Spoiled kids, faulty parents.

[dontuseEltour]

I laughed when i read some off these as when i was a kid my mother would wait till our dad got in and just say beat em all all 3 of them. Didn't matter which one had done wrong we all got a beating . Not like smacked around a couple of swipps with the belt , then we would be sent to the yard were we would procced to beat the crap out of who-ever had done wrong or get the crap beaten out of me by my brothers. And as a side our mother had a cat of nine hanging in thre closet just incase we got really out of hand.
To today i have a son great kid works hard at school is a little highper but respects his elders well and if he messes up he looses stuff and on the odd occasion a smack. Well my parents happened to be visiting for a couple of weeks and saw me get on him one day when he was being a little unrully and damn if they didn't have the balls to say to me "you know your kinnda hard on him " lol i laughed and said well if he had brothers i'd let them give him a beating and if i had a cat of nine in the closet maybe i would use that but i don't , They went kinnda qeit for a while.
We wern't beaten just made to understand what was right and what was wrong.Oh by the way i hate my brothers lol.

 

[miguel]

Giddy upppp!

What I saw last night in Supermarket Nacional was unbelievable. A young kids around 12 yrs old was needlessly touching 800 pesos special edition Vodka bottle on the rack and then accidently drops it, shattering into small pieces. The 800 pesos bottle was wasted yet the mom didn't even admonish the kid. Simply took him away as though he dropped a plastic water bottle. She was not even noticibly upset or anything. I was amazed to see that she didn't even attempt to pay for the broken bottle. then what really made me upset was that mom was seen busy shopping and the same kid was seen playing with glass juice bottles in another location of the store.
When will the parents take control of their own kids and start acting like parents, or better yet, start raising kids who would act in a more responsible way. I have seen the same attitude in all over the world, Pakistan, USA and DR etc. If that were my kid, i would have given him a smack on his face. Only then he would think twice before touching anything which doesn't belong to him.
AZB

P.S: an ocean spray 1 gallon cranberry-apple juice for 464 pesos???? That is like 15 dollars for a gallon. Holly cow, the prices have gone up insanely in stores here.

One of the biggest problem that a parent has now is that the "law" protects a kid's right. When we were gowing up, that was not the case (if you are over 40).

Now, I kid would do whatever they want and if a parent try to punish him/her, the kid would threaten to call the cops on his/her parent.

Some people are not "made" to be parents. Those parent that AZB mentioned, the ones that their kids can be trashing a whole store and them not do anything about it, are the worse of all parents. I, personally, have left a restaurant because of a parent not being able to control his kid's crying.

When some parents say, "what do you want me to do, kill the kid?", my answer is always, " you do not need to hit to educate. I had the pleasure to have had a wonderful mother that did not believed in corporal punishment. She believed in talking to the kid, kneeling the kid and taking away things that we enjoyed as pushiment. She believed in respecting the kid in order to be respected back. Very fair, but also very strict and firm. I educated my kids, 22 and 20, the same way and as of yet, I am very proud of them.

Some people are just not ready to have kids. I, sometimes, even feel sorry for the kids, because if they are acting up at such an early age, those same kids will, without a doubt, be terrors when they grow up. It's easier to say, "there's nothing I can do, my hands are tied" than taking responsability for doing a lousy job.

BTW, AZB, IMHO, the kids in the US are much worse than in the DR for the simple reason that here they have much, much more rights.

Some do not realize that when hitting a kid as punishment, they kid will get use to the hitting and then there will be a day that hi/her will not hurt anymore, no matter how severe the hitting is. They will just get use to it.

It amazes me how a "stern look" would do the job.

 

[Snuffy]

One of the biggest problem that a parent has now is that the "law" protects a kid's right. When we were gowing up, that was not the case (if you are over 40).

Now, I kid would do whatever they want and if a parent try to punish him/her, the kid would threaten to call the cops on his/her parent.

Some people are not "made" to be parents. Those parent that AZB mentioned, the ones that their kids can be trashing a whole store and them not do anything about it, are the worse of all parents. I, personally, have left a restaurant because of a parent not being able to control his kid's crying.

When some parents say, "what do you want me to do, kill the kid?", my answer is always, " you do not need to hit to educate. I had the pleasure to have had a wonderful mother that did not believed in corporal punishment. She believed in talking to the kid, kneeling the kid and taking away things that we enjoyed as pushiment. She believed in respecting the kid in order to be respected back. Very fair, but also very strict and firm. I educated my kids, 22 and 20, the same way and as of yet, I am very proud of them.

