Changing My Life---help!

[blueyegal]

If you don't mind one more voice speaking up, I haven't seen this suggestion and quite frankly I get sick of the robot mindset that only others can rear our children for us!
Instead of private school (expensive!) or public (not up to par!), why not give home education a chance? Everyone seems to think when their child turns 5yo, they (the parent) suddenly lose the ability to teach their own child! But who taught the child up to that point? If your youngest is 4yo, you know exactly what I'm talking about; just continue what you're doing. If you need more info on homeschooling, feel free to PM me.

I like posts #18, 25, 27, 29
I believe the children are your first priority and it does sound like you (the OP) are stressed. The U.S. IS stressful! It's the 'rat race' and the materialistic mindset that surrounds you. The OP is thinking of the children by getting them OUT of the U.S.
It also sounds like you've thought out the finances. HSing would fit in with that; you'd have all the time in the world to spend with your children because you will not have to work while in the DR and they will not have to be pulled out of school to go back to the States for you to work every couple months.

As for the bashing, don't let it get to you. I agree with dv8.
Only you know what your situation is and only you can make this decision.
I wish you luck. Sounds like you have a much better support system than I have; I'm jealous!

B

 

[blueyegal]

go back and reread #58 and 59. especially 59
Quality of life. The things that are truly important in life.

People focus so much on money. Whenever people talk about moving to DR, all you hear here is $$$$$$$$$.
I'm always so shocked to see people say you NEED 2000-4000K a month. When I read that I'm sure they mean RD, but then that's really cheap and I'm sure they can't be THAT much more frugal than I; can they?! I don't NEED 2000-4000K in the States, and in DR I need even less! I believe they have 'need' and 'want' confused.

If you do decide to move, even if it's only for a year, you may be giving your children something they'll have for the rest of their lives = an experience.
Something to chew on, it may be an opportunity to bond with your 13yo in a way that you working and the child going to school would never permit.

Again, good luck!

 

[Criss Colon]

I Have 4 Children In school In Santo Domingo.

16,10,5,and 4 are their ages. The two boys are 16 and 10,the girls are 5 and 4. The boys go to "Santa Cura de Ars", a large Catholic school near two of the "Barrios" most "Caliente" de Santo Domingo. "Simon Bolivar", and "Cristo Rey"! Costs about $300 US a month for both,with a bus to take them. The "Education" is not great! The girls go to an "Escuela","Tiny Cloud" near our home in Arroyo Hondo. That costs over $300 USa month,no bus! There are books,uniforms,"Inscripciones"(Sign up fees) every year as well that add another $2,000 US a year to those costs. The girls school is VERY GOOD!
I could send them to EXCELLENT schools here in Massachusets for FREE!
Then they could go to "U MASS" for free! Why the hell would anyone want to live in some "Hell Hole" in thr DR??? I'll tell you why! Because their parent is selfish,and wants to live in the DR! That's Why"! The kids should come first,second,third,and then fourth! Don't give me any crap about "Travel broadening their horizones"! They will be 100 times better off in "Life" if they stay in the US! Except for that part about "Most of my friends are Dominican". If you hang out with Dominicans in the US,your judgement is "Wacky"! In the DR,you won't have any choice!
I am sitting in a public library in Wellfleet Mass. right now! There are 10 computers here for the use of anyone. There is a huge "Childrens Area" here1 Last night I attended a "Bach Viola Presentatin" by a respected French musician here at the library,FOR FREE! Guess you missed that in the DR?????
Point is: STAY PUT! You are robbing your kids of a bright future! If you have 50 or 60 thousand US, or more, to spend,move to the DR. Otherwise,DON"T!
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC

 

[bob saunders]

Your statement implies a father controls a mother and can keep her from moving.
A mother (or father) notifies the court of the move and custody/visitation is either changed or modified by the court depending on whether the father (or mother) files against it (fights for custody, etc).

