Observations after 4 trips to the DR in 2013

[Castle]

About 20 years ago, when we both were 18 until we were 29, my girlfriend was exactly as OP described. I also stood by her throught all those years. She was (is) the nicest and most lovable girl until she got mad. Then all hell breaks loose, with verbal and physical violence included. After almost 10 years, I knew I had had enough and moved on. Fortunately that was around the time I moved to DR so I could avoid further drama and death threats. I lost count of how many psychologist, psychiatrist and therapies she went to. Nothing worked. We still talk from time to time. She got a degree in psychology a few years ago, even though she knew she could not treat herself, but she says at least she could understand where all those episodes come from. The violence has not stopped, and by now she all but stopped trying to have a relationship with men.

OP, run and move on. That's the only thing I can tell you, if only because I don't know any better.

 

[Harleysrock]

I am not sure how to answer this. First, Its not an age thing? I am not an old gringo but if I was I could understand your point. And yes you will find many beautiful Dominicans to love you here I agree.

It's quite easy to strike up a conversation with a woman here (but then again, I am respectful). The thing is she is not poor, she comes from a well to do family and yes I was warned by her parents that she can be a hurricane so they are all well aware of how she gets when she de-componsates. More closely, I am have been the only man in her life that has hung in there and didn't leave (she had two prior boyfriends before me).

I also agree, if this problem is not addressed marriage and children would be hell and walking away would be the best thing to do for everyone concerned. Professionally speaking she may have trauma induced anti-social and combative disorder triggered by child sexual abuse. But she also on the other side of the coin she has touched my heart unlike any other woman I met. When she does not have an episode she is the sweetest most loving caring woman I have had met.

Look you are in trouble if you stay, it's easy to see this. You are only visiting her a few times a year, that should be easy to hold yourself together and not freak out for that amount of time.
What is the age difference?
I am being blunt b/c you seem like a nice guy and it really sux for me to see nice people getting taken advantage of over and over and over again by dominicana's.
MEN WAKE UP OUT THERE!!!!

I may not be the smartest person out there but I KNOW A LOT about Mental Illness and Abuse issues!

 

[Harleysrock]

First of all - there are some excellent therapists here in the DR, so yes she can deal with her issues here.
She is not a poor young Dominican- she's an Engineer.
How do you know he's old. You make a lot of assumptions. One doesn't choose who they fall in love with.

Ya I make assumptions because most of the men who fall madly in love like this are old and the chicks are poor and totally using the poor gringos. It is annoying to see men being taken for a ride all the time and not say anything.

I am sure there are some good therapists here but this Country does not have a lot of resources for this, common!

I hope she gets the help she needs and I do not think people who have been abused should not have relationships but they really need to love themselves first.

 

[bob saunders]

Ya I make assumptions because most of the men who fall madly in love like this are old and the chicks are poor and totally using the poor gringos. It is annoying to see men being taken for a ride all the time and not say anything.

I am sure there are some good therapists here but this Country does not have a lot of resources for this, common!

I hope she gets the help she needs and I do not think people who have been abused should not have relationships but they really need to love themselves first.

There is the odd, and I do mean odd gringo that doesn't realize that if he's old and she's young it's a business transaction. These guys are only taken for a ride because they fool themselves. This is a different case altogether. Resources are more common in this country than you think. My wife knows many therapists...etc from university and through her work.
People require help learning to love themselves.

 

[dv8]

bob, private therapy like that is expensive in DR. family member was taking some sessions, 2 years ago or so and forking out 1,500 pesos for 45 minutes. make it twice a week and you are spending 12k just on therapy. insurances don't want to pay for meds to treat mental illnesses, pubic resources are very limited. and any mental issues still carry a heavy social load here. it is not so easy. in USA if you say you are on antidepressants you are quite likely to hear "so am i". in DR you will hear "eres loco".

 

[Empiric]

Even most great women have one a month hormonal change that makes them act weird. Check your almanac and be prepare, which most men never do. My now ex told me about it, and I said ok, since I dont keep track of the moon, please do this [give me a sign a clue as to the "date"],

So I would not take anything seriously from her during those days...

guess what, she never did it.

 

[Empiric]

Like most human mistakes, it is a matter of violating the rights of the other party, or not complying with responsabilities, which is almost the same thing.

 

[bob saunders]

bob, private therapy like that is expensive in DR. family member was taking some sessions, 2 years ago or so and forking out 1,500 pesos for 45 minutes. make it twice a week and you are spending 12k just on therapy. insurances don't want to pay for meds to treat mental illnesses, pubic resources are very limited. and any mental issues still carry a heavy social load here. it is not so easy. in USA if you say you are on antidepressants you are quite likely to hear "so am i". in DR you will hear "eres loco".

