Lambada's Non-Ripening Tomato

[Lambada]

I am overwhelmed at the depth, breadth and variety of responses. Thank you all so much. So I have choices, it would appear: I can either use as a projectile in its current condition or I can ask Bushbaby to have an attack of flatulence and produce the required gasses to encourage ripening or I can wait for miracles..............

I tried putting a ripe one next to it to see if it would get the message but so far no luck. I just had another look and it doesn't resemble the Virgin of anywhere but then maybe its been a long time since I've seen one. I've tried talking to it, but that doesn't work either. Maybe miracles is the best option? Perhaps we could set up a new excursion - the Puerto Plata Holy Unripened Tomato Tour abbreviated to PHUTT for tour reps. who will be obliged to spell out the need for tourists to wear full rubber protection suits and to sprinkle themselves with holy water or at the very least pesticidal spray............

Please keep the suggestions coming!

 

[BushBaby]

You guys are not being much help to ME!!! I was rather hoping that someone would come on & tell her to let me touch them & through gentle caressing bring her tomatoes to full ripeness!! This might lead to much more adventurous exploits later on!!

I DO like the idea of Lambada eating them & staying young/adventurous/in her prime etc though - this should save me from having to replace her with two 31 year olds & having the problems of training them up to her standard/usefulness!!

Keep the ideas coming please ~ Grahame.

 

[2LeftFeet]

maybe they are genetically engineered!! Just like dolly the sheep!!

 

[Lambada]

Ok, the Puerto Plata Cloned Holy Unripened Tomato Tour or PPCHUTT.
:laugh:

 

[Rocky]

Ok, the Puerto Plata Cloned Holy Unripened Tomato Tour or PPCHUTT.
:laugh:

I think Phutt is good.
Kindly send some tour pamphlets, and we'll be sending you clients in a very brief time.
I'll contact CNN to get some media coverage, and call up one of my contacts at the Vatican, in case we can get it declared an official miracle.
If they try to force you to put in into an exhibition case, DO NOT ACCEPT!
The damn thing will ripen, and kill your golden goose.

 

[dv8]

maybe it is NOT a tomato? maybe it is some sort of an EGG? and, being rather green, it is an egg of GREEN beings, from outer space?
are you sure you do not have in your kitchen a little creature from the black lagoon hatching in the warm rays of the sun?
Creature from the Black Lagoon Photos
in that case i suggest informing hollywood producers, you are in for BIG bucks, gal!

 

[AZB]

Just paint them red with a paint brush.
AZB

 

[Celt202]

Play music for it:

The DoveSong Foundation -- The effect of Music on Plants (The Plant Experiments)

I met Dorothy Retallack on an airplane once; lovely lady.

Then when it's ripe let it rot and throw it at Rafi Roth's head. Splat!

:glasses:

Note:

Do not play rock music, bachata or tapes of Rocky singing in the shower!

 

[shadInToronto]

Feed them to dv8's cat ... it's butt will definitely change colour !!!

 

[shadInToronto]

maybe it is NOT a tomato? maybe it is some sort of an EGG? and, being rather green, it is an egg of GREEN beings, from outer space?
are you sure you do not have in your kitchen a little creature from the black lagoon hatching in the warm rays of the sun?
Creature from the Black Lagoon Photos
in that case i suggest informing hollywood producers, you are in for BIG bucks, gal!

Sorry, I was insensitive in my last post ... I know you love your cat dv8. I suggest you place said green tomatoes under the cat's butt so it can 'hatch' the green tomatoes ... you'll have more purple butt cats ... with no gonads!!!! :bunny:

 

[dv8]

hey! no jokes! not only his balls were taken from him, he's also changing his teeth AND he has mouth infection. his medicine is so expensive minovio suggested we replace tachi with a new model...

ask brujo to help with your veggie phenomenon, maybe some sort of sacrifice is needed. hope it is not customary to have an offering of a purple-assed cat on the altar of some obscure horticulture deities?

 

[Rocky]

hope it is not customary to have an offering of a purple-assed cat on the altar of some obscure horticulture deities?

Actually, that is exactly what is needed.

 

[cobraboy]

Just paint them red with a paint brush.
AZB

Agricultural ghetto tune up?

 

[shadInToronto]

hey! no jokes! not only his balls were taken from him, he's also changing his teeth AND he has mouth infection.

hope it is customary to have an offering of a purple-assed cat on the altar of some obscure horticulture deities?

Cat with no gonads, purple butt, and dentures, hahahahaha!!!!! You should ask where to perform the sacrifice .... May the gods be pleased!!! :dead:

 

[Lambada]

I spent last night cogitating. Well, I had to really, Bushbaby was working on the gasses..............

I am indebted to Mountainfrog for his Elixir of Eternal Youth suggestion. While we're on that I'd like to remind Bushbaby that should he be looking to trade in the old model it'll be two 32 year olds he'll need (can't manage division and gasses at the same time, poor thing).

I am also indebted to Chris for the link to heirloom seeds; we don't have too many of them in our household ever since BB had the operation............... The closest heirloom resemblance to my tomato is Aunt Ruby's German Green.

I am also indebted to Celt for the musical suggestion and most educational link. I wonder, should I play Gregorian chants, comic opera or Baroque? Or something entirely different?

Thank you dv8 for the warning that I may have inadvertently purchased a vegetable with occult leanings. I am hopeful that Rocky's friend in the Vatican can perform the necessary exorcism. Is he a necromancer or an alchemist?

Finally I have received a personal communication suggesting I should dig a hole and dump it in that. Maybe I should respond by citing my frailties and leaving the excavating to those better qualified? :laugh:

 

[Chris]

No no! Don't dig the hole just yet! People have built religions on less than one green non-ripening tomato! I still see the marketing value in this all.
Gasses - the esoteric part.
Colors not changing - that is the aim ... what we have to work towards. Change those colors. If you can change the color, you can change your life! Alchemy and necromancy combined!
Heirloom Seeds - the past, the collective unconscious, the great undiscovered nirvana!
Music - pick your target market and then choose your style of music!
To add DR content, it is a Dominican Republic Green Non-Ripening Tomato!:laugh::laugh:

Sometimes I'm too cynical for my own good!

 

[dv8]

i knew it!

Colors not changing - that is the aim ... what we have to work towards. Change those colors. If you can change the color, you can change your life! Alchemy and necromancy combined!

i have caught you REDhanded, you tomatoist! colors to change? no, this tomato is GREEN AND PROUD!
you want to change status quo of this solanum lycopersicum? those imperialistic tendentions have got to be stopped.
i will report this to the cometee of tomato rights.
gre:

 

[MommC]

If not an heirloom GREEN tomato perhaps you've purchased a tomatillo!
Unlike their sound-alike cousins, tomatillos should be eaten green......

 

[laurapasinifan]

after reading this whole thread....I think i am twice as smart as i used to be...............and or very dizzy

bob

 

[dv8]

this thread and AZB's car battery thing make me feel i have my food (namely tomatoes) spiked with drugs (from colombia). every time i open those threads i have my "matrix" moment....
aranoid: