Relocating a Dominican 101

[trina]

If any of the readers of this forum are ever in doubt of the meaning of "unconditional love' ( 1stCorinthians13)they should read this post.
JOHN

What a nice thing to say...I can't say I'm entirely worthy of all that, but it was nice to hear. I think that if you do things in life with the sole purpose of getting something in return, you're in it for the wrong reasons and will sorely be disappointed. If you do things because you like to help others, however, karma is good, and it will feel so much better when it comes back to you.

My family, especially my kids, is my life. Being that Angel is such a good father, we owe it to our kids to have both of us in their lives, full-time, for as long as humanly possible. We decided to bring children into this world, and therefore, must do everything possible to keep the family together. Marriage is definitely hard work; the trick is to make your kids think it's no work at all.

 

[daddy1]

Trina your a very strong women..who needs to be admired BUT!

You have shown what the biggest flaw is in bringing a Dominican male or female to countries such as Canada, or the U.S...these stories happen because the two sides became infactuated with each other and neither one had a real grip on real objectives and the results were no proper planning nor prepareness for sudden changes.....I have many friends in the States going threw what you have gone threw...but all the hardship could have been prevented if there were just proper planning....this is the morel to your story...it is not about catering to your man's or ladies needs or home-sickness...because you ambushed him the moment you knew he was coming to another country with nothing to offer you didn't do it on purpose but you did..that's just suicide!! case in point you wounldn't have five children if you lived under your mother's roof and had no money would you?...because having sex with the person you love is great! but are you prepared to have babies...or will a women get married with a man who has been unemployed for the last 4 years..I mean who thinks this way and why? why would you bring a person to a strict follow all the rules country with no weapon a his disposal.

Look! I have seen people engaged for 5 yrs or more...and marry when they are well and ready...this I will inbed in the mine of my own children when they decide to take that leap...you would have spent less money and hardships if you have just sat down with your spouse and said I love you....so don't take what I am about to say to you personal...from Canada I will pay your way to learn english here in the D.R. and if you believe in this relationship you will take that course and study it as if you were learning how to hit a 90 mile an hour fastball, or cooking your moms favorite dish! I have friends in D.R. that speak perfect english just by looking and watching American programming on television..so maybe it would have been hard at first for him...but at least he would have brung something to the table.

Ladies understand something about us men...for a second..a very old wise man taught me this...that for a couple to be successful in any marraige the women must make her man feel masculine...and the moment your man feels less then a man and you make excuses for him..he will try to run, because he feels useless, given the right tools for survival any man, women or child can succeed, but if you set them up for failure him, you and everyone around him, will fall!.. and pay a heavy price...in my opinion given what I have seen from Dominicans who came here like trina's good husband was they just never had a chance.. and mentally were not prepared so he felt at times according to trina..intimidated by his surroundings there is just no way he can compete with people who are prepared and he does not feel good about this at all and neither would I given his position ... these are not times to carry anyone...it's either your equal to me or above or you are holding me back or just a plain ole scrub...that is the reality of the modern world today..don't cater to your Dominican man an involve him or her in activities he or she thinks! they miss or can't live without...do what you have to do to suceed first! and everything else will fall in place later, I know trina old habits are hard to break and keeping him happy is o.k. but he does not need distractions nor his culture right now he needs to stay focus and make money!..Trina again..reading your story was awesome..surely you are a rock and you took a chance, but life has taught me to learn from my own and other people's mistakes and not repeat them.. good luck with your family and continue to be that rock..


much love D1 the Steven A Smith of the forum

 

[trina]

I couldn't agree more with what you have said. We made lots of mistakes, and I am hoping by posting the mistakes that we've made, it may (just may, but not holding my breath) help others not to make the same mistakes.