B

Not really he's just stating the reality that if a father has visitation or custody rights, as well as the right/obligation of paying child support his ex-wife can't just lollygag out of the country without considering the father.

 

[M.A.R.]

Wow I can't believe that for the first time reading Cris's post didn't irritate or anger me in any way. I can't believe that I can understand where he is coming from. scary.

 

[miguel]

La pura verdad.....

Not really he's just stating the reality that if a father has visitation or custody rights, as well as the right/obligation of paying child support his ex-wife can't just lollygag out of the country without considering the father.

ABSOLUTELY TRUE!!!.

When my ex wanted to relocate to her home country and take our 2 kids with her (when they were real young)......All I did was call my Lawyer, who called her Lawyer, who then called her and BOOOM, her plans went "down the drain" REEEEEEEEAL FAST!!.

 

[M.A.R.]

awhhhh this sounds very dreamy but its soo true
I am amazed at how when I go back like every 2 years, I still see some people wearing the used top or used pants I gave them on my last visit
they take care of their stuff, here is so different, everything is disposable.

You'll have a moderate life with actual clothes that you'll use to the last hanger on the closet!
You'll learn to eat produce and crops that was allowed to ripen before it was cut down!
You'll smell the rain when it falls! The earth, the trees!
Your kids will have friends that will be like sisters and brothers as they aged and play like a family!
You'll learn that when the lights go out, people gather to talk!
You'll learn to shop for the perfect shoes that will be with you for years!
You'll learn that old things can be new again, and again and yet once again!
You'll learn that people really care for you and visit to have fun!
You'll learn that even when you didn't think you were that strong, you never tested yourself before!
You'll learn why we say manana when things are too stressful to deal with today!
You'll learn to live with less; much less than you could ever dream you need it to have to live in comfort!

 

[naturelover]

anyway when you do come over we will all be helpful even if we sound mean...............coz i know you are going to do it anyway ......lol

 

[dv8]

let uz see the dark sidez too!

if you move to DR you may see that:

Now the cold facts:

Quality of life means exactly what it means!
No more rushing to everything!
no because everything is done "ma?ana"
No more fire sirens wailing at all times!
in fact, no more fire brigade at all!
No more kids shoplifting stores in plain sight!
why rob the store in plain sight when you can sneak in at night and kill the security guard? two pleasures in one go!
No more of all those things that we must learn to accept as by-products to be living with when you choose to reside in an industrialized country!
no because there is nothing BUT by-products here...

You'll have a moderate life with actual clothes that you'll use to the last hanger on the closet!
just don't buy them here because they will fall apart after second washing.
You'll learn to eat produce and crops that was allowed to ripen before it was cut down!
does not refer to: apples, pears, strawberries, tomatoes, cucumbers and any other fruit/veg that is not local
You'll smell the rain when it falls! The earth, the trees!
you'll FEEL the rain as well - it will flood your house
Your kids will have friends that will be like sisters and brothers as they aged and play like a family!
and steal from them, and call them "gringo"
You'll learn to shop for the perfect shoes that will be with you for years!
that is if you shop in the USA, no pair of shoes i bought here lasted 3 months
You'll learn why we say manana when things are too stressful to deal with today!
and tomorrow, and a week after, and a month later too. in fact, no one will deal with those things ever
You'll learn to live with less; much less than you could ever dream you need it to have to live in comfort!
yes, because you will have no money left
And the worst part:
You'll be acting like one of those fool Dominicans soon after too!
oh, yes...

 

[slrguy]

blueyegal is dead on the money.

I lived in Puerto Rico for three years, and my two oldest sons I homeschooled while I ran a fairly fast-growing business. (My ex was not, ummm, emotionally equipped to do it).

Best experience of my life. Hands down. I'd do it again tomorrow, given the opportunity.

