Who governs the police?

[J D Sauser]

I think that they may get upset, this is my second time going to the precinct to find out why they keep coming to my house.
SHALENA

Exactly my point. As long they have not clearly threatened you, or come onto you or your property physically, I'd leave them some slack.
I am not saying they're just some good ol' boys having fun with you, but I'd treat them like they were. Show them you are taking it with a touch humor...
Don't show so much fear, especially to the ones you seem to grow somewhat weary of. Look at how Dominicanas handle men, when they don't want them... they brew up an intricate mix of pride and some humor... let them boys be the monkeys they want to play.
But always alert.


Maybe a better way to "complain" would be to visit the precinct the next day after such an "event" and personally thank the "yo soy el jefe aqui" with a warm hand shake for the attention dedicated to you and leave again proudly. That will tell him that his boys have been "at it again" without putting him into a corner you don't have the weight to hold him in. And he'll be able to play "jefe" and feel flattered and important. At the end of all days, it's him you want on your side.

Walk softly but carry a big stick... someone once said.

... J-D.

 

[SKing]

Exactly my point. As long they have not clearly threatened you, or come onto you or your property physically, I'd leave them some slack.
I am not saying they're just some good ol' boys having fun with you, but I'd treat them like they were. Show them you are taking it with a touch humor...
Don't show so much fear, especially to the ones you seem to grow somewhat weary of. Look at how Dominicanas handle men, when they don't want them... they brew up an intricate mix of pride and some humor... let them boys be the monkeys they want to play.
But always alert.


Maybe a better way to "complain" would be to visit the precinct the next day after such an "event" and personally thank the "yo soy el jefe aqui" with a warm hand shake for the attention dedicated to you and leave again proudly. That will tell him that his boys have been "at it again" without putting him into a corner you don't have the weight to hold him in. And he'll be able to play "jefe" and feel flattered and important. At the end of all days, it's him you want on your side.
Walk softly but carry a big stick... someone once said.

... J-D.

Don't think that that will work now as he has told me clearly what he thinks of Americans.
SHALENA

 

[J D Sauser]

Don't think that that will work now as he has told me clearly what he thinks of Americans.
SHALENA

Well, surprise him! He might just surprise you back.
By now, you have nothing to loose apparently.
And maybe you can show him that some Americans CAN be different.
Dominicans are not big on apologizing, especially when they ARE in the wrong... they are equally not used to see somebody come onto them and change attitude totally... which leads into a lack of experience which can lead to a reaction I can't seem to envision as much worse than what you have now.

Otherwise, what are your options? Get the whole police dept. fired? YOU can't! So, you're left with moving. Do you think things will be much different elsewhere here in this country? Maybe, maybe not.

I'd hope I could help you or come up with better suggestions.

... J-D.

 

[Crystal]

I agree with J-D. The next time they come by, visit the precint the next day with a warm thank you and a beutiful smile. Dominicans may say that they don't like Americans but they are dying everyday to get here. Just like policemen everywhere they want to feel respected, whether they earn it or take it. Kill them with kindness, as they say. I would rather have the "jefe" on my side. I lived in Samana, and like you I am a Black American who speaks spanish. I made it a point to know my policemen, especially the ones with authority and never had an issue, but it did help that I also knew some well respected people in the area as well.

 

[SKing]

I am supposed to go tomorrow morning at 8am. I will go with all smiles...we'll see. I was very upset with what he said to me and clearly disgusted when I left but we'll see.
SHALENA

 

[J D Sauser]

I am supposed to go tomorrow morning at 8am. I will go with all smiles...we'll see. I was very upset with what he said to me and clearly disgusted when I left but we'll see.
SHALENA

Remember, they want to play you, PLAY THEM.
Take control of the game. If you do it right, they'll love it and you win.
On top of that comes, that it's their boss "el jefe" who get all the (your) attention.

... J-D.

 

[SantiagoDR]

You forgot "Rule #1".

A Dominican is NEVER wrong.

