
Conozco personas perseguidas
que saben perdonar.
Conozco esa personas
cuyo secreto es AMAR

Regards

Roberto
 
K

katia

Guest
To Bob Saunders...

Bob:

All is well in Montreal for us. Wilson is enjoying it here a lot. He has been working ever since he arrived and is making something of himself. It was beautiful and touching to see his face whe he got his first pay cheque.

I'm anxious to see how he reacts to Montreal's winters.... Will let you know for sure.

Katia
 
R

Roberto

Guest
Re: Don't be so naive-To Onions

yeah and Dominican who has experimented the same thing from foreigners, and by other Dominican as well
what is you point?
disappointment are not A subject of nationality, Gender it is A matter of being human , we are Egoist, self fish, and all the above but we are also kind, Honest, Caring lovely

by the way I know many Gringos who claim to be Dominican and love to talk in the name of the Dominican in the way that you talk are you one of them perhaps?
 
N

Natasha

Guest
Re: Don't be so naive

Well, let's see...I met my husband at the University of Pittsburgh where I was doing graduate work. At Pitt I was part of a group of students from the Caribbean which every fall sponsored a dinner for students, faculty and Pittsburghers interested in the Caribbean. The president of the group was a professional Jamaican woman residing in Pittsburgh who knew my husband's family. She had invited my husband's parents to our annual dinner, but they were travelling at the time and my husband came instead. That night, I was asked to assist in escorting some guests to their tables and I was very busy. I never noticed that this man, my now husband, was looking at me from a distance as he was speaking to a couple of friends he had bumped into at the hotel where we were having our dinner. But he never approached me. He thought I was a college freshman as I came to find out later. So, thinking that I was 18 or 19 years old, he did not speak to me. He was, afterall, 26 at the time and a practicing attorney. To make the long story somewhat short, he eventually found out I was a graduate student (I still don't know to this day how he found out) so, he came up to me and introduced himself. I had no idea who this man was in front of me and I was so nervous and shy back then that all I could say was "hi" and walked away without even telling him my name. In retrospect, I was not nice to him and completely blew him off. But his ego was not bruised as I came to find out after we started dating. He always said going to law school in Washington DC made his skin a bit tougher when it came to dating, or something like that. So he persevered. Everywhere I turned I noticed he was there too and then to my dismay I ended up sitting at the same table where he was sitting. Was it a conspiracy, I thought! I never spoke to him throughout the dinner, but I did begin to notice his mannerisms, his hands, his eyes and his smile. Something inside of me was telling me he was a good person. Of course, I pretended I was not looking at him. The dinner was pretty much over and I thought, oh well...but then I heard this voice and it was him telling me he noticed I had an accent and was wondering where I was from. This time I was delighted to see him talk to me again and I told him I was from the Dominican Republic. We had a very short chat and then he had to get his coat. He then came back and said he had another engagement to go to (found out later he had to attend a Bachelor party for a cousin), but that he would like to call me so that we can continue chatting. Very smooth, I might add. Of course he asked me for my phone number in front of several people and I could not really embarrass him by not giving him my number. So, he got the digits. We met on a Saturday night and when he phoned me the following Tuesday evening, we were on the phone for four hours!

I finished graduate school and wanted to go back to Santo Domingo as I had planned, but I was so in love. I went back to the DR for job interviews the summer of 1997. I managed to land two job offers but I was extremely confused as to what to do. But then, all became very clear to me and I knew the answer when my sweetheart came down to the DR (his first time ever) to ask me to marry him. It could not have been more perfect, we went to Altos de Chavon for dinner and there it happened, he proposed!!! I began to cry out of happiness, which made HIM cry as well. Not a pretty sight two grown adults crying. We got married in the summer of 1998 in Santo Domingo. We now live in Washington DC (actually Arlington) and it has been GREAT! We keep growing as a couple...married life is indeed a challenge, but communication is key. All the pre-cana in the world is not going to prepare you for the realities of married life, but all you can do is give it your best shot and do the best that you can. We love being married to each other and the cultural differences are really non-existant. We have a lot of things in common, i.e., values, family background and common upbringing, education level, etc. We have more conversations (debates really) about our professions than our differences in culture. I question American constitutional laws and he questions certain structural adjustment policies of development institutions. We go on for hours. At the same time, you don't have to have a great meeting of the minds and have similar passions in order to have a great marriage. I do believe, however, that the above mentioned commonalities play a big part.

As a side note, I believe that all of us are looking for "something" in other people. It would be foolish to think that women do not think about financial security when it comes to marrying someone. THAT factor has always been part of the equation. The marriages that will fail are those based on unrealistc expections. A marriage is doomed to fail if it is based solely on money. People question a woman's (in this case a Dominican) motives for marrying a foreigner. Well, what about the foreigner's motives? What is he getting from this woman? What I got from my husband was intelligence, honesty, unconditional love, common values and common family background and upbringing, a great sense of humor (essential in my book), loyalty, compassion, and yes financial security in case we have to depend on his income alone. He got the same things from me by the way, with the added bonus of having clean underwear all the time. And if he loses his job or God forbids became ill, no problem, I can cover our mortgage and expenses with my salary, and even pay his law school student loans...guess he was also thinking about HIS financial security when he engaged me ;-) Oh, about the green card issue, my dad had already gotten my mother and I green cards in the early seventies, so I guess I did not need my husband for that. Good luck!

