yvette said:
As I've read posts from different threads here on the dr1 forum I must ask this question: Is abuse (mental, emotional, physical, sexual etc.) commonplace for the Domincan woman in the DR, and are there laws to protect her rights as a woman and citizen of the DR?
Yvette
Hi there.
One of the problems when it comes to abuse is the lack of expression many men have here, when it comes to "showing" off the macho culture. This of course, depends on the economic level the male is in.
In the upper classes, the male figure denotes his "respect" through maintaining the wealth, coordinating the lives of his children (this is more so if the child is female than male), etc. However, usually the women keeps track of the finances and is the most charitable person in the family. Thus, upper class males have more ways of releaving their macho culture demands than through abuse means.
Having said that, upper class men are not excused from abusing women, and there have been a few who actually conduct in such disgraceful acts.
When it comes to middle classes, it's more or less similar with the upper classes. However, due to the fact that the middle class have to keep track of their budget much closer than upper class since the middle class feels every change in the economy (good and bad), the expression of machismo becomes slightly more restricted and some men resort to abuse.
Now, the lower class. Many men in this position are not able to provide financial stability to their families, are not well educated and thus don't always make the best choices, and constantly misinterpret certain things that most other people would not. This leads many lower class males to show their machismo through two things: A. Sexual and B. Control
With A, it refers to having sex with as many women as possible while the wife is suppose to simply accept that. However, if the wife even looks at a guy in a slightly "nice" way, that is reason enough for the guy to just blow out of his mind. In essence, men are expected to be with as many women as possible, women are expected to be loyal regardless. Not fair in my opinion, but I did not made the rules, unfortunately.
With B, it refers to controling the life of the spouse. The male takes a paternalistic figure where he often self proclaims to be everything to his wife, in some cases even going as far as saying that he is her father from the moment they met. Yes, very arrogant approach, but its mostly due to his own insecurities of not being able to support the family and/or being on a shoestring and any minute his entire "kingdom" can come crashing down.
Whenever the women does something the male does not like (it could be from laughing at a joke made by another guy too often - obviously this causes jealousy in all men, but some guys take it too far -, all the way to dressing a certain way and/or speaking while the male was speaking, etc). It's a very arrogant system based on control and the one's expected to be submissive with no questions asked are the women. Men, on the other hand, can do as they please, at least that is the prevailing thought.
You can also see this attitudes in the way many people treat their children. You will often see boys running around with little to no chaperon, where as girls are closely monitored, very often told what to do, and very often have to help around the house. If a boy makes sexual expressions, its seen as a gracious cute thing, if a girl makes the samething, it's seen as disturbing and often is followed by punishment.
As with everything in life, these perceptions are not always accurate with every individual in each class, but it is a perception that can be used as a rule of thumb in order to understand this issue.
I (as a Dominican male) have an understanding as to why some men go to the length they do to "stake their claim", but I am not too fond of this control ordeal. I tend to look at my fiance as an individual person who made a mutual agreement to be with me, an agreement that is not set in stone, thus must be treated with care and all fairness when possible. Unfortunately, most men in this country do not see the world like this and prefer to treat their women as if they were property.
Of course, when you asked them to show you the ownership certificate, well, they quiet down a bit, but not without showing "whose the boss".
Many guys here (and a small number women, there are some women that you can swear they are men in nature, women who control their men to a degree that leaves you with your mouth open!) think that "respect" is something that needs to be forced upon to those who are "below" him.
The truth, in my opinion, is that respect should be desired, but is not something that one should focus in attaining and/or forcing others to "show" towards you. Respect is a natural retribution from others towards you, when others see you as worthy of such. Thus, respect can only be genuinely given with no force implied from the part of the receiver and it's a reciprocal act of politeness (or gracefulness) for being an understanding and interesting person to be with.
Many guys here don't understand that, they think respect is not earned, but divinely guaranteed to them and to those who don't show it, they must be forced to do so.
Totally incorrect way of thinking, in my opinion.
Edited to add: Also, many people here do not believe in treating others the way you want to be treated and this comes very clear in spousal relationships. If the women makes an attempt at treating the guy the same way he treated her, then... well you know what follows.
This also is true in father to child relationships. Many fathers here have the false belief that they are not required to receive approval from their children, but their children are required to receive approval from their parents.
Thus, a parent can be as rude, inpolite, harsh, and sometimes violent to a child (such in supermarkets slaping a child in the face simply because the child wanted a candy and did not quiet down - then again, the parents here hardly have patience) and they expect the child to uphold their parents in the most respectful manners.
I understand many parents feel a sense of ownership towards their children, afterall they did brought the child to life. However, parents should parent to receive approval from their children and vice-versa. This should create a much more healthy environment for parent-child relations where children are treated like the actual human beings they are as oppose to just a piece of property. Slavery and endenture slavery ended a long time ago.
Maybe it's just me, but I really feel for those kids I see getting a slap on the face for the most minor things. The thing is that parents here have no shame in this and do this in public, everywhere.
Then they wonder why their kids "revolt" during teenage years!
Women and Children need much more protection, especially children since women have been getting more protection through laws and education. We, as a society, have a long way to go.
This is one of those negative aspects of being a Dominican that actually causes me to have shame on, unfortunately.