Neither she or her family are poor, and depression is common in the DR.

 

[Harleysrock]

Neither she or her family are poor, and depression is common in the DR.

It may be common but how common is actually getting help for it? It isn't! Since NA has just started being ok with talking about Mental Illness, in no way is DR even close to understanding it.

 

[Empiric]

duplicate

 

[Mountaintrout]

OP if she is treating you this bad now just wait till you get married and have kids! RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Exactly, every week is the best time to fall in love again!!!!

 

[torontiago]

I have been to other caribbean and latin american countries such as Philippines, Thailand and Cambodia !!

Lmao....

The phillipines,Thailand and Cambodia are neither latin american nor in the carribean !!

 

[grumpy]

OP you need to know you're nobody's savior. If she wants her life to get better she'll do something about it. If she doesn't and you stay with her she'll drag you down until you're as miserable as her. Leave her and save yourself a lot of pain.

 

[explorer1]

Basically, the op met a hot chick, the sex was great, blah blah blah, she is a she demon from the 7th abysmal plane of hell, which makes the sex even better...blah blah blah...but the sex...blah blah blah...the sex, dammit...blah blah blah-de-blahblah... she cut my balls off and put em in a jar, but the sex is off the chart...blah blah blah...she speka da spanish when we do it...blah blah blah..Mocha caramel choca latte...blah blah blah...Americans suck...blah blah blah blah...broad made me think I was in Cambodia, the puddy was so good...blah blah blah...sparks shot out her ass...blah blah blah, man. Blah blah.


In summary...

A good dose of hot punani can dull the eyesight of a hawk. Just sayin...

 

[kenthedentman]

Best way to deal with rage is. If your raging go to a bedroom, close the door, watch tv, sleep or whatever, but be by yourself for awhile. Best way to deal with other peoples rages? You have to know you cant fix the thoughts in other peoples heads. Maybe you should take a trip to the colmado for a beer or three when she rages. If that doesnt help her chill out, it will help you. Give time and space. Who knows, maybe one day you will recognize if there are things that trigger the rages. Then possibly you could help her avoid them.

I would suspect the OP is relatively young compared to most of yall. Hahahaha. Older guys are less likely to invest much if any time trying to fix a girl. Life is too short. And why set yourself up to be disappointed when you fail?

 

[the gorgon]

yes, ken. older guys do try to fix girls. look at all these gringos who pick up these barrio girls, and try making them into ladies. these 70 year old guys believe that their girl is special, and not like the others. so, they put them up in lavish digs, and shower them with gifts and trinkets aplenty, making them the queens on the castle. then, they find out that they are being hosed, and try even harder. the girls are just misguided, and, with proper steering from the captain, they will navigate the murky waters, docking in safe harbor. NOT!!

leave them where you found them. if you do not, you will end up there.

 

[dv8]

Neither she or her family are poor, and depression is common in the DR.

bob, 12k a month is a substantial amount of money. her family may not be poor but this kind of monthly costs are way above the means of middle class. and the rate i quoted was not even the best specialist available, nor is it up to date. with cases like that we are talking long term therapy, months, maybe years. add to this antidepressants and you are talking heavy monthly costs. who can keep that up? if it was to treat heart or something that is physical, visible and causing direct danger, maybe it would be possible. but to treat "la loca"? i don't think so.

i do, however, agree that mental problems are rampant in DR. newspapers pick up this subject often enough. and the conclusion is that there are not enough specialist, not enough help, not enough options and a strong stigma related to mental problems. despite the fact they are so common.

in our pharmacy i saw it often enough: adults - and even children - with mental problems are often locked up at home. they receive absolute zero help.

 

[RonS]

This subject really does deserve its own thread. I've often thought of the lack and quality of medical care for physical ailments for the poor in the DR, but I hadn't given a thought to the largely unseen problem of mental illness.

 

[dv8]

ron, read this thread:
http://www.dr1.com/forums/living/136655-suicides-dr.html

we talk about suicide rate, mental issues and so on. i liked several interesting articles there as well. DR has a very high suicide rate, a direct result of a very poor and inadequate mental care.

 

[sayanora]

ron, read this thread:
http://www.dr1.com/forums/living/136655-suicides-dr.html

we talk about suicide rate, mental issues and so on. i liked several interesting articles there as well. DR has a very high suicide rate, a direct result of a very poor and inadequate mental care.

The suicide rate in DR is 2.3 per 100,000 people per year, this is extremely low compared to the United States and most latin american countries.

addendum : It actually seems to be one of the lowest in the world.