the big problem is that his mother nags me all the time and the family in the DR in poverty call and harrass me to suport him and make him a permanent resident because the life in the DR is too hard for him and that it is damaging everything that we spent years building together.
the big problem is that his mother nags me all the time and the family in the DR in poverty call and harrass me to suport him and make him a permanent resident because the life in the DR is too hard for him and that it is damaging everything that we spent years building together.
Hes young and stupid i dont agree that shiping him off will solve the problem maybe in the short term but not the long term. You say yourself he was in a bad way when u met him .He sounds troubled to me maybe this has something to do with his biological father rejecting him maybe this is why he resents you and has problems accepting you as his father he is obviously crying out for help just not neccesarly doing it in the right way i think you need to work on breaking down boudarys.By shipping him back to DR you are actually contributing to his road of rejection and the situation will probably worsen.
Also as a mother myself i find a previous comment about the fact that you married your wife and not her son totally unacceptable when you married your wife you got a package and i would put NO man before my son EVER no matter how bad he was and it looks like your wife feels the same.
I know others will probably disagree with my comments but its just my take on it .
He's no longer your problem if he is 18, working and living somewhere else. If he has permission to work, fine, let him work. Let him learn how tough life can be, and how good he had it until he blew it with you. He can worry about his own passport and his own permanent residency if that's what he wants.
If he hates the US so much, he'll go back on his own. Also tell your wife that your home is off-limits to this creep. Would you do any different if he was your biological son? I wouldn't until he shaped up.
If your wife continues to nag on you, then lay it down with her too - turn off the spigot, or go live with her son, or go back to the DR, but you're not going to take it from her anymore either. Tell the in-laws to go to hell, and phooey to the idea of supporting this parasite if he goes back to the DR too.
Some people don't appreciate what they have until they lose it, and they won't appreciate "nice" - show them what hard-ass looks like, and let them make their choices.
Why do you want to send him back?? Is true that he was a punk with you, but he is already out of your house and living on his own. Is he in the USA with a visitor visa or with a residence?? If he is with a visitor visa, he will be illegal after 6 months of entering the US and will be deported if caught, if he has residence, you have no grounds to send him to the DR, the only way to do that is if he does some felony, do some time and then gets his residence removed, you don't have the power to remove him, even if you sponsored him. I'll say let him be on his own, maybe he is just a ni?o malcriado with lacks of manner, but at least he is already living in his own.
If you are helping him in any sorts, stop it right away, don't pay for any cell phone, his mother would help him anyway, so you don't have the obligation, you were good to him and he didn't appreciate it. I don't believe deportation will be the solution of your problem, but drastic measures are needed. I know every expat here believe deportation is the best solution, but I don't find that's the case, the kid hasn't done a felony in the US, he is just an extremely spoiled kid who needs a good spankin. How about you send him to the US Army?? That's what I would do, or send him to one of the tough loves camps.
... Also as a mother myself i find a previous comment about the fact that you married your wife and not her son totally unacceptable when you married your wife you got a package and i would put NO man before my son EVER no matter how bad he was and it looks like your wife feels the same....
Yea owl41, IT sounds like a good idea to take a 3-5 hour plane ride to be with a Unfaithful cheating Dominican man because the Barrio dweller unemployed loser gets respect from his fellow barrio tigaras.She is absolutely right! You can't possibly think that when you marry a woman, her children are not proverbially "part of the package."
But aside from that, a lot of these of people are right to say that you have demonstrated weakness as a man and that the boy and his mother probably don't respect you. One of the many reasons I decided that I'd prefer dating a dominican man who lives X amount of miles and a plane flight away is because I find that, despite their reputation for being unfaithful, these men demand and receive respect from their friends and family; they are strong and don't take sh*t from anyone... something many american men find hard to achieve...some because they're scared to, some because they don't know how. Decide which one you are and move on from there. Please know that if it's the former as opposed to the latter, you will be heading for divorce soon.
On another note, I have been considering moving to DR and plan to spend next summer there. I have been researching a lot of issues related to the adjustment phase of living in a foreign country. One of the things that I have found is that the adjustment process is much longer than one might expect. And as difficult or poor as his life may have been in the DR, there's no changing the fact that his coming here took him away from all that he ever knew. American teenagers act up with less of a reason. He doesn't have an american education, likely doesn't speak very good english or he may with a heavy accent, and unless you live in a neighborhood where this is common he's probably having a really hard time adjusting to everything (and by the way, probably having equally as hard of a time finding and keeping a job for the same reasons... you know one cannot live by themselves off of minimum wage in the states). I'm not sayinig he's right or that you should give him a break. But try to understand his position and put yourself in his shoes. Seek out a counselor for yourself and get a plan of action. Ignoring, forgetting or deporting him is not the answer you need.
Hm.. well... I can see how this is complete nonsense to an outside viewer... good thing I don't run my life but what other people think. I appreciate your opinion though.
In my humble opinion, I think that all men should garner and expect respect, regardless of socioeconomic class or other status. In my opinion, the breakdown of the man as the head of household or cornerstone of the family is the biggest culprit in divorce and abuse rates in America. May seem simple or old-fashioned, or ripe for abuse, but I like my men that way and I guess that's the risk I'm willing to take. I'd much rather that than having a man be subservient to me... and essentially not a man at all.
But please tell me rsg...what makes you think I'm over 40? And what makes you think that the Dominican man I am dating is in his 20's or younger than me? I suppose it doesn't matter. But if it makes you feel any better, neither of those assumptions is right.
Sorry Owel41 I was trying to give my opinion on why this young 18 year old is so out of controll. The Respect and male supremecy that you speak of should be earned and not giving to most of these males that go around having kids and not supporting them.How can the male be the cornerstone of the family when he has 5 chicas and hangs on the corner all day? Back on topic.....Hm.. well... I can see how this is complete nonsense to an outside viewer... good thing I don't run my life but what other people think. I appreciate your opinion though.
In my humble opinion, I think that all men should garner and expect respect, regardless of socioeconomic class or other status. In my opinion, the breakdown of the man as the head of household or cornerstone of the family is the biggest culprit in divorce and abuse rates in America. May seem simple or old-fashioned, or ripe for abuse, but I like my men that way and I guess that's the risk I'm willing to take. I'd much rather that than having a man be subservient to me... and essentially not a man at all.
But please tell me rsg...what makes you think I'm over 40? And what makes you think that the Dominican man I am dating is in his 20's or younger than me? I suppose it doesn't matter. But if it makes you feel any better, neither of those assumptions is right.
Sorry Owel41 I was trying to give my opinion on why this young 18 year old is so out of controll. The Respect and male supremecy that you speak of should be earned and not giving to most of these males that go around having kids and not supporting them.How can the male be the cornerstone of the family when he has 5 chicas and hangs on the corner all day? Back on topic.....
This kis is ot of controll and should be sent back to the DR for his family to take care of. The OP May think that his marriage is good now, but watch when things really get out of controll with this kid, just watch how fast the wife shows her true colors and sides with her son over the husband.Just remember, blood is thicker then gringo husbands.
For his family?? his family is his mother which is in the USA, he already is of legal age and is already out of the house living in his own. Why is that now is more convenient to send him to other family rather than his mother, specifically the one that is in the DR? I believe that the main push here from every expat is not to help that troubled kid but to take him out of the USA ASAP, just because he fought with his stepfather. Not condoning that kind of action but the day will come when you'll want to deport every Dominican in the USA for sneezing without permission.