Some people are just not ready to have kids. I, sometimes, even feel sorry for the kids, because if they are acting up at such an early age, those same kids will, without a doubt, be terrors when they grow up. It's easier to say, "there's nothing I can do, my hands are tied" than taking responsability for doing a lousy job.

BTW, AZB, IMHO, the kids in the US are much worse than in the DR for the simple reason that here they have much, much more rights.

Some do not realize that when hitting a kid as punishment, they kid will get use to the hitting and then there will be a day that hi/her will not hurt anymore, no matter how severe the hitting is. They will just get use to it.

It amazes me how a "stern look" would do the job.

I know lots of people who were difficult as children and grew into great human beings. You just never know.

 

[sjh]

I know of two cases of a dominican american family living in the US where the preteen child threated to call 911 if punished. The parents in both cases said nothing and scheduled a trip to the DR. Once off the plane they demostrated their authority over the child in the time honored fashion..

If I wasn't spanked as a child I would probably be in prison or something today. I was spanked often as a child and I thank my parents for teaching me to mind my manners. Today my parents might be put in jail and I would be dosed up on meds living in a foster home and labeled as ADD or some crap like that.

 

[easygoin]

why

jruane44 hi,im a very simple man living in fla grew up in ny worked sense 10 and proud of that.seen many people young and old in my life that (have needs in there life not wants that really need help) so if i can help others i will do my best.not everyone has two arms,legs,eyes,ears, like me or maybe they have had some bumps in the road (so what)we are still one of the same.i really would like to say thanks to you and all of the others on members.(0 JUST ONE MORE THING THAT'S WHY I CALL MYSELF EASYGOIN)"COLUMBO" THANKS

 

[miguel]

And?

I know lots of people who were difficult as children and grew into great human beings. You just never know.

We are not talking about a kid being difficult and not growing into great human beings, AZB is talking about a parent not controlling her kid!. I also know of many, many kids that were difficult as kids and they turned out to be wives/kids abusers.

I (as in me), do not believe in hitting a child but I DO believe in punishing a child. A kid does not need to be hit in order for that child to listen to you.

Remember, an abuser is not born that way, he/she was created/raised to be that way!.

 

[jruane44]

jruane44 hi,im a very simple man living in fla grew up in ny worked sense 10 and proud of that.seen many people young and old in my life that (have needs in there life not wants that really need help) so if i can help others i will do my best.not everyone has two arms,legs,eyes,ears, like me or maybe they have had some bumps in the road (so what)we are still one of the same.i really would like to say thanks to you and all of the others on members.(0 JUST ONE MORE THING THAT'S WHY I CALL MYSELF EASYGOIN)"COLUMBO" THANKS

Thanks for the introduction and don't mind me, I was being sarcastic.

 

[Larry]

I know of two cases of a dominican american family living in the US where the preteen child threated to call 911 if punished. The parents in both cases said nothing and scheduled a trip to the DR. Once off the plane they demostrated their authority over the child in the time honored fashion..

If I wasn't spanked as a child I would probably be in prison or something today. I was spanked often as a child and I thank my parents for teaching me to mind my manners. Today my parents might be put in jail and I would be dosed up on meds living in a foster home and labeled as ADD or some crap like that.

SJH, I naturally have to defer to you and others because you are a parent and I am not. However, I am entitled to my opinion and feel that nothing positive comes from beating a child. I do agree with you that every child needs to be treated differently. I think it is the parents responsibility to figure out what is the best way to go about rasing each individual child and that there are plenty of ways for an adult to figure out how to bring the best out in a child without beating him. I believe growing up "fearing" your parents only leads to building a wall between one and ones child and as the child grows older, leads to seperation, resentment and rebellion. I feel that a child who sees his father lose control of himself will most likely grow up to do the same...in many aspects of his life. I also feel that a child who sees his father as a solid rock of patience and fortitude will grow to develop those same qualities. A child dosen't see that you are hitting him because you love him. He cannot understand that. I have not had children up to this point because I never felt I was mature enough to deal with raising a chuild. I lived with two different women ( at seperate times) who wanted to have a child with me. I am thankful that it did not happen. At this point of my life, I feel that I am finally ready to take on the responsibilities of being a father and if I am in the right relationship, would consider having a child. When I finally do have a child, I know he/she will bring out the best in me and I don't see how whipping him/her would do that.