Do a little research on homeschooling, please, and give it some thought. The positives are obvious for your situation. There are home schooling curriculums available for a wide variety of approaches, from online "Mom, what does this mean?", to do it completely yourself, typically in far fewer hours per day than tradtional schools take. And almost ALL the statistics point to the home-schooled child being academically advanced, in general, even compared to US-based kids.

Lots of parents reject the notion, concerned about social development. It doesn't sound like your kids would lack social interactions, even home-schooled.

MY kids returned to the US system (in a fairly affluent, well-run school system) without missing a beat.

For a TON of reasons, I hope you'll consider this option - for you AND your kids.

 

[PICHARDO]

dv8
Gold Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 1,125


let uz see the dark sidez too!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

if you move to DR you may see that:


Quote:
Originally Posted by PICHARDO
Now the cold facts:

Quality of life means exactly what it means!
No more rushing to everything!
no because everything is done "ma?ana"

Actual fact of living in the DR!

No more fire sirens wailing at all times!
in fact, no more fire brigade at all!

Where's the fire in a cinder block house???

No more kids shoplifting stores in plain sight!
why rob the store in plain sight when you can sneak in at night and kill the security guard? two pleasures in one go!

Clearly a person living in a ghetto part of the city(or campo?)...

No more of all those things that we must learn to accept as by-products to be living with when you choose to reside in an industrialized country!
no because there is nothing BUT by-products here...

The DR offers the most varied diets than you could ever dream of in a lifetime even in NYC!!!!

You'll have a moderate life with actual clothes that you'll use to the last hanger on the closet!
just don't buy them here because they will fall apart after second washing.

I guess you buy at the flee markets since most stores carry the same pants and shirts that are offered here in the ol' US of A...

You'll learn to eat produce and crops that was allowed to ripen before it was cut down!
does not refer to: apples, pears, strawberries, tomatoes, cucumbers and any other fruit/veg that is not local

Yes they are!!! Apples are harvested in the DR!! So are Tomatoes by the metric tonnage, Cucumbers most people grow in the backyard in conucos and most exotic nuts and fruits unless extinct are being grown in the DR for local and export!

You'll smell the rain when it falls! The earth, the trees!
you'll FEEL the rain as well - it will flood your house

Again... I'm not sure what your home is made out of or how close to the river bank the hut is located.

Your kids will have friends that will be like sisters and brothers as they aged and play like a family!
and steal from them, and call them "gringo"

Bad in your part of town, isn't it?

You'll learn to shop for the perfect shoes that will be with you for years!
that is if you shop in the USA, no pair of shoes i bought here lasted 3 months

Where do you get your shoes from? Most Italian shoe brands are known in the DR than 5th ave will ever see on shelves...

You'll learn why we say manana when things are too stressful to deal with today!
and tomorrow, and a week after, and a month later too. in fact, no one will deal with those things ever

Exactly! No stress!

You'll learn to live with less; much less than you could ever dream you need it to have to live in comfort!
yes, because you will have no money left

So I guess you came to the DR with a bank in tow????

And the worst part:
You'll be acting like one of those fool Dominicans soon after too!
oh, yes...

Thanks to God!

 

[Nelly]

SKing, I commend you for your courage as this is quite a big decision; one, that I'm sure many of us wish that we were in a position to make. I think its great that you are set up financially for the first little while and for the future as you go back and forth to the US for your work and to visit with your daughter. Hopefully, she will change her mind and join you in time. I think that as an educated woman and mother, it will be easy to recognize if things aren't going well for you or your children and if this happens you can always return home. Its not like its the last decision you will ever be permitted to make. If it doesn't work out or if its not what you thought it was going to be, then you can leave. It may cost you financially but the experience will be worth it. I personally think that your children will benefit greatly from the experience and the exposure to a second language and culture. It sounds to me like you have a well thought out plan and that you are here trying to polishing up the details. I hope those who have first hand advice to offer will continue to do so.
Best of luck to you and God speed.
Cuidate,
Nelly

 

[suarezn]

Pichardo: Don't try to justify yourself to Dv8. I don't think I've seen anybody more pessimistic and negative about The DR than this lady. Of course is ironic that she doesn't really care for the country, but she loves "minovio" - How annoying - who of course is Dominican. According to her everything is better in Poland...except the guys apparently.

