Is there hope

[perlanegra]

uhh!

Some Dominicans who immigrate to places like Canada and the USA have a bigtime struggle with culture shock.....the cold, gloomy weather, being isolated from friends and relatives, frustration with the language, frustration with the new diet, being dependant upon someone else for some of the smallest of tasks. Not having the money that they expected to have.....All of this causes depression that no one can feel except him.
Not everyone has the psychological makeup to successfully deal with these negatives. He's going to need all of the love and understanding and patience that you can muster up. The bottom line is that you are going to have to decide if he and your marriage are worth it. I would bet that they are.

Azabache I totally agree with you on the fact that some people do get depressed in the first stages when they arrive to other countries and are suppossed to stay. The culture, wheather, not so much fun, etc... it happened to me; but this guy still is in the SUNNY, WARM, FULL OF FUN country called the DR.!!

So why should he be mad at the OP., when in theory she's only trying to help him get out of his misery? I don't get it!!

Unless I missed something!! Is he in Canada already?

 

[eralc777]

Huh?

You need to tell us about him and your relationship and post some pictures then you will get your answers.

Why will posting pictures of him make a difference?

 

[dv8]

yes and no

i went through rough times before moving to DR but all along i had support (albait reluctant) of my friends, family and minovio.
it is a shock but it is no reason to be angry.
i was snappy at times as i had lots of stress regarding paperwork, luggage and so on. but i never stopped to be myself with minovio.
so, yeah, he may be stresses and upset, but he's gonna join the love of his life, or so he said before, he should be HAPPY, no?

 

[nikke]

It doesn't sound right

i went through rough times before moving to DR but all along i had support (albait reluctant) of my friends, family and minovio.
it is a shock but it is no reason to be angry.
i was snappy at times as i had lots of stress regarding paperwork, luggage and so on. but i never stopped to be myself with minovio.
so, yeah, he may be stresses and upset, but he's gonna join the love of his life, or so he said before, he should be HAPPY, no?

I agree, why would he be unhappy? The OP should run...bottom line is, why sponsors someone who has changed so quickly. Maybe he's got an application open with another country with another girl...doesn't make sense. He shouldn't be angry! Don't let him pressure you...run!!!

In fact if he's that cranky then he's not even worth saving for the occasional vacation!

 

[shadInToronto]

He's a sankie ....

Azabache I totally agree with you on the fact that some people do get depressed in the first stages when they arrive to other countries and are suppossed to stay. The culture, wheather, not so much fun, etc... it happened to me; but this guy still is in the SUNNY, WARM, FULL OF FUN country called the DR.!!

So why should he be mad at the OP., when in theory she's only trying to help him get out of his misery? I don't get it!!

Unless I missed something!! Is he in Canada already?

You don't get it 'cause you assume he's smart. They're not bright ... good scammers and liars. He's convinced this one's in the bag so he can mess her around. He doesn't know the OP can change her mind (women are known to do that, I think it's in the constitution) and kibosh her sponsorship. BUT, I doubt she'll do it 'cause today was -1 (felt like -10 with the wind) in TO so she'll continue to hope he's the one for those cold nights :ermm:

 

[Audra]

I think shad said it...

What this guy is doing is setting her up for the let down once he gets here. He thinks he's got his plane ticket in hand, so now the distancing game comes into play. He will pick fights, start saying he doesn't like this or that about her, and once he's landed, he'll bolt to the one true love in Canada that wouldn't go through all the trouble to get him here. The wife will be so fed up with him and will think its all his fault, she won't chase him down, she'll be happy to be rid of him.

Always keep in mind his job is animation!:ninja:

 

[miamor]

Big Screen Lesson

Someone really needs to make a movie about Sankies. Just these posts keep me amused, so can you imagine if Hollywood got a hold of one of these stories. Not that this story is amusing, it is heartbreaking that the OP and other women are learning this very hard lesson. Think of the audience that could be reached with a giant screen and surround sound, maybe women would go down to the DR knowing the game and can happily play (if that is what they want) or avoid it (if that is what they want) and a vast reduction in the Western Union / Broken Heart Fund..

