Interracial Relationships In The Dr...

[Memon7]

What... huh?!?

Gumby
"I would say that interracial relationships are as commom here in the DR as they are anywhere in the world."

Nope... this is not a true statement. :disappoin

Bill11
Gunby,I do not agree with you on that interracial relationships are common here and anywhere, read my previous post to see why.

1) Even more than that, I think interracial relationships in the DR are too much different from those in Europe and the USA where people treet each other equally does not matter what color they are...

2) As Stodgord said:
"Dominicans themselves tend to keep to people of similar color than themselves. Example: a light skinned Dominican from the upper class just doesn't end up marrying a dark skinned Dominican.

3) If they don't marry someone of a similar color tone then they usually try to "Marry Up". Don't get mad at me for saying it. I'm just posting what I see and hear. I didn't say I agree with it."

What are the reasons -I dunno. The past of this country? Maybe.

...And again I can't agree with you either. I don't know what country you come from but I know here in America people still have hang ups on interracial relationships! In fact it's worst now then it was in the past. Then you have to factor in what races are dating and what part of the USA the dating is taking place, because I live in the "SOUTH" now and the white folk here still can't except the fact that this is a new century and black and white folks ARE going to mix and mingle! But... I digress!!!

The fact is I know more about the racism here in my country then what's going on in some one elses country so when I read that "light skin" upper class folks don't date/mix with "dark skin" folks then I would have to say that racism and the sorry A$$ mentality that goes with it must be world wide and the same in many other places. Most people try and pretend that it don't exist!

Personally I don't care what a women skin color is... but then this is reality and here in the USA most people live by a social standard allowing their friends and family dictate to them how to live their own lives!

 

[sunshine_79]

Sunnie, check your PM.

Miguel, you are too sweet for your own good.


Since we are on the topic everyone, what is your opinion of the level of posessiveness the Dominican guys seem to have? I was under the impression that the very nice guy that I am kinda-sorta seeing was very casual, just drinks a few times a week. But it appears now that there is an obligation to do something together every night which I am most certainly not down with.

I've noticed that all of my girlfriends who are dating local guys seem to have the same problem with the jealousy and posessiveness.

So now my next question ... what is the best way to tell someone "I'm sorry but I don't want to see you anymore" ??

What is your guys' input on breaking off things here?

 

[RHM]

Miguel, you are too sweet for your own good.


Since we are on the topic everyone, what is your opinion of the level of posessiveness the Dominican guys seem to have? I was under the impression that the very nice guy that I am kinda-sorta seeing was very casual, just drinks a few times a week. But it appears now that there is an obligation to do something together every night which I am most certainly not down with.

I've noticed that all of my girlfriends who are dating local guys seem to have the same problem with the jealousy and posessiveness.

So now my next question ... what is the best way to tell someone "I'm sorry but I don't want to see you anymore" ??

What is your guys' input on breaking off things here?

It's the same with a lot of DOminicanas too. Sometimes it really turns me off. Personally, I hate talking on the phone and hate being called multiple times per day for no specific reason. Dominicans love the phone. But I digress...

If you are going to break it off you need to be very blunt. If you are too nice about it he will not take it seriously and think it means that he needs to try harder. Either way, plan on breaking it off several times before he "gets it".

Then of course he will ask if you are still friends. You will say "of course" and he will continue to call you every day until you tell him that's enough. Then he will say "I thought we were friends?" and you will be back where you started.

Break it off. It's better to be a little too harsh than soft because sometimes that is the only thing a possessive person understands. Many of us on the board can predict how this will play out but please keep us posted.

BE BLUNT!

Scandall

 

[sunshine_79]

It's the same with a lot of DOminicanas too. Sometimes it really turns me off. Personally, I hate talking on the phone and hate being called multiple times per day for no specific reason. Dominicans love the phone. But I digress...

If you are going to break it off you need to be very blunt. If you are too nice about it he will not take it seriously and think it means that he needs to try harder. Either way, plan on breaking it off several times before he "gets it".

Then of course he will ask if you are still friends. You will say "of course" and he will continue to call you every day until you tell him that's enough. Then he will say "I thought we were friends?" and you will be back where you started.

Break it off. It's better to be a little too harsh than soft because sometimes that is the only thing a possessive person understands. Many of us on the board can predict how this will play out but please keep us posted.