 

[Chris]

Are you guys done with this thread or is it going to erupt into poster-on-poster violence?

 

[Lambada]

I guess you buy at the flee markets since most stores carry the same pants and shirts that are offered here in the ol' US of A...

Pichardo, does the 'here in the ol' US of A' signify that you don't actually live here in the DR?

I happen to be very positive about living in the DR, it suits me, but I have to say the picture you paint refers in large part to the DR of 15 years ago. It has changed. It's unfair to the OP to paint an over rosy picture. She needs to hear it, warts and all, so that she is well informed.

The most relevant part of your interchange with dv8 for SKing is that about children. Unfortunately some children aged 8 are now runners for dealers and getting hooked themselves so yes some children ( a minority of course but sadly growing) are into stealing to fuel this habit. So, at the other end of the scale, are some grandparents. It wasn't the DR I moved to 15 years ago, but it is a fact of life now, which is why, waaaay back in this thread I advised her to be careful over her children's choice of friends. Sajoma might be free of this activity for now but it is pervasive so it wouldn't be surprising if it got there too. But.............the kids will still be friendly & funloving, just a bit zombified some of the time.

Scratch the surface of the DR now and you get an entirely different picture than you did a decade and more ago. Certainly more discontent than before. Retirees can isolate themselves in their enclaves, if that is what they choose to do. People with children can't. So it's only fair to warn the OP so that she knows what to be aware of.

No poster on poster violence from me, Chris, just realism.

 

[miguel]

Un caso perdido.....

Pichardo: Don't try to justify yourself to Dv8. I don't think I've seen anybody more pessimistic and negative about The DR than this lady. Of course is ironic that she doesn't really care for the country, but she loves "minovio" - How annoying - who of course is Dominican. According to her everything is better in Poland...except the guys apparently.

Makes you think what power a "johnson" has, huh?.....For someone to sound so miserable and still live there.

I wonder is she was being "British funny"?. You know, because every time she says something stupid and a Dominican takes offense to it, a few will come out and say she was just being funny and we didn't get it because she is from England (or whatever the hell she is from).

Well, suarezn, at least we know she is not our problem. Let her lover and his family worry about her. Ay los pobres, I can only imagine!!.

Back to something MUCH more important, the thread:

It's already known that the OP will do whatever she feels. It doesn't matter if we tell her how good or how bad the DR is, how her kids this and her kids that.....She already said she is leaving and NOTHING will make her change her mind.

One thing that amazes me about all the posters telling her to go ahead and do it, is that they are NOT seeing the big picture here: THE KIDS!!!.

She said that she WILL LEAVE THE KIDS with her friends, EVERY 2 MONTHS to travel back to her home country to work!!.

Come on, it's bad enough they will not have their father there, but leaving a 4 and 7 year old with friends every 2 months, IMO, it's insane!!.

Eventually (if not the case already) she will find herself a man and then the kids will be left with him and his network of friends (environment).

All I can say is: POOR KIDS!.

No wonder my cousin, the shrink, makes so much money counseling kids!!.

 

[PICHARDO]

Pichardo, does the 'here in the ol' US of A' signify that you don't actually live here in the DR?

I happen to be very positive about living in the DR, it suits me, but I have to say the picture you paint refers in large part to the DR of 15 years ago. It has changed. It's unfair to the OP to paint an over rosy picture. She needs to hear it, warts and all, so that she is well informed.

