Where is the Love?

[AlterEgo]

I tell you what... I know a person who gave up 8+ year friendship in order to overcharge 300 dollars on a 500 dollar job... Dominican to a Dominican

Rubio, we just replaced an entire kitchen in DR.

My sister-in-law recommended the guy who did hers, and he came and gave us an estimate for cabinetry in our choice of caoba/mahogany or andiroba.

My [Dominican] husband and I have had a Dominican friend for decades - they worked together back in the 70's at the El Embajador Casino, and he has been involved off and on with a close friend of mine all these decades. He's stayed at our home in NJ and in DR. For the past 15 years or so he's owned a company that does beautiful woodworking. So, while we liked the guy my SIL recommended, we had to call the friend and give him a shot at the job. If it was about the same, or even a little more, he would have the job.

Well, he showed up with two of his men, measured everything. Imagine our shock when he was double the other price. Thousands of dollars more. Not even close. An obvious rip-off. We are still amazed that he tried to pull that on us. To tell you the truth, if my SIL hadn't volunteered the other guy, we probably [and stupidly] would have just called the friend and said "This is what we need, do it".

Whenever we're in DR we see him at our house, and he often pops in to see my mother-in-law just to say hello. After that episode, we didn't hear a word from him again. I guess he took a shot....and lost a friendship of almost 40 years.

I'll never understand it....

AE

 

[jackcrew]

Thank you for some very insightful responses. One of my favorites was the comment of two Dominican Republics. Paraphrasing: One of the scam artist in the tourist areas, the other was the genuine Dominicans away from the tourist. Yet that is the rub...most of the better educated (at least bi-lingual) Dominicans are hired to interact with tourist. Also the scam artists aren't born to scam...they learn the ropes. Thus they must come from the genuine DR but learn to lie/cheat/steal/etc...

I guess my fear isn't that I will get scammed or have my heart broken or even be cheated out of a few dollars (which has happened in a few of my past relationships). My fear is that a potential true-Dominican-love is presented to me; and out of suspension or fear or distrust, I squash it before it grows and blossoms.

From what I have read from previous post, I should fear/run away from anyone 1. more attractive than me (50% of the population), 2. younger than me, (40% of the population) 3. have less money than me (90% of the population) or 4. is unemployed (20% of the population).

Let's face it folks, the pool just got shallow. Smile. Thanks again for all of your advice.

 

[wrecksum]

Hi again JC.
Didn't realise that you were actively looking for love in the murky waters of the DRrelationship game. Maybe you should retry in the Appropriate thread and check the replies.
Some of them may not be polite.
Good luck

 

[La Rubia]

My fear is that a potential true-Dominican-love is presented to me; and out of suspension or fear or distrust, I squash it before it grows and blossoms.

From what I have read from previous post, I should fear/run away from anyone 1. more attractive than me (50% of the population), 2. younger than me, (40% of the population) 3. have less money than me (90% of the population) or 4. is unemployed (20% of the population).

Let's face it folks, the pool just got shallow. Smile.

I think you'll do well, you have a good sense of your self, and a sense of humor as well.

In my opinion, foreign men tend to do better with a dominicana than foreign women do with Dominican men in the long run.

You've got me thinking of starting a dating service. . . . at least I could do some "pre-screening" for you

 

[La Rubia]

Religion fills the void.

I'd say rum and music . . . .

 

[badpiece33]

I have been following this website for about two years. There always seems to be a great suspicion both among visitors and subscribers about Dominican love (and with good reason I would suppose). But my real question is, is love in the Dominican Republic really more complicated than elsewhere?

It seems that all foreigners must constantly be alert due to the common fact that Dominicans are 99% of the time looking for either money or visas to some glorious land. Length of time for the relationship doesn't seem to matter be it a few weeks or several years. All seem to agree that Dominicans are extremely good at what they do (pulling the wool over the love-sick foreigners) and that it is just a matter of time before we regret our decisions. Yet I have also read that many of the subscribers are married to Dominicans. How did they navigate this landmine of Buggies and Sackies?