Again, just my opinion.

Larry

 

[xamaicano]

My father spanked me (to put it mildly) and continued to do so into my teens. It only made me resent him and I put a stop to it when I demonstrated I could physically take him.

I know of two cases of a dominican american family living in the US where the preteen child threated to call 911 if punished. The parents in both cases said nothing and scheduled a trip to the DR. Once off the plane they demostrated their authority over the child in the time honored fashion..

If I wasn't spanked as a child I would probably be in prison or something today. I was spanked often as a child and I thank my parents for teaching me to mind my manners. Today my parents might be put in jail and I would be dosed up on meds living in a foster home and labeled as ADD or some crap like that.

 

[AZB]

My father spanked me (to put it mildly) and continued to do so into my teens. It only made me resent him and I put a stop to it when I demonstrated I could physically take him.

In my culture, one can never imagine raising his hands on parents. My father could slap me 100 times, I would never have the courage to raise my hands on him. I remember, My parents never beat me but he did yell at me numerous times, maybe a slap here or there but I don't remember. I was shocked to see in school, kids talking back to teachers. In pakistan, if you did that, you would have gotten your butt kicked by teachers. That was in early 70's. Times sure have changed.
AZB

 

[sjh]

anyone who cant see the differnce between a beating and a spanking should not be allowed to have children..

 

[Larry]

I know of two cases of a dominican american family living in the US where the preteen child threated to call 911 if punished. The parents in both cases said nothing and scheduled a trip to the DR. Once off the plane they demostrated their authority over the child in the time honored fashion..

SJH, I read your previous post and then went back and quoted this one. This sounds like the child got much more than a spanking.....it makes little difference because I do not condone either. Either way, it sounds like this child got a beating and the way you stated it leads me to believe that you agreed with what they did.


It is true that physically diciplining children in the USA today is closely examined by police if the incident is brought to their attention. This is because it is an archaic way of bringing up a child. Watch any talk show where the topic is discussed and EVERY psychologist states that it is absolutely WRONG to physically dicipline your child. Every single one. You say that you are happy your parents hit you. For every one of you I will find ten others that wish their parents did not hit them. I will also find ten fathers who have mellowed with age and regret hitting their children.

I want to reiterate that I am merely stating my opinion and am in no way telling anyone how they should raise their child. However, I am going to give you all something to ponder. Thirty or forty years ago when the majority of us were brought up, there was not the scrutiny surrounding this topic that there is today. If you were struck by your parents then, you dealt with it in whatever way you did. Today, a child can turn on the tv and listen to one psychologist after another say that it is wrong to hit children. He can watch and read how police will get involved if a child complians that he is struck by his parents. If, after being exposed to these things, the child continues to be hit by his own parents, do you think the child will think his parents are right or wrong? He will naturally think his parents are in the wrong for physically diciplining him and the hitting can in no way have any positive effects. Yes, the parents authority has been undermined but it is for the better. We have come to realize that no good comes from hitting our children. For all of these reasons and many more, I will choose not to physically dicipline my children and will find more positive ways to bring them up to be good, respectable, successful, happy human beings...difficult as it may be.

Larry

 

[christremain]

You know - its funny .....

I have seen many a person ask an honest question in these forums, albeit un-researched/repeated/little dumb etc etc - and then get lambasted from post to post.

I think some of you guys look at it as sport!

And yet here - we have people justifying the use of 'stun guns' - slapping of faces ? beatings - slapping?s and god knows what else. Cat and 9 tails !!!!

I agree with the 'different things for different children' comment - and believe me I have slapped a child before - mainly on their bottom and least of all on the tops of their legs.

I used to make my daughter come to me - stand at my feet then tell her to 'turn around' she knew what was coming - then once she was turned - the slightest of taps on her behind would make it seem like I had cut her leg off!

My son is nearly three - he is a real lad and likes getting into most things ? we are lucky ? he had never been smacked - we use the 'time out' method. It works.

It seems to me its the trauma of making them do something (turn around/ sit in a certain place) that distresses them more than a slap or smack.

But COME ON - some of the things here are bloody unbelievable. Maybe THAT?S why legislation is made to protect children from the physical abuse of others.

So, whist I hold no countenance with the bleeding heart liberals of the left - I would suggest that people think long and hard before raising a hand to anyone, particularly children - in many country's (including here I think) its not called parental discipline - ITS CALLED ASSAULT.