BE BLUNT!

Scandall

Thanks for the advice. Great guy but I realized last night that he is looking for a mommy, not a girlfriend. I had 9 missed calls from him while I was at Taco Tuesday. Muy annoying ...

I wasnt dumb enough to ever pay his way for anything but by nature I am a very nurturing person and I think he picked up on that. It's not fun to constantly have to reassure someone of their own worth, ya know?

I'll keep you updated ... wish me luck

 

[RHM]

Thanks for the advice. Great guy but I realized last night that he is looking for a mommy, not a girlfriend. I had 9 missed calls from him while I was at Taco Tuesday. Muy annoying ...

I wasnt dumb enough to ever pay his way for anything but by nature I am a very nurturing person and I think he picked up on that. It's not fun to constantly have to reassure someone of their own worth, ya know?

I'll keep you updated ... wish me luck

Fill us in on him a little more. Age? Education level? Job? Kids? etc. It will help our case studies. All names will be changed to protect the innocent.

Scandall

 

[Stodgord]

Gumby
"
As Stodgord said:
"Dominicans themselves tend to keep to people of similar color than themselves. Example: a light skinned Dominican from the upper class just doesn't end up marrying a dark skinned Dominican. (This is a general statement so please don't come back with the one example of your albino friend who is married to a Haitian). If they don't marry someone of a similar color tone then they usually try to "Marry Up". Don't get mad at me for saying it. I'm just posting what I see and hear. I didn't say I agree with it."

What are the reasons -I dunno. The past of this country? Maybe.

This is interesting. There are lots of mixed couples in the DR but more often than not one of the people in the relationship is a foreigner. Personally I could care less about someone's race and/or color but Dominicans have more of a hang-up with color when compared to Americans or Europeans.

Dominicans themselves tend to keep to people of similar color than themselves. Example: a light skinned Dominican from the upper class just doesn't end up marrying a dark skinned Dominican. (This is a general statement so please don't come back with the one example of your albino friend who is married to a Haitian). If they don't marry someone of a similar color tone then they usually try to "Marry Up". Don't get mad at me for saying it. I'm just posting what I see and hear. I didn't say I agree with it.

"Mejorando la raza...." This saying sums it up.

Scandall said it not me.

your stament,
"If they don't marry someone of a similar color tone then they usually try to "Marry Up".
This is a one sided view of the situation. Under this assumption, it can equally be said that the person they are marrying is "marrying down." What is driving the other person to "marry down"?
Assuming that the OP is referring to marriage between foreigners and locals.
Yes, you will get a lot of hairy and inquisitive eyes but no one will make a big deal about it. In other words, people will inquire about the reasons as to why a foreigner would marry a local and vice versa. But if a white Dominican marry a Dark Dominican, it won't be a big deal. Heck, if color was a big issue why is the majority of the population mixed.

Question for caucasian foreigners. Why would you marry a dark skinned Dominican while in your homeland you would not dare to do so with a dark skinned person from your country?

 

[planner]

Sunnie:

I posted in my blog yesterday my point of view on dating here... Check it out.
http://www.dr1.com/blogs/?u=planner

Men here are very possesive. Dating moves at a completely different pace.

As to the other issue on interracial dating. I think we have two different questions to ask. The first is about interracial dating with Dominicans. The second is interracial with foreigners and Dominicans. They are viewed very differently in my opinion.

A foreigner dating a local - judgements are made! Sunnie when the waiter or waitress looks to hand you the bill. That person has judged your relationship. I've been told by several women here that no self respecting Dominican woman ever pays for anything. When they see gringas paying - they look down their noses at them. NOw of course, they won't let you see them doing that....

In my experience locals keep to their own social class and background for the most part! I am not sure what drives that but I can make some guesses just like most of us can but I have no facts, just my observations...

 

[Dragonfly32837]

Sunnie:

I posted in my blog yesterday my point of view on dating here... Check it out.
http://www.dr1.com/blogs/?u=planner

Men here are very possesive. Dating moves at a completely different pace.

As to the other issue on interracial dating. I think we have two different questions to ask. The first is about interracial dating with Dominicans. The second is interracial with foreigners and Dominicans. They are viewed very differently in my opinion.

