It may not be as safe here as you'd like, or would hope to believe.

ramesses

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You are expecting interactions similar to the ones you have back home. This is a mistake. DR wise, it's going to be a rough road for you if you are trying to date women that you don't know. Dating sites are the worst for this. Chalk it up to the wrong woman for you and move on. Jamaica is a much different animal. You survived there and found this situation aggressive? I lived in Jamaica for 5 years. Believe me, this is not the first time you will experience a similar situation whether in the DR or Jamaica. It's not about expectations, it's about reality.
 
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Facepalm Supreme

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Maria post 2 - As stated I completely understand someone may take it as hyperbole but it would have taken *NOTHING* for her to pull out a knife and stab me. It would have taken less for her to get riled up and grab me, or scratch me, especially my face. No one would have done anything and I would not have been able to do anything without facing severe consequences. I could be permanently disfigured for the rest of my life. It sounds like hyperbole but I legitimately don't see it that way. And it's always best to err on the side of caution.

Joseph NY2STI - I don't like to encourage evil, or to give in to people's demands when I know that I'm in the right. My initial reaction was to go to an "authority figure" - someone who has been delegated authority by someone else and is able to address this kind of situation. Honestly this post has less to do with this crazy woman (that's a given - all over the world crazy people exist) and more to do with my surprise at the lack of action taken by mall security. Looking back on it, yes it would have been less hassle to give her 200 pesos then and there, but for what? I didn't want to. I owed her NO OBLIGATION. It's my money and I don't have to give it to someone just because they demand it of me. If a person thinks or feels otherwise and wants to coerce or persuade it out of me I should be able to either a. - exercise my right to defend myself or b. - go to someone who has that authority vested in them. It should *NOT* be a situation where my hands are tied behind my back and someone has the right to harrass me, including putting their hands on me and I'm not allowed to respond and the "authority figures" refuse to get involved. That is not acceptable.

Reference my earlier comment to Maria regarding tribalism. I don't disagree with you, but that does not justice make. It also creates a society in which the in-group necessarily is putting themselves in a position to be abused. When bad people run out of "out-group" people to abuse they don't stop abusing people, they just go for the "in-group" people. They attack and act in a criminal fashion against the easiest target. The most moral and best decision, for society, is to stamp out immoral behavior, not to allow it as long as "it doesn't affect you". Hence the famous Neimoller quote -https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/First_they_came_...

JD - I should have given the 100 pesos and walked away immediately when she arrived talking to me about 400 pesos. It was disingenuous of her, and she was there for a job interview. And that's on me. The ole appeasement fallacy. Give'em an inch and they'll take a mile. Imagine if anyone else behaved in that fashion at a job interview. That said, this kind of low cunning, dishonest, disingenuous behavior does not help these people advance in life in any real way. It is really a sad situation because honesty and uprightness and virtue are scorned because they may not come with immediate benefit or gain but the same activity that does come with immediate benefit or gain leaves these individuals in the hole for the rest of their life. Perpetrating low acts and behaving in a low-vibrational fashion that draws and attracts more negative, low-vibrational circumstances into their lives.

drstock - It's a connection site, and there are platonic options. Further, my message, as I stated before was unequivocally clear and professional.

Cristorey - Glad to bring some joy into the life of someone.


FF1 - You hit the nail on the head in your first post. The second one seems a bit dismissive, that said I suppose if you go into the situation understanding that mall security will not secure you, nor control an out of control situation, but rather the REAL patrons of the mall - the stores who pay rent there and the mall property itself then you will be better prepared when that eventuality occurs. In my home country, this would never have happened as mall security are wont to "play police man" and are often bored and over-reactive. It was shocking to me that the mall security would allow a non-patron to throw a tantrum in a public mall, harrass a patron and disturb hundreds of other mall guests. Does that reality seem worth of ridicule to you? It strikes me as disorderly and neglient/apathetic. I mean really, what kind of security is that?

Melphis - If the thread or the replies don't bring you joy, I can only suggest not reading them or responding. I've been here for a while and I've done quite well. I come from a place far, far more dangerous than this country and I've visited places far, far more dangerous than where I come from. That doesn't stop me from speaking out against acts of evil and immorality simply because it is "relatively" better. Right is right and wrong is wrong.

Reilleyp - Lol

Ramesses - No one has a right to commit battery against you (or me). No one has a right to demand money from you (actually they do, that's perfectly fine) AND THEN follow you around step for step, acting aggressively and putting their hands inches from your face and literally physically touching you. It is immoral, and all moral people everywhere should stand up against it and call it out for what it is. Inappropriate behavior from one adult to another. It is a variant of robbery.
 

keepcoming

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Facepalm it really is not necessary to respond in lengthy posts or respond to each and every poster. Moral of the story going on sites such as Dominican Cupid, Tinder probably is not the best choice when looking for a housekeeper.
 