So, where are you guys with the criticism - the snipe comments and the backhanded insults - there?s enough here to last you lot until the next unsuspecting innocent posts something its felt they shouldn't.

CT

 

[Mirador]

Miami-Dade police shocked a 6-year-old boy with a 50,000-volt stun gun to keep him from hurting himself with a piece of glass he was waving around in a school office, officials confirmed Thursday.

Police say they followed their Taser guidelines, the child wasn't injured by the shock and he might have hurt himself seriously if they hadn't shocked him.

But the incident, which occurred Oct. 20 at Kelsey Pharr Elementary in Brownsville, has child advocates and experts shaking their heads in disbelief.

''It just sounds excessive to me to Taser gun a 6-year-old when everyone else around there were adults,'' said retired Broward County Juvenile Judge Frank Orlando, who runs a youth-law clinic at Nova Southeastern University. ``They couldn't subdue a 6-year-old? Must have been a pretty big kid.''

Police Director Bobby Parker said his department is reviewing the incident, but he defended the officer's decision to use the stun gun.
...
The boy was treated by paramedics at the school and taken to Miami's Jackson Memorial Hospital, where he was committed for psychiatric evaluation.
...

http://www.firstcoastnews.com/news/florida/news-article.aspx?storyid=27648

 

[Criss Colon]

Thank God I was able to break the chain of "Spanking" in my family!

My mother occasionally spanked my butt,but ususlly I had to wait,"Till yor father gets home"!He used his hand,and later,his belt.I am here to tell you that it was 100% INeffective!!Taught me to be a liar and a sneak!(Comes in very handy living here!)
My first son,now 24,is a good man.All his girlfriends (and one at a time for him!)mothers want him to marry their daughters!
I know that Larry will be a good father if he decides on a family."Nalowls" and I FINALLY agree on something!!Shadley,I thougth you knew better!No child "Deserves" to be hit!! Sure sending a child to a room full of toys,a TV,video games,doesn't work.Just take everything out.Leave a mattress on the floor.and see how fast a response you get! If your father beat your mother,would you consider THAT a good way to resolve marital conflict?? Then why is hitting your children???This is an issue that has no socio-economic boundries.
Hitting only teaches hitting,wives,children,others,it makes no difference!
It is the "Lazy" way out! A quick slap beats an hour of explanation,"Time Outs" sitting in a chair,or being in a "no-Frills" room.That takes patience.

I am now 58 years old.Once again I find myself getting up at 7 to get three kids ready for school(Have Dominicans ever herad of,or practiced"Bed Time!!)and see that the one year old has a "bottle'.Pack 3 lunches.Then I take the 2-1/2 year old to pre-school,and pick her up at 12:30 to go home for lunch and a "nap"!
In the evening I take the two boys to "Tai-Kwon-Do" 2 or 3 times a week,and to the Zoo parking lot to run and exercise 2 or 3 times a week.Then we do "Homework",we play "Uno"(Get this card game,Dominicans LOVE it!!!!) and "Connect Four",and checkers!
Bedtime is between 8 and 9 pm everynight!(sometimes they don't make it untill 9.)
I am far from a "Saint",but I do what I think is necessary to raise my children to be happy,healty,independent,educated,and productive members of society! And I can tell you that it was hard work 25 years ago,as a single parent with only one child to nurture,and it is REALLY hard work today with four!
Anyone who can't see that hitting a child can only teach the child to hit,has some "Issues" they need to resolve!And lets not forget "verbal" abuse which is probably "worse" than physical.After all is said and done,a young adult may say that he was spanked by his parents,but that he or she was very much loved as well.But,if a child hears all the time what a worthless lying piece of garbage he is,THAT will most likely have negative consequences lasting their entire life!!Verbal,combined with pysical, abuse gives most children little hope of living a happy health adult life.And most likely they will pass the same future on to their children!
Sometimes,when I see a parent really hitting the crap out of a small child,I am forced to ask them if they would like the same from me??I stoop to the level they apparently understand!
I recently saw a program on TV where a female actor,and a 10 year old child actor were set up in a park where many parents take their children to play.They portrayed an irate mother,berating her son.She really went over the top,yelling and calling him "Stupid" etc.he cried and burried his face in his hands.Pointnly one or two of the parents,of the dozens who witnessed the event actually said something to the woman.
I can't imagine that this thread will change any minds about how anyone chooses to dicipline thier children,but I wecome the opportunity to voice where I stand on the issue!