The most relevant part of your interchange with dv8 for SKing is that about children. Unfortunately some children aged 8 are now runners for dealers and getting hooked themselves so yes some children ( a minority of course but sadly growing) are into stealing to fuel this habit. So, at the other end of the scale, are some grandparents. It wasn't the DR I moved to 15 years ago, but it is a fact of life now, which is why, waaaay back in this thread I advised her to be careful over her children's choice of friends. Sajoma might be free of this activity for now but it is pervasive so it wouldn't be surprising if it got there too. But.............the kids will still be friendly & funloving, just a bit zombified some of the time.

Scratch the surface of the DR now and you get an entirely different picture than you did a decade and more ago. Certainly more discontent than before. Retirees can isolate themselves in their enclaves, if that is what they choose to do. People with children can't. So it's only fair to warn the OP so that she knows what to be aware of.

No poster on poster violence from me, Chris, just realism.

I currently have several biz here in the States and travel often.
I know the current situation of the DR because I live there as well just like you. I'm aware of all the bad things that surrounds us in the daily life, but I don't fear my grandkids or the nieces and nephews will be running drugs with their friends anytime soon.
I live in Villa Olga, Santiago. A small village that sure as hell has changed for the dramatic sine 20 or so years ago. But so too have many if not all places on this earth too. Take Orlando, some 20 years back I could drive my car to any service station around O.B.T. place the gas nozzle on my tank and let it run while placing some beer boxes on my trunk from the neat pile that was ever present on the isles of pumps. After I replaced the nozzle back in the pump, I walked to the clerk in the lobby and let her know about how many cases I placed on the trunk (no cameras at the time) and also the gas amount I just pumped into the car (no digital displays).
So today you have to either prepay inside the Fort Knox looking clerk station or use your credit card at the pump, gone are the beers that now sit in the back of the stores...
Yes, things sure change a lot! Orlando today looks and is more like Dodge City and OBT is aka the Trail of Death...

I don't paint rosy pics to anybody, but what to expect as a life in the DR.
Common sense tells a mother and father to be aware of your kid’s friends and their surrounds. There's no rosy place on this earth that crime has not touched yet, nor should it be free from having it come visit again and again.

One thing is sure, the DR is far a better place to rear children than any city on the US or Europe today. That is a fact!

Unless you come from being on the lower economic scale on your country of origin, then why should you think you'll live any different than any middle class family with black outs and all the ills that sure are already part of the local fabric of life in the DR?

Save me the "I lived well" while in the States or Europe since I lived on both sides and know quite well the living standards of the people on both sides and levels. And I came to the US with 165,000 US on 1988 and open shop in London in 1992 too.

Spare the "chop" lads and eat your buffalo wings with your keg bobs!
:ermm:

 

[Lambada]

I live in Villa Olga, Santiago. A small village that sure as hell has changed for the dramatic sine 20 or so years ago. But so too have many if not all places on this earth too. ..................

Spare the "chop" lads and eat your buffalo wings with your keg bobs!
:ermm:

Indeed I would, sir, except that I'm originally British and would thus be grateful for some translation of the last sentence..........

OK Pichardo, we've lived in the same countries DR, US & UK. You were arriving in UK (1992) as I was leaving for the DR. And yes most countries have changed, of course, no dispute there. But, the difference, the big difference for the DR is the speed of that change & its concomitant ramifications. What has happened in the DR in the past 5/6 years was happening in UK in the 1960's, '70's and '80's. I know because I lived there then & witnessed it. It took approx 30 years for those social changes in UK & at the time the UK wasn't faced with poverty levels like the DR has. Thus UK Governments had a chance to do something about it because the change was far slower. How far they succeeded is open to debate.

You will never hear me say 'I lived well' in Europe or US because for me that is irrelevant. I am very pro DR & content with my life here. But I'm not blind to what is going on and the lack of either political will or resources to address it.

Frankly, I think if the speed of change had happened as quickly in UK as it has here, the UK would also have been perplexed as to how to tackle it. So I'm not pointing fingers in blame. And as an ex-community and social worker I find it extremely interesting. But.............if the elites and the politicos here continue to ignore the social problems they are going to end up with much bigger ones and that is what I would like to avoid.

