I need personal OPINIONS, without personal ATTACKS

[dv8]

listen, mami, read and re-read what lambada wrote: in the future you may not be in any touch with your kids but you are stuck with yourself forever
i do not believe in all this "mother should always sacrifice" stuff. i believe that mother has the right to happiness, growth and peace.
i know your kids want to go back but they will grow too and they will see that santiago may offer more when it comes to play but USA offers more when it comes to work and education. eventually they will want to stay, they'll make new friends, start new lives.
i am told NC is very beautiful and there is a dominican community there (miesposo's family, in fact, lives in NC and my suegros have some property there). travelling back and forth may be a bit problematic (change of planes in miami) but is fairly inexpensive and can be done.
as for the kid: small children learn differently than adults, i am sure there will be no problem with english nor spanish when both languages are taught simultaneously.
take care!

 

[Black Dog]

As a parent you have to do what you truely believe to be in the best, long term, interest of your children. I believe that is the absolute responsibility of all parents! So just think about that aspect, "what is best in the long term for my kids"? and do that.
Just my way of looking at life!

 

[corsair74]

Think of your kids first. No way can they get a better edumacation in the DR than within the Chapel Hill community.

I agree 100%. Your kids can spend their summers in Santiago.

 

[whirleybird]

I dare to disagree with a number of respected posters here but for one reason only..... life is for living and being as happy as you can be for the time which is now as, sadly, we don't actually know when that 'time' may be up!!

 

[DRob]

Shalena,

Respectfully, I would take the position in North Carolina. It sounds like a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and immerse the kids in the Chapel Hill culture. It's an absolutely amazing and inspiring place far removed from NYC.

2 1/2 - 4 years will blow by (esp. if you're taking trips to Santiago during the year). After that, you'll be able to move on your terms, without making financial sacrifices.

In the (relatively short) meantime, your kids will benefit from warmer weather, a nice college town atmosphere, amazing educational and social opportunities, and all the other benefits that Chapel Hill living offers. And their well-being must take precedence.

Either way, all the best for you and your family. :glasses:

DRob

 

[Bob K]

For me this one is a no brainer. Think of:
1. your future...your kids will be out from the nest one day
2. Your mental and knowledge growth and what you can give back
3. Your kids education and all that comes with that for thier future.
4. Your kids socialization and skills they can aquire there vs here

Bob K

 

[SKing]

Thanks everyone, BTW my kids have never lived in NYC, we have always been here in Raleigh, NC so Chapel Hill won't be new to them. I only went to NYC to work when I lived in Santiago because they paid more. But the kids have never been.
Everyone brings up all of the things that I have been thinking. Aaaaargh! It's so hard, my problem is that also whatever I decide I will long for the other decision also. If I'm in Santiago, I will wonder about what would have been with the job, or if I stay in NC, I will long for Santiago.
I must say that I am leaning toward staying, but the tears flow even as I think of it. That also could be the hormones though
SHALENA

 

[Africaida]

Never say Never.....

Maybe, you should think about bringing your significant other if you decide to stay. It would sure make things easier.

 

[2dlight]

Your kids will long for Santiago but will miss it less if you get them into extracurricular activities and participating in sports. As other posters stated, kids are resilient and masters of adaptation and will thank you(much later) for the wise choices you made, and the opportunities you made available to them.

 

[Frank the Tank]

Take the job

 

[M.A.R.]

Thanks everyone, BTW my kids have never lived in NYC, we have always been here in Raleigh, NC so Chapel Hill won't be new to them. I only went to NYC to work when I lived in Santiago because they paid more. But the kids have never been.
Everyone brings up all of the things that I have been thinking. Aaaaargh! It's so hard, my problem is that also whatever I decide I will long for the other decision also. If I'm in Santiago, I will wonder about what would have been with the job, or if I stay in NC, I will long for Santiago.
I must say that I am leaning toward staying, but the tears flow even as I think of it. That also could be the hormones though
SHALENA

Awwh Shalena, you will be ok if you stay in NC, right now you are overwhelmed with all these decisions but things it will get better, My goodness you just had a baby that in itself is a lot!!!

 

[Lambada]

It's so hard, my problem is that also whatever I decide I will long for the other decision also. If I'm in Santiago, I will wonder about what would have been with the job, or if I stay in NC, I will long for Santiago.

Of course, all perfectly normal. I also think a gap of time in living here, whilst you grow professionally, will help you to return as a more competent expat, one less likely to experience some of the issues you experienced here before.

 

[Tarheel]

Shalena,

I live in North Carolina (Winston-Salem area) and love it. However we do have winter here and last winter was unusually bad. I think your kids would adjust to NC in time but this is about you.

As someone who has strived to reach financial independence (I have), this is a hard decision. But you say you are depressed and I have had that problem too. If you will be happier in Santiago then go with your heart and move back. Life is way too short to be unhappy.

Best of luck to you. You are a cool person IMO.

