What does "Papi" mean and appropriate to say?

[Larry]

My two cents...

If my fiance was calling other men "papi" or "mi amor" I would not be happy about it. I don't care if it is acceptable to some people, as far as I am concerned it is a respect thing. I would not call other woman "babe" in her presence out of respect for her. It goes both ways. If I told her not to call other men "papi" and she continued to anyway, I would dump her. Her continuing to call other men "papi" would be a blatent display of disrespect and the tip of the iceberg.

Larry

 

[AnnaC]

She doesn't like to be spanked when we have sex.....and I love doing that, but she doesn't like it....I don't see that as change, but compromise, if she really doesn't like it.....

Excuse my language but what the f....does this have to do with it? :laugh: not exactly what I meant by " don't play games."

 

[Victor Laszlo]

Compromise!

She said she didn't want to change who she was for anyone. I thought of this as more like compromise. She doesn't like to be spanked when we have sex.....and I love doing that, but she doesn't like it....I don't see that as change, but compromise, if she really doesn't like it.

OK, how?s about every time she calls someone ?papi? or ?mi amor? inappropriately, you get to spank her during sex? Maybe then her behavior in this regard would not bother you so much. In fact, you might begin to encourage it. :classic:

 

[deelt]

I do agree with Larry on this. If it clearly makes you feel uncomfortable she should be willing to understand this. If she respects you she will do it to please you. Papi can also be a cover up for not knowning a person's name. It's a slick way of avoiding a faux pas.

D

My two cents...

If my fiance was calling other men "papi" or "mi amor" I would not be happy about it. I don't care if it is acceptable to some people, as far as I am concerned it is a respect thing. I would not call other woman "babe" in her presence out of respect for her. It goes both ways. If I told her not to call other men "papi" and she continued to anyway, I would dump her. Her continuing to call other men "papi" would be a blatent display of disrespect and the tip of the iceberg.

Larry

 

[Rick Snyder]

Making a mountain out of a mole-hill

The old addage "You can take the girl out of the country but you can't take the country out of the girl" applies here. I never really understood this completely until I took my Dominican wife to the USA for a year. You yourself have used the magic word "culture" in your posts. This is part of their culture and you wanting to change that is not a good idea unless you were to address it as you having an idea as to a better way for her to communicate to other people to help her better her acceptance rather then because it bothers you. A number of members have told you that the word "papi" by itself has no true sentimental meaning and therefore you should in fact forget it. As you are an American I am 100% certain that there are times during normal conversation that you have used the word or words Hun, Sweet, Sweetheart, Dear, Sugar, Darling, Honey, Young thing or something of that nature and when you used these words it was not done out of disrespect or because you were making a pass at the female but as a sign of sincerity or because us ewere useing it to help you in your desire to get better service etc. When you used these words your mind didn't stop in mid-stream and say use a slang word to help in the conversation it just came out as that is what you have learned in life. Please don't fight with her over a stupid word that has no meaning to her just to you. At the same time I must ask if she has tried to change the way you say or do things "culture" because it upsets her? I don't think so. Instead of mentioning things that YOU don't like how about trying to teach a better way for HER benefit.

 

[liam1]

does she call you PAPI?

 

[lizzyjl80]

My two cents...

If my fiance was calling other men "papi" or "mi amor" I would not be happy about it. I don't care if it is acceptable to some people, as far as I am concerned it is a respect thing. I would not call other woman "babe" in her presence out of respect for her. It goes both ways. If I told her not to call other men "papi" and she continued to anyway, I would dump her. Her continuing to call other men "papi" would be a blatent display of disrespect and the tip of the iceberg.

Larry

Thats where it gets difficult. Calling someone dear as in: "Would you pass me the salt dear" to a waitress in a restaurant or or as i stated in my first post in this thread is way different than saying: "Hey babe pass me the salt"


This is were our relaxed and mellow tropical manner gets difficult for other cultures. Its not a matter of how educated you are or not its a matter of culture. As for you Larry try saying that in front of your "mami" and see if you still have one when the last words of the sentence rolls of the tough :lick:

 

[DRsScarface]

Maybe It's Because...

Maybe the reason she uses 'papi' so much is becuase she lived in Puerto Rico. "Papi" is like the most used word in Puerto Rico and a person will say that to just about anyone. Men even call other men "papi" (which i find disturbing). It is used in the DR but it's not nearly as common as in PR. In the DR men also call women mami ....eventhough that is usually meant in a more 'sexual' perverted way. However, since she is married now...she should try to stop using that word so much because it does look REALLY bad when she is with her fiance/husban and she calls another man papi RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIS FACE!!!!!!!

