Relocating a Dominican 101

[trina]

As for their point of view re: $ trees as I've stated earlier I totally agree and have to say if/when I do go back I am filming our trees to show them that they are just leaves. I do want to go back but at the same time I know that I'll want to sit them all done and explain to them our sitn not that it will make a difference but just to have my side heard. In the past I had one of his sisters be very very very rude to me because she called and of course when I answer she would hang up. SO I called back and asked why she did that-She had business to deal with my husband-that business being that my husband had to send $$ down. I said why and she said because he is obligated to. I was so pissed and told her that no he was obligated to his newborn son at the time and that if all the family pitched in thgs would be different-as it should also be part of their obligation too. She just called me "EGOISTA" Like yeah ok thanks-after all I have done for them and all I sacrifice me EGOISTA-WHATEVER!!!

Yuck. I am so sorry. I can certainly understand why you feel the way you do. You're right, with this family, it's probably a waste of time to explain your situation. No wonder you think every Dominican family is this way.

 

[bob saunders]

Yris's mother and brother never ask her for money unless it is a real need. She is lucky that both have steady incomes and own their homes. Cousins and aquaintances, that another matter. Within hours of being back in Jarabacoa there is a steady stream of sobstories from this aunt or that aunt, or second cousin, or former student...etc. Yris's mother get very angry(they are from her side of the family) and tells them to all go away and next time bring food because Yris is very poor. We all have a good laugh and most go away without any money, but Yris can smell a fraud a mile away, and she does ocassionally help some out, if she can see both a genuine need and a reputation for paying back loans. Often she will take back payment of other things,(work, fruit...etc)
Many of Yris's cousins are very good people and can be trusted, at least within the family.
On her dad's side, they are poor as church mice, and for those of you that haven't see white Dominicans; they are very pale, many with light hair and eyes. None of them ever ask for a handout and Yris has to be very careful when she does help them, because they are very proud and easily offended.
I have found almost everywhere I've gone in Jarabacoa, and I gone to many very poor people houses, that most Dominicans are hard working, looking for a better future for their children...etc. Yris associates with many poor people but avoids what you call chopos or tigueres.

 

[trina]

None have any schooling past highschool if that!!!

In the DR, I consider it a great accomplishment to have a high school education. Most of the poor have to quit school to work and help support the family. Thus, the neverending vicious circle of poverty.

 

[bailarin]

As a teacher EDUCATION is everything

Maybe I am just naive but I agree and disagree. I feel it all starts with the home and the parents. Currently well maybe not so current because Ive given up but my husband's English is next to nil, if you dont include the swear words-those he's grasped without any hesitation or problem!!!
Ive tried and tried and tried and to no avail and I dont want my son to look up to daddy and saywell daddy doesnt know how to read and write and daddy didnt go to school so I dont want to either. I feel if Education was made more of a priority in the DR it would be a much more developed place. If parents also made it more important for the children then they would be able to have better futures-yes I know ALOT would have to change for things to get to that point but I just feel if theysimply started now-it's never too late!!!
With my husband's case if his parents did any kind of parenting and put more of a focus on Education he would have so many oppurtunities for him and our family!! Ok enough ranting!!!!

In the DR, I consider it a great accomplishment to have a high school education. Most of the poor have to quit school to work and help support the family. Thus, the neverending vicious circle of poverty.[/QUOTE]

 

[AnnaC]

Ok enough ranting!!!!

Thank you.

Although it's all relevent we are kind of getting away from our objective here.

 

[trina]

Maybe I am just naive but I agree and disagree. I feel it all starts with the home and the parents. Currently well maybe not so current because Ive given up but my husband's English is next to nil, if you dont include the swear words-those he's grasped without any hesitation or problem!!!
Ive tried and tried and tried and to no avail and I dont want my son to look up to daddy and saywell daddy doesnt know how to read and write and daddy didnt go to school so I dont want to either. I feel if Education was made more of a priority in the DR it would be a much more developed place. If parents also made it more important for the children then they would be able to have better futures-yes I know ALOT would have to change for things to get to that point but I just feel if theysimply started now-it's never too late!!!
With my husband's case if his parents did any kind of parenting and put more of a focus on Education he would have so many oppurtunities for him and our family!! Ok enough ranting!!!!

In the DR, I consider it a great accomplishment to have a high school education. Most of the poor have to quit school to work and help support the family. Thus, the neverending vicious circle of poverty.

[/QUOTE]


I don't, by any stretch of the imagination, encourage not educating the country - on the contrary. What I meant was that it's reality for children to either not go to school at all or to have very little education. I admire the parents who make education a priority. As in the case of my aunt's family mentioned above, all children that have graduated are either taking English or computer classes to upgrade. All four want to eventually have a degree. With the little money they have and little time they have due to working, I feel this is highly admirable, as well as inspirational. I always tell my aunt and uncle that they should be very proud of their daughters...and they are.

Anyways, as Anna said, back to the topic.

 

[bob saunders]

My mother-in-law arrived yesterday as a landed immigrant. Life should be interesting.

 

[trina]

My mother-in-law arrived yesterday as a landed immigrant. Life should be interesting.

Best of luck, Bob. I think it takes a man of your patience and kindness to venture into this territory. Yris sounds like a lovely woman - we definitely have to get our families together sometime. I wish you all the best and hope everything turns out well.

 

[AnnaC]

All the best to you Bob.

Keep us posted on how older immigrants adjust to being relocated. I remember it being hardest on my grandmothers to be in a new land.

 

[sweetpea0928]

300 dollars is a lot to a Dominican

Great comments and advice. As to this statement, however:

I think only sugar cane workers make that little. My best friend Denny works for a little beach shop, and she makes 4,000 RD/month. We don't send more than what Angel was contributing in the DR, and I think that's excellent advice. We will also pay for his sister's University education; she plans to go into Education. She is very bright, and if we can help, why not? I wouldn't do so if I thought she wasn't going to follow through with it, but I had help from my father with education, and if I can pass the gift along, I will. It will set her up to someday be self-sufficient and self-reliant.

$300.00 is a lot to a Dominican. You are VERY gracious. The average salary is more around 3 thousand pesos and that is not just for cane workers. It is for people who work in restaurants, some teachers at public schools and banqueras to name a few. If you figure that it takes around 30 pesos right now to make a dollar then your cousin is currently making the equivalent of about 133 dollars. I just got back in July from living there and I was making 20,000 pesos monthly. This was nothing considering that I had to change my pesos to dollars as I was coming back to the United states. However, to most Dominicans there, I was considered "rich". I must also add that my husband who has been at his job for 6 years, works at least 14 hours daily only makes 7000 pesos and he STILL (he is still in the DR) sends money to his family in the campo.

 

[trina]

$300.00 is a lot to a Dominican. You are VERY gracious. The average salary is more around 3 thousand pesos and that is not just for cane workers. It is for people who work in restaurants, some teachers at public schools and banqueras to name a few. If you figure that it takes around 30 pesos right now to make a dollar then your cousin is currently making the equivalent of about 133 dollars. I just got back in July from living there and I was making 20,000 pesos monthly. This was nothing considering that I had to change my pesos to dollars as I was coming back to the United states. However, to most Dominicans there, I was considered "rich". I must also add that my husband who has been at his job for 6 years, works at least 14 hours daily only makes 7000 pesos and he STILL (he is still in the DR) sends money to his family in the campo.

Thank you. So based on your firgures, and two in the household, we are sending about what the average Dominican makes. Two in the house, times $3000RD = $6000 RD, or $300 Cdn. I just realized that you are talking USD, but I'm Canadian, and it's more like $20 RD to the dollar. And that really pays for nothing. I would have to disagree, though, that the avg Dominican makes $3000. I know animacion staff at the CM hotel who now make around $7000 RD, so I am assuming wages all over have gone up, as a result of rapidly increased inflation. As noted above, my cousin, who is a worker in a beach store, makes $4000 RD, and her husband, a cook at the CM, makes $7000 RD. The only ones making less than $3000 RD, IMO, someone that lives there can correct me if I'm wrong, are the sugar cane workers. We all know Dominicans won't do that job, it's nearly 100% Haitian.

Here's a thread that also supports my numbers:
http://www.dr1.com/forums/showthread.php?t=43363

 

[Nelly]

My point of reference is my ex's family and friends not all Domicans as I can only claim to know a few. However, in my opinion, working class Dominicans are very much aware that they are rediculously underpaid. They know that they can afford very little discretionary spending. I don't think they see $300as a lot of money. While extra money makes a huge difference in meeting everyday needs, it will never be enough to provide the things that most of us take for granted such as going out for dinner, saving for your child's education, travelling every year, owning and maintaining a car or two, computers in every room, etc., etc., and don't kid yourself, Dominicans do know what they are missing and how far they are away from achieving these things. My point is that if someone makes $133 us per month and they are getting $300 from family abroad ( or from a broad abroad haha) they aren't going to be living the high life on 12000pesos per month. This is not a lot of money, and they know that it is not a lot of money.

 

[trina]

getting $300 from family abroad ( or from a broad abroad haha)

You're so cute. Very good points, Nelly. You always have such reasoned thinking, and can say things in a much more rational way than a lot of us.

 

[Nelly]

Thank you so much, Trina. Its so nice when people read you the way you intended to be read. I stuggle with every word trying to get my thoughts across which, as you know, can be difficult at times.

 

[Fred]

Sending Mone

Yes I agree that some people need help, however, what really makes me angry about this type of Dominican is that instead of "Pulling themselves up by their bootstraps" by either having a garage sale or getting some other kind of job or working 2-3 jobs if someone in their family needs help. They look for the easy way out and just call relatives and "EXPECT" them to send money.

They dont even bother to try. I just call my brother or sister and they will send me the money. And these are ADULTS..

I would never ever send money to someone who is able to work. Period. My wife's brother has been in the US since he was 15. He does not have a steady job, does not speak English has no car. Yet he will call the odd time and I know he wants my wife to send him money..