Facepalm Supreme

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You are expecting interactions similar to the ones you have back home. This is a mistake. DR wise, it's going to be a rough road for you if you are trying to date women that you don't know. Dating sites are the worst for this. Chalk it up to the wrong woman for you and move on. Jamaica is a much different animal. You survived there and found this situation aggressive? I lived in Jamaica for 5 years. Believe me, this is not the first time you will experience a similar situation whether in the DR or Jamaica. It's not about expectations, it's about reality.
In Jamaica, a person would *not* be allowed to behave like this in a public mall. Jamaica is under-policed and there is a huge violent crime problem but you can't do all things in all places. People are generally on high alert for weird or untoward behavior, especially in polite society, especially in middle class areas. If you did something like this in the mall in Half-Way Tree the security guards would become involved IMMEDIATELY and the police would be called IMMEDIATELY because situations escalate in a heartbeat and the mall is not the place to be ranting and raving - it is unacceptable, anti-social behavior and would not be tolerated.

The way this woman was demanding money was uncannily similar to how some Jamaican folks will panhandle - not doing tricks or selling treats and holding up a sign but basically demanding money from you, following you around, behaving aggressively, etc. I GUARANTEE you they will *evaporate* the moment you are near someone involved with security or a police officer. Why? Because they will be IMMEDIATELY thrown into jail if they don't cool it. Jamaican police are not playing games and many security officers are off-duty or retired police. That said, Jamaican police are few and far between and in many of the locations you are likely to visit if you actually travel the island and don't stick to an AI there are no police within 20-30 minutes drive or more.

I agree that I miscalculated the response of the security guards based on my experiences back home. DR has not been a rough road for me - I have experienced the most peaceful, adventurous years of my life here. I have made life-long friendships and had serious relationships with very genuine and good-hearted people. That said, there are serious problems that need to be addressed and I believe in doing so through discourse and calling out bad behavior.
 
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Facepalm Supreme

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Facepalm it really is not necessary to respond in lengthy posts or respond to each and every poster. Moral of the story going on sites such as Dominican Cupid, Tinder probably is not the best choice when looking for a housekeeper.


With all due respect keepcoming - am I doing anything contrary to the rules of the site? I'm responding to people who directly address me and doing my best to keep the conversation flowing on an Internet forum related to the DR. Everything has been on topic and I think I've done a really good job of being respectful and courteous to every single poster.

Should I in fact not be replying to the thread or the posters? Is there something I missed or something I'm doing wrong? Again, with all due respect in the world I thought that was sort of the purpose of an internet forum? And I sincerely say that in the most respectful way possible.

I know it comes across as a little flippant and I absolutely don't mean it that way but are you essentially telling me to not respond to the thread I created, or the posters who directly address me? I have not commented on several posts that didn't address me but are rather other posters addressing each other. I've also foregone addressing a few posts that simply didn't require a response.
 
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FF1

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Dec 17, 2022
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FF1 - You hit the nail on the head in your first post. The second one seems a bit dismissive, that said I suppose if you go into the situation understanding that mall security will not secure you, nor control an out of control situation, but rather the REAL patrons of the mall - the stores who pay rent there and the mall property itself then you will be better prepared when that eventuality occurs. In my home country, this would never have happened as mall security are wont to "play police man" and are often bored and over-reactive. It was shocking to me that the mall security would allow a non-patron to throw a tantrum in a public mall, harrass a patron and disturb hundreds of other mall guests. Does that reality seem worth of ridicule to you? It strikes me as disorderly and neglient/apathetic. I mean really, what kind of security is that?
Bro what did you expect the security to do, tackle the girl to the ground and call SWAT team to arrest her? They probably see 10 squabbles like that every day. I'm sure if someone pulled a knife on you and tried to rob you they'd get involved, but a guy arguing with a girl over who's gonna pay the cab fare...
 

keepcoming

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With all due respect keepcoming - am I doing anything contrary to the rules of the site? I'm responding to people who directly address me and doing my best to keep the conversation flowing on an Internet forum related to the DR. Everything has been on topic and I think I've done a really good job of being respectful and courteous to every single poster.

Should I in fact not be replying to the thread or the posters? Is there something I missed or something I'm doing wrong? Again, with all due respect in the world I thought that was sort of the purpose of an internet forum? And I sincerely say that in the most respectful way possible.

I know it comes across as a little flippant and I absolutely don't mean it that way but are you essentially telling me to not respond to the thread I created, or the posters who directly address me? I have not commented on several posts that didn't address me but are rather other posters addressing each other. I've also foregone addressing a few posts that simply didn't require a response.
Maybe just sum it up in one post in the future. Much easier to read.
 
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Facepalm Supreme

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Message received 100%. I'll do what I can to make that happen. Thanks for the guidance.

I wouldn't have expected the SWAT team to be called, or anyone to be tackled but I think it would have been wise to separate us, and not to allow someone to follow a patron around, harass them, make a public scene, commit battery and in general act like someone that was not in their right mind. It's a billion dollar property, there should be a certain standard upheld and it should be relatively easy to figure out who is who and what's going on based on how people are behaving. If someone is wigging out they should be escorted out of the mall. Especially if a mild-mannered patron walks up to security and reports the crazy person and states that they are following them and aggressively so, as said crazy person is wigging out directly in front of security.