Do you think Angel likes being a full-time dad, while I work all the time? No, he doesn't, but he does it because it's necessary. The reality is, if he worked, it would end up costing us money due to daycare and other expenses of a dual-income family. When he was working full-time, he felt much more like a contributor. He was happy, his English vastly improved, and he felt like he was at least helping with the expenses. Now he sees me working all the time and running from one place to the next and feels rather helpless. What not everyone understands is that to me, what he does is priceless. No one can put a pricetag on the peace of mind that I have. When Angelo (age 10) has a day off school, I don't have to arrange out-of-school care. I don't have to worry about some daycare worker abusing Dominic (age 3), or him eating junk all day. I don't have to worry about my five-month-old not being cared for. I can come home and have a meal ready, clothes washed, and a (somewhat) orderly home. To me, it's all worth it. He's worth his weight in gold in that respect. I could never do what he does, I've always liked working outside the home. I wouldn't trade him jobs if I could.

Given what I know now, would I still marry the same man? yes. A big whole-hearted YES. Is life hard sometimes, and do we often feel like throwing in the towel? Oh yeah. Would we do things differently? Definitely, without a doubt.

 

[Marianopolita]

My comments...

Trina,

Muy buenos d?as,

I have been following this thread and your earnest dedication to each and every post and after reading Daddy1's commentary (which I agree with 100%) encourages me to ask you two questions:

1) You know they say hindsight is 20/20. Through your experiences over the past 4 years+ if you could do this process over again what would you do differently?

2) What does the future hold? The reason why I ask this is although Angel stays at home and looks after the kids etc. which is a great benefit I truly agree that will not fulfill him forever and most of all the kids will grow up and move on. What about Angel? You have discussed his education and English issues what will happen as the years go by?

In general:

I want reiterate what you have already said E & E (English and Education) are key in Canada. I don't know what it's like in Calgary but I can speak for Montreal and Toronto a language barrier is a life barrier if you let it be one. I think Dominicans and anybody who comes to Canada under whatever circumstances need to come prepared meaning having above average functional skill sets. The emotional rollcoaster is an individual experience there is no cure for that. One has to live it, experience it and move on. However, each individual owns their educational and language expectations. It's sink or swim. There is no other way to put it. It's all about adapting and as humans we can do it.

You know I respect you dearly so I hope you take my comments in a positive light.

Have a great day!

LDG.

 

[trina]

Trina,

You know I respect you dearly
LDG.

Igualmente, Lesley, and to me, there is nothing less than a positive connotation to your post.

You raise very fine points (as usual), and I'll answer them as best as I can. No one knows what the future will hold, but I will tell you how we'd like to see the future play out.

1) You know they say hindsight is 20/20. Through your experiences over the past 4 years+ if you could do this process over again what would you do differently?

I would: (a) Speak to Angel only in English, and although that may be tough, it would force him to learn English.
(b) Have Angel take a driving course in the DR and get his license. It's really hard being a full-time taxi. It should be duly noted though, that in order for the licence to be transferrable here, the Dominican in question needs to have had the license for two years for it to be recognized here.
(c) Have Angel take English classes while he was in the DR. Although, IMHO immersion is the best way to learn a language, at least a basic knowledge would have helped him be less dependent.

Those are the main things I would do differently, but if I ponder this point further, I may revisit it.

2) What does the future hold? The reason why I ask this is although Angel stays at home and looks after the kids etc. which is a great benefit I truly agree that will not fulfill him forever and most of all the kids will grow up and move on. What about Angel? You have discussed his education and English issues what will happen as the years go by?

I think one is happiest by playing out their passion in life. I have found mine in numbers, believe it or not. Angel's passions are typically Dominican: baseball, music, and cuisine. Angel is an awesome cook...in fact, I have only tasted better food prepared by his cousins Denny and Susie. We have explored the idea of opening a Latin cuisine restaurant. Calgary is truly lacking when it comes to great Latin food, and there is a huge abundance of Latinos here. We'd love to open up a restaurant that played Spanish music all day, featured great cuisine, of coursed showcased all the MLB games on multiple TV's set up, and perhaps even held a domino table or two...wouldn't that be every Dominican man's dream? This restaurant will come into fruition some time down the road, when all the boys are in school. I think Angel would be a very happy man if we were able to put all this together.