A foreigner dating a local - judgements are made! Sunnie when the waiter or waitress looks to hand you the bill. That person has judged your relationship. I've been told by several women here that no self respecting Dominican woman ever pays for anything. When they see gringas paying - they look down their noses at them. NOw of course, they won't let you see them doing that....

In my experience locals keep to their own social class and background for the most part! I am not sure what drives that but I can make some guesses just like most of us can but I have no facts, just my observations...

Yes, and in that social class and background they have people of all colors.

 

[miguel]

Amazing!

Miguel, you are too sweet for your own good.


Since we are on the topic everyone, what is your opinion of the level of posessiveness the Dominican guys seem to have? I was under the impression that the very nice guy that I am kinda-sorta seeing was very casual, just drinks a few times a week. But it appears now that there is an obligation to do something together every night which I am most certainly not down with.

I've noticed that all of my girlfriends who are dating local guys seem to have the same problem with the jealousy and posessiveness.

So now my next question ... what is the best way to tell someone "I'm sorry but I don't want to see you anymore" ??

What is your guys' input on breaking off things here?

On what number did I put possesive on the PM that I send you yesterday (before you posted this)?.

There's should not be a problem telling someone, nicely: " I just don't want this anymore". Tell him why and when he tells you that he is not like that or that he would change, just say that you do not want to be with anybody at all.

DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT leave the door open. If you do, he WILL NOT leave you alone. Do not say it with a smile. Be very serious and look at him straight in the eyes. If you do as such, he should know that you mean business. Good luck.

Btw, I don't think that you should be putting yourself in such positions since you have only been in the DR for a few weeks!. Slow down. The world is not coming to and end soon. See what the DR has to offer.

 

[sunshine_79]

Break it off. It's better to be a little too harsh than soft because sometimes that is the only thing a possessive person understands. Many of us on the board can predict how this will play out but please keep us posted.

BE BLUNT!

Scandall

Geez ...

I just got off of work a few minutes ago and while I was finishing up my paperwork, he came in with the puppydog look on his face. I am in a completely horrible mood today, must have woke up on the wrong side of bed, and I was probably a bit meaner than I should have been but oh well, not really my problem anymore.

The puppydog eyes were a result of what happened here a couple of hours ago, I suppose he thought that I had magically changed my mind in the span of 120 minutes. Basically, I told him when he came in here the first time that I don't want to see him anymore because I want my own space and that he is suffocating me and I won't put up with it. So a few minutes ago, he brings in a happy hour ring and hands it to me. I looked at it, asked him who he stole it from and put it on the bar and turned my back.

God, I feel so bad now, I really don't know what has gotten into me today. I don't know why I'm being so mean, it's like my evil twin has emerged. But I hope he will get the hint loud and clear. It's really my fault for assuming he understood the concept of casual dating, i.e. drinks a few times a week, not sleeping together, etc etc etc.

I guess that casual dating is not really commonplace here, right?

 

[planner]

Casual dating really doesn't exist here Sunnie. It is very much all or nothing. And very few men have female friends and vice versa....

Don't worry about his feelings. Take care of your needs first....

 

[bill11]

Stodgord
Question for caucasian foreigners. Why would you marry a dark skinned Dominican while in your homeland you would not dare to do so with a dark skinned person from your country?

Stodgord, To your question there are many white men and whomen who marry blacks or native americans in the USA and in Europe too. But they are in minority that is why it may not be called commonplace. Those who do not dare to marry a black whoman/Man in their homeland,I am almost sure would't not marry them here either.

 

[easygoin]

In all fairness

would be too tired to read every post. Now just my thought on the matter is.... in my eye all Latinos are probably from the African dissent. Does that make you any less person,.. or better? I've known a lot of Latinos in my day growing up in New York and tampa, and they've always been very nice, but they will be the first ones to say they are not African dissent. I just laugh and say who cares...... but I do know that offends them, and he should not at all.



People are people..... and there is good and in all. :classic: :classic: :classic:

 

[bill11]

Completely agreed with Easygoin.

 

[ggn420]

Sunnie:

I posted in my blog yesterday my point of view on dating here... Check it out.
http://www.dr1.com/blogs/?u=planner

Men here are very possesive. Dating moves at a completely different pace.