I don't buy the excuses about where the people met if the messages were professional and pointedly about business. I don't buy the "geogaphic location" or "you're in a different culture where you just gotta pay other people's expenses despite no agreement made beforehand". I don't buy the "it's just a few bucks, why are you complaining", and in general I don't understand why when the situation is so clear that so many would be so willing to basically say "Stfu and give her the money", or call me "cheap" (LOL how can I be cheap? I gave her 9 times what I said I would and was not obligated to give ANYONE ANYTHING).

I can only chalk it up to different cultures and a different understanding of life.

I resent being called a sex tourist. I am against banning or censoring but I do wish to state straight up that that's an inappropriate comment. However more interestingly I do think that sex tourism and the relationship that many dominicans have with foreigners complicates the reactions to this story. Somehow, somewhere, despite my clear assertions to the contrary over and over again there is this underlying "This guy was SOME WAY using or dare I say it EXPLOITING this POOR WOMAN for sex and he gets EVERYTHING HE DESERVES" sort of vibe going on. It's gotten so bad that like I said in the OP, you basically cannot have a straight up relationship or a business relationship with someone here without everyone assuming that something untoward is going on and holding you accountable for any and everything bad that happens as a result. "He was playing in dirt, and wants me to feel bad that he got dirty?" It's a really bad sign, and the lack of nuance and failure to appropriately assign accountability is not good.
 

keepcoming

Moderator - Living & General Stuff
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Facepalm, most posters have been here (DR) for a while. So, it is more of a been there, experienced that, learned my lesson type of attitude. It is a different culture whether you accept that or not. Most use Dominican Cupid, Tinder for one thing and it is not finding a housekeeper. So that may explain some attitudes. Luckily your situation did not escalate. Sometimes the fight just isn't worth it.
 

chico bill

Dogs Better than People
May 6, 2016
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I have decided in the future to ignore your posts Facepalm.
I've never seen more long-winded posts.
You could say the same things in 1/30th the words.
I say this because I don't have many years left.
So I need to limit my reading & writing on DR1 to only so many words a day.
Life is short & 400 pesos is so unimportant.
 
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Facepalm Supreme

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I get that - we all have different styles of communicating. I prefer a more verbose, oratorial approach. Some people are more laconic. I mentioned that earlier in referencing shorter attention span writings that seem to be popular today, and it all has it's place.

With Youtube comments, Tiktok, pithy/"witty" reddit comments etc. being a few examples we do in fact seem to be moving away from the more structured, well-thought out, longer modes of communication. In the 1800s and first part of the 20th century it was extremely common, the norm in fact for people to give many hours long speeches. When was the last time you sat around and listened to or watched a many hours long speech be given by someone? Today it seems like the most regular instances of that that occur would be church speeches or semons or lectures given by professors. Even then, they are much shorter and less dyanmic than in the past.

I understand that 400 pesos is minimal for many of us (It was 900 pesos total, 800 pesos over the initial promised amount). But it is important to understand extrapolation and how a big thing comes from a little thing. Today, society is very much sick and it will never get better if we don't identify the root causes and organize/form solutions to address the issues.
 
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Buzz65

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Learn some Haitian Kreyol and hire an older Haitian woman from Haiti that hopefully hasn't been in country long enough to speak Spanish. N'ap boule.
 
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johne

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Jun 28, 2003
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The City or the University ?
Don't laugh...how many deaths of young ppl have happen in 1 st world countries thru these dating services. Now you have this innocent soul that come on here with an Enquire type headline blasting the DR.:mad: "Oh my I was trying to hire a cleaning lady." Paid her transportation so i could check her out. BTW he didn't like her looks. jajajaj. OP...one question: Why would you think members of DR1 would buy your line (pages) of horse turds??
 

JD Jones

Moderator:North Coast,Santo Domingo,SW Coast,Covid
Jan 7, 2016
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I can make this pretty simple.

Whenever you have to pay the taxi fare for someone to be transported where you want them, invariably you will need to pay their return transport as well. I can't make it any clearer than that.

I would be beyond surprised if I paid for a woman to come to me, then afterwards tell me: "No, that's OK, I'll pay my own way home"

TBH, when I have an appointment with any woman for any reason, I always offer to give them something for fuel/transport.

If they are somewhat educated and/or classy, they'll decline and probably think "How nice of him to offer"

Life can be and is tough on this island, and a little kindness goes really far.

I would never sneak/walk away from any woman to avoid parting with a few pesos and leave them with a bad impression of me, but that's just me.

In the case of this particular young lady, it would not surprise me if in reality there was an individual waiting for her to either give her a ride back home (Her "taxi") or a message from her saying to go home because she's going to be sticking around for an extended period of time.

900 pesos is enough for them to have a few cold ones at the local colmado at your expense.
 

dulce

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Jan 1, 2002
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She was a smart lady. She met you to talk about a job ( wink wink) and she got you to pay her as much as you would have paid her to clean your house. Imagine if she met 3 or 4 people a day for interviews? Good gig she has going.