Angel wants to start taking night classes again to improve his English, it's something that is very important to him. He already helps Angelo read, and that helps his own learning as well. His English, like I said, is improving, and in time, he will hopefully be fluent. He has also started studying for the Citizenship test and by this time next year (or shortly thereafter), he will be a Canadian citizen. So the future does look bright...

 

[Marianopolita]

Je te remercie

Trina,

Thanks for responding. I am glad to hear that there is a vision down the road because that aspect is so important. Currently Angel is dedicating his time to the children and home which is essential but there will come a time when he will ask himself what about me, did I achieve my goals etc. and if the answer is 'no' I will tell you for free there will be great frustration for him on a personal level.

The English issue is huge. You can't change the past but you can improve the future. That's a gradual process but like everything else in life it's about dedicating time to your priorities. English is a priority in Canada. At least he's not in Montreal where most people are trilingual. English and French are obligatory and then most people have a heritage language be it Spanish, Italian, Portuguese whatever.

In summary you survived the worst of situations therefore it can only get better. You are a stronger person because of it and remember in life there's a lesson for each experience that is thrown at us and the true test is what we learn from them. You'll be fine and so will Angel. What's a few more years of sacrifice in terms of you have come this far already. Don't give up hope - hay que tener fe.


Regards,

Lesley D

 

[Chris]

Isn't this just the best and most positive post ever on DR1? I'll vote for that!. Thanks Trina for posting and thanks Anna for encouraging the post.

 

[trina]

I think that there is no secret to making a relationship work, it takes hard work and a willingness to look at things from another cultures point of view. If you take the time to examine why people do the things they do, the cultural background...etc, you get rid of a lot of your frustrations and lack of understanding. My advice to anyone bringing a spouse from the Dominican Republic is: Force them to learn English-correct them when they make mistakes(you can do this politely and with humour), let them make lots of phone calls(or a least one or two long ones) Here in the GTA you can buy a salam phone card for 2.50 that will last for 60 minutes. If you can afford to, go back every year to the DR. Now my mother-in-law is coming to live with us, so this will create a new challenge as she speaks no English, has no Education, is older(70) so possible health problems...etc. Life is a bowl of cherries.

I meant to respond to this earlier - forgive me Bob for taking so long. You are a very good man, I hope all the good you do comes back to you ten-fold. Maybe once Yris' mom is here, she will feel at home again in Borden. The way you describe Yris is wonderful...I firmly believe she will adapt to her new surroundings, just like she did in Vancouver. I'd love to someday meet both of you, but now that you've gone and moved away from us, it might be a challenge! Best of luck.

 

[trina]

Isn't this just the best and most positive post ever on DR1? I'll vote for that!. Thanks Trina for posting and thanks Anna for encouraging the post.

You're sweet, Chris. Thanks. I feel like I've put everything out there and hope that I haven't set my husband up for judgement. He really is a very good strong man with morals and good intentions. It's a tough life for anyone to adapt to here, but he's come a long way in four years.


Coming back to Lesley's question about things I would've done differently, I almost forgot the most important one:
I would force Angel to be more independent. He is very dependent on me, and it scares me to think of what would happen to him if something happened to me. I have to force him to use the Visa and Debit cards...he doesn't like touching the finances what-so-ever. To this day, if he needs money, he won't go into my wallet, I have to get it for him. I drive him nearly everywhere because I'm scared he'll get lost on our transit system. Again, it's my fault as much as anyone's. Sometimes I feel like I'm the mother of four, not three. We're getting there though, learning from our errors, and like I said, the future looks very bright. There is a lot of love between us, something that many couples lack...without a great deal of love, there's not a chance for survival.

