Why I love this country

[Lambada]

Am starting to get a little cross!!!!

Little cross? You're king tee'd off, aren't you? Do you know where they live/hang out? If you can find them, can you do your English country gentlewoman routine and badger them until they get so fed up with you that they come and fix it? I know your voice isn't back so you can't yell, but silently jumping up and down, waving arms frenetically whilst blowing raspberries from either end should embarass them sufficiently. They may not be experienced with over florid displays of psychiatric disturbance.

Or take a goat and tempt them with promises of 72 virgin goats.

 

[Matilda]

Do you realise you guys are the only ones keeping me sane over this!!! Give yourselves a big pat on the back! latest development is driving me crazy but to explain you need brief history lesson.

A year ago I wanted cable in my house (satelite kept getting zapped) and also wanted internet (broadband). Verizon said house too far from main road so we needed to instal lamp posts and pay for cable. Cable company said house too far from main road so we had to buy lamp posts and pay for their cable AND haitains kept plugging into electric. So seemed like good idea to buy lampposts and put all cables up posts. So far so good. Give elctric man 25,000RD$ for concrete lamp posts. Does he go and buy them. NO WAY. He steals them and pockets 25,000RD$. But.......he gets caught and goes to jail. So what happens to my 25,000RSD$ ...uses it to pay lawyer to get out of jail.

We amanged to get some cash out of his family with threat of dire retribution but not enough to buy concrete posts - just wooden. Pay Haitian to dig 5 holes and put in posts. Put up cable for TV - no probs. Put up cable for electric - 15.000RD$ and it gets robbed within 24hrs. Put up non coated cable for electric so if they try and rob it they get a little singed. Verizon won't put up cable for internet - say it is too far. Eventually I used tears...IT WORKED!!! so I have still bad electric, good cable and good phone. Phone wire gets robbed but only little bits periodically. Elecgtric gets plugged into and not enough power for lights outside house - hence easy for people to shoot you! So decide to get own transformer - inside garden so have lots of power and Electric compnay sort. You with me so far. You know the story from there. latest development is that inspector from electric comapny says that if anyone touches this wire - 7000 volts they will die. (Clever chaps these electric men!). And we need insurance to cover this. Cost..........250,000RD$. Why didn't they mention this before?????????? Unitl we pay this they won't connect my beautiful new transformer.

So let me get this right. I get shot because not enough power to my house. No one pays (only me - hospital bill). I pay for decent electric. But if ssomeone steals my cable which I have paid for and fries in the process - guess what? I pay. He said if I had concret posts - no problem. But why haven't I got concrete posts??? Because the electricity man didn't buy them and stole my money instead!!! All of the guys in this sad tale are from ED ESte. So - no idea what to do now. But the transformer looks very nice, and I can go and sit and watch it at night, as have no cable as a bit of it got stolen last night...........................

Help!!!!!!!
Matilda

 

[suarezn]

Matilda: I hate to say it, but you need to move to another area where everyone is at about the same economic class. I admire your resolve, but it sounds like you're getting taken left and right. You're thought of as an easy target from whom people can steal any time they wish and if you have a lot of poor people living around you guess what? They are going to continue to steal from you as they probably see you as a rich person...

 

[Chris]

Matilda, you're being taken advantage of. Any other gringo's in your area that can lend you a hand? I would suggest that you don't pay anyone else anything until the job that you want them to do, is complete and working.

 

[Lambada]

Matilda this is a serious question. Is there a Junta de Vecinos which covers your area? They exist in the most unlikely places - if there is, find out who runs it, make friends with them, join up and see if you can deal with this from within the community. And have you been to EdeEste office or are all these guys coming to you? Could be some individual entrepreneuring going on; go and talk to jefe in your EdeEste office. Does he know of your payments for posts etc? Did EdeEste ever issue a receipt? Did you insist on getting one? Small tip - never pay full amount needed until you see proof of purchasing i.e. you need 4 posts, pay for 2 and when they arrive and are installed pay for next 2. If jefe can't help find out who his boss is and go to that office.

 

[ahogachivo]

this is what you all do not know, electricit has been found to be the number one cause of death in the D.R. so no one knows what to do with it. hope this help

 

[mountainfrog]

Asap

...Help!!!!!!!....

Move to a more civilized place and pay an EDECRIME crook to manipulate your meter.

m'frog

 

[dv8]

Help!!!!!!!

you shall take two white cocks that have only been fed with mangu and ron viejo, put them all in a sack made by 12 virgins, bring them to the forest at the full moon. right after midnight you shall cut their heads off, and with the fresh blood write on the ground: let the fires of saint anzelm burn the granos of edesete/verizon bosses.
than come back to your village, cook the cocks and doing so strongly concentrate on the image of the cocks of directors of aforementioned companies being cooked as well.

 

[Matilda]

Thanks guys. Yes have been to edeste office. Yes have reciepts. yes have Junta de Vecinos and am member (full of Donas - but I'm not a dona yet!!! How do I get to be one - I'm obviously not rich enough). Thank you for voodoo advice dv8 I have a friend who is a broho (is that how you spell it) and he was going to teach me basic spells, but he's just been zapped by a brouha whoose advances he spurned and he is very sick!! Think I may ask edeste for my money back (100,000RD$) and they can come and take possession of their post and transformer, plus ask th enew major of Juan Dolio to intervene.