When I get the phone call and see his number I simply do not pick up the phone. I do not feel sorry for him.

 

[Nelly]

Yes I agree that some people need help, however, what really makes me angry about this type of Dominican is that instead of "Pulling themselves up by their bootstraps" by either having a garage sale or getting some other kind of job or working 2-3 jobs if someone in their family needs help. They look for the easy way out and just call relatives and "EXPECT" them to send money.

They dont even bother to try. I just call my brother or sister and they will send me the money. And these are ADULTS..

I would never ever send money to someone who is able to work. Period. My wife's brother has been in the US since he was 15. He does not have a steady job, does not speak English has no car. Yet he will call the odd time and I know he wants my wife to send him money..


When I get the phone call and see his number I simply do not pick up the phone. I do not feel sorry for him.

Sell what??? Most "working class" dominican families that I know only have the bare basic necessities in their homes. A garage sale? The kind of makes me laugh. With almost every second person being unemployed ( i read that the unemployment rate was around 40%), how do you suppose one would work 2 to 3 jobs when it is hard enough to get one. You might want to check your empathy levels, I think they are low.

 

[Fred]

No low empathy levels

How come Dominicans have such an imagination when it comes to making excuses for people abroad to send them money? All I am saying is that they should first look to other sources of income other than just calling relatives.

Just watch television in the US or Canada. The Anglos are always saying "Yes it can be done" with this attitude.


Then just watch the Mexican or other Latin soap operas. They always have a !@@# excuse not to do something.

Like I said before, unless someone is old or infirm I will not help any able bodied individual unless under extreme circumstances.

 

[lapuli]

Just wanted to say hello, I am new to, I just happened to be browising looking for a place to retire to . I was born in DR but left when I was two and just whent back after 39 years( all of my family had immigrated to NYC.)
and just fell inlove with my country. Really look foward to going back next July. I have to say I feel so bad that I stood away for so long....
My kids loved it. They said that they enjoyed it more than the other places that we visited.(Cancun, Puerto Rico, Disney,California etc..)

 

[trina]

I've been thinking a little about this thread recently, as I know of a couple of people that are in the process of relocating their spouses. Something I forgot to mention in the beginning was actually a fairly large source of stress for us. Angel, when he first arrived, didn't know the difference between a "want" and a "need". (I've heard the same story from others who have relocated a Dominican, although I realize I am unfairly generalizing here). When he went to the store, he was like a kid in a candy store for a while. We "need" this, and we "need" that. I'd explain, "Well you know what? I'm 30-years-old (at the time), and I've lived without it for 30 years - you have lived without it for longer than that, so I guess we don't really "need" it at all. You want it. Maybe in the future, when we have some extra $$$, we can buy what you want. But don't ever confuse a "want" with a "need"." It was a battle for a while, but in time, he saw my point. He realized it around the time he realized that since arriving in Canada, he had yet to see a money tree or have money fall on him in the street.

I'd also like to somewhat revisit the control issue. I know of a few people who try to control their Dominican spouses by using various measures. They are only going to hurt themselves in the long run, because they are creating a prison atmosphere, and who wants to live like that? The Dominican is going to think that living here involves nothing but work, and that's no life that I want to live. Bringing your spouse here and giving them a better life does not entitle anyone to threaten them (ie deportation, etc) and control them. Everything will eventually catch up to you, and you will learn that your own fears and insecurities was the downfall of your marriage.

Anyways, hope these tidbits help someone out there. Although this is a rather old thread, I know it's filled with many people's stories and advice and hopefully will help some new people embarking on this journey. Good luck to all.

 

[katie06]

Has anyone had experience of relocating in UK?

Firstly i would like to say thank you to Trina for taking the time to share your experiences and encouraging others to do so its a great support to know others have survived this.

i have been with my partner for just under 2 years and gone through many of the emotions posted on this site . dating long distance is a test on any relationship . we have tried for a vacation visa with no joy as my partner is not one of the wealthy dominicans well not finanancially but i think that's what makes him a special person untainted by the greed of the western world i am going on now sorry ,and that was the reason the visa was declined on the bais of his bank account which as i guess you all know when pesos are transfered to ? or $ will never be much.

Our time together is dependent on my partner and i using vacation entitlement with me returning to DR which is not ideal.
since then we have decided that this is long term and would prefer to live in UK so in the mean time my partner returned to school to improve his english and get more qualifications to help him adapt to life here. but i am concerned as to how he will cope as he has never left DR with this in mind;
we decided to apply for fiance visa as this would give my partner the chance to experience the UK and for us to live together before making the final comittment .but this has been a nightmare i wont go into too much detail in case one of them is reading this but it certainly isn't aimed at being helpfull and is upsetting that all your personal life is being scrutinised by some guy who wont even come from behind his desk to meet you.

i am now looking into seeing if i can take time out to spend time there but not easy with work ,house commitments etc the system does seem to encourage you to get married as it seems the only way you can have a normal relationship together



any information regarding this would be really appreciated

and thanks again to all of you that have posted to date it is really helpful to read your accounts good and bad