 

[Chris]

I for one don't think that you've set your husband up for judgement, but then, I'm speaking from some experience. It took me years in the US before I could go anywhere and find my way back home without breaking into a sweat... What helped at the end of the day, is not the forcing thing, but me sitting down and mapping out every landmark, every turn, every twist and then travelling by my own map. But, I had to take the time and make the map and my husband had to take the time to make a few journeys with me, so I could 'map'. It was years after when I recognized that this phase is over, when I travelled through Boston during the height of the big dig and found my way out the other side taking business calls on the cell, without tears, terrified phone calls to my husband and without killing myself or the kids... Only when Richard said -- hey.. you've done good! did I realize I could do it.

I do not know how my husband lived through those years. I was a wreck and had to learn to do even the simplest things all over again. So, this may work for Angel - travel with him where he needs to go, let him write it down and then try by himself. As for money, let him start managing the food shopping or something simple like the daily milk and bread.

 

[Music]

I've been away for a week and missed DR1 of course so I finally was able to read your post from beginning to end.

Great idea Anna and Trina. I enjoyed reading your story Trina.
I think this is a great help to many people. I enjoyed other members stories as well! You got to love DR1!

Trina- I think Angel has a very important job taking care of the family it is very hard work. It's nice to know you are both working hard to make it work and to keep eachother happy!! :classic: Congradulations on 5 years for you both now and many more to come!! People keep telling me marriage/relationships are hard work but worth every second when you have love, understanding and compromise! :classic:
I look forward to reading more!!

 

[Chris_NJ]

Some more thoughts...

I would force Angel to be more independent. He is very dependent on me, and it scares me to think of what would happen to him if something happened to me. I have to force him to use the Visa and Debit cards...he doesn't like touching the finances what-so-ever. To this day, if he needs money, he won't go into my wallet, I have to get it for him. I drive him nearly everywhere because I'm scared he'll get lost on our transit system.

I?ll relate a couple of anecdotes.

Independence is one thing that I have made a conscious effort to stress from the day Magdalena arrived. I remember the first week she was here I asked her to meet me at my job after work. She him-hawed a little bit about getting lost, but now after a year she takes by herself every combination of mass transit that NY/NJ have to offer. I am still a little nervous about her getting a drivers' license because I think the drivers in Jersey City are as erratic as in DR.

The tough critic that I am I was even a little impressed when the last time she came from DR to Kennedy Airport she took the Airtrain from the terminal to the subway to the PATH train back to Jersey City with all her suit cases. I was anxiously waiting for her call at work to explain to her how to get home from JFK but her cell phone battery had died during the 2 weeks in DR without a compatible charger. It was 3 hours after the flight had landed and just when I called the airline to make sure she got on the flight Magdalena called me from home.

Financial independence is another important 1 for us. In her first weeks here, I made a big spreadsheet (I am an accountant also, Trina) and put what costs that I incurred - school credits, books, etc- that I expect to be paid back for in the future. Unfortunately, my laptob crashed completely and the spreadsheet was lost but we still track it in our minds. I remember how happy and smiling Magdalena the day she opened her accounts here and started depositing her proceeds from work and could start writing checks.

In a way when she first arrived from DR her life was in limbo because there were so many things that she could do back in DR that she could not do here initially. Now with each step she gets back some of the familiarity of a ?normal? life which make us both happy ? ie using Bank of America in place of BanReservas and Banco Popular and the subway instead of the guagua.

As I look to the future, who knows what will happen but it has been an interesting ride so far. And as Trina said a huge investment of love is necessary. Thanks again Trina for starting this topic as it very interesting and a good thing to refer back to in the future for us who already have relocated someone from the DR and to those who someday might contemplate doing so.

-Chris

 

[trina]

Wow, ChrisNJ...you are so brave! lol...I am laughing at myself here...embarrassed, realizing what a detriment I have been to Angel's progress. I cannot imagine leaving him to ride transit in Calgary, a city of 1,000,000 - and New York is how big??? I would be so worried, but I guess 'what's the worst that can happen?'; Calgary is not that big and not that dangerous. Don't get me wrong, he has ridden the C-Train (subway); and taken a few busses. He always says he is going to start doing it more, I think it's probably about time to really encourage it. He now has a good grasp of the city anyways.