And, of course, all of this has ramifications for new people like the OP moving here with young children to start a life here.

 

[SKing]

I'm Back.

Hello, I am back. I have been reading all of the posts and would like to comment on a few things
1.) I would like to thank everybody who is actually giving me sound advice and not judging me. I feel that I am making the right decision and if I am not, like someone said, at least it will have been a good experience for my children.
2.) As far as my 13yo is concerned, I am trying to immerse her at this time with all things dominican in hopes that she will change her mind. Dominican food, pictures of the beaches, hanging out more with my friends' kids. Right now she is set on staying because she does not to be separated from her friends and I understand that... she is 13.
3.) My ex-husband does not care at all what I do with my children as long as it does not involve him having to pay any money. He signed for their Passports as well as their VISA de Residencia applications. I am not trying to sneak out of the country or anything.
4.) When I come to the US every 2 months it will be only for a week. My kids know my friend there as Ti-Ti (Tia/Aunt) and when she was here in the US they loved going to her house especially when she told them she was cooking sachichon y tostones! I have no worries about that. *****I WOULD NEVER LEAVE MY KIDS WITH ANY MAN EVEN IF I REMARRIED, MY KIDS ARE MY RESPONSIBILITY AND I WOULD MAKE SURE THAT I HAD SOMEONE TO TAKE CARE OF THEM ANYTIME I AM NOT THERE*****
5.) I will definitely think about homeschooling. I will see if I can get information on the internet and I may actually be asking more ??? about it in the future.
6.) Oye! I definitely do not think that where you live determines your future. I lived in what one would call the "projects" in New York and then in Virginia as I grew up. I went to a high school that probably had a 25% drop out rate (I am not sure of that, I am just guessing) and I know that 1 out of 3 guys there sold drugs. My mother worked at Mcdonald's in the AM and Subway (the sandwich shop) in the PM. It all depends on how you are raised INSIDE the home. I am an RN and have been for 7 years, and my brother who is 23yo is general manager of 2 Holiday Inn Hotels and has been for 2 years. If your parents care about what you are doing and who you are doing it with things usually are fine, not always but usually.
7.) I love Sajoma (San Jose de las Matas), call it what you will. I would not live in Santiago or Santo Domingo if someone gave me a free house and $50,000 to start with. That is me...life is simple in Sajoma. Not everything is perfect but I love it there. The first time that I went, it was for "Patronales", I don't know if I spelled that right. And I came back saying that I wanted to move, everybody convinced me that I felt that way because it was Patronales weekend and we partied 8 days straight, but when I went back in September there was nothing special going on, we did not have lights for 4 out of the 8 days that I was there and I STILL cried when I had to leave. Same in October, except that time the lights went out for 2 days (and the water too!). I know my children and I know their personalities, they will love it there.
8.) I do not worry about my children being called gringos, they look just like any other dominican child I have seen. Their accents are darn near perfect (because they are children and they repeat things exactly as they hear them). And if the are...SO WHAT? I am proud to be an american, and so are they.

Thanks, I actually wrote more than I intended to.
P.S. I posted on the employment page about looking for a part-time job in Santiago...If I were to find one I will not have to return to the US every 2 months, I will only go for the month in the summer and work when they are with their dad. My job allows that as long as you work 32 hours in a year, your name will stay on "the books" as an employee. My daughter will come during all school holidays and breaks and I will go see her if there are no breaks or holidays in a 3 month period. (I wrote that because I know that someone will comment on that).
But if anyone knows of anything employment wise...please let me know.

 

[PICHARDO]

Indeed I would, sir, except that I'm originally British and would thus be grateful for some translation of the last sentence..........
.

Are we being posh today...
Bloke, the kids hanging out at Camdem town would tell it like it when they pass the flyers to the "charlie" shops(mind you not a chemist on site)...
The wings and the keg are for the "dumb" you know who...