Recently an American friend of mine told me Dominicans don't have friends...they would sacrifice a childhood amigo at first chance to land a wealthy foreigner for remittances or marriage. Surely this is not true. I have never lived in real poverty, never known genuine hunger...but even if I did, wouldn't friendship prevail? The Dominican cultural norms cannot be so different.

Love is always difficult to find and the heart can be more easily lead astray than the mind. So, how does one really know if Dominican love is real?

The real answer to this question is that most tourists going to DR looking for Love, Go looking in the bowels of Dominican society and find a women or man who is simply looking to get out of their predicament and dont really care for the person they are with other than financially. Most people who look for love in DR end up with people that in their home country,they would not even associate with never mind fall in Love with.

 

[Seamonkey]

I've been in the DR for just over one year now and have observed many girls playing the guys, telling them that they are the only one and how in love they are....and the guys fall for it. The story is the same for all relationships, the girl suddenly needs money for rent, a sick child or for a relative. It doesn't end. And these girls don't call themselves putas cause most of them don't work the streets...so how is that different? I just can't understand that part of this country or how guys keep falling for it. I'm convinced that you can find pretty much anything in this country, but you won't find true love in most cases. Most Dominican women cannot love, don't know what love is and to them love is only materialistic. It's all quite very sad.

 

[Criss Colon]

Dominicans Steal More From Their Own Families!

Ever go to a dominican's house? Locks on every bedroom door,locks on all the closets,locks on all the drawers! Locks on the kitchen cabinets
And.... you can see the old screw holes,where someone broke off the locks several times before!
"Watch your back,your front,both sides,then check up,then down!
Cris Colon
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC

 

[johne]

I've been in the DR for just over one year now and have observed many girls Most Dominican women cannot love, don't know what love is and to them love is only materialistic. It's all quite very sad.

Wow, that's a very large paint brush you bought in the past year.

Where do you buy a brush that big? Painting my barn and can use one.

Hey, TIA!

 

[Seamonkey]

Wow, that's a very large paint brush you bought in the past year.

Where do you buy a brush that big? Painting my barn and can use one.

Hey, TIA!

Prove me wrong....and I said "most", not all. Just my observation. Also, use a spray gun to paint your barn, much quicker.

 

[AlterEgo]

Ever go to a dominican's house? Locks on every bedroom door,locks on all the closets,locks on all the drawers! Locks on the kitchen cabinets
And.... you can see the old screw holes,where someone broke off the locks several times before!
"Watch your back,your front,both sides,then check up,then down!
Cris Colon
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC

Sad, but VERY true. When we're not in DR the family sometimes uses our house on weekends, and it's a madhouse during Semana Santa. Every year 'stuff' disappears from the house, be it tools, pots/pans, sheets, etc. This year we just had enough. When we left we locked two bedrooms. We had the entire kitchen replaced, and had the carpenter put locks on some of the cabinets so we could lock up whatever we wanted to be there next time we go. We took all the keys back to NJ with us. You can see the locks in these photos... Sad, huh?

I doubt they'll have the nerve to break any of the locks, but if they do it will be the last time anyone has access to the house when we're not there....

AE

 

[Bronxboy]

Most people who look for love in DR end up with people that in their home country,they would not even associate with never mind fall in Love with.

Yep, the doctor is in the house!!!!!:bunny::bunny:

 

[johne]

Prove me wrong....and I said "most", not all. Just my observation. Also, use a spray gun to paint your barn, much quicker.

No need to "prove you wrong" as you are the one with the stats it seems. Even with the word "most", where are you getting your facts from?
If your impressions are based only on what you read here....well, that's not enough of a base.
So,....................?

 

[Seamonkey]

No need to "prove you wrong" as you are the one with the stats it seems. Even with the word "most", where are you getting your facts from?
If your impressions are based only on what you read here....well, that's not enough of a base.
So,....................?

Nothing is based on what I have read here, but with what I have seen, observed and the people I've conversed with including the women explaining to me "it's the way it is here"...it's survival from what I understand.

 

[Onions/Carrots]

There is a way to meet "real" Dominican's for relationships. Go with a Christian missionary group on a mission in the DR and make friends with the people at the local churches.