 

[Chirimoya]

sound advice from unexpected quarters

Thanks Larry, Criss and others for expressing this so well.

I can't say I've never slapped my son, but it has been a case of 'once in a blue moon', when I've lost patience or all else has failed. And yes, it is a sign of weakness and the lazy way out.

I strongly disagree with 'spanking'. My husband has toed the line, but we do have discussions where he says 'My parents used to beat me and I'm OK'. He is OK, but many like him are not.

I shudder at the sight of 2 or 3 year olds being thumped across the back of the head for a minor crime like spilling a drink. The same adults will say 'no', 'no' and then 'yes' to a whining child's pleas.

I haven't really got much to add to this, because you have expressed it so well, but next time the subject comes up in casa Chiri I will look up this thread for ammunition.

 

[Marianopolita]

I was hoping another female voice would join the discussion. I personally think discipline in general and what is deemed as right or wrong is very culture based and couples need to discuss their ideas about how they will discipline their kids prior to having them because it can become a real problem. I think anywhere in the Caribbean it is not considered unusual that a child is spanked or slapped but I disagree with parents who have no limit. In others parts of the world slapping may be unfavorable or condemned. I just always hope that parents will act responsibly and use their discretion.

Always keeping in mind my comment is in "broad terms".

-Lesley D-

Thanks Larry, Criss and others for expressing this so well.

I can't say I've never slapped my son, but it has been a case of 'once in a blue moon', when I've lost patience or all else has failed. And yes, it is a sign of weakness and the lazy way out.

I strongly disagree with 'spanking'. My husband has toed the line, but we do have discussions where he says 'My parents used to beat me and I'm OK'. He is OK, but many like him are not.

I shudder at the sight of 2 or 3 year olds being thumped across the back of the head for a minor crime like spilling a drink. The same adults will say 'no', 'no' and then 'yes' to a whining child's pleas.

I haven't really got much to add to this, because you have expressed it so well, but next time the subject comes up in casa Chiri I will look up this thread for ammunition.

 

[Chris]

To add to this thread... I am not a supporter of spanking or smacks or whatever, but few people probably grew up in the 'bush' where I grew up... and from first hand observation, baboons do it too - a mama baboon will grab the nearest stick and go after a misbehaving little 'un like greased lightening, screetching all the way. Elephants do it too. Mama elephant curls her trunk around the nearest stick from the nearest tree and pulls down half a tree.. at that stage, the little one already runs and the dust flies... 'cause mama bellows!. Mama elephant follows and wacks the little one a solid wack or two wherever she can land her stick. This happens only when the little 'uns disobey safety rules, or really pisses of the adults.

 

[AnnaC]

I can count on one hand the number of times I was hit by my Mother when I was a child. Never ever by my father though. Unfortunately my ex came from a more of a, hit first explain later attitude. I'm a shamed to admit that I did hit my kids once in a while mostly out of frustration but as they grew up I did too. I learnt there are better ways. I was 30 by the time the youngest arrived and I can't remember ever hitting him for anything. I did learn that if your children have to be afraid of you, they will never tell you anything and I don't think you should be afraid of your parents. Good God who else can you trust if you can't trust your parents?

Now I watch my middle child and his wife and how they handle their three kids. My 6 year old grandduaghter is a drama queen at times and when she's having one of her " I have to win" days she gets sent to her room. Yes her room is full of toys and stuff but after being there for about 30 mins she comes back out smiling to her Mom and says "I'm sorry".

It's just time to cool off in a heated moment.

I also agree that every child is differnet and not all rules can be applied to all children.

 

[Escott]

pinch that kids hands off and shoot the mother,problem solved.

Wow, that is pretty easygoin, I was thinking a bit more harsh!

I was abused as a child and have never abused my daughter nor my foster son who was two handfulls. Only time I ever even came close to hitting my daughter was when she hit me I hit her back to let her know what getting hit feels like. She never hit me again. This was when she was probably around 5 years old. Now when she misbehaves I tell her she can't come to the DR and that solves the problems we are having.

I have been real lucky. My daughter is 14 and has been for the most part a perfect and well adjusted kid. My foster son was another story. I took him in at 14 years old after he spent 8 years institutionalized. We had a great relationship and I never hit him once. He stole money, my cellular phone and all sorts of other stuff but we had some decorum together. His principal at school still pats me on the shoulder when I run into him at a supermarket in the states. I am sorry I couldnt do more for the kid. He had a real rough life and was challanged being handicapped.