 

[mobrouser]

... If I told her not to call other men "papi" and she continued to anyway, I would dump her.

larry, you might just find that if you ask her, she would be quite willing to change her habits.

mob

 

[Larry]

larry, you might just find that if you ask her, she would be quite willing to change her habits.

mob

No mobrouser, I would be TELLING her. I would be TELLING her that I did not want her to call other men papi. ASKING gives a choice. Just like if I was calling other women "baby" she would surely TELL me that she didn't want me to do that. And because I would understand that this was important to her, I would comply.

Larry

 

[bdj]

HB
I think you are judging this issue with prejudice. That's not right.

BDJ
I think this is an issue of comfort zone and upbringing. Culturally, people who tend to grow up in DR/PR tend to speak this way generally to anybody. I've heard people say, mami, papi, carino, chulo, amor, negro/a, etc. It IS like say
ing sweetie, sweetheart, honey or hon to a complete stranger.

However, while I know this is common practice and have been victim to it and have even said the words myself (in fact I used it today in a posting on dr1), I sometimes do not feel comfortable using it. Maybe its the American in me (I am of Dominican descent). I have even been called carino by my friend's husband in front of her!! I totally felt uncomfortable, but didn't say anything. Because I know this is just how this guy is, and that he means nothing by it. Both he and his wife were DR raised and are both well educated.

So as you have done I would tell her where you stand on the issue and let it go. If possible embrace the words and use them yourself when appropriate.

d

I understand sometimes it is said to others. I sometimes, very sarcastically say it to my godsons fathers wife. We are like brothers and they know the intent and do the same thing to me. But not to people that I don't know or are not like family.

Culturally, the kissing on the cheek is something new as well. I don't mind that, but still don't have a handle on when to do or not to do....I'm trying to learn that and be comfortable with that. I fully accept that, it's just different. Chulo I think means handsome, I'm not sure what carino means.

And I'm not sure I can embrace using those words with others....It just means something different to me. Maybe time will change that as I learn more spanish and become more fluent. I'm still at advanced begginners stage.

 

[bdj]

My two cents...

If my fiance was calling other men "papi" or "mi amor" I would not be happy about it. I don't care if it is acceptable to some people, as far as I am concerned it is a respect thing. I would not call other woman "babe" in her presence out of respect for her. It goes both ways. If I told her not to call other men "papi" and she continued to anyway, I would dump her. Her continuing to call other men "papi" would be a blatent display of disrespect and the tip of the iceberg.

Larry

Mi amor doesn't bother me AS much as papi. The respect thing is what I felt. She was very defensive at first, I think because she thought I was accusing her of being unfaithful, which I was not. I was more like, "why would you do such a thing".

 

[bdj]

Excuse my language but what the f....does this have to do with it? :laugh: not exactly what I meant by " don't play games."

It had to do with her not wanting to "change" who she was as a person. (saying papi, etc.)

There are things we all do that we might like, but we also take into cosideration what the other feels.

The spanking, the laptop computer in bed, etc.....all things that I like to do, but if it bothers her, it's not that big of a deal, I can change that. or compromise with those things.

I would not consider that changing who I am as a person. There are many other words that she could use to express herself besides papi.

 

[bdj]

OK, how?s about every time she calls someone ?papi? or ?mi amor? inappropriately, you get to spank her during sex? Maybe then her behavior in this regard would not bother you so much. In fact, you might begin to encourage it. :classic:

LOL, I've thought about that. I just don't want to play games like that. Those type of things normally end up doing more harm than good.

 

[bdj]

I do agree with Larry on this. If it clearly makes you feel uncomfortable she should be willing to understand this. If she respects you she will do it to please you. Papi can also be a cover up for not knowning a person's name. It's a slick way of avoiding a faux pas.

D

I think once she understood I was not accusing her of being unfaithful and that her intent was not bad, she showed more understanding. She didn't exactly say she would stop....but we talked about other words that could be used. The only one I didn't like to much was baby.

She said at work, she doesn't remember everyones name and will call them papi because of that reason.

 

[bdj]

1. The old addage "You can take the girl out of the country but you can't take the country out of the girl" applies here. I never really understood this completely until I took my Dominican wife to the USA for a year. You yourself have used the magic word "culture" in your posts.

2. This is part of their culture and you wanting to change that is not a good idea unless you were to address it as you having an idea as to a better way for her to communicate to other people to help her better her acceptance rather then because it bothers you.

3. A number of members have told you that the word "papi" by itself has no true sentimental meaning and therefore you should in fact forget it.

4. As you are an American I am 100% certain that there are times during normal conversation that you have used the word or words Hun, Sweet, Sweetheart, Dear, Sugar, Darling, Honey, Young thing or something of that nature and when you used these words it was not done out of disrespect or because you were making a pass at the female but as a sign of sincerity or because us ewere useing it to help you in your desire to get better service etc.