Regards,
Natasha
 
M

Mini

Guest
I'm not trying to fight you Mr. Carrots, but for some reason I was expecting your fantastic comment when I saw your reply. You can speak for yourself and that's Okay. But, please, do not generalize. There are many dominicans proud to be and proud of our country that have worked hard to "become" and had gotten to achieve our finantial goals while single. Then for circumstances of a crazy heart or who knows what, have fallen inlove with a foreigner. Well, in my book, love is what counts. I've been happily married for 8 beautiful years with a guy who happens to be the most wonderful man in the world, my gringo husband. We are the same age and follow the same dreams. We are the parents of a very beautiful and smart young lady. She's now six. Love is something that you do not choose, it comes expontaneously. And may I add, my husband and I had a beautiful relationship as friends for 8 years, then engage for one before we married. We are what we were meant to be. And no, I did not need his money and did not marry him to leave my country, family, friends and carreer behind. I married him for love and for ever.

Regards,

Mini.
 
O

Onions and carrots

Guest
Re: To Onions and Carrot.+pensamiento para hoy.

Your a real comedian. A nightmare kingdom where everyone was mean to me. I liked that one. Go to the Disney Corp. and ask them for a job in movie productions. Everyone of these cheery marriages seem to leave out the truth.The eventual truth of that little voice which everyone of these folks doesn't want to share with this internet crowd. Those little doubts that erode this mixed unions will sooner or later creep up and end these beautiful landscapes of bliss.
 
O

Onions and carrots

Guest
Oh,Oh ,atacando mi nacionalidad

Soy cien por ciento puro Dominicano como jugo rica. Dominicano de pura cepa pa que lo sepa!
Ain't no gringo blood runnin thru these veins.
Mixed marriages must eventually fail because of the vast array of differences.Once this happens these foreigners are left in complete shambles while the Dominican counterpart is intact. I want to save them much unneeded pain.I am not a rascist anti mixed union person as you state. I just hate to see so many foreigners that have been taken for suckers. By my statement I want them to open up their eyes wide and see the light. That the overwhelming majority of these marriage shams are doomed to fail. Love is hard to come by when survival is at stake. A couple of happy posts which I doubt are fully true doesn't change the reality of the scams that are being perpetrated. I haven't fallen prey to this cause I am Dominicano and know how to play the game as you do if you are Dominicano.
My family has been in the Cibao region for hundreds of years.You don't get anymore Dominican than that.
 
O

Onions and carrots

Guest
Case study in Dominican Relationship Axioms

You weren't initially nice to him cause you wanted him to fall first.DOMINICAN AXIOM
You didn't want to embarass him in front of friends so you gave him your number.Interesting, he continued insisting even after you blew him off initially. You seem to have the upper hand in this relationship.A DOMINICAN AXIOM
You are a true Dominicana. I'm proud of you. You even went to the DR and he came chasing after you.You placed your interests above love while he didn't.He showed love and you responded.(quiera al que te quiera).ANOTHER DOMINICAN AXIOM
If things ever go sour you can tell him that it was he who came chasing after you(teniendo una guardada). You are doing everything by the book.ANOTHER DOMINICAN AXIOM
Gringos, please listen to this. If I were him I would have given you my number and allow you to make the next move. You fall first.If you call well I have the upper hand.If you don't call it doesn't matter. There are more fish to fry. Well I'm Dominican and he aint.

I feel so bad for gringo men. They are so subservient to their wives cause they truly love. Their love is 100% pure and honest with nothing to protect them if the train steers south. You on the other hand by your post have proven what I stated in a previous post.
I'm proud of you paesana. You have your bases covered and are well protected if anything happens.
Cuidate 'manita,
 
O

Onions and carrots

Guest
Re: Don't be so naive

Of course the vast majoriy of mixed marriages are scams. Its about having the upper hand and saving face.
I do believe that Natasha's marriage is genuine for she has no need for his money or status.
See my answer to Natasha, a Dominican girl who instinctually does all of these things.Though she truly loves her husband which I don't doubt, she is well protected and has the upper hand. She's an asset to our people and honor to the memory of our heroes.
 
O

Onions and carrots

Guest
Re: O&C

Trina, are you Dominican? If you are then reread my posts. I wasn't being negative but extolling the strength and power of the Dominican psyche.
 
O

Onions and carrots

Guest
Re: Don't be so naive

I haven't had any bad experiences and I would never place my people in a bad way. We have been in the Cibao region of Valverde for hundreds of years. I am just extolling the advantage that the Dominiacn psyche has over the foreign one. We run circles over you guys even though we are economically disadvantaged. Quite ironic isn't it. For all the tech advances that the western world has you guys would get suckered by a limpiabota in no time flat.
 
O

Onions and carrots

Guest
Re: O & C

Thats wonderful, yet the Dr culture involves two principles where relationships are concerned. Saving face and the upper hand.
 
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