As for finances, I don't believe in seperate bank accounts in a marriage, but Chris' suggestions for getting groceries...starting small...and such is great. He has, on occasion, gone to the store, but he had to take a friend with him. I'd love to pass off the grocery shopping to him! Maybe showing him on-line banking and how to pay the bills on-line would be another easy thing for him to learn, at least he'll know what to do in case of an emergency.

 

[trina]

I do not know how my husband lived through those years.

I think he probably lived through those years because he realized you are worth the struggle.

 

[asi_es_la_vida]

My husband and I met in June of 2001. I was studying in Santo Domingo at the time and I never expected to meet someone who would forever change my life for the better.

We spent every day after from the time we met until I returned to Canada together. We promised eachother that we would keep in touch and we did. Not a day went by that we did not talk. Every day we sent e-mails back and forth and our relationship grew. From the beginning we have always been very open with eachother and I think that is just one of the many reasons that we have come so far.

I went back every two to three months to visit and each time I returned, I knew that I belonged where my husband was. Back home, people were telling me to be careful with having a long distance relationship. I know that people were telling my husband the same thing in the Dominican Republic. I think it?s very important not to let other people dictate your relationship. They are not in it and even though they would like to think that they know, they don?t. This goes for family, friends and people in general. Judging someone if very easy but stepping into their shoes and seeing things with an open mind are not.

In May of 2002 I moved to the Dominican Republic. We moved in together and I worked at a hotel and completed my university internship at a local radio station. My husband also worked at a hotel and often took on extra jobs to make extra money. Neither one of us had lived with anyone before but it turned out to be an amazing experience. Living with a person shows you who they really and helps you to realize how strong your relationship with that person is. It?s very easy to fall in love with someone when there is sunshine and sand around; it?s much harder to make that love work. We went through a lot together during that time and I learned that no matter what, I would always have my husband supporting me. We had both sacrificed so much to be together and everything was and still is worth it.

I moved back to Canada to finish school and even though leaving was one of the hardest things I have ever done, I knew I had to do it. My husband was very supportive and when I finally finished I knew that he was very proud of me.

In May of 2003 I moved back to the Dominican Republic. After a lot of talking, researching and thinking things through, my husband and I decided that we were going to apply for a Student Visa to Canada. He had been refused for a Visitor?s Visa before and we were going to use what we learned from that experience to try again. It took three months, tonnes of paperwork, several trips to Haiti, and the help of some good friends to get a Student Visa approved.

We knew what we were getting into by coming to Canada on a Student Visa. My husband could not work and I would have to be the sole provider until we secured a permanent status for him ? a difficult situation for both. Nonetheless, we made the move in August of 2003.

Things were rough at the start and my husband often quoted his father by saying that ?all beginnings are difficult.? I knew that my husband missed his family and friends a lot and I often worried about him. We were both tempted to go back many times but have stuck to the original plans and promises we made with eachother long ago in Santo Domingo: make it work here first and eventually move back to the Dominican Republic.

I am very proud of my husband for having adjusted to life in Canada so well. I know that not working for a while drove him crazy sometimes and that people asking him for ?Canadian experience? still frustrates him. Luckily, we have learned that you cannot rely on others to do things for you ? especially in Canada. The Dominican community is small and people you would normally call ?hermano? are often the first ones to turn their backs.

Throughout everything it has always just been my husband and I.
I think that what has helped us is the fact that we have always had very good communication between the two of us. ?I love you, I love you? is wonderful but if that is all you can say then there is no substance. You have to be able to talk to your partner about everything. You have to know them and not just rush into things blindly. If it was meant to be it will always be and there is no sense in forcing it into being. There are many things people have to be prepared for before they come to Canada and the only way to prepare them is by talking to them honestly about all the good and bad things that this country has to offer.