By the way, been working in the colmado all day and a man cam in to sell me new brand of condoms. We stock the Haitain black cat brand - one size fits all. Anyway he explained to me and the 4 assembled staff (Dominican and haitian) that these new condoms are fruit flavoured - 6 different varieties, have bobbles on which women like (totally confused assembled staff!) have special antiseptic which kills HIV (!!!!!) and have anaesthetic too which makes the chaps thingy go numb so he can't feel anything and lasts longer!!! Not being a man I thought that would defeat the purpose. Anyway bought a box and the staff sold them all - well impressed!!! So no more aids in Jaun Dolio all down to mint and strawberry flavoured condoms!!!

 

[azabache]

12 virgins...

A hopeless task.........It'll NEVER work............12 virgins!? Where can you find them?? hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

 

[La Mariposa]

Matilda
It's brujo

 

[Lambada]

The do?a thing is linked to age or length of time they've known you. I wasn't a do?a when I first moved here aged 49 but after I got to 55 it sort of started and moving to an upscale neighbourhood AND being 63 means I'm never called anything but do?a now, at least to my face. And I'm getting a leetle concerned about the advanced level of knowledge dv8 has about voodoo............

Did you try putting the fruit flavoured condoms in the milk shakes you sell at the colmado? No AIDS plus strong bones. Take the strong boned men with you to EdeEste when you demand your money back.

 

[canadian bob]

Matilda..... MOVE! Canadian Bob.

 

[dv8]

juan dolio - the avant-garde of medical (and any other) progress

By the way, been working in the colmado all day and a man cam in to sell me new brand of condoms. We stock the Haitain black cat brand - one size fits all. Anyway he explained to me and the 4 assembled staff (Dominican and haitian) that these new condoms are fruit flavoured - 6 different varieties, have bobbles on which women like (totally confused assembled staff!) have special antiseptic which kills HIV (!!!!!) and have anaesthetic too which makes the chaps thingy go numb so he can't feel anything and lasts longer!!! Not being a man I thought that would defeat the purpose. Anyway bought a box and the staff sold them all - well impressed!!! So no more aids in Jaun Dolio all down to mint and strawberry flavoured condoms!!!

it is rather amazing how fast the progress in this country is, yesterday no electricity, today a cure for aids... we are indeed far behind the amazing DR...

do not complain, matilda, maybe those condoms can also insulate the cables and make it safe for you to connect 7000 volts? think of it - your electricity will last longer, smell good, will spread ultra LONG hiv-bashing waves and it will make you come each time!

forget about my primitive voodoo mambo jumbo mixed with depak chopra's possitive attitude approach. embrace your one and only chance to be the the head of a new, radical pioneering DR evolution program.

the government claims to be able to send a dominican into space in 2075, you can be better than that with a project thet sends an illegal haitian immigrant into space (once and for good) using your cheap 7000 volts transformer. two issues (dominican dominance in space and the illegal immigration) solved in one go!

 

[Lambada]

dv8 that's pure genius! :laugh: Matilda, dv8 has just suggested a fantastic commercial enterprise for you: selling mains powered vibrators hooked up to 7000 volts for an out of this world experience which would also render sankies surplus to requirements. You could rent out a tent in your garden as an experience chamber for 15 minute slots and recoup some of the money you lost on the posts. Then they'd call you do?a. And don't worry about breaking cultural norms; there is a tradition here particularly among female prisoners...........
http://www.elcaribecdn.com/articulo_multimedios.aspx?id=67875&guid=56AD6E11B67448F084BF964E0D283092&Seccion=70

 

[dv8]

stupid girl!

i should have patented my idea before posting it. now my chance to make millons in semi-porn business is lost!
matilda, if you are an honest person - pass me a little bit of your future enormous income from the multiple climax fun park in your garden.
as i work in a tour operator i shall heavily promote this satisfation-guaranteed excursion in jual dolio.
together we can make it!

 

[Matilda]

My God you are all geniusis (geniei???). And to think my mother suggested i open a cake stall!!!! OK - have cost of edeste 'insurance' down to 65,000 RD$ including replacing the wooden posts (remember the edeste man was paid for concrete posts, stole them, went to jail, used money to get out, could only afford wooden etc. So we get 4 concrete posts, an 'electric plan' and when Haitians get zapped we don't pay. I will take your advice and only pay for each post as it arrives and gets put in its hole. Thank you all so much for all the ideas about what to do with the condoms -they have left me speechless!!!

By the way I have great photos of heavily loaded motoconchos but they are in my computer and I don't know how to send them to you as the thing for attachments seems to only take stuff beginning www. etc and My Pictures doesn't begin www. Sorry to appear so dense but if anyone has any idea how I can attach them let me know (in micky mouse language as I don't do technicla computer speak) and you too can enjoy them!

matilda

 

[dv8]

cake stall? your mum would not recognize a genius even if it slapped her in the head with a rotten tomato!
our ideas are not for the narrow minded hoi polli. push away those plebian mases, free your spitit, become a virtuoso of perversion!

ps what cakes can you make, matilda? cheesecake, perhaps...?

 

[Lambada]

I'm working on the publicity material. How about a banner outside the house, or outside the tent in the garden sporting 'La Casa de Consoladores'?

 

[Matilda]

Mother now very upset. She only likes tomatos in salads and would rather not be hit with one in the head. She thought the cake stall idea was a good one!

30 Haitians outside digging holes in road to put in concrete posts. Then I suppose they will take out wooden poles and fill in the holes they dug previously for the wooden poles. if you want to do something well, do it 20 times I say!!!

Have got tent out of storage - all ready to go - just need to make sure do not pitch on top of dog poo.