You confronted the "Jefe" and accused him (Even if in-directly, through his men) that you were being picked on. This will always turn a Dominican against you. Even if what you say is true.

 

[donP]

Carrot or Stick?

Kill them with kindness, as they say. _____ but it did help that I also knew some well respected people in the area as well.

Now let me guess, what did the trick... :ermm:

 

[dv8]

I have never been an ass here, or made myself unsually noticed. I ride moto conchos y carros publicos like everyone else. I get along with the people in the neighborhood. The security know me, everyone in the colmados, and taxistas...everyone is very nice. Never had a problem.
I do not wear alot of jewelry or anything like that, I don't have a car although the majority of houses on my street have Jeepetas. I am a regular person. They know that I am American, and unfortunately that I am Soltera. No other Americans live here or near where I live that I know of. Everyone I associate with is Dominican.
SHALENA

the thing is that dominicans expect us, extranjeros, to be different.
forget the conchos and carros publico - get a car.
do no hang out in a colmadones - go to la sirena or el nacional.
never ever give anyone any money. i remember you mentioned that you give money to kids begging on a street. big mistake. say: esoy quebrada. if you give they think you have.
it is ok to be a soltera but avoid at all costs bringing too many different men to your house, no matter if they are family, friends or whatever else. you don't want to be called puta. people, not only in DR, are quick with the judgement and the label sticks.

it looks to me that you are making yourself a target...

with jefe de policia: when you drop in again say you feel better now and safer knowing his people are looking after you. smile. play stupid. be a gringa. :cheeky:

 

[SKing]

the thing is that dominicans expect us, extranjeros, to be different.
forget the conchos and carros publico - get a car.
I will be getting a car in August, I was saving up for a Jeepeta instead of just buying the first car I see, I catch the concho to my house from the salon if it is really hot...I do catch carros publicos to the majority of places that I have to go

do no hang out in a colmadones - go to la sirena or el nacional.
When did I say that I hang out in Colmados? - I shop at La Sirena, Nacional, and PriceSmart. I do go to the Colmado for little things.

never ever give anyone any money. i remember you mentioned that you give money to kids begging on a street. big mistake. say: esoy quebrada. if you give they think you have.
I have not given money to ANYONE since December, when I made a conscious decision not to be a target

it is ok to be a soltera but avoid at all costs bringing too many different men to your house, no matter if they are family, friends or whatever else. you don't want to be called puta. people, not only in DR, are quick with the judgement and the label sticks.
Someone may be seen at my house maybe once or twice a week, and the men that do visit me always come with their wives or girlfriends as it is not the custom from what I understand for a man to be visiting a single woman alone. Anyone who comes to my house alone is a woman.

it looks to me that you are making yourself a target...
I am damned if I do and damned if I don't. I am a target if I ride the carro publico and a target if I drive a jeepeta. It seems to not matter what I do...I will draw attention because I am different, period. I am a single mother who maintains a household and 3 kids in a middle class neighborhood without a man...that is strange to them.

with jefe de policia: when you drop in again say you feel better now and safer knowing his people are looking after you. smile. play stupid. be a gringa. :cheeky:
Will do

Thanks so much
SHALENA

 

[donP]

No Male Protection

it is ok to be a soltera but ...

No, in their view it's not OK.
Especially not for a "gringa".
She will always have problems.
And it would not have anything to do whether she gets male visitors often.
She could live like a monja...
The culture does not allow that.

play stupid. be a gringa. :cheeky:

I beg to differ.
More stupid than the police, huh?

 

[cobraboy]

Shalena, didn't you used to hang with a bunch of Dominicans when you first came, and didn't many/most take advantage of your generosity (which translated into the Dominican mind=sucker)?

One thing for sure: there are few secrets in this country.

Those police know your past. They want some of that generosity.

I have just one word of advice: move. If you don't, do not expect ANYTHING to change no matter how tough and resolute you become.

Your past mistakes may be haunting you. The only solution is to divorce yourself from any and all contacts you made early on.