My husband and I just celebrated our first wedding anniversary. It has been a good year with many ups and downs. I have learned a lot and I am so lucky to be in the type of relationship that my husband and I have. I love my husband very much and coming to Canada has strengthened the bond that we share. I know that it was important for him to see where I was from and to meet my family and I know that my husband feels much better now that he is working.

Meeting my husband has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. Looking back at the last four years, I have seen him grow into an even more caring, generous and contentious man than the one I first met. I?d like to think that I too have become a better person for knowing him.

 

[Musicqueen]

As usual....Trina and Anna

...have teamed up to post one of the best pieces of information on DR1...

Yesterday, Aug. 3rd, I received the letter from the National Visa Center that states that within a week Tony will receive instructions from the Embassy in Santo Domingo as to what paperwork he needs to have ready for the visa interview.

I am so excited!!! Keep in mind that we started this process May 31st, 2005 and in only 2 months everything has been approved here in the US...I know that waiting for Santo Domingo will be the hardest part now, but we are ready.

Here are some of the things I've been doing to get Tony used to the idea of living in a 'different world' ...as I have tried to explain to him that that's what it will feel like once he's here...

Tony already drives, he owns his own car...so I brought him the Driver's manual, in Spanish, for him to start learning to get his driver's license as soon as he gets here...

He also enrolled back in English classes...We speak English as much as we can when we're together, and he knows pretty much enough to get by at a job, or to go shopping or just hanging around in the city...besides, Miami is mostly hispanics so he won't have too much trouble, although I've already told him I wouldn't want him to start 'hanging out' with too many hispanics!!!

He doesn't even have that much of an accent when he speaks English, I found that to be extremely helpful!!!

I've also made an expense sheet (how much I make, and how much I spend every month) so he gets used to seeing that it doesn't matter if I make $5000 a month, I usually spend just as much!! (Just an example...)

We have agreed that for the first few months, we will send his mom about $300 USD, which is what I spend on airfare to go see him, but since we can't go visit DR for a while once he's here, I'm sure she will be very happy to get that money as it will help out a lot.

He is very determined in findind a job as soon as he gets here, he keeps asking me about it...because he doesn't want to depend on my salary or 'be a burden' on me as he puts it...He has even said that we won't get married until he can contribute at least half the money towards the wedding...We'll see! :nervous:

I have repeatedly told him exactly that 'money doesn't grow on trees' here as most people believe (even in Uruguay, some of my family believes that!) I've explained exactly when I wake up in the morning, what I do throught the day, etc...so he has a clear idea of what life here in the US is about...

Also, I've made sure to let him know that the 'visiting' and 'going out' is reserved strictly for weekends...and that's if I'm not working...otherwise, there will be no 'going out drinking' or just 'hanging out'...unless we have a very good source of income in the household! (Meaning him!!!)

I realize I have a little of an advantage in the fact that we both speak Spanish, and have very similar beliefs in family and traditions, and also likes and dislikes...but are there any other suggestions I should follow before he gets here?

Thanks!!!

Trina...I hope you and Angel and the babies are doing wonderful...you guys are in my prayers! Thanks for being a good friend...

MQ

 

[trina]

My babes are wonderful, MQ...Noah is growing like a weed, and I must update his website, but here are the most recent pics...isn't he adorable...I am so much in love with this little boy.
Noah

I am so happy that you're happy...you really deserve it. I think you have a good handle on what to expect.

A little advice that I thought of, for everyone (not that I think you'd do this, MQ): don't ever try to control a Dominican man. That is a common mistake many that I know make. They will fight back, tooth and nail. Let them do what they want (of course, within reason), and they will respect you (hopefully without taking advantage)...but say "no" when they want to do something, and you're going to regret it.

Excellent ideas so far, MQ...here's to a long and happy life ahead!

 

[Musicqueen]

I can see that!!!

The boys looks so big and happy together!!! You have managed to do something so incredible with your marriage and your family!! I really admire you...so please keep on writing any little piece of advice you have for us that are going through the process...it's really appreciated!!!

Hope to meet you soon!!! Maybe in DR???

