Abuse And The Dominican Woman...

[Yari]

So to me the key to diminishing the levels of abuse is stressing the responsibility of partners in each role, without changing the model as such..

In this I think that people like Larry, Nals and myself may differ from the view you and others advocate, which I understand to be changing the current relationship model for the Western one.. and while I respect your views, I do not agree with them..

Regards,

MD

If you call wanting women (of DR in this case) to be free of any type of abuse "changing the current relationship model for the western one" then you can call it that, I will take it. but it is not what I would call it. changing DR gender roles is another thread all on its own and I would have mixed feelings on that topic...Good Morning BTW, where are my maners??

Yari

 

[MerengueDutchie]

If you call wanting women (of DR in this case) to be free of any type of abuse "changing the current relationship model for the western one" then you can call it that, I will take it. but it is not what I would call it. changing DR gender roles is another thread all on its own and I would have mixed feelings on that topic...Good Morning BTW, where are my maners??

Yari

Yari,

It seems we are thinking along similar lines.. abolishing abuse while keeping the gender roles intact.. that would be a good thing imo.. but going around arbitrarily and changing culturally ingrained gender roles another..

Now the way forward to me, woudl be to teach men to be a leader without abuseive behaviour and to teach women how to accept their roles and still be a valuable latina queen. who will be cherished by her man..

Cheers,

MD

 

[Yari]

Sounds good (for some), but what you and many men dont understand is that many women & men for that matter do not want to be forced into typical gender roles (yes even people in he DR). Some men prefer to act in a way that people might percieve as feminine and women might desire to act in ways that some folks think of as exclusively male...my point is that there is nothing whrong with either (to each their own). But in the DR there is more pressure to stick to those roles.

Hey, didn't I say this was an entirely different topic , oh well...but to bring it back to the topic at hand...I dont think that for most people in the DR (I could be wrong) gender roles are as much of any issue as abuse towards women is, that is what needs to stop. If a woman wants to serve her papi hand and foot, night & day, while also doing the same with her children, then more power to her as long as he is treating her with the same respect...which is what I think you were getting at. & I agree, as long as the woman chooses it for herself .

yari

Yari,

It seems we are thinking along similar lines.. abolishing abuse while keeping the gender roles intact.. that would be a good thing imo.. but going around arbitrarily and changing culturally ingrained gender roles another..

Now the way forward to me, woudl be to teach men to be a leader without abuseive behaviour and to teach women how to accept their roles and still be a valuable latina queen. who will be cherished by her man..

Cheers,

MD

 

[Miamimike]

Hi Everyone! Haven't been around here in a while! Interesting thread! In my past work and also in my travels to several other Latin American Countries, I observe this same type of Behavior/Abuse. Living in Miami, I also see this on practically a daily basis. A little story--this type of Behavior is evident in most Latin AMerican Countries not only the DR. I have a Colombain Friend(female) She has been with her Husband like 29 years and her Sis told me on the Couple's Wedding Day, she was Punched in the Mouth by her husband of only a few hours. Knocked out! Any American Woman would left immediately but did she leave, NO! Over the years she was manipulated and abused mentally also to the point she has NO Self Esteem and she now thinks this Abusive Behavior is the Norm. If someone attempts to help her and treats her with Respect, she figures they are angling for something. She has lost her behavioral compass as to what is normal and abnormal. I thought I could help and change the situation but after a couple years I threw my hands up and walked away. I see others in Mexico, Puerto Rico, Panama in the same situation and wonder if there is hope in changing this Circle of Abuse, breaking its cycle is what has to be done. It has to be be a change in a cultural norm. I don't say that this behavior does not occur in the USA or Canada but only in my home area(Penna) its not acceptable. If someone ever slapped their wife OR Cheated they would have been kicked out of the Family forever. In Latin America, from what I have seen, if Tio Jose cheats or slaps the wife, yes its Bad thing(but not too bad) but it seems to be forgotten in a few weeks and the philanderer/abuser is welcomed back into the fold.Not in my Family and therein lies the cultural difference. After my experience, I would think twice before intervening and attempting to change such an ingrained inate cultural bedrock.

 

[AZB]

This doesn't happen in latin culture as much as you think it does, It mainly happens in the poor culture of any country. Most foreigners only get to see the poor side of any country they visit. Well-to-dominicans don't invite gringos to their homes unless they are decent. So you folks never get to see the real typical culture of the decent, educated folks. Most immigrants from poor countries who have settled in maimi, NY and other major cities come from the low (if not the lowest) socio-economical lclass of their home country. No wonder they live in slums and ghettos, wherever they settle down.
Now talking about DR, you folks only see the Dom york chopos who live in washington heights or the barrio folks who live in boca chica, sosua puerto plata etc. These people act the same way as red necks act in USA. Ask any police officer in any major US city and he will tell you all about domestic violence in ghettos, projects and slums. Do you think these white trashy women actually leave their abusive husbands, boyfriends? Hahaha, they are the first ones to bail him out once he goes to jail.
So please, all you latin american experts, look into your poverty culture first before you throw stones at cultures you people have little idea about.
AZB

 

[La Profe_1]

AZB, you do not know what you are talking about. Domestic violence is a problem that cuts across class lines. I know of women married to physicians of Hispanic extraction who suffered severe abuse - physical, emotional, psychological and sexual.

The statistics on domestic violence at this link http://www.ndvh.org/educate/abuse_in_america.html say one in three women are abused. I know that not all those women are from lower class families. In the US I lived in a fairly affluent suburb and the problem existed there as well. Actually, I did a small amount of advocacy work on behalf of battered women, so I know the problem fairly well.

I somehow doubt that people who graduated from university and medical school qualify as "chopo." Of course, perhaps we are seeing the influence of your particular point of view.

 

[Chirimoya]

It happens, you just don't hear about it that much

It is generally considered that domestic abuse is more easily concealed 'higher' up the social/economic scale. People do not live in such close proximity so the abuse can remain a secret. If the victim does decide to leave and seek help, she may be able to do this without registering on the statistics. She might have relatives who can take her in, in contrast with poorer women who call on social services or refuges.

This applies to all countries, not just the DR.

However, it is an open secret that some high-profile individuals who are definitely not from the barrios have been known to engage in this type of abuse...

 

[kapitan13]

wife abuse

I see it more as machismo personality problem than anything. me are called a few things in spanish speaking countries
a machismo: arrogant, wont look after the kids, all about bring the money home and being served on, also very un attentive in family life and may beat or mentally abuse the spouse, and withdraw from love making.(wife is for making babies, girlfriends for sex).
a caballero: love the wife and kids, bring home the money , polite and respectful, very active in family life and helping with the chores, a total gentle man and protector.
a sapo: bow to his wife due all the chores and bring all the money, let his wife and kids walk all over him, accept a cheating wife. a loser in bed. a sucker in translation.
these types go for all races. theres on in every litter.