When you used these words your mind didn't stop in mid-stream and say use a slang word to help in the conversation it just came out as that is what you have learned in life.

5. Please don't fight with her over a stupid word that has no meaning to her just to you. At the same time I must ask if she has tried to change the way you say or do things "culture" because it upsets her? I don't think so. Instead of mentioning things that YOU don't like how about trying to teach a better way for HER benefit.

1. I am attempting to learn the Dominican Culture. This is part of my attempt.

2. Well, it does bother me. Also, the way that this word is used in america is quite different. People will look at her differently here when she uses that word the way she uses it now. People will look at her with disrespect as well as look at me with disrespect because I might "allow" it. "****, she don't respect him, he don't respect himself, I can screw her and do it in front of him as well. They are both a joke."

3. It may not mean anything in DR, but to most in america, it does mean something. So compromise might be in order. As stated, there are many words that in DR would basically mean the same thing. But would not mean the same thing here.

4. I'm different than the norm. I worked for a long time to be comfortable in saying baby. I had to practice saying that. And she's the only one I say it too. I say "what's up man", "what's up kiddo", "what's up girl". That's it. It sounds good when others say "how are you, my friend", but it doesn't sound right coming from me. Can't get used to that. Dear, Darling, etc...I dont say that to anyone but my girl. Most would....I'm just a lil different.

But I do get your point. true.

5. We discuss, we are not fighting. Culturally, it would help for her to understand that when she says those things in america, most will think she is a flirt and trying to hook up with them.

..

I do appreciate your post.

 

[bdj]

does she call you PAPI?

Once in a while. Not alot. She said it for the first time with "meaning" a short time ago.

BDJ is short for big daddy jungle. my crazy internet name. I joked around many times...."don't mess with big daddy" etc.

She more often calls me "big daddy" and half the time with meaning.

She sometimes would call me her "bad boy".

 

[bdj]

1. Maybe the reason she uses 'papi' so much is becuase she lived in Puerto Rico. "Papi" is like the most used word in Puerto Rico and a person will say that to just about anyone. Men even call other men "papi" (which i find disturbing). It is used in the DR but it's not nearly as common as in PR.

2. In the DR men also call women mami ....eventhough that is usually meant in a more 'sexual' perverted way.

3. However, since she is married now...she should try to stop using that word so much because it does look REALLY bad when she is with her fiance/husban and she calls another man papi RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIS FACE!!!!!!!

1. I lived in Puerto Rico with her.

I don't recall hardly any people saying that much. Her sons say that calling another man papi is not right.

2. sexualy perverted way? Like how?

3. We are not married, but we are talking about it. We'll be married or engaged in 2005, or probably not together.

I will say, I don't recall her using that word in front of me very much. To her young sons friends, or really young kids. She might have said it to some man, that was the husband of a very close friend. (like she used to live with them). Like your compadre or commadre.

That's why I was a little shocked to hear her call this man that she had only known for 4 or so months. I understand her reasoning for this as she explained. Her ex's sister, (they are like sisters) is talking about marrying this guy. She want's to make him comfortable and at ease so he show's who he really is, so she can help find out any bad thing and protect her. Not to mention he may be moving into the house in January and she has her young son living there.

And then she went on to say that she calls guys at work papi almost everyday. ???????? I was speechless. ok, she doesn't remember all their names as the job is new....I started thinking about just how often this is occuring. Her boss jokes that she is his girlfriend. man oh man!!!!

She does feel comfortable enough speaking to me to be completely honest, which is one of the reasons I love her. If your honest, we can work through most anything. Honesty is the most important thing to me. If we don't have that, we have nothing.

So this is not really a fight at all, just us being honest with each other and now we are working our way through it in many ways. This won't be settlled in a day or a week. Maybe a month. Not constant discussions.

 

[wc3]

"Fact of life.

Make a better choice next time..."


HB[/QUOTE]

Of many post I've read, never has sunch an honest, insightful, "real", sobering, and appropriate repsonse been given.

This guy knows his stuff; he has his pulse on the DR.

But then, given the "insecurity" evidenced by the concern of the inital post, perhaps fate commands that these two be together: she as described by HB, and he for what he shows.

Thuth is, I get a sense of "carino" when I am referred to in this way - by say store clerks (female). Yet, a different sense of "carino" when my gf uses these phrases. So I guess in some ways I can undersatnd the "thinking" behind the intitial question. But after "thinking it" for a moment, my friend, LET IT GO! Y YA!

This is funny as heck!
wc

 

[Conchman]

this thread is too funny, my girl calls me "Papi Chulo"