Again: move. You'll lose this fight.

 

[dv8]

donP: i know more single dominican mothers than those in relationships so it is obviously common and accepted.
playing a dumb gringa helps more often than you can think. my spanish is not great but i do understand a lot. yet in many situations i prefer to pretend i am a stupid turista than get into argument and explanations.

shalena: i hope you did not take my post wrong. if the shoe fits wear it, as they say. sometimes it is better to act as expected.
i hope it all works out well for you with the police.

 

[Thandie]

No, in their view it's not OK.
Especially not for a "gringa".
She will always have problems.
And it would not have anything to do whether she gets male visitors often.
She could live like a monja...
The "culture" does not allow that.

Very true it is a cultural thing, that is very strange to most...especially for a gringa. The macho society says women need and depend on men or a family.
A woman is not supposed to be by herself.

Sounds like they are trying to scare you by coming to our house late at night to make you think they are there to protect you, from the pretend people they see lurking around 'only' your house. So they can offer you 'extra' protection for a fee. They want something.... they are not showing up to your house at that late hour because they are concerned about you.
Fear is a good way to control people.

But who do you think told them you are there by yourself? Ex friend who may have an issue with you and wants to cause you problems? A neighbour who just mentioned to a cop friend in passing, who then passed the info along?

 

[Thandie]

donP: i know more single dominican mothers than those in relationships so it is obviously common and accepted.

Yes many single mothers may not live with a boyfriend but they usually live with extended family who help them with the kids.
A mom or grandma or have a cousin or sibling living with them.
It is not common or accepted.

 

[Chirimoya]

It's not at all "strange" to be a single mum here - almost 50% of households in the country are headed by women, if I recall the ONE figures correctly. It spans the whole of society. In the middle/upper middle class community where I live a good percentage of families here are single mothers + their kid(s).

 

[donP]

50 / 50

donP: i know more single dominican mothers than those in relationships so it is obviously common and accepted.

Yes, single Dominican mothers...

Of course, its common.
The gallos are always out to do their cultural duties. :cheeky:

Accepted?
Yes, by half the population.
The other half has little choice.

 

[SKing]

Very true it is a cultural thing, that is very strange to most...especially for a gringa. The macho society says women need and depend on men or a family.
A woman is not supposed to be by herself.

Sounds like they are trying to scare you by coming to our house late at night to make you think they are there to protect you, from the pretend people they see lurking around 'only' your house. So they can offer you 'extra' protection for a fee. They want something.... they are not showing up to your house at that late hour because they are concerned about you.
Fear is a good way to control people.
My thoughts exactly...they want me to think that I am a target of thieves so that I can pay them extra to protect me, when they are the thieves themselves.
But who do you think told them you are there by yourself? Ex friend who may have an issue with you and wants to cause you problems? A neighbour who just mentioned to a cop friend in passing, who then passed the info along?
I honestly think that it was probably mentioned in passing as everyone here knows that I am single. I don't think anyone purposely is sending them to my house.

I don't know...I am willing to let it go now but I will not start to pay.
SHALENA

 

[AnnaC]

Don't think that that will work now as he has told me clearly what he thinks of Americans.
SHALENA

If it happens again can you just yell out "everything ok here, good night"

Turn off the lights and go to bed. Don't try to make waves. This way you show that you are neither frightened nor intimidated.

Have you asked your really good Dominican friends about this? The ones you met before moving here.

Don't pay!!!!

 

[Thandie]

.... In the middle/upper middle class community where I live a good percentage of families here are single mothers + their kid(s).

Even if they live with only their children they are not here in a foreign country without extended family members a few minutes away. They have a large network of family and friends, who are there to assist her in a heart beat. Your Dominican neighbours would have close family members who probably live close by and make regular and frequent visits to her house. They are not viewed as being totally alone like Shalena would be. Remember she is not living in a tourist area so she stands out even more.
Very different situations.

Are there any single female expats who live outside of gated tourists areas here on DR1? Probably not because it is not common.