Hey, do you think if I write the screenplay they'll let me be creative consultant on the set - wahoo! Must go write a screenplay.

Anyway, back on topic, only the OP can make this decision, which I imagine will be tough for her since her heart and pride are involved. I vote for cutting your losses because it will only get worse.

 

[Chirimoya]

"Sanky Panky - the Musical" is due out in February 2007.

 

[perlanegra]

You don't get it 'cause you assume he's smart. They're not bright ... good scammers and liars. He's convinced this one's in the bag so he can mess her around. He doesn't know the OP can change her mind (women are known to do that, I think it's in the constitution) and kibosh her sponsorship. BUT, I doubt she'll do it 'cause today was -1 (felt like -10 with the wind) in TO so she'll continue to hope he's the one for those cold nights :ermm:

shadInToronto!!

For your info I don't assume guys in the Dominican Rep. are smart! I was born and reaised there; I know what they are about and will never date a Dominican men; specially if I find out he ever worked in the beaches area. I know they want to have a cake and eat it too; I know they are liars!! I grew up around a whole bunch of tios who had up to 5 females all at once and in the same neirghborhood must of the times. I have so many cousins around NY, Boston, DR, etc.. it is not even funny and no, my uncles didn't work in the beaches area.

I'm not the one who is leaving the US to bring them my treasure a****, give them my $$$$ in exchange of what many of you call wonderful pleasures, risk my health to a dissease and then get scamed after all and come to a forum and cry and let all my anger out on people who are trying to help the soon to be scamed.

I had a Mexican scammer right here in the US; but I didn't purchased him in Venice Beach!! See, he also thought he was smart!

Back to the OP (I'm sorry for getting out of the subject), please listen to the smart people in this place; the lights are all there for you to see!! Stop all the papers and divorce him; just like many of us have done!

 

[canadiangirl858]

OP- you have a huge decision to make that could drasticly impact the rest of your life. Think very carefully before you proceed any further. If Haiti has granted his visa you can not stop the process. Do not buy him a plane ticket -chances are he won't buy his own. And don't believe the lines he'll give you as to why he's changed his behaviour. Take it from someone who is going through all of this now. Though my "husband" didn't change until after he got here.

La Mariposa- once they come to canada the government doesn't take back residency and they do not deport. It is very hard to prove marriage fraud/marriage of convience. They have permant residency the day they get here. ONLY IN CANADA- and the government turns a blind eye to this. Cases are not investigated or the person is not even interviewed here when reports are made to their office.

dv8-canada has no waiting period-they get their PR card, SIN card and complete medical coverage (med coverage has 3 month waiting period)

Anna-the group you spoke about (I am one of them) is not trying to get changes to the immigration laws, we are asking the government to enforce the laws already in the Act. they need to follow up on cases that are reported. But now they act as if we don't even exist.

Because the sponsor signed a sponsorship agreement for 3 years (that the goverment expects me to uphold) that if he collects social assistance/welfare
I have to pay it back. They do not even notify the sponsor they are collecting until months later when they send a letter to say you owe the government $$$$$$$$.

But yet the only reason he got his visa was to come here as my husband but he's not-he signed the paper but he doesn't have to uphold his agreement????

Miamor-this is very heart breaking-believe me he broke my heart. But OP you have a choice to make-don't make the wrong one.

 

[canadiangirl858]

Op-if you want you can send me a PM. I would love to talk to you.