 

[Berzin]

My priority would be educating my children to the best of my ability. Granted your kids love Santiago (who wouldn't?) but their future is going to depend on getting the best education possible.

The quality of life in the DR comes at a cost. Ask yourself how well-prepared for the future your kids will be living and attending school there as opposed to the states.

You need to set up a place where your children can acclimate to the challenges of the future. The best way to do that will be through education. The DR ain't the place for that. The area in North Carolina where you'd be working will suit your kids much better to prepare them for high school, college and beyond.

Whatever your children's interests are, they will be better served by attending school in the states.

As for you, eventually, as you get older you will run out of gas. It happens to everyone. Are you going to keep up such a hectic pace in 10-15 years?

A single mother with four children needs some type of network to rely on. You cannot do it all yourself, even though I've always found you to be something of a "Superwoman". Going back and forth constantly for work in the US not only puts added stress on you, but now you must rely on strangers as a support mechanism for your children. As they grow older they will become more independent, but you now have a newborn. I wouldn't leave a newborn with ANYONE.

The more vulnerable you appear (single mother with four kids, no family in the DR, time away from the country working ) the more you open yourself to wolves in sheep's clothing. Ask yourself this-how many times, in your relations with the Dominicans you've had to depend on, has the situation gotten around to them trying to fleece you or otherwise take advantage?

If you had a strong family in the DR to help, I would say go live your dream. But you don't. Your children miss the DR because it was fun for them, but fun time will not prepare them for the challenges they will face as adults.

And without a good education, they face two paths-abject failure or gross underachievement.

I hope this helps and please understand my intentions were not to bash but to illustrate my point of view.

 

[retiree]

I think that this decision should be yours alone. The children will adapt and be happy wherever they are. Sounds like they are reacting to a change and kids don't like change. You and your credentials must be very impressive to be offered this wonderful opportunity. I would look at where you want to be in several years and being in a good position financially with a rewarding and interesting career will impact the rest of your life. My children are now grown and off doing their own thing. I am glad I have the financial resources to make my life comfortable (and help them out occasionally!).

 

[bob saunders]

Of course, all perfectly normal. I also think a gap of time in living here, whilst you grow professionally, will help you to return as a more competent expat, one less likely to experience some of the issues you experienced here before.

I rarely agree with Ginnie, but in this case I totally agree. Taking the job gives you time and space to plan your future.

 

[thomasj]

Let's look at this from another angle.
I worked for many years in the Canadian Health Service. As such I came in contact with many families of diplomats which were posted there from all over the world including exotic tropical countries. When their postings finished and the fathers were transferred back to their own country or another country, their kids who were over 16 decided to stay on in Canada much to the chagrin of their parents. They had their friends and their schools there and did not want to move. Also many of them knew instinctively that they were better off in Canada and had a brighter future than in their home country.
You may find that in a few years your kids may not be inclined to come back with you to the D.R. It is a nice place to live if your money comes from somewhere else.
Think of your children's future. I have a nine year old who I would not want to make a career here. I will make sure we go back before he reaches university.

 

[AZB]

I don't need to insult you in anyway but I do have come questions. Please don't be offended.
First of all, I would like to know if you are coming here for the sake of your kids or for the sake of your own-self?
I see you have 4 kids but I also remember you had kids with a man who was (or still is) in jail back in usa (all was posted on dr1). So seems like there was no father-figure around to take care of the kids before and now it seems you have another kid with r tigre from san jose de las matas who can't even support himself without relying on your financial help.
I hope you are not coming back to be with him and making another baby in the near future. Seems like you have made all the wrong decisions in the past and now it seems evident that you have made another one with another man. If I remember correctly, you had a good job and were living well in santiago, now it seems totally opposite. You seem to have sold everything at pulga prices to rush back home to have a baby of a man who was not with you through-out the child-birth process. Seems like all he wants to do is to go to usa. So after having 3 kids from another man (or men) you had decided to have another one. Wow, you must be a super-woman to take on responsibilities like this without even winking. Now you are thinking of passing on a good job to come back to live in santiago and be with the man who can't contribute much towards keeping a family together. Nice dilemma we are talking about. You mean to tell me you will pass on a good paying job and put your kids to dominican schools in exchange for american grade schools? Boy o boy. as I missing something?
So I have a feeling, you will do whatever you always decide to do, but it seems like the decision will not be based on your mental processing of con & pro but it will certainly will be a blind decision coming from the heart.
Good luck.
AZB
Sorry I have to be rude like this, don't forget, we are talking about the future of your kids.

 

[jrhartley]

very American of you to ask the opinion of your children....I think the adult should be teliing the children whats happening

 

[? bient?t]

Wow! Whatever happened to Santiago being the center of the known universe, and PUCMM the greatest school EVER?

I see some posters contradicting things they have posted here previously - money seems to trump ALL long-held views about Santiago. Go figer!