MQ

 

[twincactus]

MQ,

I sent you an e-mail about helping you with the immigration case. I know you think they are sending you the packet but I think if you read that letter, they tell you you will get it after your interview date. If you get an interview date soon, thank your lucky stars because there are tons of us that weren't as fortunate to get through the USCIS in such mind boggling time and then get an interview immediately. The big wait is going to be at the consulate where you are now. Prepare for about 5 months, that seems to be the average. I know that isn't what you want to hear but that is unfortunately the reality with 20,000 cases on the backlog there. The good news is that this is the first month the backlog actually shrunk by 2000 cases. I have started a post for you over on the board at http://dominicanstotheusa.com/forums/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=48&sid=5164972ae6534f66c6b0470703f4f2a3

Good luck getting your husband here. We should get together when we get our significant others get here. The biggest problem we will have is trying to convince them that it is hard to just go out and scoop up some gold off the street! They'll figure that out soon enough.

-Tim

Visit the Dominican immigration forums at:

http://www.dominicanstotheusa.com
http://forums.dominicanstotheusa.com

 

[bailarin]

Its been awhile......

I have to say I agree with Fred....It's all what you make of it and if you want to succeed you can and you will......I brought my husband here at the end of 2002 and we have a 16 mth old cutie....
My husband never told me he was illeterate till the day I was taking him in to school for his ESL level test.
Grudgingly he went to school for a lil while-with no books so as teacher wouldnt ask him to read or anything because that would be too embarassing...
well that lasted about 3 mnths, a colleague needed help with his landscaping/shovelling snow company...so goodbye ESL classes.
This December will mark 3 yrs of him being here in Canada-he has worked 3 different construction companies-all in the framing area and is now currently cleaning in a small bakery....
Let's just say his English has yet to improve or grow....I am a teacher-French teacher to be exact and have some ESL experience.....but I have tried and its like someone who smokes and you tell them how bad it is.....etc etc but unless they want to quit smoking nothing will change...
So much like Fred's experience my husband complains about how he works sooooooooooooo hard and $$$ doesnt go far or theres none left over....And I hate to say it but its his fault....Canada offers soooo many great oppurtunities but if you dont wanna do anything about it well then it wont happen!!!
I wish I were as lucky as you Trina to know alot of Dominicans that are hard-working....
I feel that yes my husband has tried and yes I know that it is difficult but we are renting a house and have lots of debt and I make good $$$ but of course never see it. I think he could work more or take on another job but he feels Mon-Fri is enough and then Sat is cerveza and pool time!!!
Before he came here I was working 3 jobs just 2 be able to get him here and basically start from scratch.
I dont agree with the sending $$ back home, mainly because I guess its my feeling that no DOminican will ever go hungry. Well thats just from what I've seen. Neighbours will invite you over or bring you rice and a lil something yet in sending money-our particular situation yes we could go without food or not make our rent payment so that they have some of our $$. When my husband was living there with his abuela he never or rarely pitched in financially so thats another reason. Plus I also feel that if we could get ourselves out of debt then we would have more to send and I wouldnt be as resentful. I also HATE the fact that it costs $$$ for them to get our $$$ WESTERN UNION SUX..If Im sending 100 I'd like it to cost 100 and not more...I love to help out Dominicans and do so when I can with sending clothes, medecine school supplies etc SO I am not that petty a person. I just want a fair chance of this already difficult marriage but just can seem to catch a break.

[/QUOTE] As for this, sorry you've had that experience. Every Dominican that I know is very hard-working, many of them having 2 jobs, and all of them wanting to support both their family here and in the DR. I know a lot of Dominicans, and all of them (other than Angel, and I must admit, I am as much to blame as he is for this because I babied him and talked to him in Spanish all the time to make it easier on him) speak English as well as I do. In other words, don't paint them all with the same brush.

Sometimes I really hope Pib (or one of the many other very good Dominicans) doesn't read anything in this forum...how insulted they must be to hear such generalizations all the time.[/QUOTE]