I thought this day would never come. I disagree with everything you have said on DR1. I had you as a naive DR Defender. I had you as an apologist for great swaths of Dominicans whom I believe must be whipped in order to bring discipline to a lawless culture. We disagreed on the solutions. I feel only a Trujillo despot can crush the insolence and "descaro" ex-pats complain about daily. Believe me my friendly foreigners if Trujillo were alive you'd all be basking in the sun because the Dominican populace wouldn't dare pull the wool over anyone. They would promptly and properly be executed.

Well, the day I thought would never come has. I agree with DR Defender CHIP. If you want to lessen or basically eliminate all your complaints, do as CHIP suggests. Become a member of the evangelicals, Pentecostals, Jehovah's witnesses, Mormons, Mita en Aaron, etc. Pick a strict christian group which has norms for behavior and a strict moral code. Pick one where values are greater than money interests. I feel these qualify.

There you will meet poor decent hardworking simple Dominicans and your dreams of finding that love interest which is sincere and will be happy with little. I am Dominican and I have noticed this amongst them. Your odds will increase greatly. At the very least, you have a code (the Bible) by which you can measure them and/or reprimand them. But, for those outside these control groups, what chance do you have?

These people will not be as aggressively charged to crush your hopes and dreams of finding decent Dominicans. They are not perfect but I believe that your chances of finding real love will increase in a church rather than in a discotheque or whorehouse.

Now, if you do not want to heed my advice and want to associate with non-christian poor Dominicans, show some character. Show that you're a man and it's your way or the highway. Use words like "carajo" often and "cono". Be angry most of the time and don't ever smile. Poor Dominicans take that as weakness. Generally, be miserable and cranky all the time. It sucks but it's all you got, LOL!!!

P.S. Hey Alter Ego, that is a fancy house in the DR. Expect your locks to be broken. If you allow Dominicans into such a fancy shmancy house, they expect you to share what you have with them. By sharing, I mean like keeping-LOL. Unless, of course, they are of your very same socio-economic circle then they will keep up with the Joneses.

 

[AlterEgo]

P.S. Hey Alter Ego, that is a fancy house in the DR. Expect your locks to be broken. If you allow Dominicans into such a fancy shmancy house, they expect you to share what you have with them. By sharing, I mean like keeping-LOL. Unless, of course, they are of your very same socio-economic circle then they will keep up with the Joneses.

Fancy-schmancy it really isn't, it's a pretty small house. And believe me when I say my in-law's SD homes are much nicer than ours. I think it's because our house is filled with American 'stuff' that intrigues them. And we unfortunately "get" the 'sharing' aspect. I actually asked my husband if he expected the family to respect the locks - and he looked shocked that I would ask that "They wouldn't DARE to break those locks" was his answer. He may be right - no one would want to answer to him if they did....I think they're all half-afraid of him.

AE
PS: he and our son agree with you about Trujillo. I told my husband he must be getting old, because he must have said "In MY day, you wouldn't see this, Trujillo would have ........." 200 times in two months.

 

[AZB]

I have been following this website for about two years. There always seems to be a great suspicion both among visitors and subscribers about Dominican love (and with good reason I would suppose). But my real question is, is love in the Dominican Republic really more complicated than elsewhere?

It seems that all foreigners must constantly be alert due to the common fact that Dominicans are 99% of the time looking for either money or visas to some glorious land. Length of time for the relationship doesn't seem to matter be it a few weeks or several years. All seem to agree that Dominicans are extremely good at what they do (pulling the wool over the love-sick foreigners) and that it is just a matter of time before we regret our decisions. Yet I have also read that many of the subscribers are married to Dominicans. How did they navigate this landmine of Buggies and Sackies?

Recently an American friend of mine told me Dominicans don't have friends...they would sacrifice a childhood amigo at first chance to land a wealthy foreigner for remittances or marriage. Surely this is not true. I have never lived in real poverty, never known genuine hunger...but even if I did, wouldn't friendship prevail? The Dominican cultural norms cannot be so different.

Love is always difficult to find and the heart can be more easily lead astray than the mind. So, how does one really know if Dominican love is real?