As to the other issue on interracial dating. I think we have two different questions to ask. The first is about interracial dating with Dominicans. The second is interracial with foreigners and Dominicans. They are viewed very differently in my opinion.

A foreigner dating a local - judgements are made! Sunnie when the waiter or waitress looks to hand you the bill. That person has judged your relationship. I've been told by several women here that no self respecting Dominican woman ever pays for anything. When they see gringas paying - they look down their noses at them. NOw of course, they won't let you see them doing that....

In my experience locals keep to their own social class and background for the most part! I am not sure what drives that but I can make some guesses just like most of us can but I have no facts, just my observations...

Elaborate....you would put your self in the same position you just got out of......in another place????? Don't know If I quite understand the motive....

 

[Mr_DR]

I wonder how the wives and girlfriends of the Dominican Baseball players look??

You have never seen Sammy's or Miguel Tejada's wife
here is Sammy's home town wife SONIA
http://www.univision.com/content/content.jhtml?cid=510767#p

 

[Ricardo900]

You have never seen Sammy's or Miguel Tejada's wife
here is Sammy's home town wife SONIA
http://www.univision.com/content/content.jhtml?cid=510767#p

I guess I haven't Is she Dominican??

 

[yvette]

would be too tired to read every post. Now just my thought on the matter is.... in my eye all Latinos are probably from the African dissent. Does that make you any less person,.. or better? I've known a lot of Latinos in my day growing up in New York and tampa, and they've always been very nice, but they will be the first ones to say they are not African dissent. I just laugh and say who cares...... but I do know that offends them, and he should not at all.



People are people..... and there is good and in all. :classic: :classic: :classic:

I like the way you think, I can see why you chose your user ID.

Yvette

 

[DominicanScotty]

Good way of putting it AZB

Color has very little bearing when it comes to relationships. Color of a person has little to do with a person's race. example: a white person can be as dark as myself and still be considered white Ex: Italians from south italy. A black person can be as white as irish and still be called black because he clearly has african features and kinky hair.
So lets get something clear. Color is not as important as a person's race. What everyone looks for is beauty, no matter what race or color. The beauty is found in all races and in all colors. You can find a stunning beauty in black and a ugly witch in white race or vice versa.
What it all boils down to is beauty and race. If the person has fine features example: an indian looking girl with fine straight hair and fine facial features, slim curvy body and soft educated voice, then anyone will accept her as a girlfriend or as a wife even if she were black has haitian. No problem there. Now if the woman is a white gringa, overweight and speaks like a biker, then I am sure, not many would want to spend the rest of their lives with that person. Get my point?
Most white domincians would prefer a person who is also with same features ex: straight hair, fine facial features and a nice slim body. If she is of dark color but looks like a covergirl of some fashion magazine, then tell me, who will complain? Now if she is looks like an african woman with kinky hair and clearly african looking facial features, then I am sure, not many domincians would want to marry her if they are of fine facial features with straight hair themselves. same hold for a white woman who weighs 300lbs and looks unhealthy. No one will be attracted to her unless the guy has recently been released from serving 20 yrs prison term.
This is the truth. Dominicans like fine facial features, long straight hair and stunning beauty all over. If you have all this and still be as black as my car's engine, no problem. You will be all set for life.
So it all boils down to beauty and class of a person. Even if a girl is with kinky hair and with fine model body, she is all set. Who would reject her in their right mind?
So its not all color and race issue. There are more things to consider than just color shades.
By the way, the inter-racial relationhips is all you got among expats and domincians. show me one expat who is married to a white domincian? For everyone couple, you have 100 who are married to haitian type domincians.
AZB

You couldn't have said it any better!

 

[Stodgord]

Stodgord
Question for caucasian foreigners. Why would you marry a dark skinned Dominican while in your homeland you would not dare to do so with a dark skinned person from your country?

Stodgord, To your question there are many white men and whomen who marry blacks or native americans in the USA and in Europe too. But they are in minority that is why it may not be called commonplace. Those who do not dare to marry a black whoman/Man in their homeland,I am almost sure would't not marry them here either.

Well, let me hear from the ones that have married a dark Dominican. I think these people will think twice before marrying anyone outside their race in their homeland, but once they are abroad they careless who they mix with.