 

[mart0417]

thanks

so thanks for the messages. I have to apologize for the 2 post I am new to this. So some have asked more about him well he is educated, he is a ball player, so he has money for Dominican standards. He asks me for money for things like the lawyer fees, the immigration stuff, the translating of things, etc. But some of it is questionable, but I have been to the Dominican enough to understand mafioso. He is often very angry he says it is nto at me, but he is still angry. No he is not in Canada yet! As for the one post who told me to say I would move there, WELL I said I woudl take a leave of absence from my job for one year adn go to Puerto Plata and stay with him, funny thing is I thought he would freak and he was excited about it, he even talked to people about me working in the schools there, his family was happy, so that kind of back fired on me, so I am still thinking about it, maybe going there first while we wait for Haiti is a better idea. I jsut don't know, I guess if I was giving up everything I might be a little nervous to, but I woudl look to my spouse for support, nto to fight with. ANd I am scared that he will leave me I do love him very much, he says he woudl never leave me, he wants to have children and be a happy family. He has a job waiting for him when he gets here, it is very hard because I have seen how loving and great things are and now we are getting closer and he is changing. Anway thanks for the reply's I will have a lot of thinking to do

 

[Audra]

Take the leave of absence and stay there for a year. That should be plenty of time to figure all this out.
If he is a ball player, doesn't he make half decent money to pay for his own legal expenses?

 

[miamor]

1 year probation?

Mart0417, if you have the chance to go down to the DR for a year and live with your husband, why don't you? You say you can take a year off work, so you have a safety net for when you come back to Canada (with or without him).

Then you will know if it doesn't work that you a) gave it a fair chance and will be able to sleep at night b) listened to your heart AND your brain and c) will know for yourself if the two of you were meant to be or not. Not only that, but then you will understand culture shock, language barriers (if you don't speak fluent Spanish that is) and the trouble of finding a job.

From what you have said that you're scared of him leaving you, I can see that all our talking (typing) isn't going to change what you feel for your husband, so go down there and find out for yourself if the two of you can live together day in, day out.

 

[miguel]

Cooked well-done.....

he is a ball player

He asks me for money for things like the lawyer fees, the immigration stuff, the translating of things, etc.

ANd I am scared that he will leave me I do love him very much, he says he woudl never leave me, he wants to have children and be a happy family. He has a job waiting for him when he gets here, it is very hard because I have seen how loving and great things are and now we are getting closer and he is changing. Anway thanks for the reply's I will have a lot of thinking to do

Let me get this straight:

He is a ball player (I guess you haven't seen my description of them) and he asks you for money for HIS paperwork(what else is new) and you still think you have a "keeper".

Someone get me a rope and hang me already!!!!.

If this person is REAL, which I am starting to doubt VERY much, she must be the neediest and most desperate person alive.

ALL she signs are there that this guy is a prick and she still has the "balls" to say that SHE is scared the HE will leave him.

Guys, this is the same exact example I was talking about in my thread. About these people dating and marrying "decent" and "well-educated" guys and having to pay for just about everything for his papers in order to get them to their countries.

Some of us are just wasting our time here. She is done. That guy did a great job making her think with her heart and NOT with her head.

She is done. Well cooked, Dominican Sankie Style (DSS).

Some day, SOME will learn.

This one is NOT one of those "SOME".

 

[Ladybird]

so thanks for the messages. I have to apologize for the 2 post I am new to this. So some have asked more about him well he is educated, he is a ball player, so he has money for Dominican standards. He asks me for money for things like the lawyer fees, the immigration stuff, the translating of things, etc. But some of it is questionable, but I have been to the Dominican enough to understand mafioso. He is often very angry he says it is nto at me, but he is still angry. No he is not in Canada yet! As for the one post who told me to say I would move there, WELL I said I woudl take a leave of absence from my job for one year adn go to Puerto Plata and stay with him, funny thing is I thought he would freak and he was excited about it, he even talked to people about me working in the schools there, his family was happy, so that kind of back fired on me, so I am still thinking about it, maybe going there first while we wait for Haiti is a better idea. I jsut don't know, I guess if I was giving up everything I might be a little nervous to, but I woudl look to my spouse for support, nto to fight with. ANd I am scared that he will leave me I do love him very much, he says he woudl never leave me, he wants to have children and be a happy family. He has a job waiting for him when he gets here, it is very hard because I have seen how loving and great things are and now we are getting closer and he is changing. Anway thanks for the reply's I will have a lot of thinking to do

Mart,

I dont normally respond to these posts but I feel I had to. The reason he could be tetchy is that he has a Dominican wife and children and to go to Canada will mean leaving them for a time to create a better life. I once helped another Canadian girl and waited for her outside her boyfriends house. I witnessed his mother, wife and children loading up all their clothes etc from his home so no evidence was there before she arrived. It was a sickening sight. I told her all this and she still went ahead and is now married to a Dominican and is living in Canada. She will pay the price for being so crazy.