Don't need to read the whole thread, this is exactly what people will get out of a relationship if they continue to date the dominicans they date.
Look at what types of dominicans foreigners are dating/marrying or befriending? 95% of foreigners are dating the bottom of the barrel type dominicans who are living on empty tanks and always a day away from financial disaster. they are already set in survival mode from childbirth (poverty culture). Now you expect your relationships to be something more fruitful than that? hahahaha
try dating the other dominicans who are actually running this country and live in the areas where you would feel equal as compared to living in first world. You want to find love in garbage? guess what, you will find just that, garbage. I can understand if a 65yrs old man wants some action. he is justified in marrying/dating whatever he can get his hands on but what is the excuse for good looking young men and women who come looking for love here? why do they have to settle for something they would never consider dating back home? When was the last time any of you dreamed of marrying a illegal mexican maid in LA? A dishwasher in some fastfood restaurant? No, they are below your standards in USA but all of the sudden, the same people become your 1st choice when you land in this island. Please, stop this crap about domincians are this and that. You will get what you look for.
If a fat, bald, middle age guy like myself is able to date good girls from respectable families, then what excuse you guys have who are way more attractive and with better resources and advantage than I have?
The problem lies within expats and their choices they make when they come to this island.
AZB

 

[Big_Poppi2]

First and foremost, I think that most of the people in the world know some form of love, but not many have a good idea or handle on what true love is or that is true romatic love. This is why there are so many records every year about loving and being loved. I think God is love and since we are made in his image and likeness then, we all desire to be loved and to love. Most of us just don't get it right. As far as Dominicanas being more or less loving or just materialistic? I was just watching a show on tv. A dating service in Columbia. I think you can go just about anywhere in the world and find poverty and women looking for a foriegn man to take them from poverty to riches not just in the Dominican Republic.
Millions of men have found great women to marry of Dominican heritage, so it must exist, just go ask my parents. ha, ha, ha They are in love and my mom didn't try to sceme over my dad. If you are truly looking for love and not lust, then love is what you will find. You just have to be patient. also remember, "There is no fear in love, for perfect love caseth out all fear." 1 John 4:18 Take care and God bless
Biggs

 

[Bronxboy]

You just have to be patient. also remember, "There is no fear in love, for perfect love caseth out all fear." 1 John 4:18 Take care and God bless
Biggs

I see you been hanging out with Chip.

It's all good. God is love!!!!!!

 

[RacerX]

First and foremost, I think that most of the people in the world know some form of love, but not many have a good idea or handle on what true love is or that is true romatic love. This is why there are so many records every year about loving and being loved. I think God is love and since we are made in his image and likeness then, we all desire to be loved and to love. Most of us just don't get it right. As far as Dominicanas being more or less loving or just materialistic? I was just watching a show on tv. A dating service in Columbia. I think you can go just about anywhere in the world and find poverty and women looking for a foriegn man to take them from poverty to riches not just in the Dominican Republic.
Millions of men have found great women to marry of Dominican heritage, so it must exist, just go ask my parents. ha, ha, ha They are in love and my mom didn't try to sceme over my dad. If you are truly looking for love and not lust, then love is what you will find. You just have to be patient. also remember, "There is no fear in love, for perfect love caseth out all fear." 1 John 4:18 Take care and God bless
Biggs

I dont mean to knock your religion bro, but it also says
"Do not give what is holy to dogs, and do not throw pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces." (Matthew 7:6).

I think your parents are great, they went into it knowing what they wanted. But in the real world it is like AZB said. If you go searching for a relationship not knowing what you want and taking whatever you can get or meet then you will most likely be wasting your time. Some other dude said that MOST dont know what love is. I think I d like to concur with him. All of these female friends I have who run that jazz on me, I tell them "All that you are doing is legitimizing being a whore". I always get the same responses: a. if you are not willing to shower a woman with gifts you will never get one; b. the con about "saber valor" which is the same as "merecer cosas buenas"; c. that I shouldnt be looking for a woman here. But at the end of every rebuttal exists the same facts that were there before: That she doesnt know any man at present or in the near future willing to give her what she want, on her terms, in the slightest.

I agree with your comment on patience.