You should stop him going to Canada and give your marriage a chance here in the DR first. If all works out - great, if not you can always go home.
A very wise educated Dominican man once told me they rarely finish with the mothers of their children and you should always check out where they live etc even on spot checks.

Im sorry for your plight but reading your posts I think you already know the answers yourself. You need to ask yourself one question, is it worth having the pain now or later when it will maybe be deeper with extra consequences.

Its a gamble, but maybe he is excited and happy about your living here as he can be with his wife and kids and have you also.

Good luck

 

[shadInToronto]

Better to watch paint dry!!!!

Let me get this straight:

He is a ball player (I guess you haven't seen my description of them) and he asks you for money for HIS paperwork(what else is new) and you still think you have a "keeper".

Someone get me a rope and hang me already!!!!.

If this person is REAL, which I am starting to doubt VERY much, she must be the neediest and most desperate person alive.

ALL she signs are there that this guy is a prick and she still has the "balls" to say that SHE is scared the HE will leave him.

Guys, this is the same exact example I was talking about in my thread. About these people dating and marrying "decent" and "well-educated" guys and having to pay for just about everything for his papers in order to get them to their countries.

Some of us are just wasting our time here. She is done. That guy did a great job making her think with her heart and NOT with her head.

She is done. Well cooked, Dominican Sankie Style (DSS).

Some day, SOME will learn.
This one is NOT one of those "SOME".

I concur ... she has a rebuttal/explanation/justification for his behaviour. Why did she come here whining about her great catch but is ready to kiss and make up when overwhelmingly she was advised to stop her sponsorship???? .... I'll tell you why, 'cause she is seeking attention. Ok, you got it, now run to your sankie!!!!!!!! :tired:

 

[mountainfrog]

All Good

... He asks me for money for things like the lawyer fees, the immigration stuff, the translating of things, etc.

That's good and fair. :bunny:
Those are peanuts, just imagine what you'll get!

...I have been to the Dominican enough to understand mafioso.

That's good.
Now how about learning the proper name of this country?

I do love him very much, he says he woudl never leave me, he wants to have children and be a happy family.

That's good.

m'frog

 

[DominicanScotty]

Best advice

Take the leave of absence and stay there for a year. That should be plenty of time to figure all this out.
If he is a ball player, doesn't he make half decent money to pay for his own legal expenses?

You seem to still be set in your mind to go ahead and be tortured. If you are still set on this "angry man" then take Audrav's advice and move there for a year. All of his/their lies will come out within a month or two so a year is alot of time, more time then you will need. Hold off on those marriage papers just yet. Keep that letter to the Canadian Embassy ready to be jetted off just in case.

However, without actually "knowing" this man most DR1ers have seen this pattern time after time. The man is always angry, it isn't at you, but he can't tell you why? Isn't their something wrong with this type of person? Do you think this relationship will get better? Especially if you are under his feet 24/7?
Haaaaa, angry? You haven't seen anything yet. Physical abuse could be just around the corner for you. Perhaps locking you in the house to be his "wife".

You must learn the mysterious things about this culture. Everything is not what it seems to be especially when you don't understand (if you don't speak Spanish) Learn Spanish wthout telling them that you understand. You will be shocked at what they are saying right in front of you.

But my opinion is the original one. Call the Canadian Embassy, stop the process and get out of this.

 

[shadInToronto]

Not original ....

But my opinion is the original one. Call the Canadian Embassy, stop the process and get out of this.

Wrong Scotty ... check post #6 in this thread